Before She's Gone, page 25
"I'm tired," Speck told her.
"Then go ahead and rest, I'll watch over you," Amanda promised.
He nodded his thanks, making himself comfortable.
"But tomorrow," Amanda continued, "we need to have a long and hard chat. All of us," she underlined.
Jacob needed to seek help and for that to happen, Amanda finally had to put her foot down. She’d enabled him long enough, but no more.
Speck understood her perfectly.
"I think we would all like that," he replied with a smile before closing his eyes.
And for the first time in forever, Amanda was looking forward to her tomorrow with a strong feeling that everything was going to be alright.
Chapter Twenty
Amanda
6 months later...
Amanda was standing in a smallish parking lot, leaning against her car. Her old car, since she’d reconsidered trading it up.
After some serious thought, Amanda realized she loved her car very much, it had a certain character so she decided to stay with it until it completely broke down on her. Because that was love to her.
It was a nice day, the weather was just perfect, not too hot and not too cold with enough sunshine. And she was soaking it up as much as possible, and loving every second of it.
Her mind was completely blank, a luxury she didn't believe was possible to achieve only a few months ago.
Her life was far from perfect, but Amanda and Jacob were making their own version of that. Suddenly she got a text, and her phone started vibrating so hard it snapped her from the meditation.
I have to remember to turn that off, she told herself for the hundredth time.
Taking the phone from her pocket she smiled seeing who disturbed her peace.
It was Collin.
Actually, it was a picture of a big Bearded Dragon. His birthday was coming soon and he started hinting (not too subtly) what he wanted as a present.
"She's a beauty," Amanda texted back.
She loved to tease him and pretend she didn't understand what was going on.
It drove him crazy of course, which in return made her want to play with him even more.
They started texting back and forth for a while. He was really supportive of what was happening in her life, and Amanda was really grateful she had such a good friend she could rely on.
But that didn't mean she wasn't going to tease him to no end.
And then buy him the present he wished.
About a quarter of an hour passed in easy banter when she spotted Jacob exiting a building so she texted her last message to Collin in a rush, finishing it with TTYS with a kissing emoji.
Once Jacob reached her, he gave her a kiss.
"Hi," she breathed against his lips.
"Hi," he replied in the same manner, but then pulled back ever so slightly. "You know, you don't have to wait for me every time," he said.
Despite his words, she knew he was glad she did. And honestly so was she. Rain or sunshine, she waited for Jacob to finish his therapy and then they continued with their day together.
"I know," she replied instantly. "But I want to," and that was a complete truth.
Amanda delivered her line with a smile before pulling him back for another kiss.
Mmmm. She loved kissing Jacob. The real Jacob. That was an out of world experience for her. Always was. And probably always would be.
"So how was it?" Amanda inquired once they parted.
Jacob's lips got a bit swollen from all the kissing, his pupils a bit dilated and Amanda thought how he looked super sexy with his hair a bit ruffled, but kept that to herself. But she would definitely show him later in bed. Lately, they couldn't keep their hands from one another, and Amanda loved it. It felt like they were newlyweds all over again.
Jacob exhaled loudly. "Good, I think," he replied, scratching the back of his head. "Cavendish appeared for a bit," Jacob made a face, "but it went pretty good I think, he still hates the whole therapy deal though."
Amanda nodded in understanding.
I can't believe this is actually my life. Amanda had a fleeting thought. Not that she was complaining. People did all kinds of things for love, really stupid things which this definitely wasn't.
But it was very rough at first. Jacob was having trouble accepting his other personalities, but with time and a lot of therapy, he’d started to deal with his new reality.
He didn't have those severe headaches anymore which was a definite plus.
But he wasn't the only one accepting the new normal.
Amanda too had to deal with the fact that her husband had four other personalities, and maybe always would.
Sometimes Amanda joked how she wished he had one female personality simply so she could have someone to gossip with about the rest of them. But for some reason, Jacob didn't find that funny.
On the other hand, John thought it was hilarious. Her brother helped them a lot as well. Sometimes he and Jacob would go for long walks and simply talk about everything. And Jacob would return home much more relaxed after them.
"I'm glad," Amanda replied simply.
Ever since that ugly confrontation with Melinda, when everything was finally out in the open, Jacob started going to therapy. Amanda couldn't quite say she was relieved when he was finally diagnosed, but it was something, something real, an obstacle they could face together and deal with, try to overcome.
And in that sense, their life really did get better. They started to move on as he got better.
And now, six months later, Jacob was back to work full time since he’d considerably recovered even though he still had therapy three times a week.
And his episodes occurred only occasionally when he was feeling really stressed or pressured. But he was dealing with that in his sessions as well, how to deal with stress on his own without seeking help from his alter egos.
And Amanda found their life, not easier since they both learned the truth, but definitely more manageable. She now knew all the personalities and the others didn't try to lie to her about who they really were, which was a blessing.
Of course, they had to enforce some rules in their household simply so she could feel more comfortable and it was working.
Naturally, the biggest rule was that nobody, apart from her husband could sleep in her bed, or be intimate with her in any way.
At first, she was worried that Bill would especially be hurt, or take offense by this but as it turned out his love for her surpassed everything else.
So as long as she was happy, and allowed him to fulfill his fantasy of being a father one day, through Jacob of course, he had no complaints.
Speck and Marlo never saw her in that way, even though they loved her immensely, and she loved them back.
So the only individual Amanda still had some issues with was Cavendish, but when he popped by so to speak she tried to keep her distance, be cool, since she discovered some not too pleasant things about him, always reminding herself that he was there to help Jacob in his own way like the rest of them.
So they had some kind of understanding between them. He left her alone and she did the same in return. Partly because she still couldn't forget all the hateful things he’d said to her when Jacob had that fever.
She could still hear him screaming at her, but she tried not to dwell too much on the past, but be focused on the future.
They even had one group therapy session a week so Amanda could participate and learn how to cope with everything she'd been through.
And as she’d stated before, their life really started to improve as of late.
Love can't conquer all, but it can be a solid foundation you could build upon. So that was precisely what they were doing.
"So, what are you in the mood for?" Jacob asked her, trying to mask how excited he was all of a sudden.
He is such a dork when food is involved, she thought.
But that was just one of the things she loved about him.
Amanda wanted to tease him for it to no end and usually did.
He’d told her yesterday there was this freshly opened restaurant Seulement Toi, that was just a few blocks from there and it was obvious he wanted to go there and check it out.
But being a gentleman, he was leaving the final choice up to her.
Should I say, Thai?
A part of her really wanted to tease him but ultimately she didn't have a heart for it. One look at his beautiful face and she was gone.
What could she say? She was still very much in love with her husband, maybe even more so now than before, and seeing him happy made her happy as well.
Since he was eagerly waiting for her reply she simply shrugged.
"I don't know. How about we go and check out that new French restaurant you told me about yesterday?"
"Really?" he asked as if he needed confirmation.
"Yes, it sounds interesting," Amanda replied instantly with a smile.
"French it is then," he announced.
Amanda could actually see his eyes sparkling. He is such a dork, she thought again.
Jacob gave her a quick kiss before opening a door for her, and once he made sure she was settled in he took the passenger seat.
They’d decided, from the beginning, when he’d just started therapy that he wouldn't drive at all for the time being. Not until his episodes were fully under control, and so far he rarely complained.
Usually, he joked he liked being chauffeured around.
His precise words were — I feel like Miss Daisy. And the first time he’d said that Amanda laughed so hard, her stomach hurt because she couldn't stop picturing him with glasses and a Sunday hat.
But all in all, it gave them the opportunity to spend some additional time together and Amanda was grateful for it because she felt like she was getting to know her husband all over again. And for that they needed time.
Amanda worried things would change once he got back to work, but most days she would drop him off before going to the shop, or if the weather was nice he preferred to walk to his office which really put Amanda's mind at ease.
The restaurant looked really fancy from the outside and Amanda felt like she was seriously under-dressed for the occasion.
"You look perfect," Jacob murmured to her as if he could read her mind.
It was easy for him to say since he looked perfect in anything but Amanda? Not so much. Still, they walked inside and got a table without a problem. Which really surprised Amanda since they didn't have a reservation.
But that was maybe due to the fact that it was lunch time, or because they were still pretty new.
Either way, they got lucky.
They chatted a bit more about his session with Doctor May while they waited for their food. An hour later Jacob was not a happy camper. He hated everything about his food. Hated hers as well, and found flaws in everything. The only thing he found semi-enjoyable was the bread.
Amanda thought the food wasn't half bad, but she wasn't a complete foodie as Jacob was, so she refrained from commenting.
"How about we swing by George's Diner on our way home, for some ice-cream?" Amanda offered, trying to cheer him up when Jacob scowled at his Crème Brule.
She couldn't even believe he’d ordered anything from the dessert cart after hating every bite of his food, but he’d said he wanted a full experience. Good or bad. And she could almost see the logic in that. Almost.
And boy did he get it.
Amanda felt kind of sorry for him, this was such a letdown. Because he was really looking forward to visiting this place, besides the reviews were good. That only shows you can't trust the Internet.
Jacob gave her a small peck on the lips, grinning like a child. "You read my mind, love," he replied.
"Ok, then, that's settled," she said, grinning back.
But they still had one last place to visit before having their treat.
They were going to visit Melinda. And for the first time in six months. Actually, Amanda went a couple of times to check up on her, make sure she was really taken care of, but not Jacob.
"Shall we get going then?" Amanda asked him. But what she really wanted to know was if he was ready for this.
And Jacob simply nodded in return. "Yeah," he added with a slight frown. And Amanda knew he was thinking about the same things she was.
That day, about six months ago in the Corey's mansion, Melinda had a complete mental breakdown.
She was in such a complete state of denial about her late husband that she refused to acknowledge the truth even when she was faced with it from multiple sources. She simply didn't believe them, and even tried to attack Jacob a couple of times for speaking up.
But what finally broke through to her were the pictures.
After seeing Jacob's baby pictures Andrew shot in his studio that Gains shoved in her face, Melinda finally faced the music so to speak.
But the shock of finally accepting this new reality where her husband abused her son, and she’d enabled it by refusing to believe Jacob's pleas pushed her over the edge and she had to be hospitalized, permanently.
A part of Amanda, and a bigger one at that, really felt sorry for the woman's fate, but the other still blamed her for Jacob's pain and suffering. Because even though she wasn't actually the one who did the abuse, she was negligent, always too busy to bother with her own son. And when he needed her the most she failed him, sided with the monster.
And that was tragic.
Amanda was worried at first that Jacob could never forgive her for her part in his trauma, but thanks to therapy he found a way to deal with the betrayal he felt.
"I think that she honestly believed I was lying to her," he confessed to her one night, and despite the fact that it broke his heart, the knowledge also set him free.
Amanda was very proud of her husband. He was a true inspiration for how a person could overcome anything in their life as long as they had a will to do so. Just like her John. And Amanda was very grateful she had these men in her life who loved her and whom she loved back.
It took them some time to reach the private mental institution and Amanda was sad to say that the place still felt like an institution to her. But what could she really expect in the first place?
It was a glum place that left every visitor feeling hopeless, no matter how much they tried to cheer the place up. And the staff working there was very kind and professional so Jacob and Amanda pushed forward blocking most of the things that happened around them.
They found Melinda in her room. She was staring through the window, almost unnaturally motionless.
Must be because of the drugs, Amanda guessed.
Jacob cleared his throat, clearly feeling a bit nervous while stepping inside. He knocked on the open door, making their presence known.
Melinda had a restricted form of freedom, even though her doctors declared she wasn't suicidal anymore.
That's progress, I guess, Amanda mused.
"Hello," Jacob greeted her.
Melinda slowly turned to look at them. And Amanda was saddened to see how her eyes looked dull and out of focus. She looked much older all of a sudden as well.
It was as if she lost a great portion of her life force when she learned the truth.
But that could be said to all of them. Amanda was certain a part of Jacob died that day as well, but the rest that survived grew to be even stronger than before.
And Amanda still hoped that would be the case with Melinda as well, that she would find her way out of the self-inflicted nightmare she locked herself into.
It took some time for Melinda to stand up and smile. "Hello," she greeted them back.
Her doctor warned them how to behave, and to avoid certain topics, since she was still in a very fragile state and heavily medicated. Melinda still had pretty severe episodes any time she remembered what happened six months ago.
"Hi," Jacob repeated nervously. "My name is Jacob and this is my wife Amanda," he introduced them since Melinda had no memory of either one of them.
She knew she had a son, but in her mind, that son was Kyle, and he’d never died.
"Nice to meet you," she replied politely. "Oh look at you, such a nice couple," she complimented. "I would have made proper arrangements if I knew I was having company."
Melinda started looking around while trying to strengthen up her blonde hair. But it too looked pretty frail like the rest of her.
Amanda felt bad for Melinda, seeing her in this state. And wished there was something she could do to help.
But as it turned out, every person had to fight his or her demons on his or her own. You just had to have faith and confidence you could do it in the first place. And the best the people around you could do was to greet you back with love when you returned from that battlefield.
"Would you care for some tea? Jane," Melinda started calling out for her former maid.
"Oh, we don't want to trouble you," Jacob was quick to reassure her. "We were just passing by and wanted to come and say hi."
Melinda looked mildly intrigued. Or Amanda thought that was what her expression was showing.
"Are you friends with my son?" she inquired.
"Something like that."
Melinda looked pleased. "Then you must stay for a bit and keep me company."
And Jacob nodded offering a small smile in return. Even though Amanda knew how much that cost him he was still making an effort.
Oh, Jacob... I love you so much...
For a while Amanda simply watched Jacob interact with Melinda. He was very gentle and kind with her and Amanda couldn't lie, she had really mixed feeling about their visit.
If she was put in his shoes, Amanda couldn't say if she could be so understanding or harbor no ill will toward the person who contributed in creating so much pain and anguish. To say it mildly.
"What is it, my love?" Jacob wanted to know on their way out. "You look kind of distant."
Amanda shrugged. "I don't know, just thinking things over, I guess," she replied vaguely.
"About what?" he asked.
"You and Melinda."
He looked at her questioningly so she decided to elaborate. And Amanda paused to think how to say what was actually on her mind, without ending up insensitive or mean.
