Jacob isn't acting childish, he is a child, she realized a bit too late.

  John warned her a few personalities could manifest themselves in cases of severe trauma, not just one and watching Jacob argue with his mother just now, Amanda was positive that was the case.

  Bill isn't the only one, she told herself.

  In the same instance, she started to wonder who wrote the letters in the first place. And now she suspected it was a child.

  Something bothered her with the emails from the start and now she knew what.

  Detective Gains was wrong. His theory was that some uneducated person wrote them. He never suspected that a child could be capable of something like that.

  But Amanda knew better.

  Now.

  All this and more rushed through her head in a flash.

  "Amanda," Jacob breathed out, clearly relieved to see her even though he was still too freaked out. There was so much gratitude infused in that single word Amanda felt like weeping.

  Keep it together, Amanda.

  Because there was no room for weakness. She needed to be strong for Jacob now and that was precisely what she intended to be.

  Melinda was equally surprised but not as grateful to see her.

  Well, tough luck, Amanda thought.

  "Give me that," Amanda snapped at Melinda, taking the letter opener from her weak hands. After everything she’d heard and witnessed, Amanda was thoroughly disgusted with this woman.

  "Amanda," Melinda stammered but Amanda shushed her with her icy glare.

  If that woman said one more word, Amanda was certain she was going to slap her senseless.

  Then, taking a deep breath Amanda turned toward Jacob and smiled at him.

  "I am here now, and everything will be alright," she promised, hoping like hell that she could actually deliver it while trying to steady herself further. But it wasn't easy.

  Amanda was sure she would need weeks to fully recover from everything.

  I can't even imagine how Jacob feels if I am this freaked out.

  And it still wasn't over.

  He continued to look at her like she was everything and her heart painfully squeezed inside her chest but she still managed to choke out.

  "You are safe."

  Chapter Eighteen

  Amanda

  Please, Jacob, react, Amanda prayed.

  And as if he could hear her thoughts, Jacob finally gave her a small smile. As if still not sure someone just took his side and was timid at the prospect.

  Oh, Jacob... she cried inside her head. But then it hit her again.

  He might not be Jacob at all. Furthermore she was certain it wasn't.

  Stay strong, she told herself. And with renewed strength and resolve since Amanda was feeling like a true protector for the first time in her life, she turned toward Melinda again.

  This must be how a parent feels, she realized but looking at Melinda she almost grimaced. Well, not all of them obviously.

  But the good ones.

  Melinda still looked at her as if she couldn't believe Amanda was actually there.

  Maybe she feels guilty, ashamed even for what transpired between her and her son.

  But Amanda couldn't care less about her feelings at the moment.

  From everything Amanda heard, she just wanted to slap that woman so much, her palm actually tingled from the possibility.

  But Amanda refrained from it, raining her temper in. To a degree.

  She will be punished accordingly, she thought.

  Finally deciding to break the silence, Amanda looked at Melinda sternly and practically barked, "You, go and sit there." She gestured toward Andrew's chair.

  She wanted to speak with Jacob for a bit, but still have Melinda in her sight.

  Melinda's head jerked slightly. And that apparently broke her spell for her, because she found her voice again.

  "You have no right," she said incredulously. "This is between me and my son."

  So now he is your son? Amanda wanted to yell at her.

  "I said, sit down," Amanda snapped, breaking her silly tirade, using her no-nonsense voice.

  The same one she picked up from her dad. And she delivered her words giving Melinda a little shove in the right direction.

  Jacob's mother let out a little sound of outrage. And Amanda felt like taking a step back because the woman really reeked of booze but held her ground nevertheless.

  This was no time to show any weakness.

  Jacob and the rest of them needed her.

  "This is unacceptable," Melinda mumbled but complied.

  Amanda felt like rolling her eyes while her blood boiled. There was a lot of things that were unacceptable tonight and Amanda's tone wasn't one of those things. And a part of Amanda wanted to list every single one of those things right to Melinda's face but unfortunately, it felt like a waste of time.

  Besides, she had more pressing issues to deal with.

  Jacob was really scared at the moment and she needed to calm him down.

  He’d suffered through a lot, and Amanda needed to show him there was at least one person in his life who loved him unconditionally.

  Melinda sat down with a huff.

  "And stay there," Amanda snapped, not being able to help herself. "Or I'll call Jane to restrain you," Amanda threatened.

  Melinda scowled at her right before she turned away, looking through a window.

  Like I care, Amanda thought.

  With that settled, Amanda took a deep breath and finally turned toward Jacob again expecting to see his frightened face right behind her. But he wasn't there anymore.

  He retreated back to his previous place, way over to the bookshelves, cowering as if trying to make himself appear smaller.

  And Amanda let out a little sob, looking at him in that state.

  These monsters did that to him! She felt like raging and crying all at the same time. Maybe even burning this whole mansion to the ground. But most of all she wanted to grab him and run away from this place as far as possible.

  But the problem with that was that Jacob wasn't actually small. But he looked so powerless and desperate Amanda was frozen in place for a few heartbeats.

  Don't you dare break down now, she snapped at herself.

  Yes, right, first thing first, she told herself.

  Amanda waved with the letter opener and with exaggerated slowness, so Jacob could see and monitor her every move, placed it on the ground.

  It was way out of Melinda's reach that Amanda felt comfortable leaving it there for a while.

  She needed Jacob to trust her, and he couldn't do that if Amanda was holding the very same thing his own mother tried to stab him with.

  His eyes were really wide and he was biting his lower lip. Which Amanda didn't like one bit.

  If he was in fight or flight mode no one could predict his behavior and Amanda was frightened he would end up hurt.

  That was her biggest, her only concern. She didn't care about anything else at the moment.

  Suffice to say, Amanda hated seeing that wonderful man like this, all scared and wrapped up inside his head.

  I need to fix this.

  Amanda started walking toward him very slowly, making sure both her hands were visible and in front of her.

  She realized she was treating him like a wounded animal, but so far he didn't try to escape or attack her so she took that as a sign that she was doing something right.

  Please trust me, she pleaded with him.

  Amanda stopped when she was about a foot away, figuring he wouldn't let her come any closer anyway. And she needed to find a way to calm him down, convince him to talk with her about everything and not aggravate him further.

  When she stopped advancing, Amanda lowered herself to the ground seemingly making herself comfortable by leaning against the bookshelves. When in reality she was all high strung. But he didn't have to know that.

  "Hi," she greeted him with a smile, thinking that was a good place to start any conversation.

  "Hi," he replied softly with a frown.

  Amanda started to worry this plan of hers to make him talk will never work when she realized Jacob was simply confused by her behavior, which made him wary.

  I can work with that, she encouraged herself. She would show him he could trust her.

  She had to crane her neck a bit so she could look into his eyes while she spoke.

  "What is your name?" Amanda asked, needing to prove her theory to herself that this was not Jacob, but in fact someone else, someone younger.

  He looked at her as if the question surprised him.

  Maybe I'm wrong, she had a moment of doubt but then he replied to her.

  "My name is Speck," he said in that same small voice as if all the strength was drained from him because of that fight with Melinda.

  Speck? Speck? Amanda tried really hard not to freak out. And miraculously she managed to hold on to her composure.

  "How old are you, Speck?" she continued conversationally.

  "Nine," he replied simply.

  Amanda's heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Nine? Only nine? Oh my God!

  All her worst fears were confirmed in a couple of words.

  "So Speck, huh?" She started to ramble needing something else to think about. "That's a cool name," she complimented.

  And a small smile broke across his lips. "I thought of it myself," he informed her with pride.

  "Well, Speck, it is very nice to meet you, I’m Amanda." She decided it was the polite thing to do, to introduce herself in return, offering him her hand.

  And to her utmost delight, he took it, and they shook hands.

  "I know who you are," he said to her. "You’re Jacob's wife."

  Amanda nodded, needing a moment to process his words.

  "Um, would you like to sit, and have a little chat with me?" Amanda offered.

  I really hope this works, because she didn't have a backup plan if he said no to her.

  Speck hesitated, glancing in Melinda's direction every so often.

  She was staying quiet for now, and Amanda hoped, for Melinda's sake she would continue to do so.

  "Don't worry about her," Amanda was quick to reassure him. "You are safe here with me, I won't let anything happen to you," she promised and meant every word with all her heart.

  "Promise?" he asked, looking at her underneath his wet eyelashes.

  Oh, Jacob... She felt like crying but bit the inside of her cheek to prevent her from doing something like that.

  "Cross my heart, hope to die," she replied solemnly, doing a little gesture with her hand to complete the vow. Amanda stopped breathing while he pondered about her offer.

  Then suddenly Speck's gaze changed ever so slightly and he nodded as if coming to some conclusion.

  Please, Amanda prayed.

  Then he very slowly, gracefully, lowered himself beside her and Amanda felt like cheering out loud.

  He was still a bit away from her but this was serious progress, and she was grateful for it.

  Speck already showed her that he trusted her, and was significantly calmer while talking with her.

  Amanda just had to keep things light to not make things worse again. But there was a fault in this plan of hers. She needed to make him trust her so he would open up. But there was nothing light about the subject she wanted to breach.

  It was a true catch twenty-two, but it still needed to be done.

  Amanda had so many questions for this boy who was trapped inside her husband.

  "So, you know Jacob?" Amanda asked, then wanted to smack herself on the head. What kind of a question is that?

  Speck scratched the back of his head, frowning. Maybe that was a hard one for him to answer.

  Amanda decided to start again.

  "So you lived here?" she asked, feeling like a complete failure.

  Another great one, Amanda, she chastised herself. Next thing, she would ask him about his name again.

  But in her defense, she was nervous. Still, that didn't change the fact that she was messing things up.

  Then, unexpectedly, he nodded. "But I don't like it here."

  Here we go, she told herself. The moment of truth.

  "Because something happened?" Amanda prompted.

  "Don't listen to that wretched boy!" Melinda screeched all of a sudden, making both Speck and Amanda jump a little. Some of the fear he previously lost returned and Amanda wanted to curse Melinda to no end.

  What is her problem anyway, apart from the obvious? How can she be so blind? Amanda got instantly irritated, all over again.

  "He is telling nothing but lies," Melinda continued her tirade. "Please let us honor the dead."

  Speck buried his head in his lap, covering his ears with his hands.

  But Amanda tapped the ground next to him, trying to get his attention. And it worked, he raised his head ever so slightly to look at her.

  Why is he so scared all of a sudden? Amanda wanted to know. He confronted Melinda just fine before, so what changed?

  Maybe because Melinda attacked him? Or because she showed up? Amanda couldn't be sure.

  Speck kept looking at her and she winked at him. "Everything will be alright," Amanda spoke to Speck's ears only, before she turned to look at Melinda.

  Now that she really looked at her, Melinda looked distraught. Her always perfect hair was all over the place, and her always pristine wardrobe looked ruffled, even worn out at places, as if she kept picking on it.

  But none of that was Amanda's problem.

  "You know," Amanda informed her. "I never bought into that argument, honor the dead," she air quoted. "Hitler is dead, and the world is a better place because of it," Amanda concluded and she could have sworn Speck gave a little chuckle beside her.

  "So please, Melinda, and I mean this with all due respect. Shut the hell up. I'm trying to have a conversation with my new friend here," she added that last part for Speck's sake and glancing at him she could see he had a little smile on his face. It was gone in a flash, but it was still there. And that was something. So she smiled at him in return.

  Melinda started muttering something to herself but didn't try to interrupt them again. Which was a blessing in its own right.

  Amanda refocused completely on Speck but then she wavered.

  You can do this Amanda. You have to!

  She really hated herself for doing this but she needed to know. And more importantly, Amanda believed Speck needed to tell his story to someone who would actually believe him.

  So she asked her next question very carefully.

  "Why don't you like living here?"

  Speck started looking at the floor next to him, following the rug's arabesque design with his finger. And he remained quiet for so long, Amanda was certain he wasn't going to answer her.

  I lost him, she panicked.

  "Because the monster lived here," he explained in a soft voice.

  Amanda wanted to reach out and hug him. Maybe even have a little crying session but refrained from it. Instead, she interlocked her fingers very tightly and encouraged him to go on.

  A knot formed inside her throat but Amanda managed to choke her next words out, anyway. She was not the one who was having tough times at the moment. Speck was. So her own feelings didn't matter. At least not now.

  "What did the monster do? Tell me everything."

  Speck glanced toward Melinda again and Amanda didn't like that one bit or the expression on his face that followed. So Amanda scooted over so she was directly in his line of sight, creating a physical barrier between him and Melinda.

  Speck clearly realized what she did, and took a deep breath.

  "Daddy had a hobby and he was very, very happy about it," he started his story and Amanda forgot how to breathe.

  "He told me it would be fun and that I could play in his secret place all day, even with his cameras..." he paused, frowning. “But he lied."

  Speck continued to look at the rug, and follow the patterns, making his own designs on the rug.

  "It wasn't fun at all, and he got angry when I told him I didn't want to play anymore."

  Speck started to sniffle. "But he didn't listen, he never listened."

  Oh God, the images that started to form inside Amanda's head threatened to make her sick again but she managed to stop herself from spiraling.

  Keep it together, stay strong and listen!

  "Did he ask you to go to the studio a lot?" Amanda asked, feeling like she wanted to murder Andrew so he would die all over again.

  Speck shrugged.

  "He liked to take pictures of me a lot. And other stuff," he added a bit shaky, as his eyes became wild again and Amanda started to worry he would try to run away.

  But he bravely continued speaking, and Amanda felt so much love toward that brave boy, her heart started hurting.

  "He hurt me, he hurt us," he clarified and Amanda understood what he meant. He was speaking about Jacob now.

  "When I misbehaved the monster used his belt to hit us," he added eventually, wiping his running nose with the back of his hand.

  "Us?" Amanda prompted, needing to be sure she got it right.

  "Me and Jacob," Speck explained.

  Amanda nodded.

  "Jacob couldn't be with the monster alone so he had me," Speck explained, trying to put on a brave face. He was saying in his own way how he was born. Jacob's personality split when he couldn't handle his reality any longer.

  And Amanda had to bite her lip really hard not to start screaming.

  Cursing Andrew, Melinda, God and everybody else who failed this sweet, innocent boy.

  "That was very brave of you," Amanda complimented. "Helping Jacob in that way."

  Speck shrugged again. "But Jacob grew up and I got stuck here," he gestured toward his head.

  He was forever stuck at nine, that poor boy, Amanda's heart wept.

  "That must be really hard on you," Amanda said lamely, feeling like a complete moron.

  Way to go of stating the obvious, she snapped at herself.

  She was so mad at the moment, at the whole world for allowing something like this to happen that it was good to release some of it, even if it was to herself.

  "I am the only one who remembers," Speck informed her, showing how truly lonely and sad, not to mention scared he really was. "Others don't know."

 

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