Before She's Gone, page 23
So he is fully aware of the other personalities, Amanda mused.
And so is Bill. But Jacob isn't, Amanda realized. She was certain her husband had no idea what was actually going on.
Poor Jacob.
"Do you know all the others?" Amanda asked, not letting the hope of learning about the other personalities seep into her.
Maybe he didn't like being reminded of that.
Speck sighed but nodded.
It was apparent he didn't want to talk about that and Amanda didn't want to push him either.
But then he surprised her further by continuing.
Speck already surpassed all her expectations. He was one exceptional boy, and it gave her insight of how Jacob was when he was that young. And it warmed her soul and broke her up all at the same time.
Andrew deserved far worse than a bullet through his head for hurting them!
"Me and Jacob tried to tell Mom, tell her everything about the monster, but she didn't want to listen. She didn't believe us."
Just as she doesn't believe you still, Amanda thought.
Speck was openly crying now, and Amanda barely held her own tears in check.
"Mom told us we could never speak of that again and simply to obey our father in everything."
It was apparent Speck was now quoting Melinda and Amanda wanted to get up and do something really nasty to her.
Because she simply couldn't believe her ears.
Melinda knew everything and still did nothing?
Even worse, she pushed her own son into that monster's willing arms, allowing it to happen.
What kind of mother did that?
No, Melinda was no mother, but a monster in her own right, Amanda concluded.
"Then the others came to help as well," Speck told her.
"Can you tell me more about the others?" Amanda had to ask. "I already met Bill," she provided, thinking it would be easier for him if they had common ground.
And she was right because Speck smiled. "I like Bill," he announced.
"I like Bill, too," Amanda smiled, matching his smile.
Speck leaned toward her as if he was going to tell her a big secret so she leaned toward him as well. "Bill is in love with you," he confessed, almost blushing.
And for a second, Amanda didn't know what to say. But then she started to remember her night with Bill when he told her the truth. And she was certain there was a lot of times in the past when he was the one with her and not Jacob, and even though it still made her heart race a little she felt something else as well.
"He is very good and kind to me," Amanda replied eventually.
Speck nodded enthusiastically. "He is good to all of us, but sometimes he worries too much about Jacob, feels guilty too."
"Why does he feel guilty?" Amanda's tongue was quicker than her brain.
"Because he sleeps in your bed," Speck whispered.
"Oh," was all Amanda could say to that.
"And what about the others?" she asked, needing to change the subject. But she realized all too late the way she phrased her question, it looked like she was asking if everybody else slept in her bed as well. And she needed to move away from that subject and fast.
"What are they like?" she clarified.
Speck pondered about that for a bit before answering.
"Marlo is weird and funny," Speck said smiling again. He was really starting to feel comfortable around her, that he was forgetting he should be scared and angry at the world.
"Really, funny how?" Amanda wanted to know.
"I don't know, he just is," Speck replied simply but then decided to elaborate. "He talks loud, and tells funny stories," he said while waving with his hands in a certain manner that was very familiar to Amanda.
"He dresses funny, too."
And Amanda knew exactly about whom he was talking about. Amanda was certain he was with her at the funeral at some point.
And he is the one that likes to hand pick my wardrobe for me, she realized.
And as if to prove her point, Speck added, "But sometimes he likes to steal your jewelry to wear it himself. He thinks they look better on him." He rolled his eyes, expressing his thoughts on the matter.
Despite everything, Amanda had to smile. "Maybe he's right," Amanda replied diplomatically.
And Speck simply shook his head as if he didn't get the behavior of the other man, one bit.
Maybe Amanda didn't understand either, but she wasn't about to dwell on it. Not now at least. She was certain she would get the chance to meet them all at some point so she didn't have to cause herself a headache in advance.
"So, is that everybody?" Amanda asked.
She was hoping Speck would say yes but he got all serious all of a sudden.
And that made her instantly on guard as well.
After everything he told her, why was he hesitating now? She couldn't help but wonder.
"Speck?" she prompted softly.
He looked at her then scoffed. "No, there's another one," he said reluctantly. "But I don't like him."
Well, that much was obvious but Amanda wanted to know why.
Because it was better for her sanity if he told her everything than let her imagination run wild.
"What is his name?" Amanda's heard herself ask.
"Cavendish. But he doesn't like us all that much and is very mean to you," Speck said as his frown deepened.
The cold one, Amanda realized instantly.
She’d certainly had the privilege of meeting him. And Speck was dead on. She didn't like him that much either.
"But he helps Jacob, right?" Amanda grasped at straws.
And Speck allowed, shrugging. "I guess." And then he added, "But Jacob is my favorite."
'Mine too," Amanda replied honestly. "Why?"
Again with the struggling. "For a while, it was just the two of us..." he paused, looking at the floor, his gaze becoming haunted again but before Amanda could think of anything to say to snap him out of it, he did it himself.
"He was so happy when he met you, but was very nervous to ask you to marry him. But Bill helped with that, he wanted you to be a family."
I wanted that too, Amanda said to herself. I still do.
"But you couldn't," Speck got alarmed again.
Amanda couldn't figure out why. Did she miss something?
"I couldn't what, Speck?" Amanda asked, getting equally alarmed.
He took a deep breath. "Jacob and Bill really wanted you to have a baby. A new boy. But you couldn't have a baby, because..." he paused, biting his lower lip. "Because the monster was still there."
"So you sent the letters?" Amanda guessed.
Speck nodded, pleading with his eyes for her to understand. "He needed to be locked away so he couldn't hurt the baby."
And just like that, it all made sense to Amanda.
Speck wrote the letters and sent them to Andrew so he could protect Amanda and her unborn child.
It was very endearing of him, even if it was in the typical child's logic.
And because of that, she couldn't stop the tears from falling any longer.
This sweet boy faced his worst nightmares for her because he wanted to keep her safe.
"How did you manage all that by yourself?" Amanda wanted to know.
Despite himself, he flashed her a small smile. He was a bit smug and proud about this part apparently. "Jacob knows computers, so we cloned the monster's hard drive. It was full of kiddie porn, and pictures of me too," he added matter-of-factly while Amanda felt like weeping again.
I hope you are roasting really nice and slow in hell, Andrew, she prayed.
"Thank you, Speck," Amanda told him, reaching to give him a hug.
She still couldn't believe this all started because of her. Out of good intentions to protect new and innocent life.
Amanda was overwhelmed with emotions especially when Speck reached for her as well.
A shriek so powerful it could shake the foundations of the house filled the room, and they both froze.
Chapter Nineteen
Amanda
The inhuman scream ironically came from Jacob's mother.
She’d more or less kept quiet while Amanda spoke with Speck, but apparently, she was over that.
In a flash, she was out of her chair, and while she screamed she attacked Speck. Or more accurately put, she tried to attack him. But Amanda got in her way.
Without a thought, Amanda jumped back up on her feet and managed to tackle Melinda to the floor.
Which wasn't as hard as it sounded since she was very skinny and very drunk.
"Let go of me," Melinda protested while struggling, but Amanda did everything in her power to keep her down.
She wasn't getting near Speck or any of them ever again.
Amanda's maternal instinct really kicked in and she kind of liked it.
"I need to punish that lying son of mine," she continued to spit.
And Amanda wished she had an extra hand so she could keep her quiet. Melinda was seriously getting on Amanda's nerves among other things.
"You need to calm down," Amanda said instead of the things that were swirling inside her brain. How Jacob was right about her. She was a bad mother.
"I can't stand to hear him tell those disgusting lies any longer," Melinda wailed.
Is she serious? Amanda was dumbfounded.
All the while she struggled and Amanda had to use all her strength to keep her down. Because as it turned out, Melinda was a lot tougher than she looked. Feeling like she might even lose this fight, Amanda lay on top of her, using her whole body to pin her down, and that made all the difference.
And in right time, since she was really starting to tire down.
Melinda still tried to struggle but it was all in vain and soon she realized that herself.
While they fought, Speck moved to the furthest corner of the room, scared out of his mind. And Amanda really wished he would simply get angry again instead of being frightened. Because fear could paralyze a person where anger could help you get through something, spring you to action and so on.
But it wasn't as if she could blame him for his reactions.
This whole family was a disaster so it was a true miracle he managed to survive as is.
"Let me go," Melinda continued to protest.
"You need to calm down," Amanda insisted. And listen to reason for once in your stupid life, she wanted to shout.
She couldn't believe this woman cared more about public image than her own son. It was disgusting.
"He needs to be punished," she screamed, trying to look at Speck.
"Over my dead body," Amanda snapped back. She’d had enough, and it was time to put this house in order or tear it completely down. Whichever came first.
"And you need to listen to your son for once in your useless life because he is telling the truth," Amanda informed her.
Melinda stilled for a second. Looking quite outraged. And Amanda was certain it was because she described her life as useless.
She probably didn't hear anything else, Amanda thought sarcastically.
But maybe she was wrong.
"You can't be serious," Melinda was preposterous.
"I saw all the evidence with my own eyes," Amanda tried to reason with her. Because she still hoped Melinda would turn around and beg for forgiveness.
"Impossible!" Melinda insisted.
But Amanda wasn't about to give up that easily. Not now when she had her pinned to the ground, quite literally. "Melinda, you need to hear him out."
"No."
But she’d lost some of her previous fire.
Amanda looked at Speck who watched their exchange with intent.
"Please Speck, continue with your story," Amanda urged. But he still looked too afraid to approach them again, let alone speak.
But Amanda had to try to convince him to do so nevertheless.
What a pair, Amanda thought with exasperation. One refused to speak and the other refused to listen.
Just perfect!
"Melinda," Amanda decided to try again. "Can I let you go? Will you behave?" she asked, feeling like a kindergarten teacher.
Melinda's eyes flashed with fury.
Ok, that's a no, Amanda thought.
So she switched direction again. "Please Speck, don't be afraid. I keep my promises," she added, letting him see the sincerity in her eyes.
He wiped some of his tears away while pondering about his next move.
Please, please, Amanda prayed.
And only then did she realize that it was getting easier for her to see the different personalities even though they wore her husband's face.
Not once did she think of Speck as Jacob. Because she could actually see the boy now and was very proud of his bravery.
I need to make sure to tell him that later, she told herself, making a small mental note.
He deserved to be praised more often.
Speck took a deep breath then made a couple of steps forward but stopped abruptly because Melinda was still struggling.
"You ruined everything," she accused.
And Amanda instantly saw red. "Keep that mouth shut or I will muzzle you," she threatened and she must have looked pretty terrifying while delivering that line because Melinda didn't say a word again.
Good girl, Amanda thought humorlessly.
Making sure to smooth her facial expression, Amanda looked at Speck. "Go on," she encouraged.
Speck was looking at his mother.
They must be quite a sight. A struggling mad woman and an equally spitting mad one holding the first one down.
Completely normal.
Despite the hurt and anger, it was obvious he still loved her and needed her approval. It was completely heartbreaking to watch.
And if there was not a child in the room, and Speck was that, despite everything, Amanda would definitely try to smack some sense into that stuck up crazy woman.
Even though she was usually a pacifist, Amanda firmly believed some people deserved a good beat down.
"I," Speck started then scratched his head. "We," he corrected himself promptly. "Never wanted to hurt anybody," he urged Melinda with his eyes to trust him.
She couldn't speak for the woman with a heart of stone, but Amanda completely believed him. But a part of her was surprised to hear the others were in on the plan to get Andrew charged as well.
"We couldn't tell Jacob," Speck continued, unaware of her little reverie, "but Bill and Marlo helped me," he explained.
"We cloned Andrew's hard drive. Bill wanted to send it anonymously to the police and Marlo agreed. But I had a better plan."
Of course he did, Amanda thought. He is nine. Turning a bad guy to the police wouldn't be enough for him. Not for a boy who adored comic books about superheroes.
Now the Batman figurine Jacob carried around in his pocket for no apparent reason made perfect sense.
Speck wanted to protect her, and her still hypothetical child but he wanted, maybe even needed, revenge as well.
"The others didn't know, I made sure of that," he continued. "I waited for all of them to fall asleep, then I sent the emails to Dad," he spat that last word as if it left a bad taste inside his mouth. "I wanted him to know he was finished, and couldn't hurt anybody else," he added as his eyes flashed with hate, proving Amanda's point.
Everything was just as she predicted.
But then his whole face fell and he looked at his feet. "But then he killed himself because of me."
Melinda let out a little sobbing noise. "You are a murderer," she accused.
"Not because of you, Speck," Amanda quickly countered, speaking over her. "But because he was a coward." And she believed in that with all her heart.
Speck looked at her and she nodded.
Amanda could just imagine it. When Andrew started receiving those letters he wasn't tormented by them or felt any kind of remorse for what he did. Because if he did, he would try to speak to Jacob, beg him for forgiveness even though there shouldn't be any. Because you don't have to be a genius to figure out your own son sent them to you.
But he didn't do that. Instead, he killed himself because he didn't want to be on display with his image tarnished. He simply wanted to avoid being persecuted. Plain and simple.
But with him gone, why did Speck continue to send emails to Melinda? Amanda wondered next.
And just as if he could read her mind, Speck continued speaking.
"But people still didn't know who he really was. And everybody needed to know," he added with renewed passion.
"So you wrote to your mother," Amanda guessed, looking at Melinda who looked anywhere, everywhere but at her or Speck.
Speck nodded. "But she is just as bad," his voice wavered saying that.
And Amanda couldn't agree more.
"Do you get it now?" Amanda asked Melinda. "Speck and Jacob did what you asked, and kept quiet all these years for you. But then Jacob and I started trying to have a baby and Speck simply got scared and wanted to protect me, and the future baby from the real monster. It was an accident."
Melinda looked at her frowning. "I...I... I don't understand, who is Speck?" she asked.
That was a startup of a very long, very hard conversation. But Amanda didn't know where to start.
"Speck is your under-aged son. The son you forced to lie and pretend everything was alright when it most certainly wasn't," Amanda snapped, not being able to contain her fury.
And Melinda looked away.
Because she was ashamed or because she didn't want to listen to Amanda anymore, she couldn't say.
Amanda hoped it was the former but was afraid it was the latter.
Some people have to close their eyes to the truth.
Through all this drama Amanda could have sworn she heard sirens, but very subtly like at a great distance. It must be just my imagination, she told herself when nothing happened when they didn't start to sound louder.
But a couple of minutes later, just as she was chastising Melinda, Detective Gains stepped inside the office followed by a very frightened maid, who let out a squeak seeing her employer subdued to the ground.
He took one look at the scene in front of him. Amanda and Melinda down on the floor, one holding the other, and Jacob/Speck still cowering a few feet away. And his eyes only grew bigger when he spotted the detective.
