The Bucket List, page 32
Jordan turned to Maiah “Where am I?” She watched, as a breeze blew back the silver strands of hair that surrounded the older woman’s face.
“You are in between earth and sky.”
Jordan watched Maiah draw something on the ground with a stick. A crude bird hovering above what seemed to be a dragon. The dragon wasn’t one she recognized from any depiction she’d ever seen. Most in her recollection appeared dangerous and imposing. This one seemed gentle, fiercely protective, and strangely female as both figures came to life.
The bird shifted above the dragon, and Jordan saw it transform into a fiery phoenix, studying the ground beneath it. The dragon found a branch and held it up for the phoenix to land upon. Talons closed tightly around the wood, and the dragon brought the branch down where it could look eye to eye with the phoenix. The dragon reached out and sliced through the ground with a great claw, peeled back the sandy earth, and planted the branch. A great tail swept the soil back in place and rested near the base of the branch that had sprouted green leaves. Jordan watched, as the great tail began to grow roots that entwined with those of the branch beneath the soil. The phoenix wrapped its flaming wings around the dragon.
The branch grew into a great sequoia, as the phoenix and the dragon grew with it, an integral part in the heart of the trunk. The great tree reached into the sky, and a blinding light caused Jordan to raise her hand in front of her eyes. After a few seconds, the light turned into warm sunlight, and she stared at the massive tree. Something niggled at her conscious, something she couldn’t explain. She looked for Maiah and found a small red wolf that lay quietly alert beside her. Jordan grew sleepy and lay down, pillowing her head on the small wolf’s side, as she drifted into sleep.
Jordan finished her story. “After that, Solanya and Kelea took me to the cave where I found the memorial leading me to Sequoia National Park.” She watched for any reaction from Noeul and was willing to wait out her silence. There was nothing more she could say that would explain it. If there were questions, she would answer them. If Noeul wanted her to go, she wouldn’t fight it.
“Jordan, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I wanted you to know why I asked about your tattoo. I don’t know if the dragon she was talking about is you, or if I’m yet to meet that person. I only know that when it comes to you, I take nothing as coincidence anymore.”
They sat around the fire and watched the flames dance without much discussion for a long time. Noeul finally broke the tension. “Tell me about your life back in Ithaca.”
Jordan smiled, thinking about the university. “Well, the university itself hasn’t changed much. The labs have been expanded and updated.” She chuckled. “The students are, well, students. Brilliant and juvenile all in one. It’s the same as when you were teaching there. Occasionally, you find one that hangs on your every word. I love that moment when you see that flash of understanding and gears that start turning. The next thing you know, they’re your research assistant, and they far surpass every expectation you ever had and some you didn’t even think to expect.”
“I remember students like that. One of them is sitting in front of me right now. Although, I never had the pleasure of having you as my research assistant.”
“A loss for both of us.” Jordan sipped her drink. “Many things are the same. Friday night bonfires and Saturday football games still exist and for those less sports minded, Friday night chess club.”
“Chess club?” Noeul’s smile was as wide as the sunset that was beginning to paint the sky in streaks of pink and yellow.
Jordan shook her head and smiled. “I’m an advisor. We’ve ranked a few times, and I’ve had the privilege of coaching a student that beat a Grand Master.”
Noeul’s eyes widened. “A Grand Master?”
“Yes, and a biochemical engineer student at that. Eighteen and so smart he made my brain hurt.”
Noeul’s laugh was genuine and filled the night air. “That’s hard to believe, given what I know of your IQ and accomplishments. I could see that even back then.”
Jordan looked at the woman beside her in the firelight. Noeul was truly beautiful. Her Asian features were stunning, and Jordan felt her heart skip a beat. Stop that. It’s not why you’re here.
“How about your home life?”
“I live in an apartment above Max and Sam’s place. It’s small and fits my needs perfectly. I’ve never been one for material possessions. I don’t need much.”
Noeul furrowed her brow. “Max and Sam Keller, right?
“That’s them. Max said he knew your parents well and always spoke of you with deep affection.”
“I love them both. I worked with Max, and Aggie and I were frequent guests of the restaurant Sam worked at, Il Frantoio. His alfredo sauce was to die for. I can still taste it if I think about it.” Noeul closed her eyes and shivered visibly. “He was always so particular about everything food related. I loved watching him cook.”
Jordan visibly puffed up with pride. “Now he owns his own place. They bought a small bistro that’s a big hit. He’s always busy.” She pointed to the dogs that were snoring near the fire. “Bandit used to bring me my dinner every night. Sam knew if he didn’t send that guy up with leftovers every evening, I’d have a meal that he couldn’t stand.”
Noeul got a faraway look and rolled her head on the chair back where she leaned, more directly in line with Jordan. “The only thing I enjoyed more than watching him cook, was watching him dance with Max. They used to do this swing-dancing routine, pure poetry in motion.”
Jordan grew quiet, as she remembered when she’d first met the two men, before the dementia diagnosis. Max was a mathematician, and Sam, an artist when it came to food. Sam had told her once, age difference be damned, he knew what he wanted. He wanted a life with Max. “On their tenth anniversary, they hired this band and entertained the crowd for hours with dance routines and lessons. I can’t tell you how many times Max would drag me into an afternoon of dancing while Sam worked. At least I had some idea what I was doing. Mom and Dad used to entertain me and my sister with their own moves.” She chuckled. “So, when Max decided he wanted to practice, guess who he chose to step on his toes?” Jordan raised her hand.
Noeul’s laughter was infectious. “That sounds exactly like Max. He and my parents were good friends.”
“You’re right about watching them dance. Sadly, it was one of the ways Sam started recognizing something was wrong. Max started missing steps, forgetting routines they’d perfected years before. It wasn’t long before he started forgetting simple tasks and names of longtime friends. He was diagnosed with the early symptoms of dementia. They’re doing everything they can to slow the process. I frequently give him complicated irrigation calculations to keep his mind active.” As if he heard Jordan talking about his dads, Bandit came to stand at her side, placing a paw on her knee. “It’s also one of the reasons they got this guy. Bandit gave Max something to focus on, to take care of. When I went back home after Max fell, they asked me to bring Bandit with me, said he needed a job and I was the biggest job they knew.” Jordan dropped her head, shaking it side to side. “My mother might agree with them.” Bandit stood on his hind legs, with his paws on her thigh, and licked her face.
The women sat watching the crackling fire. Occasionally, Jordan leaned forward to poke around in the coals. The shadows cast by the flames grew long on the ground.
“You haven’t really said much about the vision I had at Havasu.”
Noeul sighed. “I’m trying to process it. First off, yes, my dragon’s tail ends in roots firmly embedded below the surface. That part is a tribute to my love of agriculture. The dragon is more a symbol of my Korean heritage. My mother, Mi-ya, was born in Soeul and met my father, Finnegan Scott, on an expedition to the South Pole.”
“Ah, so you too have an eclectic heritage. I can relate. I told you part of my family is Jordanian. My mother was born there and came to the United States to study at Princeton. She met my dad, James, in a sociology class. The rest was history.”
“I do have interesting DNA. A tall, dark-haired man with Irish blood and a short, dark-haired Korean woman produce…”
“A dark-haired beauty with stunning green eyes,” Jordan whispered, reverent and smooth like aged whiskey.
Noeul blushed. “Not sure I’d agree about the beauty part. The dark hair and green eyes are accurate though.”
Jordan returned the blush and chastised herself for thinking out loud. “I apologize, no disrespect intended.”
Noeul reached out, resting her hand on Jordan’s forearm. “None taken.”
Jordan noticed the warm fingers lingering. The sensation felt like the tingles that ran over her back whenever she thought about Noeul. The tiny, pinpoint shocks reminded her of the electric stimulation therapy she’d had on her shoulder, years ago. The sensation was not unpleasant and caused a gentle thrum. When Noeul removed her hand, Jordan instantly missed its warmth.
“So, tell me about your tattoo. It’s beautiful, by the way. What I could see of it.”
Jordan sunk back into the Adirondack chair and ran her hands through her hair.
Noeul stammered. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too hard.”
“It’s not hard, just uncomfortable. In the same token, talking about it doesn’t make it hurt any more than usual.” Jordan proceeded to tell her about Tina and the betrayal. It was a hard memory to bring up, and she cursed that part of her brain that recalled the smallest detail.
Jordan narrowed her eyes, as she flipped the ring again. She looked up, wondering why Tina’s answer was taking more than a breath.
Tina closed her fingers around Jordan’s and the ring. “Jordan, you know I love you.”
Jordan’s breath stopped in her chest. “And you know I love you. Is there a problem?”
“I can’t marry you.”
The words struck like a blow from a sword: sharp, deep, and fatal. “Why? What have I done?”
Tina reached out to touch her, flinching when Jordan pulled back. “I can’t. I just can’t.”
Jordan’s shock was turning to anger, and her tone dropped dangerously low. There was some piece of the puzzle left out of the box, and she was now able to see that it was missing from the whole picture. “That’s not an answer, Tina. Why won’t you marry me?”
“Jordan, let’s just leave things as they are. We’re good like this. We can still have everything we already have.”
“Are you saying you won’t marry me?”
“I told you, I can’t.”
“And why can’t you? It isn’t like you’re already married or any…” She stopped as Tina looked away. Jordan stood and walked to the water’s edge, a million thoughts bombarding her synapses. The weekends Tina went back to Massachusetts to see her family. Funny, in more than a year, Jordan had never met any of them, even though she and Tina spent weekends visiting Dava or her mother together. The week Tina went back to MIT, she hadn’t wanted Jordan along, because Jordan would only be bored while Tina was at work. The trip with her friend once a month. It all started to make sense. “You can’t marry me because you’re already married, aren’t you?”
“Jordan, I…”
Jordan walked back to the small picnic and gathered her things. She rummaged in her bag until she found her phone, then texted Sam to meet her at the trailhead in three hours. “I’ve got to get out of here.” She looked at the woman she thought she knew inside and out, the same woman she’d fallen for and wanted to marry. “I don’t even know you. I’ve been sleeping with a woman I thought was the love of my life. In reality, I’ve been sleeping with a stranger. A married woman, for God’s sake.” Her words were loud and foreign sounding to her ears.
“You’re still the love of my life. I can’t change mistakes I made almost twenty years ago. I married him right out of high school, and I can’t undo that. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Jordan was astonished. “He? He doesn’t deserve that?” Jordan jumped away as Tina tried to grab her arm. “Don’t touch me. Who the fuck are you? The woman I thought I knew and loved is a complete fraud.” She laughed out loud. “Unfuckingbelievable. This certainly isn’t how I planned this day. Don’t follow or worry about me. We’re done. Goodbye, Tina.” She stopped, reached into her pocket, and found the ring she’d thought would be on Tina’s hand by then. Looking at it, she muttered, “God, what a fool I was.” She reared back and threw the ring as hard as she could into the falls. Tina was still calling out to her as she walked away without even a glance back.
It had been a long time since she’d relived those moments. That day had single-handedly led to her inability to connect with anyone, and in turn, caused her to pour herself into her research. “After Tina, I sort of took a scorched-earth policy. I’d walked through the fire and emerged. I promised myself I wouldn’t give my heart until I figured out what I wanted, including what I was capable of giving and receiving. Somehow, after that dark time, I found a way to live a productive life. The phoenix is reborn out of the ashes. To me, it’s very symbolic of that time of my life and what came after.”
Noeul shook her head. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. What a bitch.”
“You have no idea.”
“How about now?”
Jordan furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”
“Have you figured it out? What you can give and what you can receive?”
Jordan blew out a long, slow breath. Light flickered across Noeul’s face, her striking beauty completely bathed in firelight. Noeul was watching her. Jordan’s pulse raced a little faster, and her breathing became a little shallower. The corners of her mouth lifted. “I guess you could say I’m a work in progress.”
Chapter Eighteen
WHEN NOEUL WOKE, SHE heard the wind and the pitter-patter of rain against the windows. She loved listening to rain first thing in the morning. It washed away all the dust and greened up everything around her. The rain always made her surroundings seem fresh and new. It ruled out the trail ride she’d wanted to take Jordan on, for sure. That could always be rescheduled.
She yawned and pulled in the enticing aroma of coffee through her nose. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she dressed in a soft pair of tan shorts and a sleeveless, camp shirt. She brushed the tangles from her long hair and reached for the silver clasp she held it in place with. The metal was cool in her hand as she ran her thumb over the pressed design. The memory of Aggie giving her the gift, all those years ago, slid through her mind. She shook herself and gathered her hair back away from her face again.
The mirror in front of her hid no secrets about the lines at the corner of her eyes or the frown lines between them. With no conscious thought, she pushed up at her temples and pulled out the lines that she had long since stopped worrying about. Stop being ridiculous, Noeul. You're fifty-five years old and no spring chicken. Why does it matter now anyway?
She knew why. Jordan’s words from last night came roaring back. A dark-haired beauty with stunning green eyes. Looking at herself with those same eyes, all Noeul could see were crow’s feet. She shook her head and smoothed down her clothes, then turned left and right to check the fit. What the hell are you doing? She put a hand on her forehead and turned to the doorway.
Jordan handed her a cup of coffee. “Good morning.”
Noeul readily took the cup and drew in the smell of the strong brew, closing her eyes at the delicious aroma. “Thank you. I needed this.”
Jordan frowned. “Rough night?”
“Not really. I don’t function at peak performance without coffee.”
“Ah, that I totally understand. I hope I didn’t make it too strong for you.”
“The stronger the better.” Noeul blew across the top of her mug, taking a cautious sip. She groaned in appreciation and watched as Jordan appeared to shudder then turn away from her. Interesting.
Jordan cleared her throat and ran a visibly shaky hand through her sleep-styled hair. “So, what’s on tap today?”
“A little work in the barn and maybe some lab work. The trail will be far too muddy for a ride.”
“I’m up for that. Can I fix you some breakfast?” Jordan pointed to the stove.
“You made coffee, I’ll cook breakfast. Omelets okay with you?”
“Perfect.”
Breakfast was uneventful, and soon after they went about the chores of the day, milking being first up. Noeul moved her milking stool beside the snow-white goat. “Hey Pip. How are you this morning?” She ran her hand down the goat’s back and over her sides, before beginning the rhythmic pull and squeeze motion that streamed milk into the stainless-steel bucket. Jordan seemed entranced by the action. “You want to try?”
Jordan smiled shyly and kicked at the straw in the pen. “I’ve never done it.”
“Well then, let me be your teacher one more time. Come here and sit on the stool.” Noeul stood and patted Pip’s side. Once Jordan sat, Noeul pulled Jordan’s shaky hand down to the udder and positioned it around the teat. Within minutes, she removed her hand and watched the childlike wonder cross Jordan’s face as she was able to direct a steady stream of milk into the bucket. “Want to make Rico happy?”
The question obviously disrupted Jordan’s concentration, as Pip raised her leg in protest. Jordan patted her side. “Sorry, girl. Rico?”
Noeul pointed to the cat sitting a foot away from the goat. Confusion passed over Jordan’s face. Noeul bent down and directed Jordan’s hand back to the teat. She closed her hand around Jordan’s and directed a stream of milk toward the one-eyed cat.
Jordan’s laugh resonated around the barn, and Noeul smiled as the cat bit at the line of warm goat’s milk streaming toward his mouth.
“That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Jordan tried it on her own and was less accurate than Noeul, hitting the cat in the head. Rico went away to clean himself. “Sorry buddy. Geez, I think I’m ticking off the animal life around here.”
