Believe for It, page 10
Another way I fought for a good relationship with my children was by taking my assignment as a mother seriously. I understood my job was to train my children in the Lord and raise them to know His ways, not be their best friend. Sometimes this meant my decisions as their mother weren’t popular.
When they were young, I put Alvin and Ashley in dance lessons with some of their friends. One day, when I went and watched the class, I didn’t feel good about what I saw. Some of the dance moves were suggestive, and a few of the song lyrics were questionable. I had the gut check from the Holy Spirit, big time. Even though some of their Christian friends were in the class, I pulled them out. Alvin and Ashley were angry. They were good dancers and enjoyed the class. But I knew the Lord was guiding me in my decision, so I stuck with it. And looking back I can see the wisdom in that decision.
As my children grew and I continued to press in, they began to better understand and appreciate my role in their lives. They understood that I wanted what was best for them, and the discipline, care, and attention I gave them deepened our relationship. We still had some bad days, and when we did, I would call my mother or the older ladies at my church and glean from their parenting wisdom. They would encourage me, give advice, point me to God’s Word, and remind me that I was not alone in my parenting struggles.
From what I observe, too many parents pull back from a relationship with their children when they should be pressing in. I remember times when I would be on my knees before the Lord praying for one of my children and the Holy Spirit would tell me, “Go to their room!” I would knock on the door and say, “We need to talk.” My children didn’t always welcome my intrusion, but these drop-in conversations built closeness and ultimately strengthened our relationship.
Over time I learned not only to pray for my concerns for my children, but also to thank God for His good plans for them. When my kids were in their teen years, I attended a conference where I heard about the power of confession. I learned that as I prayed, I could thank God for the things I wanted Him to do in my children’s life. I could pray, “Thank you, Lord, that you have made Ashley to be a woman of valor and godly character, someone who seeks You in everything she does.” Regardless of whether I saw these things in my daughter or not, I could confess them, knowing that they were in accordance with the will of God.
One day I tested it out as I was speaking with Alvin III when he was sixteen. As he was growing into a young man, my son had become a person I didn’t fully understand or even recognize. On one level this was terrifying, but I was also determined not to give him too much space as he developed into his own person. That day during an argument, I blurted out, “Alvin, you are a mighty man of God!”
He stopped arguing and looked at me quizzically. “You don’t even believe that yourself,” he said.
And he was right! But I didn’t let him know that. My words had caught my son’s attention. He had heard my proclamation of his godly character. In the days and months that followed, I continued to thank the Lord that Alvin was a mighty man of God who would use every talent he’d been given for God’s glory. Alvin still had some things to wrestle through before he would fully walk in that calling, but today he is my pastor, and he is using every one of his gifts to honor God when shepherding His people. I’m so grateful I continued to push him toward the Lord instead of backing away.
BUILDING BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
President Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Those are apt words when it comes to instructing the next generation in the ways of the Lord. We can teach our children the precepts of God until we are blue in the face, but without relationship and proven love, our words will fall flat.
Maybe as you’ve read this chapter you feel as if you’ve missed the window of opportunity. Perhaps your children are grown, and you regret that you don’t share a close relationship. One of the reasons I began the Generations show was to encourage people that it’s never too late to strengthen intergenerational bonds.
There’s always hope. Pray now, like you should have prayed then. Invest the time now, like you should have invested it then. Ask the Lord how to bring closeness to those relationships. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Ask God for wisdom as you rebuild or build for the first time those vital relationships. The Holy Spirit knows how to penetrate hearts and restore broken bonds. It’s never too late. No matter how many years you feel you’ve missed out on, the Holy Spirit can make up for that time.
And if you still have children in the home, fight for those relationships. Fight in prayer. Fight by making tough choices that align with your priorities. Fight by understanding your assignment to pass down the faith. Fight by pressing in and confessing the faith and godliness you desire to see. Don’t give up. And as you fight, remember that God goes with you into the battle and He wins the victory.
QUESTIONS to CONSIDER
• What is the story you received from your family of origin? How has this shaped what you’re passing on to the next generation?
• What aspects of strong relationships do you need to concentrate on the most? (For example, time, warmth, humility, fun, communication, and so on.)
• Take some time to ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom on how to strengthen your relationships.
1. Olwyn Mark, Passing on Faith (London: Theos, 2016), 11.
2. Mark, Passing on Faith, 12.
3. Mark, Passing on Faith, 12.
4. Kara Powell, The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family: Over 100 Practical and Tested Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Kids (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2014), 62.
5. Deyan G., “How Much Time Does the Average American Spend on Their Phone in 2022?,” TechJury.net, June 3, 2022, https://techjury.net/blog/how-much-time-does-the-average-american-spend-on-their-phone/#gref; Brown, “Americans Spend Far More Time on Their Smartphones than They Think.”
6. Winans, On a Positive Note, 128.
CHAPTER
• eight •
FACING ADVERSITY
Everyone experiences storms in life. One of my biggest storms was losing my brother Ronald. In 1997, my brother Marvin took Ronald, who was coughing and experiencing shortness of breath, to the doctor. It’s still a mystery how Ronald was able to walk into the hospital that day. The physicians discovered that Ronald had suffered a major heart attack several months earlier and would need immediate surgery. His heart, which should have been the size of a closed fist, was so enlarged it filled his entire chest cavity. Even with surgery, the prognosis wasn’t good.
On a plane from Salt Lake City to Detroit I felt so fearful. “Not now, Lord,” I prayed. “Not Ronald.” The entire family gathered at the hospital to pray for a miracle and plead for Ronald’s life. At one point the surgeon came in and told us there was nothing more he could do for Ronald. His heart refused to beat on its own apart from the bypass machine. We asked the doctor if we could pray for him, and he agreed. After a powerful time of prayer for that surgeon, my dad took his hands and said, “Go back and take my son off that machine. He will live.”
And my dad was right. When the doctor weaned Ronald off the bypass machine, his heart miraculously began beating on its own. God had answered our prayers and saved Ronald’s life. Once he had recuperated, he went right back to performing with my brothers and shared his gift of music and his testimony with thousands of people.
Maybe that’s why his death on June 17, 2005, took me by surprise. After the miracle God had given us, Ronald was supposed to live a long life, not leave us at forty-eight due to heart complications. My dad, on the other hand, lifted his hands and praised the Lord when my brother had taken his last breath. My dad had a deep, abiding faith, and he was willing to accept the Lord’s will and praise even in grief.
Earlier that year, I had joined Ronald on stage at Greater Grace Temple to sing “My Help (Cometh from the Lord)” as part of his Family and Friends Celebration concert, which would be his last recording. As part of the concert, the surgeon who had operated on my brother in 1997 came on stage and shared his testimony about what God had done for us that day. He testified that none of his colleagues had believed that Ronald would live and that God had truly done a miracle.
A few minutes later, when I joined Ronald on stage, he beamed with pride as he introduced me in his genteel manner: “Ladies and gentlemen, my sister CeCe.” With nearly a hundred singers backing us up, our impassioned duet electrified the large auditorium. It felt like home to be singing with my big brother and our other siblings as we had done since we were children. Each of us was unique and had struck out on our own paths in both life and music, but we shared the bond of growing up in the Winans family, reared on songs of praise since childhood. There’s nothing quite like singing with my siblings. It’s as if each note calls back a memory of sitting next to one another in the church pew or standing around the family piano, singing our favorite gospel songs. That feeling of joy and exhilaration must be a little bit like what heaven will feel like. And that day, I didn’t know just how close my brother was to meeting Jesus face to face.
I was on tour when I learned that Ronald had passed after a short stay in the hospital. I was devastated. My Ronald, the gentle teenage boy who had played dolls with his little sister. The big teddy bear of a man, whose comforting embrace could bring peace to any situation. The one who was my protector and always looked out for everyone in our family.
Just after my brother died, I remember talking to my sister Debbie. “CeCe, how are we gonna make it?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “All I know is we serve a God who’s faithful and knows how we’re going to make it.”
Ronald was the first of our family members to graduate to heaven, and our hearts were broken. Losing him was the most difficult thing I’ve ever endured, the closest I’ve come to having my spirit crushed. Though I never considered giving up my faith, my faith was tested. James tells us that the testing of our faith produces perseverance that we may be mature, complete, not lacking anything (1:3–4). But losing Ronald at such a young age would never have been my plan. His loss left a deep hole, not only in our family but in the gospel music world. I had to trust that God’s ways were best. I had to praise Him for saving my brother eight years earlier and for sovereignly taking him home at his appointed time.
PRAISING IN THE DARK
When tragedy or hardship comes, holding onto belief can be difficult because we can’t always see how God is working. Part of being a Christian is believing in the character of God and the promises of God even when we cannot see. Scripture reminds us, “We live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). This kind of faith is so critical because Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble.
In the quest to pass on faith to the next generation, we will encounter challenges and adversity. These may be related to our mission—for example, having a child who is not walking with the Lord or is struggling with addiction or mental illness. Or the adversity may fall into the category of general trials, such as the loss of a loved one, illness, a job loss, or divorce. These kinds of troubles, though not specifically related to our mission of passing on faith, can still distract and even derail us from our calling.
When Ronald first left us, I was not sure how I could continue giving concerts and encouraging others when I was grieving so deeply. Standing on stage one night a few weeks after he’d passed away, I asked the Lord, “How am I going to do this?” I felt His Holy Spirit sustaining me as I began to sing “He’s Concerned,” a song that was in my regular lineup. I could hardly believe the lyrics:
God is just a prayer away.
All you need to do is call.
He will hear your faintest cry.
He’s concerned about you.
So while your tears are flowing through, your time of mourning,
He is here to lift your heavy heart, ’cause He is in love with you.
The words of a song I had sung hundreds of times ministered to me so deeply. It reminded me that the Lord saw me and He cared. He was not surprised by Ronald’s departure to glory. God loved me and was just a prayer away. The prayers of saints from around the world added to my comfort.
At Ronald’s memorial service, Bishop Norman Wagner said to us, “There are going to be some days when you don’t feel like you have the strength to do what you need to do. I want you to know you don’t have to have it because we’re praying for you. We’re stepping in and holding up your arms.” Bishop Wagner was referring to the Old Testament story in which Aaron and Hur lift Moses’s tired arms to help the Israelites prevail in battle (Exodus 17:12). It’s a powerful picture of how we can support one another through difficulties.
The prayers of God’s people have carried me through so many storms in life. In moments of tragedy, hardship, and suffering, you need your brothers and sisters. In my life, God has used them to comfort me, pray for me, encourage me, and ease my burden. My dear friend, Whitney Houston, was one of the people who came to Ronald’s service to support me. Whitney and I had met early in our careers, and she had proven to be a faithful friend. Not only did we talk regularly on the phone, but I had also become godmother to her daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown. In 1996 we recorded the song “Count on Me” for the movie Waiting to Exhale. The song, which talked about leaning on one another during hard times and being strong when the other is weak, was a perfect fit for us and struck a chord with listeners, rising to number eight on the charts.
Although she was a superstar, Whitney was always there for me when I needed her, and her presence at Ronald’s funeral was a great comfort to me. In 2022, I dedicated an episode of the Generations show to my friend. We honored her memory by talking with her brother and sister-in-law about the wonderful, gifted, and genuine person she was. It was friends like Whitney and so many others in the body of Christ who lifted me up when I was going through the sorrow of losing my brother. God revealed His love and care for me through the comfort of my community.
STAYING ON COURSE
We must expect adversity in this life. Something I’ve realized is that often what we do before the trial comes is just as important as what we do after. When Jesus was on earth, He told a parable about a wise man and a foolish man.
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. (Matthew 7:24–27)
Jesus’s story isn’t about the builder, what the houses looked like, or even the materials the structures were made of. It’s all about where the house was built and what it was built upon. The one who hears Jesus’s words and puts them into practice is like the one who built his house on a rock—a safe, secure location when bad weather comes. The one who hears Jesus’s words and does not put them into practice is like the one who built his house on the sand—a dangerous, unstable spot when bad weather comes.
Both individuals heard Jesus’s words. The difference was in their response. The wise man heard the words and put them into practice, while the foolish man heard the words and did not put them into practice. Building our lives on the rock involves action. Hearing the words is not enough; we must respond in obedience by doing what God says. This is shown through our spiritual rhythms, the patterns we incorporate into our daily lives.
Here’s the thing. Bad weather always comes. No one gets through life without some adversity. The best way to ensure the house stands is by building our lives on the rock of Jesus Christ. We do this by establishing during the good times healthy patterns that endure when times get tough. When the foundation of our lives is grounded in the words and ways of Christ, the storms of life don’t destroy us.
When I lost my brother, the grief knocked the wind out of me. I had to walk in what I knew—those disciplines of prayer, trust, being in the Word, and calling on others to pray. I reminded Him of His promises. “You promised me peace,” I told the Lord. “You promised me strength. You promised me hope.” The enemy couldn’t take the truths of God from me, because I had diligently stored them in my heart since I was a girl. Our enemy doesn’t always steal from us in big ways. In fact, his most crafty work is winning little victories, such as convincing us we don’t have time to read God’s Word or that church isn’t that important. Then when something big comes, you don’t have the stamina to walk through it. The everyday disciplines build you up so you can persevere through trials.
That’s why it’s so important to be consistent in your walk with God, spending time in His Word and in prayer, fellowshipping with other believers, and depending on His Holy Spirit. Every quiet time may not be earth shattering. Sometimes you will feel refreshed and transformed, and other times you may not. But what you do today is stored up for future days. When adversity comes, you’re not wondering what to do. When the rain comes down and the streams rise and the wind beats against the house, that house of your life stands. And the more you do these things in good times and bad, the more you will trust God. I can look back over my life and see that in the hardest times with my children, in my marriage, and with my family, God never failed. When people failed, He never did.
