Hollywood Secrets, page 5
The woman she’d met in Madrid, Luz, had been particularly amazing, and Sydney found her high school Spanish coming back to her, something that had ended up impressing Luz. The other thing was that Luz had no idea who she was.
So, there was no reason for Sydney to turn down the offer to go back to her apartment with her after a really nice evening together.
Well, there was one reason, and Sydney knew she had to figure out what she was going to do about it.
She was still hung up on Ada. Which was ridiculous, because it was one kiss. One moment. They hadn’t even come close to sleeping together, and Sydney felt like she’d been doing everything she could to get over her. She’d gone out to gay bars in London, Dublin, and Paris. London had been a close call. She’d had just one bodyguard with her for her trip, and the bar had been so busy. All it took was one photo, one shout of her name, and it felt like the whole bar was converging on her, swallowing her up.
Sydney sat down again and picked up her script, not wanting to relive that night. Nothing had happened, thankfully. Just a few bruises on her arms as security tried to help and grabbed her arm to lead her to a side exit.
But in her effort to put herself out there, she’d been reckless. She would’t go out in L.A. like that, with just one bodyguard. And she imagined Kerri would want to talk to her about that today, although she did say she had news.
Sydney turned the page just as Kerri was coming outside, and she gave her a wave, leaving the script on the couch beside her as she stood up and hugged Kerri.
“Good to have you back,” Kerri said as she pulled away.
“Were you worried about me?”
“Well, London wasn’t great, was it? But no, not about that. You wouldn’t be my first client to spend a few weeks in Europe and decide not to come back to this madness.”
Sydney chuckled as she motioned for them to sit. “Not yet. Maybe when I’m older, and I’m a bit jaded. But I’m only getting started now. So, what’s the news?”
Kerri crossed one leg over the other. “Good news or bad news first?”
Sydney blinked. “Uh, good.”
“Okay,” Kerri said with a deep inhale. “Since you left, I’ve been shopping my screenplay. And I’ve managed to drum up some interest.”
Sydney smiled. “That’s fantastic!”
“And I’ve mentioned you as a potential lead. That’s done wonders for my chances of making this happen.”
Sydney couldn’t stop smiling. “Okay, but what’s the bad news?”
Kerri pursed her lips. “I had this idea years ago, before I ever thought I could realistically pitch it. I’ve had Elle’s character in my head for years. And I’d always imagined Ada playing her. I wrote it with her mind, but the problem is, she has no interest in it.”
Sydney’s heart dropped. “What do you mean? Did you show her the script?”
Kerri nodded. “Yes.”
“When?”
“Right around when you left for Europe. Two months ago, I guess. Why?”
Sydney couldn’t think over her pounding heart. “And did you say that I was going to play Molly?”
“Yeah. That’s how I sold it. You two seemed to get along okay, aside from the paparazzi incident.”
Sydney exhaled, her mind racing.
“She’s not homophobic,” Kerri said. “If that’s what you’re thinking.”
Sydney had to stop herself from saying that she was definitely not thinking that.
Kerri continued. “She’s just always been cautious with her career. She’s never taken any real risks. And that’s not going to change now. It still stings though. I guess, I thought she was in the right place with her career. I mean, she’s won every award. She’s a living legend. And when she text me looking for a new project, saying that she was bored, I thought that was my chance. The perfect opportunity to pitch it to her.” Kerri shook her head. “Guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
Sydney was struggling to focus on what Kerri was saying.
When she was traveling, every single time she thought she was over Ada, when she’d gone more than two or three days without thinking about her, there she was, her gorgeous face staring back at her from her latest perfume ad. Billboards. Sides of buses. Airport displays. Ada had followed her from city to city.
And now, Sydney was back, ready to get to work, maybe even on Kerri’s script, but Ada was there again. Teasing her.
Sydney cleared her throat. “And without Ada? What are the movie’s chances?”
Kerri let out a long breath. “I never mentioned her name specifically in those meetings. But I did promise two big names. And I don’t really know who else would fit that bill. Like I said, I did write it with her in mind.”
Sydney went from angry to frustrated to feeling sick to anger again in a matter of seconds. A part of her wondered if it was for the best that Ada had declined the role.
How exactly did she think she was going to get through months of filming, standing across from Ada, pretending to fall for this woman, when she knew exactly what that felt like? It would be torture. Self-inflicted torture.
But at the same time, Sydney wanted this. She wanted to be a part of a movie that centred around a lesbian couple. A big production movie. It wouldn’t be the first. But it would be another. One to add to the growing collection.
“Anyway,” Kerri said, taking Sydney away from her thoughts. “Tell me about your trip. I need to stop thinking about this movie.”
15
Ada hadn’t seen or spoken to Sydney Lockett in three months, so her eyes widened when a text popped up, asking if they could talk.
Ada looked up from the screen, her eyes taking in the beautiful sunset, the pinks and oranges fading into the horizon. She’d been spending more time out here, especially in the evenings, sitting by the pool, knowing that in a few weeks, it would be uncomfortably hot out here.
Her phone chimed again.
Sydney
I’m outside.
Ada blew out a breath.
So much for ignoring her.
She could still do it, but it seemed a little too cruel, even for her.
Ada carried her empty wine glass inside and pressed the button to open the security gates. By the time she had her glass refilled, there was a soft knock at the door.
Ada glanced down at her black yoga pants and loosely-fitted white tank top that barely covered her black bra. She should have run upstairs and gotten changed, but she thought better of it. She didn’t need to impress Sydney. Having her see her like this, with her hair tied back in a loose ponytail and zero makeup on, dressed in casual clothes, might make her realize that the woman she thought she was attracted to was just a mirage.
Now, she was just Ada.
Not Adelaide Atwood.
And this was what she looked like in her every day life, away from the glitz and glamor.
Ada stood in the foyer, taking a deep breath, giving herself a second before she pulled open the front door. Ada knew her expression wouldn’t give her away, but god dammit, Sydney was as gorgeous as ever.
Ada had no idea what this visit was about, but Sydney was dressed to impress, her blond hair down, falling across her shoulders, an army green jacket covered her white tank top, the sleeves rolled back to her elbows, revealing glowing, tanned skin.
“Come in,” Ada said, standing back, letting her gaze sweep over Sydney when her back was turned, her jeans hugging her ass, her black ankle boots clicking against the tiles as she moved past her.
Sydney’s clothes might have been casual, but she looked as stunning as she did when she stood in front of the cameras on the red carpet.
“And welcome back,” Ada said as she closed the door and extended her hand towards the living room.
“Thanks.” Sydney stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jeans, looking a little on edge, not quite ready to sit down yet.
“Can I get you anything? Wine?”
“No.” Sydney pressed her lips together. “No. I’m fine. Thanks.”
Ada held her gaze, wondering where the last three months had gone, and inevitably, remembering what had happened the last time they’d seen each other.
Ada had nearly run over Sydney, striding down the hall, avoiding the bustling lobby at the awards show.
Ada had told Sydney to forget about what happened. To forget about the kiss.
But Sydney had challenged her. “Because it wasn’t real or because you don’t want anyone to know?”
Ada had tried to walk away, to ignore her, but Sydney had grabbed her wrist, her eyes begging Ada to be honest with her.
“Are you happy?”
“Because you deserve to be happy.”
Ada had been so close to caving, to giving in to what she wanted, even if she knew it would end in disaster.
“Will you at least tell me if it was real?”
If Ada had known that they wouldn’t see each other again for months, she might not have been so harsh. “Nothing in this town is real.”
And Sydney kept giving her another chance to tell her how she really felt. “Why can’t you just say it? That it didn’t mean anything.”
“Sydney, I don’t how to make this any clearer. You need to forget about it.”
Ada had replayed that conversation so many times over the last three months, letting her mind wander, letting herself imagine that she’d confessed to Sydney that she’d never been kissed like that before. Ada imagined herself asking Sydney to come home with her, but she couldn’t let the fantasy go any further. She couldn’t think about what they’d be like in bed together.
Because it was a pointless fantasy.
Now, Sydney cleared her throat, her hands out of her pockets, one on her hip, the other raking through her hair. “Kerri told me that she’s confident about her screenplay.”
Ada brought her glass to her lips. She should have known that this was what Sydney wanted to talk about, but it wasn’t obvious, because Kerri had come to her about two months ago, and Ada had forgotten about it. She’d barely spoken to Kerri since then, furious with her for suggesting that she play, Elle, widowed horse farm owner who falls for her much younger new hire. If that wasn’t bad enough, Kerri wanted Sydney to play the role of Molly, the new employee.
Of course, Kerri had no idea why Ada had reacted so negatively to her offer, probably assuming that Ada was too afraid to playing a gay character. Kerri didn’t know that Ada might have been interested, but thankfully, Kerri had led with telling her that Sydney would be perfect for Molly, and that had been the end of that.
Ada took another sip of wine as Sydney ran a hand over her face.
“Why did you turn it down? You know she wrote that part for you, right?”
Ada had felt bad when Kerri’s face had dropped, but while Ada might have suspected it, she didn’t know for sure that Kerri had created Elle with her in mind.
“I thought you two were supposed to be friends. Not just agent and actress.” Sydney opened her mouth and closed it again, like she was second guessing herself, but she kept going. “Why did you turn it down?”
Ada moved to stand behind the couch, her arms resting against the back of it, her hands cupping the glass, Sydney on the other side, standing in front of the coffee table. “I don’t take on projects just because my friends are involved.”
“Bullshit,” Sydney spat, anger lighting her eyes. “That script is one of the best I’ve ever read. And it’s not just the subject matter. Kerri gave it to me without saying it was hers. When I finished it, I had to read it again. So don’t tell me it’s because it’s not good enough.”
Ada’s eyebrows lifted. “Just a word of advice. Don’t get too attached to roles, to scripts. More often than not things don’t happen the way you want them to.”
“I didn’t ask for your advice. I asked you why you turned it down.”
Ada took another drink. “This is why you wanted to see me? To grill me?”
“Is it because Kerri wants me to play Molly?”
Ada laughed to cover the stab of guilt aching in her chest. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Sydney.” She downed the rest of her wine, ready to tell Sydney that if that’s why she was here, she might as well leave.
Ada came around the couch to leave her empty glass on the coffee table, ready to end this conversation, but when she looked up and met Sydney’s eyes, she swallowed down the words.
Sydney reached for her hand, boldly meeting her eyes, and swallowed hard. “It’s okay to feel something, Ada.” Her voice was thick with emotion, and Ada found herself channeling her best acting skills to keep her face neutral. Sydney’s blue eyes glistened with tears, but she held Ada’s gaze. “And it’s okay to be scared.”
Ada tugged her hand free, Sydney’s assessment of her feelings hitting a little too close to home as she turned away, not even sure where she was going, but no longer able to meet Sydney’s eyes.
“I let you walk away at the awards ceremony, and I’ve regretted it every day since,” Sydney said from behind her. “Somedays, I think that you’re right, that I should forget about that night, that it didn’t mean anything, but more often than not, I think about the way you kissed me, and how I’ve never felt anything even remotely close to that before.”
Ada couldn’t turn around. She bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes falling closed as she tried to get a hold of herself, to push the emotions down, to end this conversation as soon as possible, but Sydney kept going.
16
Sydney’s pulse swished in her ears, like waves thundering into the shore, drowning out everything else, but she kept going. She had to. She’d gone this far, and she had a sinking feeling that Ada was very close to throwing her out. So, she might as well get it all out there now. Because, she’d probably never get another chance.
Sydney should have come to Ada’s with a plan of some sorts. But no, she’d gotten changed after Kerri had left her house, with no goal other than to get Ada to let her in and find out why she wasn’t interested in Kerri’s script.
Sydney knew why. But she had to hear Ada say it. And right now, she was failing miserably. Ada’s back was to her, her hands on her hips, saying very little. Although, Sydney hadn’t really given her a chance, probably because she was afraid that she’d shut her down and ask her to leave.
So, she kept going.
“And I think,” Sydney said, inhaling a shaky breath. “That if no one was watching, if we could block out the rest of the world, I think you wouldn’t hesitate.”
Sydney swallowed the lump in her throat, her feet moving, taking the few steps to Ada, her hand gently resting on the small of Ada’s back as she came around to stand in front of her. And her breath caught in her throat when she saw the tears in Ada’s eyes.
“Am I right?” Sydney asked, but it came out as barely a whisper.
Ada’s eyes searched hers. “The last time we saw each other, you told me that I deserved to be happy.”
Sydney nodded, fear twisting around her heart, knowing that Ada was never going to say what she wanted her to.
“Well, I’m saying that to you tonight. You deserve to be happy.” Ada looked away as she spoke. “And I’m never going to be able to make you happy.”
Sydney felt as if her breath had been cut off, like she’d been punched in the stomach. It wasn’t what she wanted Ada to say, but she hadn’t corrected her either. Ada wasn’t denying this.
“You don’t know that,” Sydney said in a rush of words.
Ada met her eyes, her voice firm. “I know that I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever come out. I know that I’m not as brave as you are. And I know that I’m not worth waiting for. Sydney, you’re young. You’re beautiful. Your career is only just getting started. You have so much to look forward to, and I won’t complicate that. And there’s certainly no shortage of women who want to be with you, who would be so proud to walk the red carpet with you,” Ada said, her voice cracking at the end.
Sydney shook her head. “There’s no one else I want. And I would challenge a lot of what you just said. I think you will come out, when the timing is right, when you have a reason to. And I think you’re absolutely worth waiting for.”
Ada turned away. “I think you should go,” she said, but her voice held no conviction.
Sydney sucked in a breath. She didn’t want to push Ada too far, not when she was already so close to tears, her voice thick with emotion, but Sydney knew that the chances of ever having this conversation again were so slim.
17
Ada turned away. “I think you should go,” she said, but her voice betrayed her, and she was sure that Sydney could hear how conflicted she was.
Ada just had to hope that she would listen, that she would leave, and then they could forget about all of this, because Ada meant what she’d said. She would only complicate Sydney’s life right when things were taking off for her. And while, in the past, Ada had no problems being selfish when it came to getting ahead in this business, she wasn’t going to do it to Sydney.
It would be so easy to give in, to do this on her terms. To keep whatever it was that was going on between them a secret.
But Ada couldn’t do that to Sydney.
Ada could feel the warmth of Sydney’s hand on her forearm, and her breath caught when she met Sydney’s brilliant blue eyes.
“If that’s what you want.” Sydney said it so softly, and Ada almost blurted out that it was the last thing she wanted, but she simply nodded, and then Sydney was gone, the click of her boots echoing off the floor in the foyer.
Ada stood there for a few seconds, alone in her living room, her heart racing, her palms clammy before she ran out, tugging the front door open and striding down her driveway just as Sydney had opened the door to her white Mercedes.
Sydney looked at her with wild eyes, like Ada had lost her mind, and maybe she had, because there was something about Sydney that she couldn’t shake. It wasn’t just the attraction. It was so much more than that.
