Finding Molly Parsons, page 5
“Maybe you could go for a drink? Make an evening out of it?”
“That’s unnecessary. I’ll just call her.” Carmen scooted past Faith and headed to her room. Hopefully Rachel would be happy to hear from her. It’s not like they parted on bad terms. Carmen hadn’t wanted Rachel to get the idea that she wanted more from their arrangement, so she’d cut off communication a few months ago. They still sent the odd text now and then, but the benefits had been put on permanent hold.
Tapping the little green icon on her phone, Carmen only had to wait three rings before Rachel’s sultry voice invaded her ear. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Carmen Ruiz.”
“Rachel, hey, how are you?”
“Intrigued. I thought our little bedroom adventures were over after you all but ghosted me.”
Carmen bit her lip and made a fist with her free hand. She should have known Rachel would be pissed. “Sorry—”
“Oh stop, I’m teasing. We both knew what it was. Is everything alright? You’re not in trouble are you?”
“No, but I have a few questions, if you have five minutes?”
“For you, kitten, I have ten.”
Carmen chuckled. Maybe they could find their way back to their bedroom adventures, just one more time.
Chapter 5
Faith
Even though the last 24 hours had been an emotional whirlwind, Faith was feeling pretty good. Whether it was because Mateo and Carmen made her feel safe or simply because she could stop running long enough to take a break from the usual feelings of anxiety, she wasn’t sure. Whatever the reason, Faith was happy to go along for the ride.
The simple act of sitting with her new friends eating pancakes this morning and having a facial and manicure was so far from her norm, Faith reveled in it. It was a hard pill to swallow sometimes, realizing how much of the world she didn’t know.
What eighteen-year-old didn’t know about current affairs? Or which TV show was popular? Running from her life in Kentucky didn’t just mean Faith could finally live as an out and proud queer woman. It meant she had time to learn about the world and her place in it.
There were so many things about herself Faith had yet to discover. Number one being her style. Hanging around Carmen and Mateo had brought home to her just how dowdy she looked and felt. Mateo was tall, trim, and immaculate. His clothes were wild and often feminine, but Faith adored everything Mateo wore. Probably because the man had so much confidence in himself that it was almost infectious.
Carmen was a little different. For Faith, Carmen was more of a role model. Sure, Carmen was the first lesbian Faith had met—that she knew of anyway—but that meant nothing. Faith could have met a thousand lesbians and would still hold Carmen up on a pedestal. There weren’t many people in the world that would selflessly help a complete stranger. But Carmen Ruiz had.
If Faith was going to walk the rainbow road, she wanted to have someone like Carmen guiding her. Like Mateo, Carmen seemed confident in herself. Yes, she walked around in boxer briefs and an old tank top most of the time, but she was still herself. Maybe even more so than Mateo.
“Hey, I just wanted to apologize again, for freaking you out earlier,” Carmen said awkwardly as the two of them sat in the kitchen drinking coffee. She’d returned from her room after talking to her police friend. Faith wanted to know what they’d discussed, but didn’t want to push.
When Carmen had come running into the living room early, Faith thought the worst, especially when Carmen said she just wanted to warn Faith. That had instantly made Faith feel sick until Carmen explained she meant the book Faith was about to read. Then the panic turned to embarrassment for them both.
Faith knew the basics about sex. Her mother had given her a God-fearing version of sex education. Only when Faith had a conversation with Alice, did she actually learn the important and relevant aspects of sex.
Sex with a woman though? Nope, nothing. Maybe Carmen’s books could help her in that department. Not that she was anywhere close to actually sleeping with a woman.
“It’s fine, honestly,” Faith replied, hoping to make Carmen feel better.
“I’m going out, back in an hour,” Mateo called from the hallway.
“Where are you going?” Carmen hollered.
“Just out. I won’t be long.”
“Bring tacos.”
Faith chuckled again. The dynamic between Carmen and Mateo was fascinating. They were best friends but fought like brother and sister.
“I really do like your hair,” Faith commented. With a freshly shaved undercut, Carmen looked great.
“It’s a good style for me. Look,” Carmen began, freeing her hair from its bond. “I can wear it down for meetings and I look all professional and straight-laced,” she grinned, flipping her curly locks over her shoulder dramatically. “But in an instant I can wear it up in a ponytail or top knot and I am stylish as hell.” Carmen whipped her hair into a messy bun. “Two styles in one.”
“I wish I had a style.” Faith had been thinking long and hard about who she was since she stepped into Carmen and Mateo’s world.
“You may not know what your style is yet, but you do have it. Tell me, what do you want to change?”
“Um… maybe have some length taken off my hair. I was never allowed to cut it.”
“That’s easily done. What else?”
“My clothes. This,” Faith pointed to her dress, “is not my style. I know that much. I hate it.”
“Again, easy to fix. Mateo is itching to make you over,” Carmen laughed. “Letting him give you a facial and pedicure was just the tip of the iceberg.”
“I really enjoyed it. I think it’s the first time… well, in forever, that I feel like me. Just a girl enjoying life.”
“As it should be, Faith. You’re still young, and there is plenty of time for you to figure everything out. I’m here for you, in whatever capacity you need, okay?”
“I have so much to learn.”
“Yeah, but how exciting is that?” Carmen’s enthusiasm stunned Faith for a second. She was so used to being cautious and looking at her upbringing as a negative, Faith forgot she was on a journey. “We all learn and grow. Most of us don’t even recognize when that happens. But, for you Faith, you are coming into your new world with your eyes wide open. You are old enough to understand the significance of your new life, but young enough to learn freely and without the cynicism we often gain in adulthood. Your life sucked before, I get that. Hell, I lived that, but now? Wow, Faith, now you get to explore and learn about love and everything that makes time on this rock worth living.”
“You should be a motivational speaker or something,” Faith gasped. Carmen was so enthusiastic and upbeat, Faith found herself nodding along as Carmen’s words poured out and engulfed her.
“Ha, I don’t know about that. I do know a little about re-inventing yourself and learning who you are.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“I’m an open book, Faith.”
“When did you… you know, know?”
“That I liked girls?”
“Yeah.”
“When I was around fourteen, I think. It was the year before me and Mateo hightailed it out of the system. Mateo had just got back to the group home after his most recent foster dad beat the crap out of him. Anyway, he arrived with another kid, a girl called Brogan. Well, after I made sure Mateo was okay, I sort of fixated on Brogan. At first, I thought it was because she was a little shy. You know, like I just wanted to help her out. But then, after I had a dream about her, one where she kissed me, I knew my feelings were something more.”
“Did you ever tell her?”
“Hell no,” Carmen laughed. “The one thing I learned in the system was to keep your shit to yourself. I didn’t trust anyone but Mateo. It was funny really because we didn’t even come out to each other.”
“What do you mean?” Coming out had been Faith’s worst nightmare for a long time.
“Well, there was no deep discussion. We just sort of knew already. Mateo had boyfriends, and I had… friends that were girls.”
Faith laughed at Carmen’s unique description of her relationship with women. “Have you had a serious girlfriend before?”
“Nope. I know why. I’m not ignorant of the fact my childhood has shaped how I interact with people. It’s just something I struggle with. It drives Mateo nuts.”
“I hope I have a girlfriend one day.” Faith longed to have someone to love her completely, without conditions and expectations.
“I have no doubt you’ll get what you want, Faith. But…”
“But?”
“But don’t be in a rush, okay? Take your time exploring this side of yourself. Learn to love yourself entirely, including the parts of yourself that connect you to your parents. Once you do that… well, I think you will make some girl really fucking happy.”
Tears sprung from Faith’s eyes. No one had ever spoken to her the way Carmen just had.
“Why is Faith crying, Carmen?” Mateo barked, causing both Faith and Carmen to jump.
“Jesus, Hermano, give us a little warning next time. I almost peed my boxers.”
“Why is she crying?”
“I’m crying because I can’t believe how lucky I got when I turned up here yesterday. I already feel seen and heard. More than any time in my life. I hardly know you, but I feel like I do know you.”
Mateo wrapped his arms around Faith. “What the hell did you say to her?” Mateo chuckled as Faith sobbed. Those sobs turned into mirth when Faith saw the deer in headlights expression on Carmen’s face. Pulling back from Mateo, Faith reached for Carmen. Together, the trio hugged each other. Forget love at first sight. For Faith, this was family at first sight.
“Are we all adequately cried out yet?” Mateo asked a few minutes later. Faith giggled.
“I’m good now,” she replied, wiping her face.
“Yeah, all good,” Carmen added, clearing her throat.
“God. Lesbians!” Mateo huffed. “Now, I didn’t get to do a full fashion show yesterday,” Mateo began, pulling Faith into the living room. “So, we are having one now.”
Faith looked at the bags piled on the sofa. “What’s all that?”
“I went to the store and picked up a few items for you. Now, I don’t know if you’ll like everything, but I’m feeling confident.”
Faith looked from the mountain of bags to Mateo and then Carmen, who was smiling affectionately.
“Mateo, this is…”
“If you say anything along the lines of it’s too much or you can’t accept it, I’m going to throw a massive fit. And trust me, you don’t want that.”
“You really don’t,” Carmen laughed.
“Okay, I won’t say anything, but thank you.”
“Great, let’s get started.”
◆◆◆
“Yes, yes, yes, I’m a genius,” Mateo crowed loudly. Faith stood in the living room dressed in light distressed dungarees rolled up above her ankles, a black short-sleeved t-shirt and new Converse All-Stars.
“What do you think?” Carmen asked.
“I love it. I feel comfortable but stylish, without having to put a ton of effort into it.”
“See, genius.” Mateo cried, thrusting his fist in the air.
Faith laughed, and Carmen rolled her eyes. “What about the other stuff you tried on?” Carmen pawed through the ridiculous amount of clothes piled on the sofa.
“I liked all the jeans. I think I prefer the darker ones.”
“Yes, you looked great in those black skinnies,” Mateo remarked, holding the aforementioned jeans up.
“Yeah, I agree. What about the shirts and t-shirts?”
“Love them all. Thanks for dialing back the glitter,” Faith grinned. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Mateo had chosen darker colors.
“It was difficult to do, but for you, Faith, I rose to the challenge.”
“Um…” Faith fumbled. She wanted to ask Mateo to cut her hair. Nothing drastic but something new. “Would you… um… would you cut my hair?”
Mateo jumped up from the sofa and began running his hands through Faith’s long locks. “What are you thinking? You have gorgeous hair, chica. Has it ever been cut?”
“Not really. My mom trimmed the ends once a year, but that’s it.” Faith loved her hair, but she hated the fact she’d never been given the choice of what to do with it.
“It’s such a rich blonde, almost like honey,” Mateo muttered, more to himself than anyone else in the room.
“It comes from my father’s side.”
“Are you wanting a trim? Or something a little more drastic?”
Faith twisted her hands together. “Um… I’d like it to be shoulder length and um…”
“An undercut at the neck?” Mateo supplied. Faith’s face went red. She wanted her neck shaved, but she didn’t want Carmen to think she was lame by copying the style.
“I think that would look awesome,” Carmen interjected.
“Really?” Faith didn’t mean to sound so timid, but she couldn’t help the nerves. Apart from Alice, she’d never really had anyone to look up to. The last thing she wanted was to irritate Carmen.
“Hell yeah. I think it’s gonna really suit your face. And your new style. Get in that bathroom and let that old queen do his thing.”
“Who the fuck are you calling old?” Mateo shot.
“Notice he’s offended by the age thing, but not being called a queen,” Carmen laughed.
“I am a queen, and don’t you forget it,” Mateo tutted. “Now, get in the bathroom, chica, I have work to do.”
Faith skipped into the bathroom and internally squealed with excitement. Mateo guided her to a chair and then leaned her head back. The water was warm and the head massage Mateo was performing felt heavenly. “Wow, I could fall asleep,” Faith muttered, her eyes closing.
“You do you, honey,” Mateo chuckled.
“Are you a hairdresser by trade?”
“Not professionally, no. I learned early. There weren’t a lot of things I enjoyed growing up. One thing I loved was playing with Carmen’s hair. It’s so thick. She would always let me fiddle about with it when we got placed in the group home together. It was a way for me to de-stress.”
“I’m sorry you went through that, Mateo.”
“Me, too.”
“How are you so open and relaxed about it?” Honestly, it staggered Faith how either Carmen or Mateo could talk so openly about their childhoods.
“Therapy,” he laughed. “When we were older and making money for ourselves, Carmen forced me to see a therapist. That girl worked her ass off to make sure we could both get weekly sessions. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
Faith mulled over all the information Mateo was freely giving her. As much as she hated hearing what they went through, their lives also reassured her. If Carmen and Mateo could go through all that and come out the other side, so could Faith.
“You’re both amazing.”
“Yeah, we are,” Mateo stated. “Right, you’re all washed and rinsed. Sit up and we’ll get to work.”
Faith sat up. Mateo wheeled her over to the mirror opposite the sink. After a quick towel-dry, Mateo gathered Faith’s hair and brought up his scissors. “Ready?”
Faith looked him in the eye through the mirror. She’d never been more ready. With a quick nod, Faith watched Mateo snip the first tendrils of hair. As the pieces drifted to the floor, Faith took a deep breath and smiled.
“Hey, I’m going to get the tacos Mateo didn’t bring back,” Carmen called.
“We need hot sauce,” Mateo bellowed back.
“Mateo, we have five bottles in the cupboard. Stop buying or asking me to buy hot sauce.”
Faith’s shoulders vibrated as she tried in vain to conceal her laughter. The door banging closed ended the hot sauce argument. Mateo reached over and pressed a button on the wall. A cacophony of noise boomed through the house. “I need to dance as I cut,” he shouted over the music.
◆◆◆
“I’ll say it again. I’m a genius!”
Faith studied her new look. Her blonde hair fell just past her shoulders in layers. The texture made her look a little older, which she liked. Paired with her new clothes, Faith was almost unrecognizable, even to herself.
“Nice job, Mateo,” Carmen whistled. After dumping the taco bag on the kitchen sink, she turned Faith in a circle. “You look great, kiddo.”
“I feel great.”
“Well, I hope this adds to your good mood.” Carmen reached inside her rucksack and produced a new iPhone. “It’s not the newest model, but it should get you by.”
“No, no way,” Faith protested. iPhones, no matter how old, were still expensive. Faith knew that because Alice was given one for her birthday a couple of years ago.
“Look, you need a phone and, honestly, I know how to use an iPhone, so I shouldn’t have a problem helping you set it up.”
“Carmen, this is too much.”
“No, it’s a necessity,” Mateo interrupted before Faith could continue.
“You can have our numbers. We can set up the find a phone thingy. You can study up on all the things you’ve missed out on. You need it, and I’m not taking it back.” Carmen turned back to the tacos and began dividing the contents between them.
Faith’s mind instantly went to Alice. She desperately wanted to call her friend. Deciding that arguing with either of the Ruizes was foolish, Faith vowed there and then, somehow, she would find a way to pay back their kindness.
After inhaling three tacos, which were the best thing she’d ever eaten, Faith settled on her bed and began setting up her phone. Before calling Alice, Faith thought it prudent to send a message, asking Alice to save her number under a different name. Alice responded immediately, informing Faith she’d done as asked.
The call connected after one ring. “Hey Spencer, it’s good to hear from you,” Alice all but shouted down the phone.
