Finding Molly Parsons, page 23
That being said, Carmen could recognize now that their one night had meant something to her and that she wouldn’t simply dismiss it as nothing. “Oh, it’s not Rachel,” Carmen commented nonchalantly.
“Is it Molly?” Faith asked innocently. Faith was still in the dark about Carmen and Molly’s transgression and that’s how it would stay. As far as Faith was concerned, they were just friends.
“Yeah, it is. She’s covering a night shift at the shelter.”
“She’s been doing that a lot lately,” Faith sighed. “I think there’s something going on with her, but when I ask, she dodges the question.”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Mateo assured.
“Has she mentioned anything to you?” Faith asked Carmen.
“No, nothing. She’s probably tired and missing you, kiddo.”
“Yeah, I think it’s time I invited her for a visit.”
The sudden thudding of Carmen’s heart took her by surprise. They’d done well forming a long-distance friendship. Carmen wasn’t sure she’d be so chill with Molly being close. And what if things with Rachel took off? How awkward would that be? Well, only if Molly still thought about their night together. That was unlikely, right? Yeah, Carmen was overthinking, as usual. Laying her worries to one side, she laid a hand on Faith’s shoulder. “You should absolutely invite her here. Bessie, too. I bet Enid would love that.”
There, she’d done the right thing. Faith skipped out of her room, presumably to call Molly. Mateo bumped Carmen’s shoulder. “Are you okay with that?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, it will do Faith a world of good seeing her again. And I’m in a better place now. We had a night together, but that’s all it was.”
“Okay, if you’re good, I’m good. Now let’s get you looking hot as hell for your date tonight.”
Yes, that’s what Carmen needed to concentrate on. The person who was an option for her. Not a fantasy that still haunted her dreams.
Chapter 23
Molly
Stupid, stupid Molly. Of all the things she could’ve done—sorry of all the people she could’ve done—Chelsea was the worst possible choice, and yet here she lay naked next to her ex-friend with benefits. Idiot!
“Mmm, that was good,” Chelsea whispered in Molly’s ear.
Covering her face with both her hands, Molly wished she could rewind the past hour of her life. “That was a mistake.”
“Really? You think an orgasm is a mistake?” Chelsea answered cockily.
“In this case, yes.” Molly was furious with herself. Hauling herself out of Chelsea’s bed, Molly dressed, unable to meet Chelsea’s eyes. “Sorry, Chelsea, I don’t want to confuse you. I said we were done doing this and then…” Molly gestured between them. “It’s the last time it will happen. I stand by what I said before.”
“If you say so,” Chelsea chuckled, causing Molly to scowl.
“Bye, Chelsea.” Molly left before Chelsea stopped her or tried to convince her to stay longer. For weeks Molly stayed out of Chelsea’s way, knowing the woman still wanted more, but then Molly found out Carmen was going on a date and that flipped everything on its head.
Instead of dealing with her feelings, Molly sought Chelsea and did the one thing she shouldn’t have. She used sex to forget her emotions, and it was utterly ridiculous. Molly knew that going in and yet she’d gone through with it anyway. But of course, all the emotions she forgot came rushing back the moment the fucking had finished. And now she felt worse than before.
Breaking way too many road laws, Molly skidded to a stop at the front of the ranch. Bessie cocked both eyebrows from her seat on the front deck. Great, now she was going to have to explain why she was driving like a maniac. And why was her shirt inside out? Fuck!
“Is the Apocalypse happening or something?” Bessie asked.
“No,” Molly grumbled.
“Oh sweetie, what the hell happened? You’ve got a face like someone just kicked your dog.”
Dramatically flinging herself in the chair next to Bessie, Molly cradled her head in her hands. “I did something stupid.”
“I can’t be that bad?”
“I slept with Chelsea.”
“Yeah, okay, that was stupid.”
Molly glared at Bessie. “Really? Is that all you have to say?”
“What? You said you did something stupid, and I agreed. Care to tell me why you slept with her?”
“Not really.”
“Could it have something to do with the reason you’ve had a bee in your bonnet for weeks now?”
“I have not,” Molly argued. She absolutely had. Ever since the party and that sublime session with Carmen Ruiz, Molly had been a hot mess. Why, of all people, did Molly have to connect so deeply with Carmen? A woman who lived in another state. A woman who—as of recently—didn’t date seriously. A woman who had shattered Molly’s idea of what good sex felt like.
No matter how hard she worked in the fields or how tired she felt after a day at the shelter, Molly’s mind wouldn’t quit thinking about that night. She still winced when she thought of how they acted with each other after they were both sated. In a few moments, they went from passionate to awkward. Molly remembered Carmen looked as if she wanted to jump in her car there and then and take off. Instead, they’d walked silently back to the party, mussed and smelling of sex.
Bessie and Enid had given them both knowing smirks, which made everything feel a hundred times worse. Thankfully, Faith didn’t notice a thing. They managed a few more minutes before Carmen excused herself and went to bed.
Obviously, Molly had gotten no sleep that night. Her brain anticipated how Carmen would act the next morning. The answer was distant. Carmen nipped into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of toast before leaving again. Only giving a brief wave to everyone in the room. And that was it. Molly didn’t see Carmen again until they were saying goodbye.
Their hug was brief, and Molly struggled to keep her composure. If she’d known for one second that was how things would go down, she would never have initiated anything, no matter how much she wanted it.
Weeks passed, and Molly finally plucked up the courage to text Carmen. Believing it was best to skate over their time together, Molly acted as she did before they fucked. And it worked, for the most part. Their messages became frequent and their friendship bloomed. Perfect, right? Everyone was moving on.
But then Faith called, inviting her to Seattle, and mentioning that Carmen was preparing to go out on a first date with some detective called Rachel. The same detective Faith told Molly helped keep an eye out for her when Alan was still a threat. Awesome, just fantastic.
“You just went to a dark place,” Bessie stated. “You’re frowning so hard right now.”
“It’s just been a shit day is all.”
“Alright. Enough. Molly, spit it out.”
Molly should’ve known Bessie would only hold back for so long. “I slept with Carmen.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Bessie grinned.
“I slept with her and then it got weird and awkward. She left and we’ve only just started talking again. Now she’s going out with some woman.”
“There’s quite a bit there to unpack. Let’s start with you sleeping with her.”
“Do we have to?”
“Yes, if you want to stop feeling like this.” Bessie waved her hand up and down Molly’s slumped posture.
“Fine,” Molly growled. “We were close. We fucked.”
“Nope, try again.”
“Ugh,” Molly sighed. “Carmen just got me. From the moment she turned up. She listened and understood what I needed. I was happy to just stay friends, but then I don’t know, I just couldn’t stop myself and I kissed her.”
“Before the night of the party?”
“No, same night. Well, Carmen was more than receptive and we… you know.”
“Right, so it was all passion and heat?”
“Exactly. Bessie, it was the best sex of my life. I can’t imagine what a full night with her would have felt like. She might have killed me.”
Bessie let out a low chuckle. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”
“Yeah, I did, we did. But then, as soon as we finished, it fell apart.”
“Did Carmen say something?”
“No, worse. She clammed up, and we never spoke of it. Actually, apart from saying goodbye the next day, we didn’t speak again.”
“And how did that make you feel?”
“Like fucking garbage, if I’m being honest.”
“Elaborate.”
“The sex was amazing, but it wasn’t just the physical act, you know. I felt safe with her, even if it was hella hot. I never felt out of control. I thought…”
“You thought?” Bessie gently urged.
“I thought that maybe we could have explored something more. But that wasn’t what Carmen wanted, obviously. She couldn’t get out of here fast enough.”
“Or she was just as shaken up as you, and didn’t know how to deal with it?”
“Maybe.”
“So that’s why you’re all bent out of shape? You thought you guys could be more, but Carmen doesn’t seem to be on the same page?”
“Carmen said she didn’t do relationships. And yet, Faith called and told me she’s going out on a date. I’ve been texting with Carmen for weeks and she hasn’t said anything.”
“Ah, so you’re jealous, I see.”
“No,” Molly protested.
“Yes! Hearing that Carmen, the woman who broke your vagina—”
“She did not break my vagina,” Molly barked.
“Okay, the woman who rocked your world and then left you high but not quite dry, who told you she wasn’t into dating, suddenly starts dating. Molly, you’re jealous, which is stupid.”
“Thanks, Bess, you’re really helping so far.”
“It’s stupid because no matter who Carmen dates, if it’s not you, it won’t work!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look, Enid and I might have teased you both about being a good fit, but we weren’t lying. We saw how you interacted and got close. That’s why you pair sleeping together came as no surprise at all. I spoke to Enid the other day, and do you know what she told me?”
“What?” Molly asked cautiously.
“That Carmen, has been as much of a hot mess as you have.”
“Probably because she regrets being with me.”
“Or because she has feelings and doesn’t know what to do with them. Have you considered that she panicked about what Faith would think if she found out?”
“Of course I did. I worried too.”
“Right, but look at it from Carmen’s point of view. You know her background, you know why she’s probably freaking out.”
“Jesus, this is too much. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Like I said, she lives in a different state.”
“And you move a lot. Maybe moving north is your next stop.”
“Bessie, I’m here for the foreseeable future.”
“If you say so, but don’t stick around here out of some sort of loyalty to me, or because you’re scared to find out what it would be like to have someone in your corner.”
“Bess—”
“You know I’m right, Mol. I love you, and the work you do is invaluable. You give everything you have to help, and usually at the detriment of yourself. For a long time, you have told me you were looking for that person who made you feel safe, like you were home. Molly, several times you’ve mentioned Carmen made you feel both those things. Maybe, just this once you stop running away from things and run towards something.”
“Bessie,” Molly sighed.
“Love, just think about it. And don’t sleep with Chelsea again, Christ!”
◆◆◆
“Molly, hey,” Faith waved. Their video chats were becoming more frequent.
“Well, hey there, honey. You look great!”
“Aw shucks,” Faith chuckled. “Nat’s taking me on a date tonight, so I wanted to look good. I was just trying some stuff on. I’ve got a shift at the shelter before, and won’t have time to decide later.”
“Oh, fancy. Where are you being swept off to?”
“I don’t know, she wants it to be a surprise.”
“Well, Nat has moves, huh?”
“She does,” Faith winked. “So, what’s going on your end? I haven’t heard from Lisa and Court in a few days.”
“Ah, that’s because they are having a bit of a tiff.”
“Oh no, why?”
“Lisa got into college in New York.”
“Ah, and I take it Courtney is super happy, but majorly depressed at the same time.”
“Yeah, something like that. They’ll work it out.”
“God, I hope so. They’re great together.”
“Talking of cute couples. How are Mateo and Daniel?”
“Daniel is moving in here,” Faith squealed happily.
“Really? Wow, you’re gonna have a full house.”
“It won’t be too bad. Everyone works, so it’s quite rare we all gather in one space. Mateo is thinking about opening up another boutique. Carmen is out and about with Rita, plus she spends a lot of time at Rachel’s now.” Ugh, it still stung to hear how well Carmen and Rachel were getting along. After talking to Bessie, the day she found out Carmen was going on her first date with Rachel, Molly had done her best to put her feelings to bed.
There was no point upsetting the apple cart. Molly was in Cali, Carmen was in Seattle and they were friends. That had to be enough. So for weeks, Molly plastered on a happy face and became the best damn friend Carmen could ask for.
“Wow, so they’re still together, great.”
“Yeah, Rachel’s cool, but…”
“But?” Molly jumped all over that brief pause.
“I don’t know. Carmen doesn’t seem totally happy. I could be wrong, but I like to think I know her.”
“Has she said something?”
“No, not at all. It’s just a feeling.”
Molly hated the idea that Carmen could be unhappy, but she’d be lying if the thought also didn’t stoke a tiny bit of hope that maybe she hadn’t missed the boat completely. Maybe she and Carmen could still happen?
“Well, I’m sure she’s fine. Look, I was thinking about visiting in two weeks’ time. How does that sound?” Molly pushed her phone further away as Faith screamed and shouted how happy she was Molly was finally visiting Seattle. “I’ll take that as a yes then,” Molly laughed.
“Yes, yes, yes. You have to come. I can’t believe you haven’t visited yet.”
“I know, but I wanted to make sure everything was okay here. Bessie will call in extra people to help, but you know I don’t like leaving extra work for anyone.”
“I know, I know. I’m just pumped you’re coming here. Oh my God, there is so much I want to show you.”
“I can’t wait, sweetie. Have a great time tonight, say hello to everyone and tell Nat I’ll kick her ass if she hurts you.”
Faith scoffed. “No, I will not, because you wouldn’t.”
“Ugh, can’t you just pretend I’m even a little intimidating?” Molly laughed.
“Nope,” Faith grinned. “I’ll say hello to everyone. Shall we catch up on the weekend?”
“Sounds great. Love you.”
“Love you.”
Was Carmen unhappy? That’s the only thing that resonated from the entire conversation with her niece. Molly pledged to be a friend to Carmen, so calling her to make sure everything was okay seemed reasonable, right?
Checking her watch, Molly noted it was later than she thought. Carmen and Molly’s messages usually happened in the daytime, and they were yet to have a phone conversation. Nibbling her bottom lip, Molly weighed up her next move. Either she stayed out of it and continued to message Carmen daily, or she called Carmen and figured out if Faith’s worries were legitimate.
“You’re just being a good friend,” Molly mumbled to herself, her finger already navigating to Carmen’s contact info. The call connected after two rings.
“Molly?”
Oh Lord, that voice. “He-hey, Carmen.”
“Is everything okay?”
Of course, Carmen would be concerned. There was no reason for Molly to be calling this late. “Everything is great. Um, I just wanted to double check you were okay with me visiting. Faith just called, and I told her I could come up in a couple of weeks.” There, that was the truth. Mainly.
“Yeah, that’s more than okay. Faith’s going to be buzzing until you arrive,” Carmen laughed.
“I could have just messaged, huh?”
“Probably, but it’s good to actually talk to you,” Carmen said softly. It was difficult for Molly not to read into anything. Not when Carmen’s tone of voice gave her reason to think there was something more to it.
“So,” Molly chirped, needing to lighten the atmosphere before she said something stupid. “How’s the website coming along for Rita?”
“Oh God, yeah, it’s looking great. We’re going to host a fundraiser next month, so I’ve been incorporating that into the site. I’m so pleased I made a change. As much as I loved working for myself, I feel so much more accomplished working with Rita.”
“Well, I’m proud of you, Carmen. It takes a lot for someone to change up their life like you have.”
“I have you to thank, Mol.” Ah, damn her and her use of Molly’s nickname.
“Nah, you would have done it regardless of knowing me.”
“No, Molly, I owe you. Watching you and seeing the difference you make inspired me to do better. You made me better.”
Silence hung on the line as Molly tried to decipher what Carmen meant. “Carmen,” Molly whispered. She was losing the battle. Hearing Carmen, picturing her beautiful face, was destroying the meager wall of resistance Molly had built up. Scrunching her face, Molly asked the one thing she knew would snap them both back to reality. “How’s Rachel?”
The sound of Carmen’s breath filtered down the phone. “She’s fine, thanks.” Wow, okay, not the ringing endorsement of someone happy in a new relationship.
