Mary Ann Sate, Imbecile, page 38
He stand by the table on it lie a letter
I look at his blanchd face shallow eyes
The heavy hang of his shoulders
He wipes a hand cross his face
Mary Ann Tis better not
I am sorry I am v sorry
I can only tell you
I know not what to say
Yet I must tell you Lucetta is dead
The words do hit me with a dull thump
Saying them Mr Birch Nazareth
Does sink down in a chair at the table
Commence then to weep
So so he say See how rumour will always spread
Fast as a rambling weed chokes always
Any seed of truth
I should weep as well but I cannot
Nor move nor speak nor breath
Just stand there watching him
I want now to read the letter
But he has it lockd tight in his fist
On he weeps
I stand watching him
Breath snaps sudden in my throat
I put my hands to my head
As though to hold it together
I tell myself I must comfort Mr Birch Nazareth
Yet instead take hold of the back of a chair
Finally I turn stumbling walk out the cottage
Into the last of the light
My feet touch that same lane
I did walk so oft with her
For a moment I hear her laughter
See a flash of shining hair
The curve of her narrow waist
The way she walkd
Always so strong and sure
Stepping away from me now
That pale shawl lifting at her shoulder
So I turn then turn and turn again
Where can I go
I stand for a while in the lane
My hands claspd together
Yet finally there is no choice
I must go back to the farm
When I get back I try to tell Nettie
My lips will not move
Then I understand Nettie knows
Aye aye Mr Birch Nazareth came earlier
Tis a sad business what can anyone say
Many a girl does go wrong
Nettie say this spitting without look at me
Go wrong I say
Oh aye she say Oh aye
Did he not tell you
Course not he probably did not like to say
She died in a Workhouse course
Nettie rocks and wheezes now as she speaks
She was with child not marry
She and the child both takd
It were probably best
Since she were ruind
A poker stand by the fire I pick it up
Raise it at Nettie who shields her head
Tis not true I shout Not true
The poker strike but Netties hands stop it
Not true Not true
I raise the poker again
We are both stoppd by a cry
It come from the sitting room
From Mr Harland Cottrell
Come come now girl stop yr wailing
Nettie say and take the poker from me
The Master has need of us
Come now quick
You may go say I
But I will not
So I sit myself down and refuse
Nettie is soon back
I have need of you she says
You not help the Master
You soon be put out this house
I say naught only stare at the floor
You cooten Mary Ann
Do you not know if Mr Harland Cottrell die
We are all finishd
Yet I care not what she says
Sit there stubborn and still
When she comes back again she slaps me
Still I will not move
I always told you Nettie say
No good would come of that girl
But oh you would not be told
I stand up and shout
Shut yr filthy mouth
How dare you How can you
Nettie looks at me but she does not hear
There is no help in speaking to her
This is how she has always been
She will no a ways shew any proper feeling
Or allow it in anyone else
I stride out the house spitting silent rage
Spend that eternal night in the barn
Lying awake amidst sheaths of hay
I cannot know what has come
Every time I think of it my mind shys away
Like a frightd horse
Tis more than I can abear
I will never believe what Nettie say
All around us now is strife weeping
Neither sun nor stars in many days appeard
No small tempest lay upon us
All hope we be savd takd away
Still we must all go to our employ
Though all there is to do now
Is clear away the blackend beams
Pile up the stones about
Also wash in the stream some cloth
Which is burnt and staind
Will never come good
Resources is sought to rebuild the mill
Yet this will take many months
All who were there must soon seek other work
So they go up and down the Valleys
Some gone already to Gloucester
Now there is no talk of how to shew the owners
How they must listen how all will be changd
Still the talk is of Mr Ned Cottrell
How he has led all to a world more just
I do not know how they can still speak so
What purpose is there to stride and strut
Teaching lessons shew the mill owners
But still there are plenty
Who thinks a blessd work has been done
The more they search for he
So the legend grows
To me it matters not what is done
Naught will change
This is what I think when I do think
Which is not much at all
Instead I lie in the barn
While Nettie does tend Mr Harland Cottrell
He comes no better
It were not much expectd
He has done his three score year and ten
All have seed seizures like this afore
When a person gone stiff they not come right
He can still speak a little and move some
But he does not get up
I fear he will not
News come more men is arrestd
Soon to be tried in Gloucester
Yet Master Ned is not takd
Though tis said more and more
He was the one responsible
He did stir others to do it
Still the constables search for he
Bashing in hedge and wood
Going through every barn and byre
To me it all float by
I think only of Lucetta
At night pictures turn and twist my mind
How at the Workhouse
Many is toss in a pit together
Put lime on them
I have seed it so
Always I push these pictures from my mind
I do still not believe that letter said
She were always lied gainst
Now it comes again
I choke when I think of it
I lie in the hay barn long
Say nothing to anyone
Think oft of Master Ned
All this is down to he
This knowledge come again and again
My mind go back to that day
I did hear in his fathers study
How he did pour dishonour
On her name
I hate him for it
A hate as grows like a canker
Then one day Mr Birch Nazareth come
Mary Ann he say You must get up
I lie looking up at him but do not move
So then bends down to me
Takes hold of me gently
Raises me up
Come come he says
This will not do
He takes me back to the farm
Where Nettie boil aniseed caraway turmeric
For to dose Mr Harland Cottrell
The smell does bring some comfort
I know it so well
Mr Birch Nazareth sits me at the table
Now now he says I have better than herbs
From his pocket produces a bottle of cider
Nettie and I both draw back
For Mr Harland Cottrell does not have such
In his house
Yet Mr Birch Nazareth pours me the bottle
You must drink he says
For you have need of yr strength
Tis better than any medicine
He drinks hisself I see then
How he has need also for his beard is knottd
Much flesh has gone from he
His back stoopd as it never was afore
I drink The taste bangs the back my throat
Warmth fills me head spins so I drink again
Then Mr Birch Nazareth sits down next to me say
Mary Ann I am sorry to tell you this
But Ambrose is arrestd
I shake my head at him
I know it cannot be
No no I say for all knows
He was not involvd in the fireing of the mill
Yet even as I say this I am crumbling inside
For I know and Mr Birch Nazareth knows
Even bone brain Nettie also
No justice in this
Mr Birch Nazareth now shake his head and say
They cannot get the man they want
All they have is ignorant lads
Who only did what they is told
Also that Mad Dog Harvey
With his talk of The Washerwoman Queen
You know how it goes
They must have someone
I shake my head pull at my hair
Tis this this now
This what breaks me
For what if Ambrose is transportd or hangd
Yet Mr Birch Nazareth take hold my hands
Holds them tight in his
Come come now Mary Ann
You must not lose yr head
Think now clear and calm
I know you said to the constables
That you know nothing of where Master Ned is
All know you do yr best for he
Yet think now hard what yr position is
I have knowd Mr Birch Nazareth so long
I trust him certainly and so I say
I do not know where he is
Yet I do know a place where they might look
Aye Mr Birch Nazareth say
Would it not be best to say this
If only it might shew you willing to help
Give you perhaps an opportunity
To tell them straight Ambrose
He has naught to do with such as this
But Mr Birch Nazareth I say
I cannot say anything I must not
There are many in this neighbour
Who do look to him for hope
Many who do support all he does
I cannot be seed to act gainst he
Even in giving information which cannot help
Then a long silence comes
Mr Birch Nazareth does look at me long
Then he say Mary Ann I cannot tell you
Right from wrong
Yet he is a dangerous man
You know it well
You must now think on this
So you must think also of Ambrose
You come back with a bloody nose
Who can say what might befall he
I do think but my mind is boffld
Perhaps Mr Birch Nazareth is right
I should have said what I knew
When I was there
Maybe twas because I lied
That Lucetta met her end
Maybe it was punishment
She herself would never have lied
No matter what
So it all go round in my head
Mr Birch Nazareth sit with me still
He is too fair to force my hand
Nettie comes in then with a basin of water
I ask her what I should do
My mind is dancing with the cider
It all seems now like a game of dice
What matters it now how it falls out
I wait for Nettie to say
Oh no Oh no You do not touch Master Ned
Yet instead she looks me long
Her lip curl up
I think then for a moment
As how her flaking hands do stroke flat
The rib of a wool stocking
She say straight
If you can Mary Ann
You bring him down
Tis right
The time has come
So I goes down to Stroud
Mr Birch Nazareth wish to go with me
Yet I desire to go myself alone
Think myself drivd by a yearning for truth
But were it really so
No I do not think so
I think what hurrid my feet
Not truth but revenge
For I thought of her
Separatd always now from the Lord
Though she had life strength love enough
To triumph ovr the whole world
Twas the lies he told about her
That destroyd her
So I went gladly
To do what damage to him I may
That was what I thought
Yet revenge is like a rolling stone
Which when a man has forcd up a hill
Will return upon him with increasd violence
Break those bones whose sinews gave it motion
When I arrive Spillmans Court
My good fortune the gentler man
With who I spoke afore
Does come to answer
After he sit me down
Not now in that low pinchd room
But in another with dark wood panels
A suit of armour shields on the wall
First I say to him most polite
I understand Ambrose is arrestd
This he does not deny
So then I say what a worry tis
Since all does know his innocence
It seems amazing I may speak
With such calm and clarity
Yet I am in the grip of a death like calm
A steel cold courage
No care for my own safety
The man is quite reasonable
Say that enquiries must be made of all
Though he is civil I see he thinks me
But an imbecile
Then I say I have rememberd
Some information may be of help
Also I say perhaps this information
Might make it no longer necessary
Ambrose should be held
Even in that moment I am again amaze
I should dare to bargain so
With such a man as this
Still I am fird with the bravery
As comes to those who have lost all
So then I tells him about Little Mill
Since he thinks me a simple fool
He accept most readily I only just rememberd
This place I say I do not think tis important
Am sure you can find nothing there
But he is pleasd enough by what I say
Mr Ambrose Woebegone I say again
He was not involvd in this
Will he now be releasd
Oh aye aye the constable say you need not worry
He was only evr helping us to consider
How we might proceed
So he say which is a lie
He lay then a shilling on the table
I look down at it lying there
It pains me to take it
But how may I leave
When my future is all to the wind
So I take the shilling walk home
The evening is a coming
Shadows like the closing of shutters
The air is chill now and damp
On the way I see nothing hear nothing
All is like something describd in a book
With no substance to it
Til I come to a bend in the path
Emma standing there
Says to me
What say you Mary Ann
I can say nothing
So so Mary Ann say Emma
You did always like a good story
Had you no story to tell the constables
She spit on the ground beside me
I say nothing walk on
Yet in my head the words of the Bible
Sound again and again
But of the knowledge of good and evil
