A Nightingale for the Lonely Duke, page 24
The door closed behind her and Rebecca stepped further into the room. She did not say anything to begin with, and just regarded him for a long moment, before eventually sitting down. In a large, plush chair opposite him. It near swallowed her, for far from the frame of a man of the likes of Harvey, Rebecca’s tiny frame was only exaggerated in it.
‘Please, Rebecca. Do not continue to look at me in such a way, and not speak. What is it you wish to see me for? Is it a new gown for the ball that you desire?’
‘No, Frederick.’ Rebecca shook her head. ‘That is not the reason for coming to see you at all.’
‘Then, would you please enlighten me, as to why you are here?’
‘I am curious to know, why Miss Alina did not come back to the manor? I assume that is one of the reasons you went to see her. I also assume, that your recent dreadful melancholy, is that she did not wish to.’
Frederick sighed heavily. Could he really explain this to Rebecca, and even if he did, would she have the capacity to understand? Miss Goodwin had done a rather excellent job of assisting his sister in the ways of etiquette, and yet, that did not necessarily mean she would have the depth of understanding that was necessary. As though she had read his mind, Rebecca continued.
‘Please do not treat me like a child, Frederick, for I am not. I am well aware that you felt for Miss Goodwin, and I am also aware that your feelings were not entirely ignored. Yet, I would like to understand how, now that Lady Honoria is gone, Miss Alina has not returned. Did you apologise to her?’
‘Of course I apologised to her, Rebecca. I told her how I had a dreadful mistake and that I was truly sorry for all the pain and torment that I had caused her. Miss Goodwin thanked me, but then refused my offer to return to the manor.’
Rebecca suddenly frowned. ‘Yet, that does not make any sense. You told her how you feel, and she did not reciprocate at all?’
Frederick suddenly stiffened at the question. He had told her how he felt, had he not? He had told her that he had a high regard for her, besides, she was aware of his feelings, surely, for he had hardly hid them.
Rebecca suddenly pushed herself forward in her seat and stared at Frederick incredulously.
‘You did not tell her, did you?
‘Well, I…er. I told her that I had a very high regard for her, and that I would desire her to return to the manor.’
‘You did not tell her that you loved her, Frederick?!’ Rebecca near shrieked.
Frederick suddenly raised his eyebrows in surprise and could not help but feel a little taken back at her statement. And yet, he did love her.
‘You are such a fool,’ Rebecca said, not waiting for his reply but pushing herself out of her seat. ‘I cannot believe you have been so blind. For a man who claims to be highly intelligent, and a man who is trained in the arts of war, you are clearly incompetent when it comes to dealing with a lady.’
‘That is quite unnecessary, Rebecca.’
‘Is it?’ She spun around and glared at him, the same incredulous look returning to her face.
‘I cannot believe that Miss Goodwin does not know how I feel. Whilst I may not have explicitly stated that I am in love with her, surely, she is aware of how I feel.’
‘Like I said. Completely blind,’ she huffed. ‘May I remind you how harshly you treated her when you dismissed her. How easily you believed Honoria and how easily you did not believe Miss Alina. You may well have shown her some affection before the ball, Frederick, but after she had tendered her resignation, you did not speak two words to her. Even when she left, you did come to her and say goodbye. She was heartbroken by the entire situation, Frederick. Heartbroken. Do you know that she cried on my very shoulder?’
Fredrick suddenly frowned in dismay. ‘No, Rebecca. I did not know that.’
‘Well, she did. And it was not about her being dismissed. It was not because you had discovered some deceit. Her sorrow was that you had not believed her or trusted her word. Her grief was the fact that she loved you and she would never see you again. The despair she felt was that the last words you had both shared had been harsh and unkind, and she could hardly bear to think that you would think of her as some sort of liar, or that she had deceived you purposefully.’
Frederick suddenly felt as though a large weight had come down and landed heavily upon his chest. A near physical pain pierced his heart at the weight of his despair. He had caused all of those feelings within Miss Goodwin, and he had not even told her how he truly felt when he had seen her last. Perhaps there had been a part of him that had avoided it, for fear of rejection, but it was not a part of him that he had been truly aware of. Yet now, he could not help but wonder if it had been a possibility.
Her reaction made much more sense now. She had been waiting. Waiting for him to tell her that he had come for her. Not just to invite her to return to the manor, but that his heart was yearning for her and hers was, for him. He had not expressed any of those things, and whilst he had said many a decent and kind word, he had managed to say all of them, apart from the ones that really mattered. What a fool he had been. More of a fool because he had not seen it. He had been given an opportunity to express his love and affection for her, and he had completely wasted his chance.
It was hardly any wonder she had been cold and brittle with him. Perhaps, now as he thought about her expression, she had desired something more. When he had not given it, she had refused to be a part of his life any further. Maybe it had been too difficult for her to return to the manor, if there had not been any chance of their future available to her. It all became crystal clear to him in that very moment, and Fredrick suddenly realised what he must do.
Chapter 28
How had he been such a fool?
Rebecca had left the study after they had spoken for another length of time, and it was a little longer after that, when Frederick had noticed it was already getting dark outside. He could hardly visit Miss Goodwin at such times of the evening, and especially unannounced. He had thus decided to return with haste to the Goodwin residence the very next morning.
That is where he currently found himself, for as soon as breakfast had been finished, he ordered his carriage to be readied and instructed the driver to take him across town. As he sat in the comfort of the rolling vehicle as the heavy wheels rumbled against the cobbled stone beneath, his mind wandered, for the rhythmic sound of the horses’ hooves, was near hypnotic.
The same rhetoric returned to his mind as it had yesterday when he had spoken to Rebecca. How had he been so blind not to see something that had been made clearly obvious to him? The strange thing, of course, is that it had been Rebecca who had made him see. He found that rather ironic, given the circumstances.
He had hired Miss Goodwin to assist with his sister’s manner, and to guide her in the ways on young womanhood. To lead her from her childlike ways to the maturity of an adult. If he was truly honest with himself, he could not deny that he had looked down upon his sister as not being good enough for the world in which she was being forced to join.
Her uncontained and spoilt ways had annoyed him, for her lack of discipline had hardly been fitting for lady. And yet, even with all her apparent immaturity and naivety, it was she who had noticed the connection growing between he and Miss Goodwin. It was also by her observance, that his faults had been shown to him—the faults not only of his poor treatment but of his ignorance and negligence.
So much ran through his head as the thoughts swirled and entwined around each other, that Frederick struggled to identify how he had not realised the simplicity of what needed to be done, yet, it mattered little now. What mattered was getting to Miss Goodwin and being completely honest with his feelings. He ought to have done that already, and yet, his failure had caused the situation he currently found himself in. An even wider gap had emerged between them, for her reaction of aloofness now made perfect sense.
Perhaps, if he was able to express his true feelings as he ought to have done to begin with, there would be some chance that she would forgive him. Not just for his wicked and deplorable behaviour, but for the lack of his courage, for clearly, the more he had thought about it, the more he had concluded that it had been fear that had held him back.
He had known well, how he felt for her, and yet, had refrained from saying such. Even when they had been left alone in the drawing room. He could only hope that she would be willing enough to listen to him now, and in turn, something greater could develop for both of their futures.
The carriage finally pulled to a steady stop, only this time, Frederick did not wait for his steward to open the door. In one large stride he had pushed himself from his seat, and had near jumped from the carriage. Purposefully, yet impatiently, he began moving toward the Goodwin’s residence, and yet, as he reached the grand house, his steps faltered. Something was there that had not been present on his last visit and Frederick could not help the severe shrinking feeling from enveloping him, for the sign in the window was difficult to ignore.
For Rent.
No! This could not be possible. He had been here only a few days previously. Surely, they could not have moved with such swiftness. Yet, he suddenly remembered clearly, when he had been invited into the drawing room, the many boxes that were securely packed up around the room. It would have taken little time to organise a moving company and to get their luggage collected and forwarded to their new address. In fact, they well could have already had their move organised before he had even arrived. Who was to say that such arrangement had not been made?
Anger rose within him as the realisation came to him, that his actions on that day could have changed this outcome. His lack of expressing what he truly desired, had not stopped Miss Goodwin or her mother from continuing with their plans, for they had no good reason to. If only he had been courageous enough to tell her what he really felt in his heart. He truly had been a complete idiot!
Even though he knew the results of his actions before he made them, Frederick still could not help himself, and climbing the few steps at the front of the building, he knocked loudly on the heavy front door. The sound of his fist reverberated through the thick wood, but unlike before, there were no sounds of approaching steps, and after another moment, the door remained closed to him.
He could kid himself and reason that no-one may be home, but he knew deep in his heart, that they had gone. He was too late. He had had an opportunity to make a thing happen and he had completed wasted it. They could have left yesterday or they could have been gone for days. There was no way of knowing.
Frederick stood there, paralysed for a long moment, for a sudden panic ran through him. He had no notion of where they might have gone. Miss Goodwin had not intimated any decision of where they may move to, for the entire interview had been primarily about his apology and her coming back to the manor. Further to that, him attempting to change her mind. How was he to discover where they were now? Who would he even ask?
Suddenly, a flash of inspiration lightened the direness of his thoughts. There was someone who would know. Someone who was a dear family friend and who no doubt, had their future address, for his connection to the Goodwin family was far too strong. Mr Guzman had even stated that he had been a friend of Miss Goodwin’s father, before he had passed away. He had known the family a long time. It was simply not feasible that he would not know where Miss Goodwin had moved to. He needed to find Mr Guzman, and he needed to find him quickly.
Looking about him on the street, Frederick took a final glance around him and at the people walking up and down the pavement. It was a pointless exercise for he knew already, that none of them would happen to be Miss Goodwin or her mother perhaps returning home. It had been more of an automatic action, if not a useless one. Yet, he was wasting time, and with that thought, he turned on his heel and returned to his carriage.
The carriage arrived at the Mr Guzman’s house sometime later. It was a large building and yet, not pretentious as many other’s in his field might have been. In fact, Frederick could not help but notice a sort of humble feel to the prestigious gentleman’s abode. He could hardly explain it, for there was nothing particular that struck him, it was more something that he felt within him, than anything he could pinpoint.
It had taken far longer to arrive at the residence than Frederick had wished for, due to the fact that no matter how much he had tried on their return from Miss Goodwin’s home, he had simply been unable to remember Mr Guzman’s address. He had written to the man several times in his search for a tutor when they first came to London, yet clearly, and likely with other more pressing factors taking precedence, he had not thought it important enough to keep in mind.
Instead, he had been forced to waste more time by ordering the driver to return to Tomlinson Manor where, on arrival, Frederick had literally rushed into his office, sourced the address needed, and rushed out again. It was no surprise that Mr Stanley regarded him with a strange confusion as he flew past him on his departure.
Sending the carriage across the town with an instruction of urgency, they had now finally arrived at Mr Guzman’s home, and yet, Frederick could not help but imagine that his travels were not over. He would source Miss Goodwin’s new address and no doubt, would need to travel once more, perhaps today or tomorrow, depending on her location, to find her and finally speak to her. Before that though, he would need to persuade Mr Guzman to release the address to him, and hope that the gentleman understood that it was for beneficial reasons to Miss Goodwin as well as himself.
‘My lord,’ Mr Guzman welcomed him into the parlour. ‘Please do come in and be seated. May I offer you some refreshments?’
‘I do not wish to trouble you for such things, Mr Guzman. My unexpected arrival at your home today, is on a rather urgent matter, and I do not wish to waste any more time.’
‘Good gracious, my lord. Has something happened? You speak as though some sort of disaster has occurred, or at least, is imminent.’
‘It is the occurrence that concerns me, Mr Guzman, though I can only hope it is not too late.’
‘Please, my lord, do tell me what troubles you so?’
‘It has come to my attention that Mrs Goodwin and Miss Goodwin have left their home. There is a sign in the window that their house is for rent, and when I visited last, you will remember, the boxes were packed up and ready for their move. Yet, I could not have realised that they were to act so quickly.’
‘I am afraid, my lord, that their circumstances were such that they had little choice. Miss Goodwin was put in a particularly difficult position, when she had to decide whether to stay here in London or make the rather arduous move to Devon.’
‘Devon?’ Frederick glared at Mr Guzman.
‘Yes, my lord. A contact of mine, Lord Hampton, offered Miss Goodwin work at his manor as a governess for his young daughter, though it was clear that the man had intentions toward Miss Goodwin after he had met her and of course, heard her sing. He is a widower, you see. There was also a small cottage on the land to accommodate Miss Goodwin’s mother, so, all in all, it was rather a compelling offer.’
‘I cannot believe this.’ Frederick sighed heavily with frustration, whilst at the same time, pushing himself from the seat. Raking his hand through his hair as he attempted to control the anger that was rising within him, he took several steps toward the hearth.
‘I am too late. I have been a fool, and I have left it too late. I am in desperate need, Mr Guzman to know when they left and I would be grateful if you would give me the address of Lord Hampton. It is imperative that I find them.’
‘I cannot do such a thing, my lord, it simply…’
‘Mr Guzman, I need to know where Miss Goodwin has gone,’ Frederick barked, spinning around and glaring at the older gentleman. ‘You do not fully understand why this is so important to me, and frankly, I do not wish to explain myself. I have made a grave mistake and I need to rectify it.’
‘I understand perfectly well why this is so important to you, my lord, for your feelings are clearly obvious to me, however…’
‘—Then if my feelings are clearly obvious to you, Mr Guzman,’ Frederick growled as he cut the man off mid-sentence. ‘You must understand why I need you to tell me where she is going.’
