A Nightingale for the Lonely Duke, page 23
‘Thank you for your apology, my lord. I appreciate the effort you have made in visiting our home to be able to say it to me personally,’ Alina replied, a little stiffly.
She would accept his apology, but she would not show him her feelings, for she could not tolerate such humiliation. It was that thought that assisted her in remaining aloof. Partly it was to protect her own heart, and partly, it was because she was both disappointed and annoyed at him. Had he truly led her along at the manor with empty words and affectionate gazes? She did not want to believe that. She could not believe that, and yet, what else was she supposed to now deduce?
Once more, a feeling of despondency shrouded her, for she could not help but feel robbed of an outcome that she had been certain would occur. Surely, she deserved more from him after all that she had been put through. Besides, he had given her clear signals of his feelings, when she was employed at the manor.
So convinced had she been that, when he had arrived, a sense of relief had washed over her. His presence had suddenly taken all the stress away, for she had presumed that she would no longer need to worry about having to make such an important decision of whether to move to Devon and marry a man for security, or stay in London. Yet, now, the oppressive feeling of burden returned, for clearly, his visit was not going to provide the reprieve she had first assumed.
Mr Guzman suddenly cleared his throat, and Alina noted a strange look cross his face. It caught her attention, for he usually held such a contained expression.
‘I hope you do not mind me saying, my lord, but I must take some responsibility at this juncture. As I have previously stated to you, on the day that we met at the salon, it is I who embellished the story in order to encourage you to employ Miss Goodwin. It was none of her doing, for I did not disclose to Miss Goodwin, what I had relayed to you.’
‘Thank you, Mr Guzman. I am well aware of that, and I am only grateful that you disclosed that information to me. It is with that knowledge, that I have arrived here, for Miss Goodwin did not deserve the treatment she received from me on that day.’
Alina truly ought to be angry at Mr Guzman, for whilst he stated that the circumstances she now found herself in, were partly his fault, the truth of the matter was, that the situation that had unfolded, had been entirely his fault. None of this would have happened if he had told the truth to begin with. She would still be employed at the manor, and she might not have had to go through such immense turmoil over the past few weeks.
On the other hand, she could hardly be angry at the man, for if he had not embellished the truth, as he put it, she might never have been employed at the manor in the first place. The wages from that employment had helped to decrease their debt immensely, which had taken a huge burden from for both herself and her mother. Yet, without Mr Guzman’s input, the Duke may have remained steadfast in his decision not to take her onto his staff, given that she was not a professional.
That being said, she now remained confused, if not a little annoyed. Even after Mr Guzman’s statement, the Duke had not added any other reason’s to his visit. He truly was there to simply apologise, and nothing more.
‘Perhaps, under these circumstances,’ Mr Guzman offered. ‘It may be of benefit for you both to have a moment alone. I think it would be wise, Mrs Goodwin, for us to take our leave for a time to give the Duke and Alina a little privacy.’
Alina watched as her mother stood uncertainly whilst looking a little confused. Yet, she did not argue or refuse and instead, did as Mr Guzman had bid her without objection. Following him from the room, Alina imagined they would move to the parlour or the dining room, yet they did not close the door behind them, for it was not fitting or decent for herself and the Duke to be left unaccompanied.
Once her mother and Mr Guzman had left entirely, the Duke, who had stood when Mrs Goodwin had risen to leave, turned and having regarded Alina for a moment, took a couple of steps toward her. He gazed down at her with a frown of concern.
‘I cannot take back my actions, Miss Goodwin. I can only repeat how sorry I am that I did not believe you. I doubted your innocence when I had no reason to do such, for you had not previously shown any inclination to lie. I ought to have investigated further, and I do know that my actions have caused you distress. That was never my intention.’
Then what was is intention, for even now, as they stood alone and unheard, he was still not admitting to her, anything that he had portrayed when she was employed at the manor.
‘Thank you, my lord,’ Alina replied.
She knew well, that she had already said those words, and yet, she could not seem to find anything else to say to him, for under the circumstances, what else was there to say? She was hardly going to question a Duke on his lack of expression; besides, she did not want to look like a fool. Perhaps, she had misunderstood his affection when she had been under his employ. Yet, she dismissed the thought nearly as soon as it entered her head, for whilst his behaviour at that moment, could well evidence it, she did not truly believe it.
‘I would very much like it, if you returned to the manor, Miss Goodwin. I know I have wronged you, yet, perhaps, I can make it up to you.’
‘I am afraid that is simply not possible, my lord.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘To begin with, and forgive me for being so forward, my lord, but I do not think I could quite tolerate the dreadful behaviour of your betrothed, for her rudeness is brash, to say the least. Lady Richardson made my time at the manor more than uncomfortable, and I simply do not wish to subject myself to such denigration again.’
‘I see. Well, then, Miss Goodwin, you no longer have to worry anymore about such things. In fact, it may please you to know, that I called the engagement off.’
Alina could not help but glare at him, with a sense of shock. Whilst she had heard his statement, she had no words in which to reply, for she could not have imagined him saying such a thing.
‘Yes, I can well understand your surprised response, Miss Goodwin. If I am honest, I was a fool, for I ought to have made the decision earlier and I am afraid her behaviour only deteriorated once you had left. Some things came to my attention about her, and I made a decision for myself and my family. Lady Richardson and her brother are no longer welcome at the manor.’
‘I cannot help but feel happy for you, my lord,’ Alina finally replied, trying to assimilate what he had said, and what that might mean for his future going forward, or in fact, for herself. Yet, even with that news, he had still not said anything that would convey to her that there might be any hope of a future together.
‘I am sure your decision will bring you happiness. However, I am afraid I still cannot return to the manor.’
‘Yet, I have just told you that Lady Richardson is no longer present, nor will be at any time in the future.’
‘I understand that, my lord. Yet, I am quite certain that you do not truly understand my position. When you ordered me into your study and dismissed me in such a way, not believing that I could be innocent, it pained me greatly. I had never given you any reason to doubt my loyalty, and I am aware, that what you discovered was false, yet, the harsh reality is, my lord, that you chose to believe someone of your own class, rather than me. Which, now as I say it, only opens more doubt for me. Perhaps I simply do not belong in your world. I recall, even now, the things that were said about me as I danced around the ballroom on that very evening of the ball. I was slandered as a gold digger. I heard people whisper how I ought not get above my station. The whispers that were not so quietly spoken, indicated that I had tricked and deceived you into believing me. All of those things pained me greatly, my lord. I simply do not wish to put myself back into a position where such a thing could happen again.’
‘I am truly sorry, Miss Goodwin. I cannot excuse how badly you were treated, nor can I remove myself from blame, for confirming such whispers and rumours with my actions. Clearly, what was said, affected you greatly.’
‘Yes, my lord. They did. That is why I cannot return.’
‘Yet, you must know that I do not feel such a way about you, Miss Goodwin. I always had and still have such a high regard for you. Those rumours were from simple-minded people who have little else to do only gossip and talk maliciously of others.’
‘I am afraid that brings me no comfort, my lord. I appreciate that these things happen and that people say things of what they do not know, yet, I still must refuse your offer.’
‘I see.’ The Duke sighed heavily. ‘Then, it would appear there is nothing else I can say to convince you, Miss Goodwin. I can only hope that in time, you will be able to find it within yourself to forgive me for my actions. I came to see you to apologise, and given that I have done that, it is probably best that I now depart. I will bid you a good day, Miss Goodwin.
‘Good day, my lord.’
Chapter 27
Tomlinson Manor appeared far quieter since the departure of Lady Richardson, and Frederick could not say that he missed her dreadful bragging and constant snobbery, nor did he miss the incessant judgement and ill-treatment of his staff. To add to that, when he thought of her brother, Harvey, Frederick was quite relieved that he no longer had to tolerate his impromptu visits attempting to pressure him into hurrying along with the announcement of their engagement.
Whilst Frederick was relieved that he had drawn a line under that particular circumstance and finally come to a definite decision not to marry Lady Richardson, he could hardly say he was now settled.
In the tumultuous joy that he had experienced having finally told Harvey and Lady Richardson to leave the manor, Frederick’s next port of call had been to locate Miss Goodwin’s whereabouts and apologise. Yet, not only to apologise, but to request her presence back at the manor. He knew well that Rebecca missed her deeply, and she was certainly not the only one.
Once he had discovered the location of Miss Goodwin’s home, he had made his way there with a vibrant spring in his step. His newfound freedom and the joys of what his future now may hold, buoying his exhilaration.
He need not have looked too far on the street where her house was though, for even as he had stepped out of his carriage, he had heard her beautiful voice dancing upon the soft wind that swirled about him. It did nothing other than encourage him as he remembered the times he had sat in his study and enjoyed the beauty of her melody as it rang around his home.
After being welcomed by the housekeeper and shown into the drawing room, Mrs Goodwin seemed delighted to meet him, and even after his actions, he was made to feel more than well received by all present. He had openly claimed responsibility for his poor decision and apologised not only once, for his actions. Mr Guzman had also claimed some fault, and yet, Frederick did not wish for it to appear that he was allowing the gentleman to take the blame for this scenario himself.
It had been Frederick who had neglected to discover the entire truth, and his behaviour toward Miss Goodwin had been quite deplorable, for he remembered well, the cruelty of his words on that day of her dismissal. He was not willing to shift that blame and wanted his ownership to be clear. He had thought, up to that point, that all was going as well as he could have expected, and yet, things seemed to suddenly change. He had been certain that coming to see her and offering his deep regret, may have been enough, yet, evidently, it was not.
Miss Goodwin’s refusal of his offer to return to the manor, rather surprised him, for he did not expect the answer that she gave. He could understand her explanation, for he could hardly blame her for being so very hurt, not only by his actions, but also by the things said about her by complete strangers. All Lady Richardson’s doing, he later found out. Yet, he could not see why she would not see reason.
Lady Richardson was gone, there were now, no further hindrances or obstacles to her enjoying her time at the manor, and yet, still, she refused to return. He had gotten a sense, when he had spoken to her, that Miss Goodwin seemed to be holding back, and yet he had not understood either what she may be resisting or why. Was his apology not enough? Had he not on many occasions shown how well he thought of her and how much he felt for her with deep regard?
It did not make any sense and yet, there was little else to be said when, after he tried once more to persuade her, she maintained her stand and again refused. Unlike her usual contained and demure self, he had noticed a change within her, and she appeared what could only be described as almost brittle and cold toward him. Of course, his actions had caused her much trouble and yet, he was there to tell her he had been wrong and that given time, he hoped she would forgive him. What more was he supposed to say?
Even now, three days later, he could not understand what he had done wrong. He had gone over the conversation many times in his head, yet could not fully understand her reasons for not changing her mind. Having no other choice but to leave without the answer he would have liked, he no longer felt the vibrant mood he had arrived in. Instead, a cloud of devastation seemed to have swallowed him up, and since then, he had hardly been interested in conversing with anyone.
Several times, his mother had attempted to engage and involve him in the conversation at the times they gathered for meals, yet all he could manage was a limited nod, or an obligatory word of acknowledgement. He knew well, his frame of mind and change of mood was noted by those present, but he hardly cared for what they thought of him.
Even Ford had tried to speak to him privately, though he had been careful in his words, for the man clearly did not want to appear as though he were prying. Yet, whilst Frederick had confided in Ford about the situation with Lady Richardson, he did not want to go so far as to tell him about Miss Goodwin. It had been different with Honoria. He felt justified in his doubts, in the fact that he was being forced into a situation that he neither desired nor deserved. It had been his father’s agreement, after all.
Yet, the circumstance with Miss Goodwin had been his own doing. Perhaps it was the permeated feeling of shame at his behaviour toward Miss Goodwin. Frederick could couple that with the fact that he did not want to admit to Ford, that he had made such a grave mistake in taking Lady Richardson at her word without investigating further before making his final decision.
It was hardly the behaviour expected of a man who had worked hard to move up in the ranks of his military service enough to garner the title of Brigadier General, as he had. He could attempt to excuse himself by saying that he had been under immense pressure from both Honoria and Harvey, yet an honourable soldier did not shirk blame or responsibility. Given that Ford was a Colonel himself, he would know that kind of ethic in the army, and he would hardly appreciate seeing his cousin make such excuses.
Now, on the third day, he had come to a conclusion. Whereas before today, he had waited on a missive from Miss Goodwin, to perhaps tell him that she had considered his offer and had changed her mind, he had now resigned himself to the fact that no such missive would arrive.
She was not about to change her mind, and perhaps, he would never discover her true reasons. He could hardly attempt to visit her again, for what would he say? Even if he sent a missive of his own, he would only be repeating what he had already said when he had been at her home, and clearly, that had not had the desired effect.
Perhaps, after all she had endured, that the bond between them had been broken. A line had been crossed that could not be undone, and he had no-one to blame, but himself. It ought not to have surprised him. He had struck a low blow when he had dismissed her, telling her that any man would fall for her beautiful looks, and insinuating that she had manipulated not only himself, but Mr Guzman also. It had been an absolutely dreadful thing to say, and they were words that could never now, be taken back.
It was as he was thoroughly punishing himself with such dreadful recollections, that a knock on the study door, disturbed him.
‘Who is it?’
‘It is me, Frederick,’ Rebecca’s voice came faintly through the heavy wooden door. ‘May I come in to see you?’
‘Yes, come in, Rebecca.’
Frederick could do well with being left alone, yet, he had hardly spoken to her since his return from Miss Goodwin’s and he really had no excuses to send her away. He was certain she was only going to ask him for funds to go shopping for new gowns anyway, for the season was near upon them.
