We Hunt Monsters 14, page 67
“I think I’d like to sit on the beach for a bit,” Keith said. “Somewhere with the best view on the island. A few cold drinks and maybe some entertainment as well?”
“That can be easily arranged,” Meena said, jotting something down on a piece of parchment. “Everyone should be back at their workstations by now. So, if you’ll follow me to the cart, I can take you there and hopefully put this whole mess behind us.”
Keith stood aside to let her pass, but as she did, she stopped for a moment, leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.
“Thank you…for everything,” she whispered, her face burning red once more.
As she stepped back, she composed herself, and her professional and happy mask slipped back into place.
“Man, bro, I know you’re not really into the touchy-feely stuff, but you are killing me!” Tac groaned.
Keith suppressed a sigh. So much for his earlier thoughts about being left alone.
99
“Is this really what passes for entertainment in this world?” Keith asked Bob in an undertone as the three girls danced around a fourth that had been dressed up in some bizarre costume involving far too many feathers and seaweed.
Someone sat off to one side, banging away at a drum, but it didn’t quite make the sound he was expecting. It was more high-pitched, sounding less hollow and more like someone was slapping a cow’s flank.
The sun was sinking toward the horizon, painting the entire world in shades of burning orange and red. It had been a relaxing day, aside from the mess with the would-be assassins. He’d spent most of the day on the beach, only leaving once to eat a proper lunch. Dinner was being prepared in the pool area of the manor, and some other form of entertainment was being arranged to go along with it.
“To some people, I guess,” Bob said with a shrug. “This isn’t really a human or elf thing, though. I think it’s more naiad or maybe fae? I’m not a hundred percent sure. But I think this has something to do with the Spirit of Water or Earth. Maybe both.”
Keith wasn’t really one for Spirits, but they’d put this whole thing together, and he didn’t really feel like moving, so he just let them get on with it. They were quite good at whatever they were doing, as their movements were smooth and graceful.
He yawned, feeling a bit lethargic as the big finish came and the dancers all bowed, breathing hard from the exertion. Keith gave them a polite round of applause, and they all came over.
“So, what’d you think?” asked one of the girls, a tall, athletic woman with pale green skin and bright eyes of the same color. “Pretty impressive, right?”
“Not as impressive as him,” another said, eyeing his bare upper body.
“Thank you for the performance, ladies. You’re dismissed,” Meena’s voice echoed across the beach, making several of them wince and quickly back away. “There’s a boat waiting down by the docks. Apparently, Lord Wardon has requested your troupe specifically.”
There was a series of groans, quickly suppressed as Meena glared at them. It was unprofessional, but Keith imagined this Lord Wardon wasn’t someone they particularly enjoyed performing for, and he could imagine why, even if he’d never met the man.
“I apologize for that,” Meena said. “That was highly unprofessional. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again. Now, as per your request, I’ve come to fetch you half an hour before dinner will be served so that you may bathe and change. A bath has already been drawn and is waiting for you.”
“Thanks,” Keith said, pulling himself off the lounge chair and heading back to the manor.
He’d made it about halfway there when he felt someone trying to contact him. He was very tempted to ignore it. He was on vacation for Spirits’ sake.
“Yes?” he asked, his voice a bit curter than intended.
“Don’t ‘yes’ me,” Farah’s voice snapped through their connection. “I was just reaching out to update you on that armor you wanted me to make.”
“Please, go on,” Keith said, tamping down his annoyance.
“The process of crafting is a bit complicated. It’ll probably take me a couple days or so, but in short, the process will involve additional materials. I’ll need the highest quality metal alloy you can find, a high-quality Elixir, two spell scrolls, and a high-quality monster hide. We have some Orionite left over that we can use, or we can speak with the team working on Sartori’s corpse to see if we can get our hands on some of the Striated Mithril and White-Star Orichalcum and try to mix them.
“I’ve never attempted to make an alloy like this. It could be disastrous, or it could be the greatest metal ever created. It will add a bit of time though, so the total project can be as long as a week.”
“See if you can get the metal,” Keith said. “I’ll see about getting you the remainder of the items you need, though I probably won’t be delivering in person. I’m on vacation, so if you need anything else, please don’t bother me unless it’s urgent.”
“I better be getting my pay for that project,” she threatened, then cut the connection.
Though he wanted to do nothing less, he reached out to Falcon in the Sunlit Isles.
“Guildmaster,” the arctic apeian’s voice said, sounding respectful and surprised. “To what do I owe this honor?”
“I need a chunk of Sartori’s hide,” Keith said. “It doesn’t have to be large, just a premium cut. Something that can be used for armor. Buy it off whoever’s willing to sell their portion. I don’t care about the price. Also, if you can get an update on that shell they’ve been working on for me, I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course, guildmaster. Are you in good health? Our queen worries for you.”
“You can tell her that her warning was well received, and I took care of the problem,” Keith replied. “Please give me an update as soon as you have it.”
Meena pushed the front door open for him as they reached it, then bowed him inside. There were a couple of others inside the house, staff there to attend him should he need anything, but he ignored them – and the looks they were shooting him – as he headed upstairs to enjoy yet another bath. It was one of the few pleasures he still enjoyed from his past life, the hot water soothing and the steam flooding his lungs as he sank into the tub.
“This is the life,” Bob groaned. “So much better than fighting Avatars, Spirits, terrifying monsters and inquisitors, don’t you agree?”
Keith most certainly did. Just because he did it, didn’t mean he liked it. Fights like those were out of necessity and nothing more. He was just coming downstairs, dressed in a fluffy robe and slippers, when a knock came at the front door. One of the house servants rushed to open it and revealed one of Jurgen’s guards, a large boarian rippling with muscle.
“We have the culprit down by the beach,” the boarian said. “I can take you now.”
Meena was nowhere to be seen, but that was fine by him.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he told the ink elf girl holding the door open.
All of the island staff knew what had happened by now, though some of the details had been omitted, likely for their own safety and to keep security tight. Keith followed the guard down to the beach and along a trail until they were out of sight of the manor. Jurgen soon came into view, a flickering torch buried in the sand illuminating the space near the water’s edge. Two guards stood there alongside him, with a human man supported between the two of them.
He didn’t look roughed up or anything, which meant he’d come quietly. Either that, or he was simply too weak to resist. As Keith drew closer, the man’s features became more apparent.
He was dressed in ostentatious clothes covered in ruffles and bizarre patterns. He wore a long cloak and chunky boots that appeared to be crafted that way simply for the look. Then there was his actual face. His skin was pale as could be, but also perfectly smooth and blemish free, containing a light sheen. He had a perfectly crafted beard with not a hair out of place and a large handlebar moustache. His sleek brown hair was pulled up into a man-bun, and for some reason, he wore a pair of spectacles, despite the fact that Keith could see no refraction through the lenses, nor could he spot any magical properties about them. In short, they were there as an accessory.
Keith hated the man before he even opened his mouth, and the moment he did, he hated him just a little more.
“You!” Auden declared dramatically, in a voice far too high-pitched and offended. “You’re the culprit! You did this to me!”
“This is the guy who tried to kill me?” Keith asked Jurgen.
The bearian grunted.
“Don’t ignore me!” the man yelled, seeming indignant. “Last I checked, there were rules of law in this land, and I demand to speak with a Law Defender!”
“You sent people to kill me,” Keith said, his voice calm despite the overwhelming urge to rip that stupid man-bun right out of his scalp. “Why?”
“I have rights!” Auden said, turning his nose up in the air. “And you have no authority to do this.”
“Fine, don’t tell me,” Keith said. “I’ll just kill you and toss your corpse in the ocean.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Auden said, and he actually believed it. “Do you have any idea who I am?”
“Obviously not,” Keith said. “Will you enlighten me?”
Auden huffed, reaching into his pocket and producing a small fold-out comb and hand mirror, raising it and carefully brushing his moustache. Keith wanted to punch him so badly.
“I am Auden, obviously,” he said, snapping the comb closed. “Famed inventor and creator of the artisanal masterpiece known the world over. Silky Cream! Ring any bells now?”
“Oh, so you’re the poophead who charged ludicrous sums of money for that slop. Guess I put you out of business when I started selling my ice cream.”
Keith would have felt bad for the man, had he not sent a bunch of assassins after him and nearly killed an innocent woman in the process. Now he was just angry.
Auden gasped, placing a hand on his chest.
“Did you just call me…the P-word? I want to speak with whoever’s in charge here. I demand reconciliation!”
The guards looked at one another, clearly confused.
“Is he right in the head?” Bob asked, looking at the guards. “You didn’t break his skull or anything when you brought him in, did you?”
“No,” Jurgen said. “He is weak. Soft. Was easy.”
“Excuse me,” Auden said, waving a hand. “This evil scumbag just called me something nasty and none of you are going to do anything about it? Also, did you hear what he called my artisanal masterpiece? He needs to be taught a lesson!”
“Your so-called artisanal masterpiece was a bunch of flavorless, overpriced slop that you produced in tiny batches to create artificial scarcity,” Keith said. “If it were any good, people would still be eating it.”
“Small batches are the only way to ensure the best quality!” Auden screeched, nearly beside himself. “My life’s work has been dedicated to the perfection of the craft. Sought after by all and only tasted by the exclusive few. You wouldn’t know quality if it hit you in the face, what with your mass-market slop that’s being shipped all over the world.”
“You know, I don’t have time for this,” Keith said. “How did you know I was staying here?”
Auden huffed and stuck his nose up in the air again.
“Cut off that stupid moustache,” Keith said, turning to one of the guards.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Auden said, narrowing his eyes.
Jurgen and another guard seized his arms, bending them behind his back as a third removed a knife and held it up to the man’s combed and oiled mustache.
“This is your only chance,” Keith said. “Are you going to talk?”
“You’ll never take me alive!” Auden yelled.
The knife flicked forward, and Auden screamed like he’d been injured as a clump of moustache hair fell to the beach.
“Man, even his screams sound pathetic. Like we’re kicking a helpless puppy,” Tac said. “Do it again!”
“Let’s try this again,” Keith said as the guard moved the knife to the other side.
Auden whimpered but stuck his bottom lip out defiantly. He tried to bite the guard’s hand, but he missed, and the other end of his moustache was cut off.
“Take the beard next,” Keith said, and the guard grabbed a fistful of the hair. “Now, are you going to tell me who told you I was here?”
“You’re a monster! A monster, I say!” Auden yelled.
He looked ridiculous, tears streaming down his cheeks, despite the fact that they hadn’t so much as touched his actual face.
The guard looked at him, and Keith nodded again. Auden howled once more as the beard was cut off at an odd angle, revealing some of his bare chin in the process.
“Alright,” Keith said as Auden sobbed. “Now cut off that stupid man-bun.”
Auden’s head shot up, his eyes going wide as a beefy hand seized his hair.
“No! No, wait! I’ll talk. Just leave my hair alone. Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow it out in just the right way?”
Keith crouched, then raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
“It was a beast-monster girl named Greenie,” Auden said quickly. “The two of us were tight, and I used to give her first crack at all my new flavors in exchange for some special cuddle time. Squirrelian fur is very soft, and she always knew how to make me feel better when I got sad. She told me where you were going. Even gave me extra time to set up and left a hole in security for me.”
“Yeah, that’s the truth, alright,” Tac said. “Who knew that squirrel girl was so devious?”
Keith had felt like something had been off with her. It seemed he’d been correct. It was a shame he hadn’t taken the chance to peek into her mind, and this all could have been avoided.
“Well, it looks like we have our culprit,” Keith said, rising to his full height.
“So, will you let me go now?” Auden asked. “I told you what you wanted.”
“Yeah, that’s not how the world works,” Keith said. “You tried to kill me. It’s only fair that I do the same.”
Before Auden could respond, Keith took the knife from the guard and viciously sliced the stupid man-bun off of Auden’s head, dangling the hair before his eyes for a moment before shoving it into his mouth. The man’s screams were only somewhat muffled as he choked on the oiled knot of hair.
“Tie his hands and feet, then weigh him down and drop him in the middle of the ocean,” Keith said. “Make sure he’s actually dead before you come back.”
Auden’s screams redoubled as Keith turned his back on him, Jurgen and the other guards heaving the struggling man off the ground and carrying him toward the small boat up on the sand.
100
“I still can’t believe it was Greenie,” Meena said, looking to be in shock. “The two of us weren’t exactly close, but we both started around the same time and were always on good terms. I never imagined she was so involved with a human of all people.”
She sounded disgusted, and the fact that she’d been doing it for favors made it even more so. There were plenty of races that mixed in Raiah, but one taboo really seemed to be a hard line when it came to beast-monsters. They stuck with their own, and everyone else stayed away from them for obvious reasons. There were stories here and there, but they were often used as cautionary tales against the practice.
Keith, who was just finishing up his dessert, shrugged, even as bright flashes of color lit up the night sky in a sort of fireworks show put on by some mages brought onto the island.
“Greed gets the best of people sometimes,” he said. “Maybe being around the opulence for as long as she was gave her a taste for it. She couldn’t afford it, so she found other ways of getting what she wanted.”
Jurgen had come back midway through his meal to tell him Auden had been dealt with and that Greenie had been apprehended at work. She was currently locked up in prison and awaiting trial. Seeing as she’d been working for the company and was on their payroll, they couldn’t just make her disappear the same way they had for Auden.
It was a loose end, but one that Keith was willing to leave for now. He didn’t know much about how Fourliance law worked, but he imagined being an accomplice to attempted murder would land her in prison for a long time, especially given that he was the target, something that would likely make the charges all the more serious.
“I suppose,” Meena said. “I feel like I should be apologizing again for how things turned out, especially given the fact that it was one of our own employees who plotted to have you killed.”
“I was never in any real danger, so don’t worry yourself overmuch. Besides, you’ve already compensated me, so I’m happy.”
“Well, I’m afraid that’s not good enough. Not on our company’s behalf anyway. You will be issued a full refund for your stay here with our sincerest apologies once again. This would never have happened had we kept a closer eye on things. Your three-day stay will be complementary, as well as an additional three days should you decide to return.”
That was quite generous, especially considering what it must have cost to run this place. Then again, considering everything Meena said, this was entirely their fault, and they were taking accountability for it – something people rarely did, in his experience.
“I appreciate the gesture,” Keith said. “I bear you no ill will, and I might just take you up on that stay in the future.”
Meena smiled at that and then backed away, allowing him to enjoy his dessert and show in peace. That night, as he slid into the most comfortable bed he’d ever experienced – it had to be, given the astronomical size – he felt more relaxed than he had in a very long time.
Bob had curled up next to him, despite the massive amount of space, and the monkey was already beginning to drift off. Keith was feeling quite tired himself, despite the fact that he’d taken a nap on the beach and that it was only around nine at night. He supposed that that was the upside of relaxation. He’d begun closing his eyes, sinking into the soft, cloudlike feeling of the mattress beneath him, when a loud crack echoed from above. Then the ceiling collapsed in a shower of wood, plaster, and a myriad of other expensive materials as a figure landed hard enough to splinter the floorboards hidden beneath the carpet.
