Delphi Complete Works of William Godwin 1st ed. (2022), page 209
part #1 of Delphi Classics Series
It was wonderful what an effect this had upon me. It is sufficiently visible from what has been already related, that I was no stranger to what misery was. But all that I had previously felt, was as nothing, compared with what I suffered now. Those dogmatists, who, in whatever religion, have endeavoured to make out the punishments of a future state, have shown themselves no mean masters in their art. The main ingredient in their delineation is, to be ‘tormented by devils’. No climate of hell, however fierce, parching and intolerable, no flames, so intense that the wretched sufferer intreats for one drop of water to cool his tongue, no gnawings of conscience, no agonies of remorse, could be complete without this, the presence and incessant activity of the tormentor. I have read of a tyrant, who having exhausted all that his dungeons could inflict, at length hit on this refinement, that a centinel should call on the unhappy prisoner every half-hour, by day and by night, during the remainder of his existence, and compel him to answer, that he might never attain to a temporary oblivion of his sorrows. Nature in this respect is treacherous, and apt to allow the victim from time to time to forget that he is miserable. Nature is always at the bottom a friend to the unfortunate; and, if she does not relieve his sorrows, at least benumbs the sense.
Our purer essence then may overcome
The noxious vapour, or inured not feel,
Or changed at length, and to the place conformed
In temper and in substance, may receive
Familiar the fierce heat, and void of pain.
It needs, as in my case, some disinterested and never-sleeping friend, to take the embers, to throw on new combustibles, and to blow the flames, if we would have the misery complete.
What was most strange, was, that the more these wretched beings tormented me, the more in a certain sense grew my attachment to them. They were like some loathsome deformity, or envenomed excrescence on the human body, which the infatuated man to whose lot it has fallen cherishes with obstinacy, and would rather part with his life than be delivered from it. The effect was such as is related of the bird and the rattle-snake; the defenceless victim is bewitched by the eye of his adversary, and is necessitated to fly into his mouth, though by so doing he rushes on certain destruction. Holloway and Mallison became in some degree a part of myself. I felt that day maimed and incomplete, in which I did not sup up my allotted dose of the nauseous draught they administered. I must have their company; I was miserable when alone; and, though I was more miserable with them, yet in their society I had the delusive feeling as if I had something to support me.
Rapid was the progress that these men seemed to make towards the accomplishment of their desires. My health wasted daily; my powers of action seemed reduced to almost nothing. A perpetual gloom beset me, like ‘a huge eclipse of sun and moon’, while the affrighted elements laboured with fearful change. My skin was dried up; my flesh perished from my bones; my eyes became unacquainted with sleep; my joints refused to perform for me the ordinary functions of a living being.
Yet, while ‘this mortal coil’ seemed fast wasting away from and deserting me, my mind was in a state of preternatural activity. I felt that I must do something – what, as yet, I knew not – but that must be terrible, that must lay a scene of horrors, that must be responsive to the desolation I was conscious of within. My mind balanced between two tones, that of inexorable rage, and that of the lowest despondency. The former urged me to revenge; the latter to suicide. According to my idea, the wretches that attended me, were indifferent what catastrophe it should be that crowned their labours; all they required was something dreadful; some that that should shock all those who lived within the knowledge of it, and that should entail upon me unmingled detestation.
Another thing that rendered my situation at this time more deplorable, was, that these men were my study of human nature. I saw no other persons with any sensations of intercourse; my servants were merely the animated implements of my accommodation. And, as I viewed these men in their proper deformity, as none of their disgraceful qualities ever came softened to my thoughts, it may easily be supposed what sort of a thing human nature appeared to me. It was entitled to none of my sympathies; I agnised in it no kindred qualities; it merited only my aversion; pity and compassion appeared to me weaknesses, unworthy to be harboured; and bitter animosity, or merciless revenge, the only sentiments it could be honourable to me to cherish.
CHAPTER VIII
I HAVE RELATED how industrious this deserving pair, my guardian and his nephew, showed themselves, to obtain my good will, and make themselves necessary to me. Nor were they less assiduous in their attentions to my sister, and the admirable matron under whose protection she dwelt upon the New Forest. In the first arrangement that took place after the death of my uncle, Holloway resided in Dorsetshire, my sister at Beaulieu, and I myself had fixed on my abode in Derbyshire. The New Forest therefore was but little out of the road of the worthy solicitor, whenever he found, or made an occasion of proceeding from his own habitation to mine: and at other times, when he did not purpose this journey, still the distance was but small from the petty fishing-town where he dwelt to the residence of Mrs Willis. Holloway took advantage of this, and was, as I have said, diligent in paying his court to these dwellers on the New Forest. His visits could not be objected to, nay, were agreeable, for they always appeared to be prompted by an anxiety for my interests. It had been sufficiently seen, that this hoary practitioner of the law, was no mean adept in the art of turning to his purposes the weak sides of human nature. He did not like to make a single step without Mrs Willis; he had the profoundest respect for her extraordinary penetration. He thought it right, that Henrietta Mandeville should be acquainted with every thing that was done in my affairs: she was my next of kin, and was besides endowed with a very superior understanding. She saw into things with the quickness of intuition, and her sagacity was still further sharpened by the strength of her affection for me. Mr Holloway also, in the most delicate manner, alluded to my late unfortunate distraction, and my continued melancholy. He observed, that I ought not to be left to myself, nor trusted entirely to my own guidance. In short he had the dexterity, whatever he desired to do, to obtain for it the previous approbation of these ladies; and even, in several instances, to make it seem to have flowed from their suggestion. This is the third example, the first being that of my uncle, and the second of myself, in which this wretched Holloway, without precisely obtaining the good opinion of anyone, made himself a person useful, and almost necessary, while his officious and left-handed interpositions were received, by each party in turn, with acknowledgments and thanks.
Holloway made Mrs Willis and my sister fully acquainted with the particulars of his first expedition into Derbyshire, his earnest exertions (for such he described them) to render me master of my own affairs in all the minuteness of detail, and the distressing way in which he had failed in the attempt. He contrived, by ingenious insinuations, and certain openings which seemed to come from him at unawares, to make the plan for his ousting the Derbyshire farmer, and substituting his own establishment in this man’s place, appear to proceed from Mrs Willis herself. In a word, notwithstanding the vulgarity of his manners, and the meanness of his mind, his persevering obsequiousness won him some favour with the family of Beaulieu Cottage; and, if he had not the inward feeling of attachment to my welfare, he however so perfectly played the part, as to all outward demonstrations of solicitude in my behalf, that the ladies could not avoid expressing themselves in a certain degree grateful to him.
When Holloway and his establishment were once removed into Derbyshire, Mallison became in most instances the representative of his uncle, as an occasional visitor at the New Forest. The ladies were rather gratified with the exchange. Mallison had had a better education than the solicitor himself: he had recently come from keeping company with the sons of gentlemen at Winchester College: besides which, he had his youth in his favour. The habits of Holloway’s mind were essentially brutal and base: he had indeed a natural talent for insinuating speciousness, and could with sufficient success make his party good, when his cue was merely to show to an individual, how earnestly he was bent upon that object as an end, as a generous and disinterested consideration prompting his deeds, which in reality he regarded with the most philosophical indifference, as a means only to promote his own advantage. But, when this respectable person endeavoured to play the gentleman at large, nothing could be more ignominious than his failure. It was the ass in the lion’s skin; it was Moliere’s Bourgeois attempting to impose himself with the manners of a courtier. Every step was a blunder; every word came out in exact opposition to the purpose the speaker intended to effect. But Mallison was at that happy age, when the limbs are pliant, and the voice and the lines of the countenance more easily accommodate themselves to the will of their possessor. He studied the models on whose pattern he desired to form himself; and, though he produced but a bad imitation, you could at least see a dim and imperfect representation of the thing from which it was copied.
The purpose of these worthies was, as I have said, to make my nearest connections believe that I was a person dreadfully diseased, and to persuade them that the care of me could not on the whole be more advantageously confided, than to those who had me already in some measure in their custody. Notwithstanding all the artful suggestions of Holloway, my friends could not be induced to look upon my distemper as incurable; and it had been the first idea of Henrietta, that, at the period when I came of age, and took possession of the family-mansion, she would live under the same roof with me, and preside at my table. Till then, it was held more decorous that she should remain at her present residence in Hampshire. Alas, how vain are the pretensions of human foresight! How many disastrous events occurred, between the period when this purpose was conceived, and the time for which my poor sister prepared herself with so much contemplative tranquillity!
In the precarious condition in which I was judged to be, both as to body and mind, Henrietta and the guide of her youth were not contented with such letters as I might address to them, but thankfully accepted the offer made them by Holloway, of such private epistolary communications as might be made them from time to time by himself or his nephew. The worthy solicitor had private ends of his own in view through the whole, and did not fail to render this opportunity subordinate to his purposes. Those purposes required, that no occasion should be lost, of improving the familiarity and frequency of his intercourses with Beaulieu. Mallison generally held the pen on these occasions. Old Latitat had so long bewildered himself in the jargon of the law, and it flowed so naturally to his mind when he took up a pen, that he could hardly by any effort get through a letter, without mixing up in it some of this uncouth phraseology. But Mallison was fresh from the study of the classics; he had moreover the advantage of my conversation; and when he contemplated in his ignoble spirit the radiant beauties of Henrietta Mandeville, even his style, young as he still was, drew a comparative refinement from the subject of his thoughts.
In the way in which Mallison and his uncle painted my rejection of their lessons, as to the stewardship of my own estate, it was made to appear a symptom of that unsteadiness and inconstancy of mind, which are so often to be found in persons subject to occasional attacks of lunacy. They made no recital of the insidious artifices by which they had studiously rendered this sort of occupation disgusting to me, but described the whole as an ingenuous experiment for my welfare. The disdainful spirit in which I had at first rejected all their efforts at familiarity, were distorted and exaggerated. Give to any one the entire and sole custody of any human being, especially if that human being is of a hypochondriacal complexion, and allow his keeper to be from day today the historian of his ward; and he must be a man of very little dexterity, if he cannot make those who do not approach the patient believe any thing he pleases, and if he do not weave together circumstances and incidents, in such a manner as to clothe his tale with an irresistible air of probability.
Henrietta was extremely delighted with the account that reached her, of the new passion I had conceived for mounting on horseback, and anticipated the happiest effects from the diversion and the health which was in this way likely to be procured to me. With equal vexation and chagrin she received the news of my unfortunate accident. On that occasion she paid me a visit; and this was the first interview I had ever had with my beloved sister, upon which I did not look back with entire complacency. Her visit continued only for a few hours. I need not say with what rapturous delight I fixed my eyes on her heavenly features, or how sweet to me were the thrilling tones of her voice. In this instance her habitual gaiety was somewhat subdued, by sympathy for the painful and wearisome state in which she found me; but the subdued tone it assumed, only added to it a thousand nameless graces, unknown before. I was in Elysium, as long as her visit lasted. But so unreasonable and monopolising was my temper, that I felt strange murmurings within me, when I found that she purposed to spend not so much as one night under my roof. She was proceeding to Lord Montagu’s principal seat of Boughton in Northamptonshire; there was a wedding to be celebrated there; the day was fixed; and the presence of Henrietta was impatiently counted upon, as one great ornament of the festival. Yet I was dissatisfied. I said to myself, ‘Theirs is the house of mirth. Multitudes will be assembled there, a bright parterre of beauty; their enjoyments and their gaiety are certain; they would not have leisure to regret the absence of Henrietta; they surely might spare her to the lonely and desolate couch of her suffering brother.’ These were the reflections that passed through my mind; but I sealed my lips; I scorned to complain. I thought, ‘If she has the unkindness to leave me thus, I will not attempt to detain her.’
Mallison escorted her and Mrs Willis to the stage where they purposed to sleep for that night. The next morning they were attended by the young Montagus, who had advanced thus far to meet them. My sister felt the kindest sentiments for Mallison on this occasion. She was delighted to observe the familiarity which was at length brought about between me and my quondam school-fellow. The assiduities he exercised towards me were a truly exemplary spectacle. I have already described them. He was constantly alive to my comforts; he lost no opportunity of rendering me every service, and procuring me every amusement in his power. Henrietta thanked him in the warmest terms for all that she had seen, and all that she had heard, of his attentions. She exhorted him to persevere in the course on which he had so auspiciously entered. She expressed with earnestness, how unspeakably she herself, and all that were connected with the Mandeville family, would feel indebted to him for a kindness so beneficent. What my sister said was delivered by her, not in the mere style of a graceful compliment, nor with the flattering condescension which a superior sometimes so successfully employs to an inferior, but with the true ardour of sisterly affection. There was a bewitching frankness in her manner, on all occasions, and to all persons: and, in what passed on this little journey, the animation of her soul from time to time made her almost forget who she was talking to; and, as it was a brother that occupied her thoughts, the cordiality of her discourse was such, that you would hardly have thought but that she was addressing a brother. Both the ladies spoke to the young man in the language of the heart, and communicated their approbation and their grateful feelings with the most lively sincerity. Poor Mallison, who had never done any thing in the whole course of his life to merit any one’s approbation, was transported with the novelty of the situation. It was with the utmost difficulty, and by means only of the severe habits of dissimulation to which he had addicted himself, that he could be prevented from breaking out into the utmost extravagance of youthful intoxication, and falling into disgustful and ruinous follies.
The pupil-solicitor was the more enchanted with the occurrences of this delightful evening, because they so precisely fell in with the plan which the uncle had formed for fixing the fortune of his nephew. This was one of the many projects he had conceived, for transferring the whole property of the house of Mandeville, to the house of Montfort, hitherto Holloway. The scheme I allude to, was no less than that of bringing about a marriage between Mallison and my sister. The youth indeed, however destitute of imagination and refinement, had all that impression of the distinction of ranks, which is often found to exist as completely in the dullest, as in the most elegant minds. He was therefore beyond measure astonished with his good fortune. Had he not been well fortified by the dextrous and persevering lessons of his uncle, assisted, as they fortunately were, by the invincible coldness of his own heart, he would infallibly have made a declaration in all the forms to Henrietta, before they parted; or, if his extravagance had stopped short of that, he would at least by ogling, by the languishing tones with which he addressed her, and by all the nameless indications of a lover, have betrayed the secret, not indeed of his heart, but which lay brooding in his brain. But, no: he scorned to be conquered by the frailer part of his nature. Mallison was a practical philosopher; and he had the honour to part from my sister on this critical occasion, without allowing her or Mrs Willis once to take notice of the thought that was uppermost in his own mind.
He returned to his uncle, and related the prosperous success which had attended the commencement of his suit. The old gentleman listened to the narrative with the most enviable sensations. Wealth was the ruling passion that predominated over all others in his bosom. Yet had not this passion so swallowed up the rest, but that he had still a corner in his heart for considerations of family and rank. He now began to look forward, by means of this marriage of his nephew, to the founding a family. He considered me, in some way or other, as inevitably cut off from the succession. Either I should fall a victim by death to the unhappy constitution of my mind, or I should subside into a permanent state of distraction or fatuity, ‘no son of mine succeeding’. Henrietta would then remain the only representative of our ancient house; and her husband would be no longer a Mallison, no longer a Montfort, but the genuine successor to the honours of Mandeville. The doting solicitor began to look upon his nephew with other eyes than he had regarded him with before; he felt towards him a sort of commencing reverence and awe; and was seized with something of the same transport as Sir Giles Overreach in the play, when he imagined to himself in prophetic vision, his ‘honourable daughter’, his ‘right honourable daughter!’
