Winter's Spell, page 19
“Thanks for saying that,” said Roxy. “I appreciate it.”
There was a natural pause in the conversation as they both turned to watch the sun dipping beneath the horizon, spreading its blazing pink-orange glory onto the water and clouds.
“Wow,” said Tessa under her breath.
Roxy put an arm around her and she enjoyed the warmth emanating from Roxy as they blocked the wind together.
It didn’t take long, and the sun was completely gone beneath the waves. Tessa turned to face Roxy, Roxy’s arm dropping back to her side.
“There’s something you should know about me,” said Tessa.
“Uh-oh,” said Roxy in mock concern. “You’re not actually ten rats in a winter coat pretending to be a theater director?”
Tessa chuckled nervously. “Honestly, if only.” She took a deep breath to steady herself and plunged ahead. Best to get things over with, even if she couldn’t look Roxy in the eye while she admitted it all. “I wasn’t lying when I said I had a crush on you in college, but also now. And most of the time in between. When my relationship with Lisa was getting really bad, I internet stalked you, and when Lisa found out, it ended our engagement.”
Tessa found the courage to look at Roxy, finally. Her expression surprised Tessa. She was smiling.
“I’m sorry, I know I should be somehow shocked by all that,” said Roxy, “but I can’t be. Honestly, in every relationship I’ve ever had, I’ve been the one doing the chasing. I was the one going after the other woman. It is incredibly satisfying to hear that for once in my life, I’m the one being pursued.” Her smile wavered a bit. “Is that okay?”
Tessa felt relief crash over her like a wave. “Of course,” she said. She chuckled nervously. “I was so worried that I would sound like a freak.” She filled in Roxy on the details of what actually happened with Lisa and the social media stalking.
“It doesn’t sound too stalker-y,” said Roxy when Tessa had finished. “I’m not scared for my life just yet.”
They began walking back up Commercial Street, and Tessa felt grateful for Roxy’s warm arm around her shoulders as they walked side by side, the wind blowing right through her wool coat.
“I wanted you to know before Lisa could tell you. I wanted to get it out in the open because I’m realizing that I am serious about you. About us,” said Tessa. “My comment about working on the brewery was partly snobbery, I’ll admit it, but it was also partly panic. If I’m teaching in Boston and you’re out here on the Cape, I won’t get to see you as much as I’d like.” Tessa’s heart sped up again and she felt hot. Admitting to Roxy that she wanted something long term, when they’d only just been talking about taking it slow, felt like she was putting her heart on the line yet again.
It took Roxy a moment to respond, a moment that felt like an hour to Tessa.
“It means a lot to me that you’d say that,” said Roxy, her voice low and full of emotion. “No one has ever said to me that they were already making long term relationship plans with me—even if it was in their head.”
Tessa’s heart squeezed. How could no one else have seen the beauty and generosity and creativity that she so clearly saw in Roxy now? Tessa was starting to see past the idealized version she’d had of Roxy for nine long years to see who she really was. Not some perfect hot butch soccer player, but rather a human being who needed to be seen and loved for all her qualities, both her good ones and her bad ones.
“I know it feels soon to be talking about long term plans,” said Tessa. “But I’m also okay taking it slow—really, I am. And if that means less kissing and more talking, I’ll be okay with that.”
Roxy stopped and turned to face Tessa. “I mean, we don’t have to not kiss at all.” A mischievous grin painted itself across Roxy’s face before she leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Tessa’s lips.
“That was nice,” said Tessa. Her whole body was fit to burst with happiness right there in the middle of Ptown.
“Agree,” said Roxy.
They were now nearing the corner where they would have to go their separate ways to get home. The temperature was rapidly dropping in the darkening evening air. Tessa couldn’t help shivering a little.
“I’m really glad we talked,” said Roxy. “I’m sorry I ghosted you. I needed some time to think.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I was going just a little crazy worrying that you’d never want to talk to me again but you know, nothing major.” Tessa laughed nervously.
Roxy chuckled. “I’ll try not to do that again. I feel much better now having talked than before when I was avoiding you. Sorry. Old habit.”
“I think we’re both going to have to find ways to chuck our old habits. But I know it’ll be worth it.” She looked deeply into Roxy’s eyes and kissed her, letting her lips linger on Roxy’s while she wrapped her arms around Roxy’s waist and hugged her tight. She’d never felt safer with anyone than in that moment with Roxy, even after baring their deepest fears to one another. “Please tell me you’ll always call me on my shit when I say things that aren’t cool.”
Roxy’s hands lingered on her shoulders, and she met Tessa’s gaze without hesitation. “Agree. Promise me that you’ll always call me on my shit when I go into lockdown mode.”
Tessa smiled. It was hard to imaging calling Roxy anything other than cutie, hottie, or babe, but she nodded. “Yes, I’ll try.”
Reluctantly Tessa parted from Roxy and walked home to her little apartment. She had a lot to think about, a lot to consider, mostly about herself and how she was going to make sure that going forward, she stopped making assumptions about Roxy and focused on really getting to know her. Because it was hard to be logical when Roxy’s mere presence made her forget about everything else in her life.
Case in point: as soon as Tessa walked into the apartment, she saw her grimoire, candles, and travel herb set that she’d left out on the table. It hadn’t even occurred to her, when she and Roxy were “coming clean” to one another, to bring up the fact that she was a hedge witch. She’d gotten used to keeping it a secret, but if she was going to be serious about Roxy, then shouldn’t she tell her? On the other hand, she had only just begun to develop her magical abilities. Perhaps it was too soon to bring up something so deeply personal, not to mention unusual, before she knew what the future held for them? Either way, she was home now, and Roxy was in her own apartment, and she would have to wait for another good moment to share that information.
Truly the course of true love never did run smooth, she reflected.
Chapter Seventeen—Roxy
Roxy spent the next few days feeling as though she were walking on air.
The conversation with Tessa had dispelled many of her fears about what was going on between them. Something about spilling her guts made her feel like a new person—and those kisses weren’t bad either.
Beyond all that though, she relished in the rather new to her sensation of being the pursued rather than the pursuer. Whether it was her most recent relationship with Amy or her earlier, misguided pursuit of Hazel’s now-wife Elizabeth, or any number of previous failed relationships and hookups, inevitably it was Roxy who had always done the chasing. Tessa’s confession to her about how she’d had a crush on Roxy for, well, years, didn’t freak her out at all. Instead, Roxy was enjoying knowing that for once she was being pursued by someone else.
“Ah! She is woo-ing you,” said Mo, once Roxy had relayed to her the gist of their conversation.
“You sound like you’ve been reading more Shakespeare,” said Roxy. She flopped onto the couch and picked up the books Mo had left half open around her. Romeo and Juliet, Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Roxy had heard of Romeo and Juliet, but the rest were a mystery to her. “Anything good?”
Mo nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes. I am enjoying the comedies much more. I asked Lisa what else to read when I finished The Winter’s Tale. She suggested these. They are all about love. Strange love, but love.”
“And you like it?”
“Roxy, they are very strange to me, these stories, but very interesting. I am learning so much about what it means to be human!”
“I guess that’s good then.” Roxy paused and looked carefully at Mo. A thought occurred to her. “They help fill the time, too.”
“Yes, it’s true. They take my thoughts away from my home, my family.” Mo’s tone was upbeat, but her expression was, to Roxy, less certain. She leaned over and gave Mo a hug.
“That’s great, pal. Keep at it, if it helps.”
“Roxy, what really helps me is to know you are on the path to find your true love. Maybe the books of Mr. Shakespeare can help us on this quest. You say he is the favorite author of your true love, no?”
“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I like Tessa. She likes me. But we’re still getting to know one another. Calling her my true love feels a little weird.” As she said the words, Roxy wondered if she really believed them. There was a part of her that felt like she and Tessa really did click, especially after that afternoon’s conversation. But she’d been hurt so many times before, her denial was an automatic defense mechanism.
Mo rolled her eyes, and Roxy was reminded instantly of Lisa. Mo was picking up her tics after just a week of being her assistant.
“Please, Roxy. Listen to me. You must do some of the Shakespeare.” Mo picked up one of the books and started flipping through the pages. Roxy got the distinct impression she wanted to read her part of Romeo and Juliet.
“Can we watch a movie version to start?” That would be a good way to ease into things.
Mo looked slightly disappointed but agreed, and soon enough they were watching Claire Danes and Leonardo di Caprio making googly eyes at one another. Since Mo had no concept of when Shakespeare was alive, she didn’t seem bothered by the fact that the action was in 1990s Brazil and the characters used guns instead of swords. Roxy found herself absorbed by the film and its story, and she even cried when Romeo killed himself, thinking his Juliet was really dead. This was worlds away from the older, more traditional version their ninth-grade teacher had screened for them in school, and she was really digging it.
Maybe there was a part of Shakespeare Roxy could like, after all.
* * *
The following weekend, the weather was miserable, so Tessa and Roxy made plans to cook and watch a movie together. The work week had been a busy one for both of them; by Friday Roxy felt like she’d hardly seen Tessa, even though they’d both been working at the theater all day Tuesday and Thursday. In between Roxy had taken Mo twice more to the library to get additional books out about mermaids and Shakespeare; she’d worked several shifts at the brewery; and she’d had to go to the grocery to stock up on salt for Mo’s nightly saltwater baths. It was the only way Mo could return safely, however briefly, to her usual form, though Roxy had started to notice that Mo needed more salt with each passing day for the bath to activate her tail.
She was glad to have her date night in with Tessa to distract her from Mo’s situation, even if part of her was terrified about what they were planning to watch. Tessa said she wanted to watch her favorite performance of The Winter’s Tale together, and Roxy was already sweating bullets over it. What if she couldn’t understand it? What if it was so boring she fell asleep watching it? What if it was just awful?
Mo had been coaching Roxy on all things Shakespeare, and the two of them had watched movie versions of several more plays: Much Ado About Nothing with Emma Thompson, which Roxy had rather enjoyed; Hamlet with Mel Gibson in the main role, which Roxy had enjoyed less so; and Twelfth Night with Helena Bonham Carter which was by far her favorite thus far. They had also talked over The Winter’s Tale and the action of the play, but it didn’t much help. Roxy couldn’t keep all the names in her head, and she ended up feeling less prepared and more nervous than before.
Still, she was there, in front of Tessa’s door, with a growler of her favorite coconut porter from the Pride of Ptown and a plate of brownies that she’d managed to whip up, with some help from Betty Crocker and Mo. Although she had no interest in actually eating the brownies, Mo had turned out to be rather adept at baking.
“Come on in,” said Tessa. She opened the door and Roxy felt a lot of her concerns melt away. This was Tessa, after all. Fancy New York theater director, sure, but also a smiling, beautiful woman who was clearly happy to see her—and whose apron was currently splattered with tomato sauce.
“Everything okay?”
“What? Oh.” Tessa looked down at the mess of sauce on her apron and smiled. “I’m a messy cook. But I firmly believe that means the food will be delicious.”
Roxy followed Tessa into the kitchen and set about pouring them each some beer while Tessa found a vase for the flowers. The aforementioned tomato sauce was burbling quietly on the stove next to a pot of water that had started to boil.
“Perfect timing,” said Tessa. “I’ve made my world famous puttanesca sauce—just kidding about the world famous part of course. I’ll put the pasta in to boil and it’ll all be ready in a few minutes.”
“Great,” said Roxy, whose mouth was watering. She was finding it harder and harder to eat around Mo, whose appetite for raw fish only seemed to be increasing lately. Her table manners were terrible, and Roxy was relishing the thought of eating home cooked food without having to watch or, more to the point, listen to Mo’s enthusiastic chewing.
Soon enough they were digging into spaghetti alla puttanesca, which was delightfully salty and completely new to Roxy, who usually ordered Bolognese at an Italian place. There was homemade garlic bread and a big tossed salad, and they spent dinner talking about Mo and Lisa, discussing Roxy’s progress in the woodshop, and griping about Barb.
Roxy pushed back from the table when her plate was clean. It had all been delicious.
“You still haven’t gotten a meeting set up with the theater owner?”
Tessa wiped her mouth with a napkin and shook her head. “Uh-uh. He’s apparently on vacation down in Florida, on a boat no less, and it’s been impossible to get a message down to him. Hopefully next week we can figure it out.” Tessa looked at Roxy with sparkling brown eyes. “But thanks for your concern. Let’s not talk about Barb any more though. I don’t want her to spoil our whole evening.”
Roxy hadn’t minded at all. The longer they chatted about their own production of The Winter’s Tale, the more they put off watching whatever Tessa had planned for them. Roxy was well aware there wasn’t any recent movie version of the play. She and Mo had looked and looked. It didn’t seem like a very popular play at all, and that had Roxy worried.
“Oh sure,” said Roxy. She had an idea. “I’ll help you clean up before we dig into the brownies.”
Before Tessa could protest, Roxy cleared the table and began doing the dishes.
“We can put it all in the dishwasher,” said Tessa.
“It’s okay,” said Roxy. “I like doing dishes.” Hopefully, Tessa wouldn’t notice her little white lie.
Tessa began drying the dishes, and the conversation turned toward chores, growing up, and who was more of a slob. Roxy never would have thought Tessa could be a slob judging by her pristine apartment.
“That’s because you’ve never seen my office at school,” said Tessa. She winked at Roxy as she put away the last of the dishes. “Let’s save the pots for later.”
There was no easy way to get out of the film screening at this point, though Roxy did, for a second, entertain the notion of leaving early on the pretense that she was tired from working at the brewery that day.
Already Tessa was queuing up the recording of The Winter’s Tale and getting cozy on the couch. She’d placed Roxy’s plate of brownies on the coffee table along with their beers. There was nothing to do but join Tessa on the couch—not too close—and steel herself for the experience.
And it was…awful. Just as Roxy had feared. The performance featured a couple of famous actors, sure, including Kenneth Branagh who Roxy remembered from Much Ado About Nothing, and Dame Judi Dench, who was one of Tessa’s all-time favorite actors. But the play itself was nigh on unwatchable. After an hour of it, Roxy could feel her eyelids growing heavy.
This particular performance was a recording of a staged version of the play, and it was all heavy drama. Lots of long speeches. It was hard for Roxy to pay attention or even want to pay attention.
“Roxy?”
Her eyes fluttered open. Oh, crap. Had she really fallen asleep? Judging by Tessa’s expression, she had definitely fallen asleep. Was the movie at least over? She glanced at the TV and saw it was paused on a scene in the play. Not the credits. She suppressed a groan.
“Sorry, I must have nodded off. Long day at work and all.”
“It’s okay,” said Tessa. “We can turn it off.” Her voice betrayed disappointment, and Roxy felt awful, even as she was also filled with relief that she wouldn’t have to sit through the rest of it.
“No, no,” said Roxy. She tried to sound convincing. “I want to finish it.”
“It’s late. We can finish it another time,” said Tessa. She smiled at Roxy, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Roxy decided it would be better to be truthful. “I was having a hard time getting into it. Maybe if it was more like a movie, you know?”
“Sure,” said Tessa. “Excuse me.” She left the room and Roxy heard the bathroom door close. Oh God. She’d really offended her.
Roxy checked her watch. It was just past ten in the evening and getting rather late for both of them. It was probably best to simply get going. She was already back in her boots and coat when Tessa emerged from the bathroom.
“You’re not leaving? Already?”
“Erm, yeah, I was thinking it was getting late. We both have work tomorrow so…you know,” said Roxy. “We can finish The Winter’s Tale some other night.” She hoped Tessa didn’t notice her lack of enthusiasm for the idea.
