Pour Some Magic on Me: A Shoplifter's Guide to Wizardry, page 24
Complicating things further, Bakersfield College, alternatively referred to as high school with ashtrays, started classes next week. That was an unfair euphemism; before I started seeing fairies and walking through walls, I was completely satisfied with attending junior college, not super enthused, but at least reconciled. Then, my financial aid magically disappeared, and though I could still attend until it got worked out, it meant riding the bus across town and waitressing at night to survive.
“What do you want me to do?" Amanda asked. "I've got to get to work myself.”
Amanda worked at Albertsons, which was like, the best job for a college kid, and she'd just got promoted to the produce section. Her boss probably wanted to fuck her; most guys did, but I didn't want to spoil her accomplishment by saying anything.
“Can you stick around long enough for me to see if I’m even supposed to be here?” I asked.
“If you hurry.”
“Great. Be right back.”
I passed through the coffee shop. A few other waitresses nodded at me. No one seemed to be manning the hostess station. That wasn’t normal and not a particularly good sign. Along the way, I took a quick peek in the kitchen. Absent were the massive frog-like creatures who made up the morning shift. Instead, some new guys plus a couple I’d seen from the night shift were running the grills. Robert was in the middle of giving them instructions. He was a little guy, probably early thirties, and Asian. I wasn't used to seeing him in the morning since he worked nights running the main dining room. Normally, he was dressed in a nice suit and seeing him in jeans seemed doubly odd. I didn’t want to interrupt, so I went to the breakroom.
One of the best perks about working at the Red Lion was that employees got to eat for cheap. The food wasn’t the same as in the dining room but was usually decent. The breakroom was where we ate. It had six four-top tables, a sink, and racks for drying dishes. It was also where Eddie posted our schedules on a cork bulletin board. I briefly wondered what happened to the hateful goblin and the rest of the missing employees who had masqueraded as human beings. They all had a glamor, or some such thing, that allowed them to pass for regular people. Without it, I imagined they'd have a hard time getting jobs, or avoiding mobs with pitchforks.
A new schedule was tacked to the board. I ran my finger down each line of names, like I was checking to see if I'd made the track team. A tiny flutter grew in my stomach, and unlike high school, I wasn't on the list. I wasn’t shocked because I had been taken off the old one for freaking out when I realized most of my coworkers weren’t actual people. Correction, they were people; they just weren't human. Eddie would have fired me outright if not for Trudy’s interference. I began to suspect that Robert probably had to scramble to put together a crew. Me being off the schedule was probably an honest mistake. At least, I hoped so.
I returned to the kitchen to wait for the restaurant manager to finish with the cooks. A couple of orders were coming in. The waitresses slapped them down on the stainless-steel counter under the pass-through to the line cooks. When the whole operation was humming along, the head cook directed the plates coming and going, calling out orders to the cooks and then sliding the completed meals onto the counter with the paper slips. The waitresses would do a quick check before taking the food to the customers. Things were not going well this morning.
The new crew wasn't used to each other. No one seemed to be in charge, and I watched as Robert yelled at a young guy for missing an order and duplicating another. Up to that moment, I hadn't realized how efficient the fairy frog gang was. They worked together like gears in a machine. I wondered again what had happened. Worse, I wondered if it had anything to do with me.
Robert eventually figured out that he wasn't helping, or he simply gave up because he stomped off. He saw me standing near the entrance to the dining room. "Are we paying you to stand around?" he said.
"Technically, you're not paying me at all. I'm not clocked in. That's what I need to talk to you about."
Robert paused and stared at me. Obviously, I worked here because I was in my waitress uniform, but I didn't think he could place me. I could forgive him for that. We only officially met once when I was hired.
He snapped his fingers and pointed. "Jennifer, right?"
"Yeah. I was supposed to work today, but I'm not on the schedule. Eddie took me off a couple of weeks ago because I got sick."
His face formed a scowl. "That rat bastard and the whole damn morning kitchen staff, not to mention Trudy the hostess, all quit at once, no word, no nothing."
"Weird," I said as I tried to look clueless.
"Fucking inconsiderate is what it is. Anyway, what do you want?"
"Like I said. I was supposed to work today."
"Come here," he said. I followed him back to the breakroom where he took down the schedule. He studied it for a minute. Finally, he tacked it back up. "I don't need more waitresses today. Not this whole week."
"What am I supposed—"
"But I do need a hostess."
"Hostess? That's minimum, no tips."
"Real minimum; not waiter minimum. Trudy was making a dollar over minimum and getting some tips from the other waitresses."
"Are you offering me a dollar over minimum?"
He snapped his fingers again, like it was part of a circuit to his brain. It was fucking annoying. Before he could answer, Amanda came through the pass doors. I'd completely forgotten that she was waiting for me.
"Hey, you figure it out yet?" she asked. "I'm going to be late."
Robert stopped snapping to ogle my best friend. Some more primal part of his brain got hijacked. It was a reaction I'd seen too many times from the weaker sex. Despite the unflattering corduroy pants and the plain button-up shirt, Amanda looked sexy in her Albertson uniform. Amanda would look sexy in a potato sack. That didn't stop her from whipping her blond hair up into cotton candy perfection or from applying the exact right amount of makeup to dazzle the bag boys.
"Sorry, Amanda. I got tied up. I'll be right there."
"Okay, but hurry." She ducked out before Robert could find his voice. I incorrectly figured he'd be immune to Amanda's looks since he was surrounded by leggy cocktail waitresses every night.
He recovered quickly, however, and reconnected the circuit. Snap, snap. "Well? Take it or leave it."
"You didn't answer me," I said. "A dollar more?"
"Fifty cents. But I also need someone to bus the bar during happy hour. It's minimum too, but the cocktail waitresses tip out."
"So, I lost my waitressing job?"
"If it doesn't work out after a couple of weeks, I'll find someone else and put you back on the coffee shop schedule."
It was completely unfair. I wasn't the last hired. Eddie had found a way to screw me without even being present. Minimum wage was shit, though I might make it up bussing in the evening. If I didn't need the money, I would have told Robert to take a flying leap.
Without Trudy and the rest, there was obviously no one to ask about the magic college, but there was another reason to stick around. I wanted to find out where all the fairies went. It was probably pointless, but maybe someone knew something or maybe there were other elves or goblins cleaning rooms or working on the grounds. Should I stay or should I go?
"Okay, fine," I said, making my mind up even if The Clash couldn't. "I'll clock in as soon as I let my friend know."
"You need me to show you how to hostess?"
"We've all covered the front. I think I can figure it out."
"Great, that's one thing settled. All right, get to it. Once you're on the clock, I can get out of here." He looked at his watch. "The evening hostess comes in at four. Come see me in the dining room then, and I'll show you what to do for happy hour."
I couldn't bring myself to thank him, so I left him there to find Amanda. She was hovering near where we kept all the syrups.
"Is that boysenberry?" she asked. "It smells so good."
"What are you talking… never mind." Amanda was a slave to her nose, not that it was her fault; she had recently learned that she was part werewolf, probably on her mother's side. "I'm staying. Sorry for holding you up."
"They put you on the schedule?"
"No. I'm getting screwed. I have to hostess. Minimum wage, well slightly more than minimum."
"So, quit. You're going off to magic school, right?"
"It's a college that happens to also…forget it. If they don't get back to me, I'm not going anywhere but BC." That was the other issue. I had been trying to get in touch with LaPointe, the woman who sent me my invite, ever since it arrived to arrange a tour or whatever you did when deciding on a college. Unfortunately, the damn phone number didn't work, and the operator didn't have any others. That's why I was forced to try the portal.
"Even if it all somehow works out," I continued, "I'll probably still need a job. Look, I don't want to hold you up any longer. I'll talk to you tonight. Thanks for waiting on me."
She shrugged. "No biggie. If I'm a few minutes late, my boss will start stocking the bananas. He's got a soft spot for me."
"You mean a hard on."
"Same thing. Gotta go."
I rolled my eyes. "See you later."
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BOOKS IN THE SERIES
A SHOPLIFTER’S GUIDE TO WIZARDRY SERIES
POUR SOME MAGIC ON ME (Book 1)
YOU GIVE MAGIC A BAD NAME (Book 2)
SWEET CHILD O’MAGIC (Book 3)
(BOOK 4 COMING SOON…)
Ty Burson, Pour Some Magic on Me: A Shoplifter's Guide to Wizardry
