Pour Some Magic on Me: A Shoplifter's Guide to Wizardry, page 18
She laid her romance novel down and patted the bed next to her. “Is there something going on you want to talk about?”
“Err, no, why?”
She propped herself up. “You’re a terrible liar.”
That wasn’t true; I was a great liar, but I didn’t say anything.
“There’ve been some strange goings-on lately.” My heart skipped a beat. Did she suspect what was really happening?
“Is there something going on with Trevor, or work? You haven’t gone in days. Did you get fired?”
My heart settled down. “No, nothing. Well, Trevor kind of disappeared without letting me know, but I think he and his dad had a job pop up. It’s probably nothing. As for work, no, I still have a job. I’ll be back on the schedule next week. Everything’s okay. A lot is going on, though, with school about to start. Plus, the glitch with my financial aid. I’m more worried about you, having to bum a ride every day and the money to repair the car. It’s money we don’t have.”
She reached out and took my hand to pull me closer. I sat on the bed next to her. “You know, we’ll never be rich, but somehow we’ve always managed. It’s like the universe is watching over us because no matter how bad it gets, there always seems to be a little windfall or some help when we need it most.”
“What do you mean?”
“It might seem crazy, but like that summer when you hurt your leg and had to be in a cast. My medical was for crap, but they paid all the bills anyway, and then, don’t you remember how someone put that bike out with the free sign on it as I brought you home from getting the cast removed. I’ve always felt like someone was looking out for us.”
I frowned at that. “You mean, like my father?”
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Like the past, she didn't talk about my father. She didn't say anything; she didn't move.
"Mom?"
“What?” she finally said.
“You were saying someone was looking out for us.” She had that lost and confused look on her face, just like she had when I asked about the silver frog. Of course, I had asked about my father before, but at some point, I stopped. Now, I remembered why. I hadn't thought about it in a long time, but this was always the response I got. I asked, and then mom shut down. Being little, I bet I didn't dwell on it. Again, I thought about the drinking, but that didn't make much sense. Why was this the only thing to cause this reaction? That made me think that there was some sort of emotional trauma or mental block she couldn’t snap out of.
Soon, she seemed to come back to herself. “Yeah, I do feel like someone is helping us. Or, maybe it’s just karma.”
“Oh, I hope not,” I whispered.
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Amanda’s waiting for me, so I’m going to head out. I might end up at her house.”
“You be careful.”
“Will do.” I hugged her and left.
When I climbed into Amanda’s bug, she asked if everything was okay. “It’s fine,” I said. “Mom wanted to talk a few minutes. She had me worried that she suspected something.”
“Did she?”
“Yeah, but she was off the mark. Hey, where’d you put Jerry?”
“In the trunk. I didn’t want to be alone with him if he woke up.”
I held up the red hat. “No chance. He’s not going anywhere as long as we have this. You ready?”
“Do I still have some hairspray?”
“Not in the glovebox. I used that all up.”
“Check under your seat.”
I felt around producing some hair ties, a bag of fast food trash, a nail file, a bottle of suntan lotion and a flare. “I don’t see any.”
“Try the back floorboard?”
I huffed but climbed backwards so I could check in the back. "You're going to have to take this to the carwash before Jeff gets back." Before Amanda answered, I found more hairspray. I shook the Aqua Net to see how full it was. “We’re golden, Ponyboy.”
“That’s not how the line goes.”
“Oh, you mean: Nature’s first green is gold.” I spread my arms wide. “Her hardest hue to hold.” I wrapped my arms around Amanda. “Her early leaf’s a flower.” I made a little bouquet with my hands. Before I could finish pantomiming the entire Robert Frost poem from The Outsiders, Amanda started the car and cranked up the radio.
“You’re an asshole.”
“But only so an hour,” I continued.
“Enough already. I’ll never question your bastardization of movie lines again.” I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to the end when “…Eden sank to grief,” because I was going to totally do that Ally Sheedy ending to The Breakfast Club dance.
Chapter 25
By now, we knew our way around the trailer park well enough to quickly find the gnomes. Power lines were hidden in the sky above us, connecting to telephone poles. Affixed to them were the only lights in the park, meaning that if individual houses didn't have their porch lights on, it was sort of gloomy and dark. As we slowly rolled along the gravel road, we slipped into and out of shadows. Only a few people were out walking. Two guys were working on a car, the mechanic's light dangling from the open hood.
Amanda finally asked the obvious question, "What are you going to do?"
"Just keep going. Let's see what they're doing." I was stalling. Amanda knew it, too, but nodded and did what I asked. We eased by the gnome's trailer. The lights were on. No one was outside. When we reached the T-intersection at the end of the road, Amanda asked which way.
"Point us toward the exit and park." There wasn't any point in procrastinating longer. Amanda did as I asked, and we sat in silence. Finally, I got out and opened the misplaced trunk—silly Germans. Jerry had not moved. Amanda came to stand next to me and I pulled out Jerry's red hat.
"You remember how pissed they got the last time you took one of those off them, right?" Amanda asked.
"Yeah, I thought they were going to scalp us." I admitted.
"Then, how smart do you think it is to show up with our little buddy like this?"
I sighed. "I know, but what else do we have? Nothing."
"Then, we should have hid him someplace and tried to make a trade or something," Amanda said.
"What, like kidnap him? Ransom him? Oh, that's not going to piss them off."
"Okay, so you have any better ideas?"
I didn't want a war with the gnomes. After watching them fight each other, I didn't think they’d have any compunction against killing us. Still, I figured, at worst, they wouldn't give me what they promised. That would suck, but they'd have no real reason to, like, kill us.
"Grab the hairspray, would you?" I asked.
I pulled the immobilized gnome closer to the front of the trunk, careful not to touch him with his hat. When Amanda rejoined me, I told her to be ready to spray Jerry.
"You sure about this?" She asked.
"Absolutely not. You ready?"
She pulled the plastic cap off and prepared to zap Jerry. I slipped the hat on his head. Jerry immediately shot out of the car. It was so quick, Amanda had no chance at spraying him. He landed on the ground next to us, and instead of hightailing it to the house, he began to look around like he was lost. Then, he dropped on his butt and began chewing the side of his thumb.
"You see this?" I asked Amanda.
"Um, he's a cat again. He's licking a paw. Why, what do you see?"
"Not what I thought I'd see." Where was the vicious, snarling critter that I expected?
"Um, Jerry, what's going on?"
He seemed to get more agitated. "You can't say anything? Promise?"
"About what?"
"My hat. You stole it right off my head. I can't let the boys know you did that to me. It was bad enough how you got Russell’s off his head, but you just snatched it off me. They’ll never let me live it down." His small eyes looked imploringly at me.
"Are you still drunk?"
"Uh-uh."
"You serious? But I knocked Russell's off him. That was no big deal."
He shook his head vigorously. "Oh, no. You're wrong. It was a big deal, a very big deal. Boss was furious."
"I don't understand. I got lucky with a rock throw."
"Maybe, maybe not. It shouldn't have happened, and if he finds out you took mine right off my head, I'll be in deep shit."
"Okay, listen, Jerry, here's what we'll do."
Chapter 26
I handed the bracelet over to Amanda and hoped what happened before wasn't a fluke. Fortunately, Jerry did not transform into a cat; he remained the nervous gnome. For whatever reason, that part of the bracelet's power lingered with me. I hoped it would last long enough this time for what I had in mind. Meanwhile, Amanda said something to Jerry.
"You can see him now?" I confirmed.
"Crystal," Amanda said.
"My name's Jerry."
"We know, dumbass," Amanda answered. "Crystal means… never mind. I'm ready."
"Good," I said. "Keep that hairspray close just in case, though."
"Wait," Amanda said. She ducked into her car and brought out the flare. "Couldn't hurt, right?"
I shrugged. "Why not? More firepower." Literally.
We all approached the trailer house together. Amanda and I waited at the bottom of the steps to the deck attached to the trailer while Jerry went in.
"This might not work," Amanda said.
"It's our only shot. You ready?"
She held up her two weapons. Given the speed of these guys, if it came to a fight, we were screwed, but maybe she could set something ablaze so we could escape if we had to. I was about to suggest that to Amanda when the door opened. Out piled the gnomes, almost tumbling over each other. Although none wore the stereotypical yard ornament attire, they also weren’t in their swimsuits, I noticed. They wore shorts and various t-shirts. Barney was the last out.
"You smell that?" Amanda asked.
I did. The pungent stink of good pot hung in the air.
"No barbeque tonight?" I said.
Barney smiled. "No barbeque. We're baking tonight." He chuckled at his own joke because none of the others got it. "Besides," he said as he put his finger in his mouth and then held it aloft, "it's gonna rain."
I looked at the clear, black sky. "If you say so."
Barney came down the steps with no hesitation despite looking high as a kite. When his buddies began to follow, he motioned them to stay put. "Jerry says you're unsatisfied with the deal."
"Of course, I'm unsatisfied with the deal. You set me up. Your two delivery boys were waiting for me to get caught, and then they were going to rip off the house. Tell me I'm wrong."
He shrugged. "Contingency plans, sister, only if you got caught, which you didn't. So, the deal's still on. Where's the haul?"
"You know damn well where it is. Russell stole it from me."
Barney frowned. "Well, that's unfortunate, but if you don't have the goods, we don't have a deal." He started to turn around. Before he took a step, I snatched away his cap. He froze with one leg perched for the next step. The moment sort of hung there. Luckily, the gnomes were good and truly baked, and their responses dulled. Before any of them moved, I said, "Amanda, light the flare. Now!"
This wasn't part of the plan. I was improvising. She stared at me like I was insane, so I grabbed it from her. A road flare is like a big match. Mom could never afford new tires, so we always had to know how to change her lousy retreads. That meant knowing how to place a flare. I took off the plastic top, and popped the end off, then I struck it against the tip of the flare. Immediately, I had a nice three-inch flame. "Here," I said to Amanda, handing her Barney's red hat, "give me the spray. Amanda!"
She snapped out of it and passed me the Aqua Net. By now, even the most stoned gnomes understood that I had taken their leader's hat. The growls and tiny fangs appeared, but before they pounced, I produced a large jet of flame at those closest to us. They scattered. Already, some were jumping off the deck to surround us. The flare was a cheap one. Maybe it'd burn 15 minutes; the spray would run out long before that. It didn't matter. If we weren't out of this mess in a couple of minutes, we were screwed.
"Get back, all of you." I twisted and shot another ball of flame at a gnome who appeared on the roof. "Back up, or I'll torch your boss." They hesitated.
"Jerry," I yelled.
He came forward. He looked panicked and for good reason. This wasn't what we'd planned. I was going to try and argue with Barney to get at least the horseshoe. Russell was his man which meant I'd delivered on my end. It seemed fair and logical, but the way Barney was going with our negotiations, I didn't think it was going to work.
"Jerry, tell Russell I want the stuff I stole."
He didn't move. I lowered my voice a bit and said, "Jerry, do you want me to tell them? They don't know how I knew I could take Barney's hat. What do you want me to say about that?"
Jerry was on the slow side, but I could see that he finally understood what I was threatening. For a second, I could see hurt on his face. I felt like a heel, but his feelings weren't as important as our lives. "Get him!" I repeated.
He grabbed two gnomes next to him. "Come one, you heard her. She'll fry Barney."
Reluctantly, the pair followed him as he dashed into the trailer. The rest shifted continuously, like a pack of wolves waiting for an opening. I had to waste a good bit of spray when one sneaky bastard tried to grab at my foot from under the deck stairs. He howled like a banshee when his stubby fingers got fried.
There was a commotion from inside the house. A few seconds later, the two gnomes dragged a struggling Russell out, followed immediately by Jerry who held the bag full of stolen magical items. "You bitches are dead!" Russell screamed. He meant it. Amanda took a step back, and I pulled her closer.
"It's going to be all right," I whispered even though my own hair was standing on end.
"Jerry, bring the bag over here." The gnomes all turned his way. He looked about, clearly confused about what I was doing. He slowly approached with the bag of stolen items. He glowered at me as he set it down and returned to his friends.
"Amanda, reach in there and find something that looks like a kid's tennis racquet. It's made of metal." She knelt and found it right away.
"Here, switch with me." I handed her the make-shift flamethrower and took the racquet. Amanda startled me with her scream.
"What?"
"You're all wispy, like a ghost."
The gnomes must have been startled, too, because several backed away. I looked at myself and saw that she was right. Good. This was going to be super tricky, though. Remembering what I did in the graveyard, I needed to be touching everything before I grabbed the racquet, or I'd slip right through. Therefore, I put it down, and dug into the bag for the horseshoe. I held it out to Amanda.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "I've got all this," indicating the can and flare.
"Here, tuck it under your arm. Trust me."
She awkwardly did as I asked. Meanwhile, I pulled Barney's hat free.
"You're not going to put that back on him?" Amanda asked in a panic.
I lowered my voice, "When I do, I want you to shoot a ball of flame at him."
"You're serious?"
"He'll be fine. These guys are like lightning fast. Ready? Now."
As soon as I put Barney's hat back on him, a lot of things happened at once. Barney came to life. He spun so quickly that I didn't think Amanda would fire the spray off before he tore into us, but she did. Barney did the most acrobatic backflip I'd ever seen to avoid being doused with flame. As soon as he landed, he lurched forward, but not before I reached over to touch Amanda and pick up the racquet. Barney flew right through us and landed on the ground.
"You've made a serious mistake, sister," Barney said. His voice was full of menace now.
"No," I answered, "it was you who traded unfairly. I kept my part of the bargain, and you tried to cheat me. New terms, or I'll torch everything in this bag."
"Then you'll die."
"Oh, I don't think so. With this racquet, you can't touch us. And, I'll burn down your fucking house, too."
As if on cue, Amanda shot a short burst of flames at the deck. It caught fire and one of the gnomes began to stomp it out.
Barney cocked his head to one side, and slowly began to smile. "I've seriously underestimated you, sister. What do you want?"
"Like I said, new terms. I'm keeping the horseshoe, and you'll show me how to use it. I'm also keeping this racquet thingy. You can have all the rest."
He stroked his beard. "How about," he said, "we let you leave here alive. I'll even let you keep the horseshoe."
"You were going to give me a car. Remember? Forget that now. I'm keeping the racquet, too, for protection. You might renege on your part."
Barney took a step closer. I nodded to Amanda, but before she fired off another shot, Barney said, "Ease up, ladies. Well played. We've got a deal."
"Not just yet," I said. "You swear to show me how to use the horseshoe and to leave us alone; no retribution."
He didn't say anything. The pack shifted around us. I might have overplayed the whole thing. Amanda looked like she was going to pee herself. Finally, Barney spoke. "Just one thing," he said, quietly. "How'd you get my hat?"
How the hell did I know? "That's my secret. Do we have a deal?"
"You're a much more powerful witch than I took you for."
"I'm not a witch." Was I? Wouldn't I know if I was?
"Sister, I don't think you have a clue who or what you are, but if you want to find out, maybe we could parley about it."
What did he know? Was he just stalling? "Another time." My mother was still at home with no one looking out for her. I'd have to get answers another time. "Do we have a deal?"
"You got a deal. I'll send one of the boys to show you what to do with the horseshoe."
"Not Russell."
"Not Russell," Barney agreed.
"Send Jerry."
"You think that's a good idea?"
"Yeah, yeah, I do."
"Done. I'll write it down for him. You want to drink on it?"
