No Turning Back, page 20
How naïve she’d been!
Florence put her hand on Anna’s arm. ‘Look, at least you now know. You can steer well clear of him.’
Anna nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. She’d enjoyed spending time with Jamie. But that was over. He’d been using her. Now all she had was her gran. She felt helpless, like everything was spinning out of control around her and she was unable to do anything about it.
The doorbell went. Anna got up and peeked out of the curtains to see Guy battling his way through the throng of journalists. He was taking Joni out for the morning so they could go to his niece’s birthday party. She let him in and he could barely look at Anna, the disgust clear in his eyes. Joni crawled down the hallway towards him and he picked her up, kissing her cheek. ‘Before you say anything, it’s not true,’ Anna said. ‘Jamie Nunn has just been helping me out.’
‘Helping you out?’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I feel like I’m living in a parallel world. Have you lost your mind?’
Florence looked in from the kitchen.
‘If those papers print a photo of my daughter, I’m going to sue their arses off,’ Guy said, pulling the hood of Joni’s cardigan over her head and pressing her cheek against his chest. He glared at Anna over her head. ‘This just isn’t fair on Joni, Anna.’
Anna thought of Joni’s butchered teddy. ‘I know,’ she whispered. She put her hand to her scar, felt it raised and angry under her fingertips. This was all her fault. One moment of rash violence on her part – because that was what it had been with Elliot, she’d felt the surge of anger before she’d raised her arm – one moment and this was the consequence.
‘If things don’t calm down over the next few days,’ Guy said, ‘I’m going to have to take some advice.’
‘Advice? From who? I don’t understand.’
‘I’m sorry, Anna, but I just don’t feel you can provide a safe environment for our daughter at the moment.’
Anna’s blood turned to ice. ‘Guy, you can’t do this.’
‘I can and I will.’ He picked his car keys up. Anna looked down at Joni’s head, panic swirling inside her.
She gave her daughter a fierce kiss on the cheek, looking into her eyes. ‘I love her more than anything,’ she said, tears falling down her cheeks. ‘You know that, Guy, her safety is everything to me.’
‘Me too. That’s why I’m going to do all I can to guarantee her safety. I’ll drop Joni back off by three.’ Then he walked out of the door.
She watched Guy run down the path with Joni as the journalists called out to him, cameras flashing.
‘What do you think about your ex-wife being caught with Jamie Nunn?’ one of them shouted out.
‘Do you think Anna is connected in some way to Ben Miller’s death?’ another said – Yvonne, Anna’s old school friend. She caught sight of Anna watching and smiled slightly.
Anna yanked the blinds shut and leaned against the wall, tears falling down her cheeks as Guy’s words echoed in her mind.
‘He won’t take her.’ She turned to see her gran standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes sparking with tears.
‘Oh Gran!’ Anna said.
Florence walked over and pulled Anna into a hug. ‘We’ll fight him, Anna, we’ll bloody fight him. He doesn’t have a hope.’
‘Hasn’t he?’ Anna said, pulling away. ‘In his position, I’d be worried too. This can’t be good for Joni.’
‘Nonsense! She doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, as long as she’s with her mummy and great granny, she’s happy.’
‘She’s been restless.’
Florence put her hand on Anna’s shoulder, looking her in the eye. ‘She can sense it off you. I’ll stay again tonight, you won’t have to lift a finger. I can cook, clean, give you a chance to relax.’
‘No, it’s fine,’ Anna said with a sigh. ‘I need to get back into a normal routine, I have work tomorrow.’
Florence frowned. ‘Is that really a good idea, going into work?’
‘I can’t afford not to, Gran. Me not being able to provide for Joni will just be another stick Guy can beat me with.’
As Anna sat at her desk on Thursday morning, half of her wanted to head right back home again. But she needed to present as normal a picture as possible of a hard-working mother who could provide for her child even if it meant having to deal with the whispers and raised eyebrows when she walked into work, the story about her and Jamie still strong in people’s minds.
She’d had missed calls from Jamie, but she chose to ignore them. She wanted him out of her life now and she’d sent a text message saying just that. She hadn’t got a reply and there were no more calls.
It only strengthened Anna’s resolve. She wouldn’t let the men in her life, and the press, take the one thing she had left: her strength as a mother. So she knuckled down and got on with work, focusing on Joni and gathering strength from the photo of her on her desk, even sneaking to the loo and watching videos of Joni playing when she felt like hiding under her chair after Heather walked in and glared at her.
As she walked back from the toilets, she saw the station’s controller walking down the corridor, his white hair bouncing with every step.
‘Anna!’ he called out to her.
‘Hi, Lucian.’
‘I’ve been trying to find you. Can you pop into my office for a few moments?’
‘Of course.’
She followed him to his office and sat down across from him. ‘I know you’re aware of everything that’s been going on. It’s great to be at work, to be honest. It gives me—’
‘Let me interrupt you there,’ he said, face serious. ‘I’m sorry, Anna. You know how much we adore you, how much our listeners do too. But we’ve all been talking and we think it might be worth you taking some time off.’
Anna opened her mouth and closed it again.
‘Just with all the attention lately, we don’t think it’s good for you or the station if you stay. Heather suggested you take a month off then take it from there. Full pay, of course.’
‘Heather,’ Anna said, shaking her head. ‘You know this is a dream come true for her, don’t you? She hates me.’
‘I wouldn’t say that, Anna. I thought you’d welcome the opportunity, it must be a very stressful time for you.’
‘Even more stressful twiddling my thumbs all day.’
He let out a nervous laugh. ‘Oh, I can’t imagine you’re the type to sit around. You could take a hobby up, see more of your little girl.’
‘So your decision is final?’
‘This is a collaborative decision, Anna.’
‘But if I say no…?’
He cleared his throat. ‘Well…’
‘Fine,’ Anna snapped. ‘If that’s what you want, I suppose I get it. So when does the month start from?’
He avoided her eyes.
‘Today?’ she asked, incredulous.
He nodded. ‘This isn’t ideal, Anna, you’re such an asset to the station. But you have to understand our position.’
‘I’m not sure I do, really. I’ve dedicated the past seven years to this station, played a key role in turning it into what it is today.’
His face hardened. ‘We had no problem with you coming back after you killed that boy, Anna, in fact we suggested it. But I’m afraid things are out of control now. All the rumours about Ben Miller then the articles about you and Jamie Nunn. You have become the news, Anna. It’s impossible.’
Anna stood up. ‘Thanks for the support, Lucian.’
Then she strode out of the office, eyes stinging with tears. She quickened her step and ran outside, gasping in the fresh salty air. She carried on walking until she reached the beach then walked some more, the sea wind tearing into her hair, tears streaming down her face.
She was losing everything.
When she got to the lighthouse, she peered up at the window her father had jumped from.
Is this how he’d felt before he jumped?
She imagined climbing the metal stairs, then walking to the window, opening it, stepping onto the windowsill. She saw herself looking down at the rocks, contemplating them.
Then she saw Joni.
‘No,’ she hissed at herself. ‘Pull yourself together.’
She wiped her tears away, raking her hands through her messy hair. She’d get through this, she wouldn’t let it defeat her. She’d go back to Lucian and tell him she’d take two weeks off. Then she’d be back.
She headed back to the studio, strength gathering with every step.
But when she got back, one of the admin team ran up to her, face full of worry. ‘Anna, your mother-in-law’s been trying to contact you. It’s about Joni.’
Anna’s heart skipped a beat. She pulled her phone from her pocket to see there were several missed calls from the nursery. She quickly called them.
‘Anna!’ her mother-in-law said as soon as she was put through. ‘Joni’s gone missing.’
Chapter Sixteen
The Sixth One
The baby is crying upstairs. I can hear it through the windows, whining, high-pitched. It makes it hard to focus.
The boy doesn’t bat an eyelid though, despite the fact he’s supposed to be looking after her while his parents are out. I imagine them down the pub, getting pissed, not giving a damn.
You’re right. These boys aren’t loved enough. But we can care for them.
Doesn’t stop the guilt though. You said the guilt would dissipate, then the thrill would truly take over. The thrill’s there but I’m still feeling the guilt, waking in the night with the boys’ wretched eyes on my mind. It’s the moment before they die, the helplessness and desperate fear. I know you like that moment, you say it’s the best part, the moving from one plane to the next. Life to death in just a bright succulent moment. But I hate that part. I see my actions through their eyes, I see the role I’ve played as my own reflection bounces back at me from their pupils and the water beneath them.
But then it all redeems itself when they’re lying there, prone, dead, all life gone. That is when the thrill begins. No thrashing about, no fighting, no retching and pitiful moans.
Just silence. Stillness. Life gives in and I can begin my garland, pulling the flowers from my bag, laying them around their heads, stroking their hair, whispering it’ll all be okay as you watch. I sometimes think you aren’t breathing yourself, you’re so still. You tell me you’re just in awe, enraptured and so proud, so very proud.
‘My mate Todd said the dead boys were found with their hearts removed,’ the boy says now, interrupting my thoughts.
I resist the desire to roll my eyes. Instead I feign surprise. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah! Just cut right out of their chests. His second cousin saw the second kid dead, said he had a hole in his chest.’
The rumours going around are astounding. Eyes removed. Frogspawn sewn into the tongue. Even a cat’s carcass lying beneath each victim. As for who did it, a teacher was seen running from the scene apparently. An off-duty police officer too. Even a vicar!
I tried to tell you about the rumours the other week but you stopped me. You said you don’t want to mar our memories with unnecessary tactless gossip.
The baby’s whines go up a dial. I think briefly about marching up there and smothering it with a pillow.
The thought shocks me. Is this what I am becoming, someone who fantasises about killing babies in their sleep?
I pull the lemonade out instead. ‘Want a drink?’ I say to the boy.
Chapter Seventeen
‘Gone?’ Anna shouted down the phone. People around the studio peered up. ‘What the hell do you mean, gone?’
‘She was having a nap with the other children on their daybeds,’ her mother-in-law said. ‘Lacey popped into the kitchen for just a few seconds. When she came back, Joni was gone. We’ve had the whole team out checking all over.’
‘I’m coming.’ Anna slammed her phone down and grabbed her coat, running from the studio. She didn’t remember the car journey, only the sheer blind white panic. It was similar to the moment she saw Elliot holding the knife except it was worse. Anna couldn’t see Joni, she was nowhere near her, she couldn’t do anything to protect her.
When she got to the nursery, the police were everywhere, blue lights flashing. Other parents were picking their children up from the nursery, casting disapproving glances at Anna. In the distance, the sea sparkled under a bright sun, a red kite dancing in the coastal breeze, children’s laughter as they played on the beach tinkling in Anna’s ears.
The scene made Anna feel sick, more stricken with terror.
Her mother-in-law ran out when she saw her, face white, tears in her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry. You know how good the security is, all the doors were locked, it was just me and the other girls. I have no idea how she disappeared. Guy’s on his way.’
‘You’ve searched everywhere?’ Anna said. ‘Absolutely everywhere?’
‘Every little nook and cranny. She’s just gone. I don’t know – I can’t—’
Anna shoved past her, going to the nearest police officer. ‘What’s happening? What are you doing to find my daughter?’
‘We have officers searching the area,’ the officer said.
‘Is Detective Morgan here? I want Detective Morgan.’
‘He’s on his way, Mrs Graves.’
‘What about Jamie Nunn? Has anyone tried to track him down?’
The office frowned. ‘Elliot Nunn’s brother?’
She marched away, digging her phone out and calling Jamie. He answered straight away. ‘Anna, I—’
‘Where is she?’
He paused. ‘Where’s who?’
‘Joni. Where have you taken her?’
‘Joni’s missing?’
Anna laughed. Her laugh sounded hysterical. ‘You know what I’m talking about. You can do whatever the hell you want to me, but do not touch my daughter. I swear, do not touch her.’ Her voice broke and she started sobbing. ‘Please, Jamie, please, whatever my father did to yours—’
‘Anna, calm down! I did not take Joni. I would never hurt her.’
‘Mrs Graves!’
She looked over to see Detective Morgan jogging towards her. His face was red, forehead shiny with sweat. She’d never seen him look so dishevelled. It made her feel even more terrified.
‘I’ve got Jamie Nunn on the phone,’ she said. ‘You need to go to his place.’
‘Jamie Nunn?’ the detective said.
‘It’s obviously him who took Joni. Who else would it be?’
‘If this is to do with that article in the Ridgmont Waters Chronicle, I had a word with him about that. Turns out his aunt exaggerated things, she discovered he’d gone to your house to protect you so she sold the story in the hope it would drive the two of you apart. He seemed sincere, Anna.’
Anna hesitated. Could it be true? She shook her head. ‘Why do you believe him? He could be a killer. He could have my daughter right now!’
The detective shook his head. ‘I don’t think he has Joni.’
‘So who does?’
A police officer ran over, a police radio in his hand. ‘They found her,’ he said. ‘She’s fine.’
Relief flooded through Anna and her arms ached to have her daughter in them. ‘Where?’
‘Just a street down,’ the officer said.
Anna exchanged a look with the detective. How could Joni have got a whole street away?
They all ran down the street, a nice street with rows of Victorian houses like the one Anna used to live in with Guy and Joni. She knew which house it was as several police officers were outside, an elderly woman talking to one of them. A female officer approached from the back, Joni wrapped in a blanket as she sucked her thumb. Anna let out a cry and ran over, pulling her daughter into her arms and sobbing.
‘Are you okay, baby?’
Joni burst into tears and Anna held her close, heart thumping against her little chest.
‘How the hell did she get here?’ Anna asked the police officer. ‘And why’s she so wet?’ she said, noticing her blue leggings were soaked through.
‘We found her sitting in a pond,’ the policewoman said, looking at Detective Morgan with worried eyes.
‘In a pond?’ Anna said, blood turning to ice. ‘My God, she could have drowned.’ She checked Joni’s face, running her fingers over her cold wet skin. The wail of ambulance sirens sounded in the distance. ‘Did – did she crawl there?’
‘Unlikely,’ Detective Morgan said, peering at the house with hooded eyes.
Anna followed his gaze. ‘So you think she was brought here?’
‘Maybe.’
Anna closed her eyes, tears squeezing out between her eyelashes. It was all too much.
‘It’s not just that,’ the policewoman said.
‘What else?’ Detective Morgan said.
Anna opened her eyes as the officer jutted her chin towards the open gate. It led through to a large well-kept garden, in the middle of which was a small pond. Floating on its surface was an array of beautiful flowers.
‘The owner said the flowers weren’t there before,’ the policewoman said. ‘We’ve checked. They’re the same flowers found with Ben Miller. Pansies, daisies and—’
‘“Rosemary for remembrance,”’ Anna quoted quietly as the detective nodded. ‘Fennel, columbines, daisies and violets.’
‘All from Ophelia’s garland in Hamlet,’ the detective explained to the bemused-looking policewoman. ‘I think it’s time we talked to some local florists, these flowers can’t be that easy to source. Right,’ he said, turning back to Anna with a big sigh as an ambulance turned in to the street. ‘Let’s get Joni checked over then let’s talk.’
‘Did the Ophelia Killer do this?’ Anna asked the detective as a paramedic gently checked Joni all over, helping Anna to change her into the spare set of clothes she always had in her handbag.
‘Twenty years on?’ Detective Morgan said. ‘I don’t know.’
‘So a copycat?’
‘Maybe.’ He tilted his head. ‘What do you think?’
