The Candidate, page 22
Jane stood in the small anteroom, alone, gathering her thoughts and her courage, for the biggest public statement of her life. She’d already done the hard part, she reminded herself. She had opened herself to Alex. Had already taken that step that would forever change her life. But even with a lover by her side, it was one hell of a lonely journey.
A soft knock at the door announced Carter’s presence. “Hey,” he said quietly, closing the door behind him. “Just wanted to wish you luck and all that.” He smiled awkwardly.
“Thank you, Carter.” Jane gave him a quick hug. “And thank you for your friendship. It means a lot.”
“Oh, hell, woman. Now’s not the time to get all sappy on me. Where’s that fighting spirit?”
Jane shook her head lightly. It seemed like all she’d done lately is fight. Fight to be taken seriously as a contender, fight to get her social agenda on the front pages, fight for Alex, and now, fight for her political future. “Oh, Christ, Carter.”
Carter gripped her shoulder tightly. “You’re doing the right thing, you know. And it’s your courage that makes you so strong. It’s made you who you are.”
Jane looked at him skeptically. “C’mon. I’m no braver than most. I’m just stupid enough to ignore good sense.”
“Look. I knew a long time ago that Alex was in love with you, that something was happening between the two of you. And I discouraged it because I was scared for you. Scared it would ruin everything.” Carter’s expression was one of wonder and admiration. “But you. You’re ready to risk it all. And that means you’ve got bigger—ahem—balls than anyone I know.”
“Carter—”
“No, seriously. You give the rest of us more strength than you could ever imagine. We’re there with you, Jane, no matter what.”
“Hey, I thought we weren’t going to get all sappy?” Jane laughed at Carter’s sheepish look.
“Sorry. You’re right. I’m supposed to be giving you a pep talk. I think.”
“It’s okay, Carter. I’m fine. Other than feeling like I’m ready to go to the gallows. Although, a quick, painful death might be easier than the skewering I’m going to get for days on end.”
Carter waved away her cynicism. “They love you, Jane. They’ll forgive you.”
Jane felt her nerves harden. “But why should I have to be forgiven for anything? That’s the part that burns me.”
“Hey. You’re preaching to the converted. It’s just the way it is. You know that.”
Jane nodded grimly. “People like you and I need to change all that, Carter.”
Carter grinned, his eyes alight. “That’s why you’re going to win this damned election, Jane. That’s why you need to win this thing.” He winked playfully. “I’m looking at the new poster dyke of the Western world.”
Jane laughed, oddly thrilled and scared at the same time. “Let’s not get carried away, kid.”
“Yeah, well, if anyone can handle it, Jane, you can.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Jane moved to the small window in the room, absently scanned the gray skyline and felt a shiver in her veins. “I can’t help but feel like I’m about to fall off a cliff.”
Carter walked up behind her and touched her shoulder lightly. “You are. But you’ll be falling into those big strong arms of Alex’s, don’t forget.”
Jane smiled, remembering what was really important. “Yeah. I will.”
Alex watched Jane’s news conference on her small television, stunned at Jane’s composure and courage. She felt more than saw the shock of Jane’s announcement when the camera panned the tightly packed room, and yet Jane acted oblivious. She delivered without an ounce of ambivalence or apology, yet neither was she cocky or cavalier. Alex marveled at how Jane always seemed to strike just the right chord, always seemed as though she were completely in control of the situation. She was calm and unequivocal, forthright and yet congenial. There was real joy beneath Jane’s words. She looked far from sad or unsure, and that, Alex knew, would go a long way in how the public would perceive her in the coming days and weeks. Even Dennis Collins managed to make it look like it was news worthy of celebrating.
Life with Jane would never be easy, Alex knew. If she were to lose the election, she would simply go on to something else equally challenging and demanding. She was too smart and too talented and too driven to sit around the house and take up knitting. That part of Jane was so much of what made her irresistible. And if she were to go on to become the vice president, well, life would be one heck of a merry-go-round for both of them.
All I can do is jump on and hang on for dear life. Alex smiled. She did not want to go back to her meaningless life, where her job had become everything and the idea of loving again seemed impossible, if not repulsive. No. That was no way to live. Being around Jane these last few months, being a part of her life, coming to believe in and be inspired by her vision, her purpose, by the woman herself—that was living. She could be swept up or swept away. Take a chance or be at its whim.
Jane stepped into the room, grinning widely. Alex grinned back with the relief and satisfaction of having made her own silent commitment.
“Well?” Jane prodded. “Did you watch?” She ran to Alex’s bed with the springy energy of a kid. She kissed Alex spiritedly.
“You were spectacular,” Alex said. “God, I love you.” She raked her eyes appreciatively over Jane. “I can’t wait to ravage you.”
Jane moaned quietly. “Wow. Remind me to hold regular press conferences.”
Alex smiled, wanting always to remember Jane this way— happy, excited with just a hint of nervous energy, confident and a little impatient for the future.
“I’m so proud of you,” Alex said. “You really did it. You really went for it.”
Jane kissed her again, long and slow this time. “For better or worse, it’s all out there now. And you know what, Alex? I’ve never felt so frigging good in my life. It makes me feel like anything’s possible, you know?”
Alex reached for Jane’s hand. “Coming out is the most liberating thing you can do for yourself.”
“I can see that. Was it difficult for you?”
Alex shrugged. “Sure. It’s never entirely easy, not for anyone. There were some recriminations in the early days of my career, but you get through it. Friends help. Love helps even more.”
“Well, if that’s true, I should have an easy road ahead.”
“I hope so, darlin’. I’ll try to be a good partner to you, Jane.”
Jane squeezed Alex’s hand, her face tightening, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. “Oh, God, Alex. I really want to be a good partner to you, too. But I . . . with my career . . . with . . .”
Alex’s heart was breaking at Jane’s anguish, but she let her continue.
“I just don’t know how good a partner I’ll be, Alex. I want to give you so much. I want to be there for you.”
“Shh,” Alex soothed, caressing the smooth skin of Jane’s forearm. “I know you love me, and I know you’ll find a way to make it work for us. We’ll both find a way to make it work. There’s too much to lose if we don’t.”
They kissed again and Alex knew she must be feeling better, because she wanted much more.
“Thank you for believing in me,” Jane said in a quavering voice.
“I’ll always believe in you, Jane. That will never change.”
There was a soft knock on the door and Jane’s mother tentatively stepped in.
“C’mon in, Mother,” Jane called out, then whispered to Alex, “she’s going to ask you to come to the island to recuperate.”
“No need to try to warn her off, dear. Hello, Alex.”
Alex smiled at Maria Kincaid. She was thrilled to have a glimpse of what Jane would be like in thirty years and wondered fleetingly what their life would be like then. Whether Jane would begin to slow down by then. God, she hoped so. “Hello, Maria.”
“It’s sure good to see you sitting up and talking, Alex.” She glanced at Jane, smiling and shaking her head at the two of them.
“What?” Jane asked.
“I’ve just never seen you this happy, dear. I’m trying to get used to the sight of it.”
“Well, you don’t have to try to get used to it all at once. You’ve got many years to get used to it.”
“I look forward to it. Alex? When you get well, you’d better put your best running shoes on.”
Alex raised her eyebrows in question.
“That is, if you want to keep up with my daughter.”
Alex laughed. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to keep up. But I’ll certainly try.”
Maria laughed. “I look forward to that, too. Listen, Jane’s right. I’d like you to come to the island house with me and recuperate until the election.”
“But . . .” Alex looked from one to the other. “I want to be with Jane.”
Maria smiled patiently. “I know that. But you’ll be in the hospital another week and my dear daughter will barely have time to eat or brush her teeth, let alone spend any time with you. Am I right, Janey?”
Jane grudgingly agreed. “She’s right, Alex. And I’d feel better knowing you were resting and being looked after.”
Alex tried to conceal her disappointment. They were probably right. She would only be a drag on Jane right now. “When will I see you?”
“Election day. If you’re up to it. I’ll vote in my constituency. We’ll meet in Detroit and fly to Miami to wait out the results with Collins.” She shrugged. “It’s his day and we have to go to his city. And after that, we’ll fly right back to the island for our own celebration—or pity party.”
Alex leaned closer to whisper to Jane. “Is that when we get to have the romantic evening you promised?”
Jane laughed. “I love a woman with priorities.” Her eyes grazed over Alex with a sexual hunger that was staggering. “We’ll need to have a party, but we’ll spend a few days together on our own.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Alex, then tossed a look at her mother. “Right, Mother?”
Maria laughed. “Yes, dear. Anything you want.”
Oh, yes, Alex thought happily, feeling suddenly drowsy. Anything I want. And I know exactly what that is.
She drifted off to fantasies of Jane, wrapped naked in her arms.
Chapter 14
The last two weeks of the campaign were the most grueling yet. Jane had never worked harder in her life, and she hadn’t exactly been a slacker before.
There was little time to think of Alex or even to call her, but Jane missed her more than ever. Now that they had committed to a future together, it was torture to be apart. Jane wanted to get on with their life together, with loving each other, and it took all her determination and powers of concentration to focus on the campaign—to see through what she had started so long ago.
Jane’s public announcement about her sexuality had sparked a predictable firestorm in the media. The journalists and photographers were like frenzied sharks, relentless in their hunger for more. If she’d thought her press conference would adequately address the issue, she was badly mistaken. They would not let it die, asking her endless questions about her love life, her sex life, her views on homosexuality, her and Alex’s plans for the future. Would they get married? Have children? Would Alex be a stay-at-home wife? Would she accompany Jane in public? Would they ever kiss in public? Be seen holding hands? Did she worry about her credibility as a potential world leader, particularly in countries where homosexuality was outlawed? What would she say to people who were religiously or morally opposed to her way of life?
Jane would not be broken or worn down. She answered every question as best she could, even using humor sometimes to alleviate the tension. Her sexuality had become the dominant issue of the campaign, and while the fact that it overshadowed everything disappointed her, she was resigned to it. There was no other way. For many voters, she knew her revelation was shocking, but the sooner they dealt with the shock of it, the sooner everyone could just get over it and get on with it. At least, that’s what she told herself. And one day, her sexuality would not be the first thing people talked about. She could hardly wait for that day.
Gradually, more and more support began to coalesce. It came from newspaper columnists, liberal blog sites on the Internet, women’s groups, gay and lesbian groups, labor unions and professional organizations. Jane was the mule on which they could heap all their social complaints, and she went with it, promising to be their voice and their muscle where she could. If anything, her public declaration had strengthened her integrity and respect within many communities and organizations. Those who did not support her never had and probably never would, and their disapproval had only grown more vociferous. Jane took more heat than usual from her adversaries, but she took much more joy from her allies, who seemed to be multiplying by the day.
Jane quickly found herself becoming a cultural hero to many. She’d been astonished when, just the other day, a woman tried to thrust a phone number in her hand. There’d been other sudden propositions from women, too, including a very brazen one from a governor’s assistant. She was definitely not used to this kind of attention and she didn’t find it particularly flattering because she couldn’t imagine going to bed with anyone but Alex.
Alex. Jane cast a sly glance at Steph Cameron, who was trying to make small talk with the good-looking press secretary to the governor of North Carolina. She’ll kill me for interrupting, Jane thought wickedly, then motioned for her aide.
Steph dutifully appeared at her side. “Yes, boss?”
“Can you ring up Alex for me on your cell phone?”
“Sure thing.” She looked curiously at Jane. “It’s your shot next, though.”
Jane surveyed the sand bunker off in the distance, where she knew her golf ball lay mired. Her mood darkened. She was an adequate golfer, but sand shots were positively not in her repertoire.
“Don’t worry, it’ll probably be another five minutes before we even get up there.”
“Will that give you enough time with Alex?”
Jane laughed. “We’re not having phone sex, Steph. I just wanna say hi. Hear her voice.”
Steph winked and disappeared, phone in hand.
Jane cast a sweeping glance over the hordes of Secret Service agents, aides, journalists and photographers following her and the governor around the golf course. She wasn’t thrilled to be here, and neither was the governor, she knew. He was a conservative Democrat, and Clara had used all her persuasiveness to arrange the public outing, which was intended to convey that Jane was relaxed with the election just days away, and that a southern, conservative, high-profile Democrat still supported the Collins-Kincaid ticket. They were supposed to walk and golf nine holes, but Jane knew they’d be lucky to get in four or five holes. Which suited her just fine. The weather was a little too warm and she was tripping over people. She could barely swing her club without hitting a camera.
Steph’s phone was pressed into her hand.
“Alex? Honey?”
“Hey, sweetheart. Where are you?”
Jane frowned. She wasn’t even sure anymore. “Some golf course in North Carolina. We must be on the coast because I can see the water.”
Alex laughed. “Maybe you’d better get a geography tutor. Wouldn’t want you showing up for the inauguration in Boston or something.”
Jane stepped away to give herself more privacy. “After all this traveling over the past year, I should be giving the geography lessons.”
Alex paused. “Do you think you can find your way back to Michigan?”
Jane smiled into the phone and lowered her voice. “You don’t have to worry about that, even if I have to crawl my way there. I can’t wait to see you, darling.”
She could hear Alex take a deep breath. “I’m going out of my mind missing you.”
Jane sighed out of exhaustion and frustration. “Three more days. God, I’m almost down to counting the hours.”
“You sound so tired, sweetheart. I’d like nothing more right now than to hold you and let you fall asleep in my arms.”
Jane became wobbly at the thought. She’d like nothing more right now than to be in Alex’s arms, letting the woman she loved take care of her. “Oh, God, Alex. How did you know the exact thing I needed to hear?”
“Lucky guess.”
“Yeah, right. Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
“Liar.”
“I would never lie to you, sweetheart. Well, unless I was just trying to make you feel better.”
“Like right now?”
Alex laughed. “Actually, I’m feeling a little better every day. And your mom is taking wonderful care of me. I think I’ve gained back the five pounds I lost on the coma diet.”
“Yup, that sounds like my mother. I’m glad she’s fattening you up.” Jane’s assigned caddie was waving her on toward the dreaded sand bunker. “Listen, honey. You know how to golf, right?”
“Mmmm, maybe,” Alex answered cryptically. “Why?”
“Because I have to make a sand shot and I have no idea how to.”
Alex laughed teasingly. “A candidate’s job is never done.”
“Shut up,” Jane teased back. “Are you going to help me, or not?”
“I’m at your service, my love.”
“Ooh, now you’re talking,” Jane purred.
“You don’t exactly sound like you’re concentrating on your next shot.”
“Oh, I’m concentrating on something, all right. And it’s not golf.”
Alex laughed. God, it was so good to hear her laugh. “I thought you wanted my help with your golf game?” Alex growled in her ear. “Unfortunately, that’s all I can help you with right now.”
“All right, all right. Golf it is. So, how do I do this shot?”
“Open the face of your club, hit behind the ball and take lots of sand on the follow-through.”
“Just like that?” Jane asked in astonishment. “You make it sound like following a recipe or something.”
“It won’t be anything you can’t handle if you follow those three steps. And if you still can’t get out of the trap after a few tries, just hand the club to Steph and make her do it. Isn’t that what the hired help’s for?”
