The Candidate, page 13
Alex silently fumed. And it’s all my fault! “I don’t find that particularly amusing or astonishing, Harry.” She sipped her Perrier in a full-blown sulk.
“Sorry, but I beg to differ. A woman as good looking and smart and funny and successful as her . . .” He took another savoring bite. “What the hell is wrong with the men of America? People magazine even voted her the country’s most eligible woman last year.” He nodded in the direction of Keith Henderson. “At least that guy’s got the brains to go after her.”
Alex shoved her food around her plate, not the least bit interested in it. The brains? What’s so damned brainy about a man wanting to stick his dick up some gorgeous woman? He doesn’t even know her for God’s sake. “He’s an asshole.” Alex bristled.
Harry polished off the last of his food and even looked like he might lick the plate. “What’d he ever do to you, slugger?”
“Just look at him, Harry. He’s a wolf. And he’s been gloating and smirking all night.”
Harry pointed his finger at Alex. “You go acting all jealous, and it’s gonna look like there’s something to those stories in the papers today.”
Alex threw down her napkin. “Fuck those stories.”
“Look, kid, I know it’s been—”
“I don’t want to talk it about it, Harry,” Alex snapped, louder than she intended.
Harry pushed his chair back and spoke into the tiny microphone in his sleeve to alert the other agents. “Looks like Comet’s on the move.”
Paparazzi waited outside the restaurant for the couple and furiously snapped pictures as they emerged. Somebody must have tipped them off . . . probably Jane’s staff, Alex thought with bitter cynicism. Sure couldn’t hurt the campaign for Jane to be seen on a date with some good-looking dude.
“Fuck this politics bullshit,” Alex grumbled to no one. She was not cut out for this, and the sooner this fucking campaign was over, the better!
Jane slipped out of her heels and went to pour them both a brandy. She was not entirely sure bringing her date back to her room was a good idea. Keith Henderson had already served at least one purpose, and that was testing Alex. She had glared at them throughout dinner, full of pent-up resentment and tension. So, Alex is jealous. The thought fluttered in the pit of Jane’s stomach, sending a small, undeniable shiver through her. Alex’s jealousy should have felt disconcerting, but it didn’t. Somehow, it almost seemed as though Jane had been expecting this. Carter’s right. She does have a thing for me. She hadn’t been sure until now. She’d done a pretty good job of talking herself into believing their heated wrestling match on Mackinac was nothing more than mild attraction that had simply gotten out of hand. Now Jane had at least a shred of evidence that to Alex, it was much more than that.
My God, she wants me. She drew in a deep breath, felt the powerful surge of heat gather between her legs. Her pulse had begun to race . . . she could almost feel Alex beside her, taking her hand . . .
Jane returned to the couch with the two brandy snifters.
“Jane.” Keith was looking at her like she was dessert. He moved his hand to her thigh.
Alex paced her end of the hallway, unlike her counterpart at the opposite end, who stood stock-still. He might even be asleep standing up, except for the tiny movement of his eyes every now and again.
Alex could not force the images from her mind of what Jane and her date might be doing in that room just steps away. She couldn’t stop remembering that it was she and Jane just a few nights ago, in each other’s arms. And it hurt that now it was him and not her in there with Jane—touching her in secret, warm places, feeling the excitement in her body as it responded.
Alex wanted to scream with every cell in her body. She knew as surely as she breathed that she wanted Jane again. Wanted all of her. And if there was a next time for them, there would be no stopping. And no excuses afterward, no regrets. No taking it back.
I shouldn’t have let her off the hook with that little speech she made in the bus, Alex rebuked herself. I should have made her own up to what happened, to what she felt, to what we both felt, to what she wanted to happen, however much the truth might make her uncomfortable. Jane can’t just dismiss it the way she did. She can’t!
But then . . . Alex sighed in frustration. She knew she hadn’t been entirely truthful, either. Sure, she’d told Jane she cared for her, but that was like saying she sort of liked hot fudge sundaes. She had not put it all out there, had not admitted that she was crazy about her. How she wanted to be near Jane, wanted to be the object of her attention, her touch, her smile, wanted to share her thoughts, wanted to touch that incredible body in a way that only she surely knew how. Wanted Jane to look at her in that special way, like they were the only two people in the world. She wanted a future with Jane. It was incredibly simple and yet it was the most complex, unattainable thing she’d ever desired.
She felt in her pants pocket for the stone Jane had given her and rubbed its smooth surface. It was supposed to make you feel better, Jane had told her. Well, it’s not working, Jane.
Much as she wanted to believe differently, Alex knew there was no use in pining for Jane, in building up some fantasy world in her mind. It was ridiculous, in fact. She’d never risk everything for you, Alex. She wouldn’t risk a single damned thing for you. You might as well have a crush on the Woman on the Moon.
With a feeling of profound hopelessness, Alex leaned against the wall and wished for her shift to end.
Jane’s date was playfully grinding against her as he lay on top of her. They’d moved to her bedroom, both stripped to their underwear. His kisses were rough, his cheeks like sandpaper. A film of sweat covered his body, and his hardness poked at Jane, demanding removal of her cotton panties. He already had a condom on, Jane confirmed as she reached down to grab hold of him. When had he put that on? She squeezed him lightly and tried to convince herself that she was ready. She pushed her underwear aside and mechanically guided his cock slowly into her. He let out a groan as he entered and it wasn’t long before he was moving inside her.
Shit, Jane thought. She wasn’t ready. It hurt. Dammit! She cast about in her mind for sexy thoughts, to will the wetness she had so thoroughly felt the other night. With Alex. Jesus! She’d been so wet. So full of wanting. Oh, Alex. The handsome face— those eyes like tropical pools—ascended in Jane’s mind like a heavenly but grainy vision, as though she were under water. Sweet, sweet Alex. A small shiver ran through Jane and she felt her thoughts begin to crystallize.
Keith was grunting and sweating and pumping for all he was worth, but it was no use. It was all wrong. She did not want this. Did not want him. This is not what I want!
“Keith, stop, please.”
He continued, oblivious.
“Keith! Stop it!” She tried to pull away, her body stiff with revulsion, which only made the pain worse. “Keith, get off me!”
He looked at her, stunned, as her words registered. “What the hell?”
“Get off me! You’re hurting me. I can’t do this.”
He pulled out of her. “Jesus, Jane. What’s the fucking problem?”
“I just can’t, Keith.”
“Christ! What’s wrong with you?” He leapt up from the bed and reached for his clothes. “I thought you wanted this?”
Jane sat up. She wouldn’t apologize or explain. “Please, go.”
“Goddamn right, I’ll go.” He was pulling his clothes on quickly. His confusion was clearly turning to anger. “I’ll tell your girlfriend on the way out to come and finish the job.”
He was halfway out the bedroom door when Jane reached for the glass vase on her nightstand and threw it. It missed him, but shattered loudly as it hit the door frame. He slammed the door hard on his way out.
“Bastard!” Jane yelled, feeling as empty as the echo in the room.
Seconds later, Jane’s bedroom door flew open. It was Alex, breathless and wild-eyed, one hand resting on the butt of her holstered pistol. “Jane! Are you okay?”
A yelp of surprise died in Jane’s throat as she awkwardly tugged the sheet up around her bare breasts, knowing she hadn’t quite covered herself in time. She’d seen Alex’s eyes quickly rake over her.
“Did he hurt you, Jane?” Her voice was choked, on the edge of rage.
Jane shook her head lamely. She felt ashamed, embarrassed. She must think I’m a slut. Jane felt her cheeks burning, less with embarrassment now and more with irrational petulance. It’s because of you that this happened, Alex . . . because I can’t quite get what happened between us out of my fucking mind!
Alex was still breathing hard from the adrenaline and the sprint to Jane’s room. She was still looking skeptically at Jane, as though she didn’t quite believe she was okay. Her thorough scrutiny of her was not entirely clinical, Jane knew. She felt gratitude—vindication even—for the brief flicker of appreciation she’d seen in Alex’s eyes as they’d swept over her naked chest.
“It’s okay, Alex. I’m fine.”
“If he did anything to you, I’ll kill the son-of-a-bitch.”
“Alex, no!” Jane shot up from the bed, holding the sheet loosely around her, and remembered at the last second to leap over the broken glass. She caught up to Alex in the living room and grabbed her arm. “Stop, please.”
Alex threw her hands up in exasperation. “Dammit, Jane. When I heard the crashing, I thought . . . I thought he was hurting you. What the hell happened?” Her words came out like automatic gunfire.
Jane moved to the couch and sat down, carefully tucking the sheet in around her. “Alex, I’m sorry. I can’t explain right now.”
“Yes, you can,” Alex replied, her voice tight, like a kite string. Jane had never seen her so furious. “What the fuck were you doing with that guy?”
Jane inwardly recoiled from the sting of Alex’s tone. What business was it of hers, anyway? What right did she have to question Jane’s judgment, her actions? How dare she be so imperious! “The same thing you were doing with that Republican in Detroit last week,” Jane ground out through clenched teeth. She would not take the entire blame for this.
Alex stood perfectly still, looking numbly at Jane for the longest time, her face a blank. “I told you that was a mistake,” she finally answered. “Was this a mistake for you tonight? With him?”
“Alex, what makes you think I need to answer that?” Jane asked with indignation.
Alex sat down next to Jane and spoke in soft tones. “You need to answer it, Jane. Because I’m being completely honest with you.”
Jane laughed without mirth. “I see. Okay, Alex, since you’re being completely honest, tell me why you’re acting so jealous tonight? And why it matters to you who I sleep with?”
“Why do you think?” Alex rasped.
Jane shrugged uncooperatively. She was in no mood for a lengthy verbal jousting. “I have no idea. You tell me what this is all about.”
Alex’s face was clenched in misery. “The other night. On the island.” She dropped her eyes momentarily. “Something happened between us, Jane. Or at least, for me, it did. And now you go and end up in bed with . . . him!” Alex didn’t even try to hide the hurt she was feeling. “I don’t understand.”
Jane felt herself yielding to Alex’s vulnerability. She was being honest, which, for the moment, was more than Jane was being.
“Alex.” Jane tried to corral her thoughts, which had scattered like confetti. “I don’t know why I turned to him. I thought . . . I thought that’s what I needed.”
Alex squeezed her eyes shut as though she were imagining something painful. “Tell me what you do need, Jane.”
Jane reached for Alex’s hand, which felt cold and stiff. “Alex, I just . . . I can’t answer that.” Oh, God. How can I tell you when I don’t even know myself? “My life is very complicated right now. We’re into the heaviest part of the primaries.” Jane grew more impassioned. “There’s so much to do over the next few weeks, and I’m so close, Alex. I really feel I have a good chance of getting past Collins. It has to be my priority, don’t you see?”
Alex slipped her hand free. She reached for Jane’s face and tenderly cupped her chin. Her touch was gentle, but firm, like her voice. “Jane, stop. Just tell me what’s going on in your heart. I need to know. I’m not asking for anything else.”
Jane’s eyelids slid shut. She could not look at Alex. Another second, and she would absolutely melt into that raw vulnerability of Alex’s. Her defenses were nearly shattered. She would not do that, she told herself. There was not another soul on this earth with whom she shared absolutely every facet of her life, her thoughts, her feelings. And she was not about to completely open herself up now. Especially not in the middle of a campaign. She had to stay strong, focused. “No,” she said.
“I can’t do this alone, Jane.”
“Do what, Alex?”
“This.”
Jane suddenly felt soft lips pressing lightly against hers. She flinched in surprise. Her eyes flew open. My God, she’s kissing me! Indisputably, irrevocably, Alex was slowly but soundly kissing her into heavenly oblivion. Jane’s eyelids fluttered closed again. She hardly knew if she was even breathing anymore. Alex’s lips were so soft, so agonizingly tender against her own, that Jane felt herself gasp in surprise and delight. It felt so damned good, so perfect. The kiss persisted and deepened in sweet exploration. It was like nothing she’d ever experienced before, and Jane found herself happily surrendering to it. Fire swept through her veins, the warmth lodging deep in her belly as Alex’s tongue parted her lips. My God, Alex, I am physically powerless against you.
Jane heard herself moaning softly as Alex’s tongue playfully engaged hers, and hands at her waist pulled her closer. She lost all track of time and space, her mind completely forfeiting any attempts to form a single thought. But her sense of feel had certainly not abandoned her. The sensual mouth on hers, the eager tongue sent sweet tremors up and down her spine. When she felt Alex faintly pull back, Jane pushed her mouth harder into Alex’s, beckoning it back. She wanted the kiss to continue and it did . . . nothing else mattered for the moment. Nothing.
“Jane,” Alex finally murmured, slightly out of breath. She disengaged reluctantly and stood up, a slow smile of self-satisfaction on her lips. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said lightly before turning on her heel.
Jane leaned back on the couch, feeling like she’d just been flattened by a Mack truck. She was still breathing heavily, still trembling with pleasure and unfulfilled longing. What just happened, she wondered in astonishment, not sure she really wanted to know.
Hours later, Alex was still buzzing with the effects of the mind-blowing kiss when she sat down at the hotel’s nearly empty restaurant and ordered a coffee. She really didn’t need the caffeine fix because she was nowhere near ready for sleep, even though she was off duty now. But since she wasn’t going to be able to sleep, coffee wouldn’t hurt.
She still wasn’t sure what had come over her, to kiss Jane senseless like that. She had never been that reckless with a straight woman before. But Jane had looked so cute sitting there, all hot and stubborn and indignant and half naked. That thin cotton sheet had been so sexy on her, clinging to every curve, only lightly concealing incredibly erect nipples. Admittedly, Alex had lost her head, but it had felt like a victory, especially because Jane had fully reciprocated.
Alex held onto the cup placed in front of her as if it were some sort of crystal ball. If only Jane would tell me what she feels, goddammit! She had told Alex in Mackinac that she cared for her, too. But it went deeper than that. Much deeper. Jane desired Alex as much as Alex desired her, and Jane’s reaction to the kiss only proved that. The signals were all there, just not the words Alex needed to hear.
“Hey, you. This seat taken?” It was Carter, grinning coyly as though he had some private knowledge of what had just happened upstairs in Jane’s room.
Alex smiled belatedly. “What are you doing up so early?”
Carter sat down on the bar stool next to Alex and ordered a coffee and full breakfast. “Are you kidding? I won’t be getting any sleep for the next seventy-two hours. Super Tuesday’s going to be a killer.”
Alex wasn’t ready to dismiss the thrilling memory of the kiss. She knew she was grinning like a fool.
“Whatever you were doing, I hope there were no reporters sneaking around,” Carter joked.
Alex’s grin curled into a scowl. “I am so not used to this fish bowl crap.”
Carter winced. “Sorry. That was a really shitty thing that happened to you in the papers. I know Jane feels horrible about it. We all do. I know it wasn’t what you expected—or deserved.”
Alex’s thoughts wandered, recalling the annoyance, anger even, in Jane’s voice, as though Alex had brought the publicity on herself because of her indiscretion with the Republican. Maybe Jane just couldn’t stand the idea of Alex in bed with anyone. Well, I know how that feels, Alex thought sullenly. She’d wanted to kill that Keith guy . . . tear the bastard’s head off, and then when she’d drunk Cristal from the asshole’s skull, she’d carry Jane off and make mad, passionate love to her. Alex smiled. She’d been so tempted to pull that sheet down, to kiss that luscious neck. And those perky, round breasts—
“Something else bothering you, Alex?” Carter interrupted.
She didn’t feel like lying. Didn’t feel like telling the truth, either. She was so damned confused. Jane seemed at once to both want her and reject her and she had no idea what to do about it.
“Look, Alex. I have to be honest with you, okay?”
With effort, Alex shifted her attention back to Carter with a profound sense of foreboding. Whatever he was about to say, it wasn’t going to be good.
Carter took a sip of his coffee and started out haltingly. “I know . . . I know this is none of my business. But I consider you my friend. And I’m Jane’s friend, too, of course.”
He shifted in his seat, looking as though a catastrophe might strike at any moment. And it just might. But Alex felt strangely calm. “It’s okay, Carter, go on.”
