Checking Holly Twice, page 8
“Not really.” She sounded weary and defeated. I’d contributed to that by being an obstinate, proud man.
“I didn’t either,” I said. “Until you showed up here today.” This kind offer from Holly was a way out of all my worries. I would be able to breathe without the enormous debt and fear of losing the house. Was my male pride hurt? Yes, but the kids mattered more. I must remember that always. Their uncle was a failure, but at least I wasn’t stupid.
She came to sit next to me in the other chair. “If I thought I could be a miracle to you or anyone, maybe I wouldn’t feel like crap all of the time.”
“I’ll make you a deal. If I take your money, then you have to let yourself feel good for the rest of your time here. No self-doubt or believing that idiot Rhett’s actions have anything to do with who you are. How truly special you are.”
“I’ll do my best.” Holly traced the flower pattern in the upholstery with her thumb. She’d caused the cuticle to bleed.
I had an urge to take her into the bathroom and put antibiotics and a bandage on the self-inflicted wound the way I did Ruby and Dane.
“But old habits die hard,” Holly said.
I shook my head in disbelief. How could a woman who looked like her and had so much talent feel inadequate? “If I could do anything during your time here, it would be to give you the gift of seeing yourself as I see you. As the kids see you.”
“How is that?” Holly asked softly and with such childlike vulnerability that my entire body ached with sympathy. And empathy, for that matter. We were more alike than I’d have ever thought.
“Like a Christmas angel,” I said. “Our angel.”
“I’d like to be that. For however long I’m here.” Her eyes glistened. “To mean something, anything, to another person might have the power to save me.”
“I’m not sure who is saving who here.” I stood and offered her my hand to help her up, then took her into my arms and whispered into her sweet-smelling hair. “I’ve never been too good with gratitude. But thank you.”
She clung to me for a moment. “Thank you.”
“I should go now, right?”
“I don’t want you to, but yes.” She stepped a few inches back from me. “We have to remember what’s best for the kids. Seeing us together would only give them false hope.”
She was right, but damn, I didn’t want to leave her. “Good night, Holly.”
“Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed me on the cheek and then gestured toward the door.
I gave her one last smile before slipping out into the hallway. For a moment, I hesitated. Every part of me except my brain wanted to return to her. However, I was already dancing with the devil. I needed to walk away for all our sakes.
7
Holly
After Forest left the room, I swiped a few times on my phone to transfer money from my savings account to my checking. Then I took my checkbook out of my purse and wrote a check for six hundred thousand dollars. I found an envelope in the desk and placed the check inside with Forest’s name on it. I’d slip it into his stocking in the morning.
I could hear his footsteps going down the hallway toward his room. My instinct was to follow him. The walls of the room seemed to expand to fit my loneliness. I was in a wide-open space with no idea which direction to go.
A text came in from Marge.
Hey kid. Wishing you a Merry Christmas. How’s it going up there?
I wrote back. Good. I guess. Feeling a bit lost. Wish you were here. What did you and Mary do tonight?
We volunteered at the shelter, then ate our weight in dumplings and shared a bottle of the wine you sent.
I smiled as I typed. Good for you.
Any word on Hunkerson?
He’s pretty great. Too great for a fling. Those kids…the sweetest. We need to protect them from getting ideas about me staying for long. I haven’t met any kids who needed a mother more than I did as a kid. I hesitated. Should I tell her about the kiss and the rest of it? No, I decided. Marge would only worry about me.
I can get that. Too bad, though. A meaningless liaison is just what you need.
That’s the problem. It wouldn’t turn out to be meaningless. Not for any of us. Especially me.
I don’t know what that means, but I won’t nag you since it’s Christmas Eve. Have a good day tomorrow, okay? Don’t forget who you belong to and straighten your crown.
Love you!
Same. Mary says hello, Merry Christmas, and thanks for all the wine. Night, kid.
Night.
Should I have taken her up on her offer to spend the holidays with them? Probably. But I’d needed to escape with my misery instead of spreading it around. I’d done the right thing. Plus, if I hadn’t come here, I never would have been able to help Forest and the kids.
I plugged my phone in to charge the battery, then drew a deep bath and dumped an entire bottle of the jasmine-scented bubbles into the water. When the tub was almost full, I submerged myself up to my chin. I hadn’t let myself cry during this escape road trip. It had been an exercise in will. I’d shed so many tears over Rhett by the time I left LA that I’d had enough crying for a lifetime. Now, though, the tears leaked down my face as hot as the bathwater.
Some of those tears were of gratitude. I’d had such a good day. An unexpectedly good day, given what I thought I’d be doing on this Christmas Eve. The others were for the expectations for my wedding that I’d carried around all year. Had Rhett thought of me at all today? Probably not. Given the photographs of him and Nicki Roland over the last few weeks, they seemed to be living the big life in Paris. The paparazzi had taken pictures of the happy couple all over the City of Love, holding hands, kissing, even feeding each other. That one had made me vomit. Quite literally. While they were stuffing escargot dripping with butter into each other’s mouths, I was home puking up a smoothie.
The house creaked, reminding me that a sexy man was just down the hall. No, not for you, I told myself. Everyone in this house was vulnerable and fragile. Lying to the kids had been horrible. I’d already complicated things enough, and I hadn’t even been in their lives for twenty-four hours. I’d allowed myself be lulled into a false sense of intimacy with Forest and his adorable children. Was I that lonely? That desperate for affection? The answer was yes, obviously. But I shouldn’t be selfish. It was not fair to the kids. Who was I to be playing house with their uncle when all three clearly needed a woman to love them?
When my muscles had fully relaxed, I got out of the tub and put on the robe that had been folded into a square on the counter. I took a good look at myself as I brushed out my long hair. I looked pretty bad without makeup. Dark circles under my eyes were proof of all the sleepless nights since I’d first seen the story about Rhett and his costar. Like the times it had happened with my mother, the feeling of utter public betrayal had brought me to my knees. Since then, I’d dragged through each day. Every time I left the house, the press had followed. It was hard enough to recover from the sting of betrayal but even worse when the whole world knew about your pain. If it hadn’t been for Marge and Mary, I don’t know what I would have done.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. What about tomorrow and the rest of the week? I’d do what I’d promised and go into town with them tomorrow but after that, I should rent a car and head back to the States. I could spend the rest of the year in Seattle wandering the rainy streets feeling sorry for myself. No one in this house needed all the complications spending time with a person like me brought. I was like poison to good people. Rhett must have felt that, or he wouldn’t have so easily fallen for someone else. I’d been kidding myself to think he would want me. How did I possibly think I was someone a man like Rhett would want to marry? He knew me. Knew how my mother had twisted and confused me with her lies, sucking the life out of me. My mother had never taught me how to be anything but a moneymaking machine. Money for her. Without money, I had nothing to offer anyone. Especially children or a man like Forest.
I pulled a long, soft T-shirt I wore to sleep in over my damp skin. A candy had been placed on one of the pillows. I smiled, thinking of Ruby or Dane putting it there for an unknown guest. I put it aside and climbed into bed. The sheets were cold on my bare legs. I turned off the lamp and curled up into a ball. After tomorrow, I would disappear and let these poor people be. Tears came again. I tried to stifle any sound, but a little squeak came out of me as I sobbed.
A tapping on the door startled me. I sat straight up in bed. “Yes?”
“Holly, can I come in?”
Forest. Had he heard me crying?
I turned on the bedside lamp and wiped my eyes with a tissue, then got out of bed to open the door.
“Are you all right?” Forest wore flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt that clung to every muscle. It wasn’t fair how good-looking he was. Even a brokenhearted mess like me could imagine what it would feel like to shimmy my fingers under the fabric of his shirt and touch his muscular stomach.
“I’m okay.”
“I know the sound of a girl crying. Can I help? Warm milk?”
“No, no. I’m fine.” I started to cry again, totally pathetic, standing there hugging myself and weeping in front of a man with the weight of so much on his shoulders. I must seem spoiled and vapid.
He stepped closer and took me into his arms. I leaned into him and pressed my damp cheek next to his chest. Let him hold you for a moment, I told myself. Give in to it. Just for a little while. “You’re too beautiful and sweet to cry one more moment about that moron. He’s the one who lost out, do you hear me?”
I lifted my face to look up at him. His eyes glittered in the dim light. I caught my breath as a wave of desire ran through every inch of me.
He kicked the door shut with his foot and kissed me, devouring my mouth. He lifted me up by my legs and carried me to the bed. I fell backward onto the soft down quilt that swished under the weight of our bodies.
He was on top of me, kissing me again. I could feel the evidence of his attraction through the fabric of his pajama pants. I was breathless and warm and wanted so much more. “Holly? Is this a mistake?”
“I don’t know.”
He had his hands on the backs of my legs, then they moved up to my breasts. His mouth roamed my body. I stifled a moan of pleasure.
“We have to be quiet. The kids,” Forest said by my ear before his tongue drifted down my neck.
“Yes, yes, I know,” I whispered. “What about a condom?”
He sat up so abruptly that the mattress bounced. “Crap, a condom. Right. I have some in my room somewhere. Don’t move. Or, I mean, you can move, but just not out of this bed.”
The floor creaked as he scurried over to the doorway. I rolled over on my side as he slipped out to the hall. What was I doing? Should I do this? It had been a long time since I’d been with anyone but Rhett. We’d been together for several years by the time we decided to marry. Before him, I’d had a dry spell. A period of time where I protected myself from opening up to the vulnerability of sex. That had been my plan for now as well. Forest, though? I wanted him. Bad. More so than anyone I’d ever come into contact with, which was a lot considering how many actors, cameramen, directors, and casting people came in and out of my life. Forest had wakened every part of me during our limited time together. I wanted more. I craved the feeling of his weight, the softness of his mouth, and the taste of skin on the tip of my tongue.
A night of pleasure—that’s all this was or needed to be. What harm could it do? The children wouldn’t even have to know.
But what about you? What will this do to you? A voice came out of nowhere, whispering in my head. I told it to shut up.
I’d taken off my t-shirt by the time he came back to me. I watched in the dim light as he shed his shirt, pants, and socks. He held up three condoms. “Just in case the first time around’s a bust. It’s been a minute since I had a woman in my bed.”
I held back the covers. “Get in here and let’s get you some practice.”
He pulled me to him and covered my body with his. His lips nipped and teased mine before moving to nibble on my ear. I held my breath as his mouth traveled down to my breasts. The tip of his tongue teased my nipples, causing me to moan. His hands moved up and down my legs.
“Damn, you have the most gorgeous legs.” His fingers explored between my thighs, pressing and caressing all the right parts. I might lose it before he even had time to move inside me.
“I want you,” I whispered. “Now.”
“Hang on, let me take care of something first.” His voice sounded rough, like a man who’d been on a weeklong bender of cigarettes and whiskey.
I closed my eyes and listened to the crinkling of the condom wrapper. The bed shifted as Forest moved. “Sorry, a little out of practice,” he muttered. “There we go.”
I smiled to myself. How was it possible that a man could be so ridiculously sexy and endearing at the same time?
He grabbed me and kissed me and pushed open my legs. I was so wet that nothing prohibited him from an easy entrance. A second later, he was moving slowly. “God, you feel good,” I said.
“You too.”
His thrusts became more urgent and deeper. The pleasure was so intense that I wanted to cry out, but knew I couldn’t let the kids hear us.
The tension built. I tried as hard as I could not to make any noises, but soft moans came out just the same. Finally, I lost control, crying out as my back arched. Seconds later, he gasped and tensed before exploding. He shuddered, his breath hot on my neck.
“You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever been with. I could have you a thousand more times and always want one more time.”
“Have me?” I giggled.
“You know what I mean. Be with you.”
“A thousand times doesn’t sound like nearly enough.” I clung to him for a moment, enjoying the feel of our sweaty, hot bodies together.
“Don’t sound so surprised.” He kissed me while still inside me, before gently removing himself and falling next to me. “Good Lord. That was a fine Christmas present.”
We lay on our backs, catching our breath for a moment. When I could breathe normally again, I rolled onto my side, taking him in. The lamp on the bedside table cast just enough light for me to see every contour of his delicious form.
He turned to face me. “You feel way too good in my arms.”
“Same here. I’d talked myself out of this, you know,” I said. “The last thing I want to do is cause a problem for you or the kids. But you’re irresistible.”
“No strings attached. I know you have to go back to your real life.”
I trailed my fingers down his muscular shoulder. His skin was still damp to the touch. “Right. Not that you’re asking me to stay. We’ve known each other for less than a day.”
“That would be ridiculous. Kind of like a gift of six hundred thousand dollars.” He nipped at my neck.
“I’m glad you’re no longer mad at me.” I put a finger through a wave of his thick hair.
“My pride’s a little bruised. That said, the money changes everything. I can’t thank you enough.” He rolled over to his back. “Come here. Let me hold you. Tell me your dreams.”
I tucked myself close to him and rested my cheek on his chest.
“Can we agree to enjoy each other until I have to go and part as friends?”
He put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “Sure, I can be your rebound guy.”
“Will you mind?” I asked, teasing.
“It’s the least I can do since you saved my family home.”
“You owe me nothing. If anything, I owe you.”
“You mean because of the great sex?” Forest asked.
I laughed and nudged him with my elbow. “If that’s how you’re paying me back, then sign me up.”
We were silent for a moment. Outside the large windows, the stars shone brightly. A sliver of a moon smiled at us.
“Tell me a secret,” Forest whispered. “Something no one knows.”
I had to think for a moment. One no one knew? Did I have one the world didn’t know? Yes, I did. “I did one of those DNA tests a few years back. To find my dad or any half siblings I didn’t know about.”
“Did you find him?”
“Yes, he was dead, though. A little more digging and I found out he died of a drug overdose in his twenties.” I played with the soft hair on his chest. “I come from great stock, right?”
“You’re perfect. And not your parents.”
“I’m not perfect, but thanks for saying that. I haven’t been feeling too great about myself.”
“You’ve had a blow to your ego. Being rejected hurts, no matter the reason. It hurt like hell when my ex told me in no uncertain terms that it was either my niece and nephew or her.”
“What a horrible person.” That was out of my mouth before I could stop it. “Sorry. I mean, maybe she wasn’t all bad.”
He snorted. “Don’t apologize. She certainly showed her true colors. Thank goodness. If all this hadn’t happened, I would have married her. At some point, during a trying period, people show you who they really are.”
“During both good fortune and bad,” I said. “The measure of one’s character is how you act when things are going your way. I’ve seen so many people corrupted by fame and money. In the business I’m in, it’s pretty common.”
“I have a confession to make. I looked you up on my phone and saw all the stuff about your ex and that child he’s hanging out with.”
I chuckled. “She is young.”
“Like me, you should be glad you didn’t marry him. He would have cheated eventually. That type always does.”
“When you say it like that, the whole thing seems on him,” I said. “But in the middle of the night, I start to go back over every moment of our time together and wonder what it was that I did to drive him away.”
“I stand by my earlier statement. This was about him and his damage. Give yourself a Christmas present and let yourself off the hook. Being betrayed is bad enough without turning on yourself.”
