Checking Holly Twice, page 17
“That was the problem with Rhett, you know,” Mom said as if I’d asked a further question. “There wasn’t enough air in the world for both of you.”
I stared at her for a moment. She hadn’t even met Rhett. What did she know about us? It doesn’t matter, I thought. She’s trying to rile me up. Never again. I’d finally grown up enough to know that I shouldn’t answer her childlike behavior by acting like one myself. I didn’t need her approval. I didn’t need her criticisms. I was me. Good enough. Strong enough. Self-preservation had to be my only goal when it came to my mother. “Good luck, Mom.” I slipped into the hallway without waiting for a response. The sooner I got out of there the better.
Cold air blasted my face. I searched for Forest and the kids but not seeing them, I pulled out my phone to text him I was ready. No sooner had I done so than his truck pulled up. Favoring my achy ankle, I hobbled over to the truck and got inside. The kids were in the back. Ruby’s eyes were half closed, obviously tired from her ice cream crime spree. Dane gave me one of his serious smiles. “You good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Really good.”
“Everyone ready to go home?” Forest asked.
“I am,” I said, never more certain of anything in my life. There would be a warm bath and a glass of wine and then snuggle time on the couch with the three people in this truck.
I settled back in the seat, sleepy myself, and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, we had come to a stop in front of the house. I looked over at Forest. He was staring at the front porch with an expression on his face I couldn’t read. Dane got out of the car, waking Ruby, who blinked and then sat up straight. “Is my punishment coming now?”
Forest looked at her through the rearview mirror. “Not yet. Go inside with your brother and wash up.”
“All right.” Ruby pushed open her door and jumped to the ground. Snow was falling hard and fast, making a hazy view of the kids as they ran up the stairs to the porch and through the front door.
I shifted to get a better look at Forest. “What’s wrong?”
He turned to me slowly. “I’m going to miss the hell out of you. I just realized how much when we drove up here with both you and Ruby asleep. It felt like we were a family.”
Tears pricked my eyes. I moved my gaze to look out the side window. A winter sparrow hopped from branch to branch on a leafless tree. Did her feet feel the cold of the gathering snow?
“I shouldn’t have said that,” Forest said. “I’m sorry.”
I turned back to him. “Don’t be. I feel the same way.”
“This doesn’t have to end. I’ll be here if you ever want to come back and visit.”
“You deserve better than me. Than this.” I waved toward the end of the driveway. Although the van no longer waited, the symbolic nature of my gesture wasn’t lost on him. “This would be terrible for the kids.”
“You said they can’t photograph them,” Forest said.
“True. But I don’t want them to ever feel hunted.”
“Is that how you feel?”
I teared up then, the sadness and loneliness of my life welling up and out of me. Unable to speak, I simply nodded.
“Stay here with me. I’ll protect you from all of it.”
I jerked my head up to look at him. “You don’t mean that. Not after less than a week together.”
He smiled and brushed a hand through his hair. “I sound crazy. I know I do. But there’s a connection between us, right? I’m not the only one feeling it?”
“You’re not the only one.” Warm, I took off my gloves. Snow had completely covered the truck’s front window. “If it keeps snowing, maybe I can stay forever.”
“Snow melts in the spring. Even in Canada.”
I closed my eyes, weary. “If I could stay until spring, I might never leave.”
“We have good wildflowers. The birds sing. And the sky on a clear summer night? Nothing better.”
I moved just my head to look over at him. He was a beautiful man in every way, I thought, as he gazed back at me with his clear eyes.
“But there’s no movie cameras or red carpets,” Forest said. “Only a couple of messy kids.”
“They’re great kids. Messy or not.”
“All of us are a lot, though. Instant family.”
“Family? You’ve met mine. Yours sure looks good to me.”
He reached over and tugged the cap off my head, then kissed me hard. “No reason to ruin our time together talking ourselves silly. Let’s go inside. I bet you could use a warm bath.”
“How did you know?”
“I’ve made my list about Holly and checked it twice.”
In the kitchen an hour later, I told Forest about my mother’s request, including the part about a legal agreement.
“I sent it to Marge,” I said. “To see if there’s anything in there that should worry me.”
Sitting at the island sipping a glass of wine, he’d listened without comment. Now, with a thoughtful look on his face, he got up to refresh both our glasses. “I think this is a great solution.”
“Because she’ll have attention?”
“That’s right. She’ll get what she’s always wanted. Which means she might finally leave you alone.”
I nodded, thinking through what he said. “If it’s a hit, she’ll get all the exposure she wants. But it’s not always flattering. Those shows are brutal. Plus, they make things look a certain way in the editing process.”
“I think she’d thrive in that environment,” Forest said. “All attention is good.”
“You’re right. All she’s ever wanted is for people to look at her.” I told him what she’d said about hair and makeup. “She might not like all that as much as she thinks. All that preparation becomes tedious.” During warm days on a set the makeup felt so thick on my face I was afraid I might melt.
“Not to a woman like that,” Forest said.
I stared at him, amazed at his insight. He’d only met her once. How did he understand all of this so well, so quickly? Not that she was that hard to figure out, I supposed. “If Marge says it’s all right, then I’ll sign. It would be nice to have her focused on something besides how to get in the spotlight. She’ll be there of her own accord.”
“Right.”
My phone buzzed with a call from Marge. “I should take this. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. This is your life, Holly.”
What was it about the way he said my name that made my heart melt? I blew him a kiss before answering the call. I wandered over to the window to watch the snow fall. “Hey, Marge.”
“Hey, kid. I looked over the contract. There are a couple of tweaks I’d suggest, but in general, it seems rock solid. My guess is you’re not the only one who has an estranged relationship with their family member.”
I nodded, agreeing. Who would go on a show like that unless they wanted the spotlight they wished they’d had?
Marge went over a few changes, including the suggestion that we add a section spelling out that this agreement did not cancel out the one we already had in place. “We don’t want her to use that as a loophole to go on some kind of press tour spilling all your secrets.”
“You’re the best. I love you,” I said. The last part came out before I could sensor myself. I’d never said that to Marge before. How many others in my life had I kept my affection for to myself? Was that also a contributor to the demise of my relationship with Rhett? Who cared anyway? Today was a new day. A chance for me to be better than yesterday. It was easier to be a good person here, I thought, as I followed the falling of a snowflake.
“Ah, stop it. This is my job. Anyway, I love you too.” Her voice sounded gruff but pleased. “Now, go enjoy that cute guy and let me take care of this. I’ll give your mother’s agent a call and get this all hammered out, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks again.”
“You sound good, kid. Happy.”
“I feel that way too.” I hesitated for a split second before saying, “Marge, you should go on vacation sometime. You might be surprised by how much you need a break.”
“You think?”
“Let’s you, me, and Mary go somewhere together in the coming year. Anywhere you want.”
“We’ll see.” Her noncommittal answer didn’t match the delight of her tone.
We said our goodbyes and hung up. When I turned back to the kitchen, Forest was leaning over the island looking as if he were examining the pattern in the granite for answers to the secret of life.
I went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”
He turned to pull me into his arms. “You’re special. That’s all.”
I gave him my weight, letting him hold me, knowing I would need to recall this feeling later when I missed him and this house and the children. “If it keeps snowing, maybe I won’t have to leave after the weekend.”
He buried his face into my hair. “It won’t snow enough to keep you here. The world’s waiting for your return.”
But did I want to return to the real life? Could I stay here and give up such a great opportunity? The role I’d coveted had seemed like the most important thing in my world just two weeks ago. Now, though? Ambition seemed to be falling away bit by bit. If I lost it all, who would I be?
Happy. At peace. No longer chased.
Those words seemed to have been whispered from some unknown and unseeable source. I blinked them away and lifted my mouth to his and kissed him. For as long as I was here, I would grab as many kisses as I could.
16
Forest
The next morning, I woke earlier than the rest of my house. Restless, I got in my truck and drove out to the cemetery. I parked and walked over to our family plot, where everyone in my family dating back to my great-grandparents, the original owners of our family farm, were buried. When I thought I might lose the property and the house, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of my truck and visit the grave sites. I’d been overwhelmed with this idea that I was letting them all down. My great-grandfather had spent his life taming the piece of land into a home. He’d passed his love of the place to his father who passed it to my father. Eventually, my sister caught the passion. I’d been the one who wanted to get out. Go to the city. Have a fancy career and live the high life. I’d even told my sister that I’d come home once or twice a year but that if she wanted to see me, she’d have to come to me.
I’d been such a proud young man. No working at a bar or taking care of a run-down farm, I’d thought the day I drove out of town headed for university. “Take it all,” I’d told my sister and Marc on their wedding day. “I don’t want anything to do with this place.” My sister had been pregnant with Dane already. Only nineteen and pregnant. I’d thought it was a curse and a burden. What a joke on me.
When my sister and Marc died, there had been no choice. The children needed me. Now, Dane and Ruby and this place were my whole world. I couldn’t imagine what I would be if not for them. Baseball games, tea parties, and school pickup lines and plays were the pieces of my quiet life, all built around two little people who had my heart. Until Holly, I hadn’t realized how lonely I’d been for a partner and best friend. Sharing the week with her, cooking together, taking care of the kids together, had felt as natural as breathing.
“I want her to stay,” I whispered. Then, feeling self-conscious and hoping no one but those resting in peace were within hearing distance, I sat down on the bench I’d had put in near my parents’ graves. The sky was a wispy winter blue. Rays of early-morning sun reached through the trees like willowy arms and wrapped me in warmth.
The idea of Holly becoming a permanent member of our family sounded crazy even to me, but I had this sense about Holly. She was the one I was meant to be with. If only we lived in a different time. Or had met earlier, before she was sucked in by money and fame. Would that have made a difference to us? Maybe. Maybe not. She’d saved me financially and would not have been able to do so if not for all that fame and money. To imagine different scenarios was futile. Our lives were what they were. She would have to return to hers. I would have to stay in mine.
I brushed the snow off the top of the headstones. An image of my mother and father dancing in the kitchen flashed before me. Our old kitchen, before the remodel, had been rustic and plain, but my mother’s presence always made it seem magical and special. She and my sister had both been human light sources, brightening everything in their path. Ruby was that way too. A smile that would light the darkest night. Dane was serious and worried all the time. Like me. Had I made him that way?
For the thousandth time, I wondered why it had been me they were left with, when my sister was an angel on earth. They deserved to have her and Marc raising them. Instead they were stuck with me.
“They love you very much.” My sister’s voice seemed to come from the sun itself.
“I know,” I said out loud. “But it should be you.”
I waited, hoping for an answer, but heard only the sound of a winter sparrow chirping from a tree. But a stillness came to me, filling me with white light. Holly and I should not be parted. I knew it as I’d never known anything before. I couldn’t let her go without a fight. I’d propose that we have a long-distance relationship. She could visit between projects.
Even as the idea came to me, I knew she would never agree. She wanted me to have a true partner. A wife for me and a mother for the kids. To her own admission, she didn’t want that life. An ordinary life after the one in which she sparkled brighter than any of the lights in Garland Grove would be impossible for her to embrace. She was meant for the glitter and glam of Hollywood. Not a grumpy old bloke like me.
I closed my eyes and let myself feel bad. I wanted her. That was all. I’d gotten a small window of time with someone special. These days would have to sustain me for the rest of my life.
Unless, a voice whispered to me. Unless you can win her heart. Compromise. Come up with a plan to convince her that where there is love, there is a way.
Love? Did I love her?
Yes, idiot. You love her. Go fight for her.
On New Year’s Eve, we left the kids with Mrs. Knight, and I took Holly out to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant. It was located just outside of town in an old house off the side of the road, and the aroma of tomatoes, basil, and garlic made my stomach growl.
We were seated at a table for two near a brick fireplace. The dining room was in what was originally the sitting room and dining room. They’d knocked a wall down to make the space big enough for twenty tables. Still, the room felt intimate and romantic. Tonight, every table was taken. I’d had to call in a favor with the owner to get us in.
Candlelight cast shadows across her face as she bent over the menu. “What’s good here?”
“Everything,” I said. “But I’m partial to their Bolognese.”
“I’m thinking angel hair with the fresh tomatoes and basil,” she said.
“You can’t go wrong here.” All day we’d been talking about small things, like food and the weather. Anything to avoid the inevitable. Tomorrow she had to go.
I had to address our future tonight or risk losing her forever. After we ordered a bottle of wine and our dinners, I folded my hands on my lap under the white tablecloth. A large, loud family were across the room, all laughing and talking all at once. I leaned closer to make sure she could hear me. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Yeah?” she asked as she picked up her water glass.
“How would you feel about a visit while you’re shooting in Italy?”
“From you?” Her nose wrinkled as if she smelled something bad.
My heart sank. “I mean, unless you don’t want me to?”
“I’d love it. But what about the kids? Can you be away?”
“I can ask Mrs. Knight to stay with them.” Nervous, I grabbed a roll from the basket on the table and broke it open with my hands. I clumsily tried to spread a hard packet of butter on one side.
“Is this what you want?” Holly asked. “To see each other as we can?”
“I want you.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly. “Oh.”
“I can’t let you leave without at least trying.”
“Trying?”
“Trying to find a way we can be together, even if it’s long-distance.”
Her hand visibly shook as she reached for her water glass again. This time it slipped from her hand and spilled, and water splashed over her lap. She let out a faint scream and jerked up from the chair. The front of her sweaterdress clung to her curves. “Oh my God, I’m so clumsy.”
I rushed around the table and gave her my cloth napkin.
She dabbed at her dress. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry. Do you want to go?” I asked.
“No, no. I’m fine.” She sank back into her chair.
To my great alarm, she started to cry silently into her hands. Sobs shook her narrow shoulders. Conscious of the other diners, my instinct was to protect her from view. Who knew who had a camera pointed at us without our knowing? I suddenly hated smartphones.
“Come on, baby,” I said. “Let’s go home.” I lifted her up from the chair and dragged her toward the door.
“What about the check?” Holly asked.
Right. I needed to pay. I handed her my keys. “Go to the truck and I’ll be right there.”
She nodded and stumbled out the door. I ripped five twenties from my wallet and handed them to the hostess. “I’m sorry. Maybe some of the staff can enjoy our dinners?”
Our server sidled up next to and gave me our bottle of wine wrapped in a brown paper bag. “Take this, at least,” she whispered. “Looks like she needs it.”
“Wait, we have sandwiches left over from lunch,” the hostess said. “Let me grab them for you.”
Less than a minute later, she returned with a bag. “There’s a cheesecake in there too.”
I thanked them and went out into the chilly night. Stars shone brightly in the inky sky. A perfect New Year’s Eve. Except my sweetheart was headed out of town in the morning. I’d never hated the thought of a fresh beginning more than I did tonight.
