Back to You, page 20
A man grabbed Emilia and pulled her onto his lap. Thomas went to stand again but stopped suddenly when the man stiffened. Looking closer, Thomas swore he could see a glint of metal in her hand.
Thomas’ breath caught as Emilia smiled and beckoned one of the other women to him. She laughed, swaying away as if it were part of the show. If Thomas hadn’t been focused on Emilia, he would have missed her slipping something into the side of her dress.
With a thump, he rocked back in his seat, exhaling his relief as dread pooled in his stomach. He hoped to see his brother standing to defend her, but he found Mikey staring at him, smirking.
Mikey looked away as Emilia began to sing a rowdy song that had the men slapping each other’s backs and laughing.
Thomas clenched his fists, eyes riveted on the table before him. Damn, the woman was good. She adapted to the North End far beyond his expectations. Ever since he met Emilia, he saw her as someone to protect. A liability to the narrowed world Thomas made for himself. He hated that he doubted her resilience and reprimanded himself for not seeing it sooner. Emilia could handle herself. She never needed him to protect her but instead used him as a means to an end to save her friend, and now she’d found another way to get what she desired.
Thomas stood, leaving the bar, feeling in his heart that he was no longer where he belonged.
Chapter twenty-one
Emilia
25 June 1861
The water lapped at the docks as we walked down the waterfront, creating sweet serenity in its familiarity. It almost would have been a perfect day if it wasn’t so hot. But, at least, a light breeze came off the water, stirring the hair briefly off my neck.
“Thanks for this,” Shay said, turning her face towards the sun. She had been sinking into a deep depression again, and when I saw that Evaline kept getting under Rose’s feet, I saw my chance to get them both outdoors.
The little girl ran a few feet before us, laughing as she scared seagulls into flight. Shay smiled at Evaline, and my insides warmed.
“You needed to get out,” I agreed. “And that devil needed to burn some energy.” We both turned to smile at Evaline chasing the birds as they landed, scattering them with angry squawks. I swore she never stopped.
“God, I’m starving,” Shay said.
“We can—”
“You know what I want?” she asked, turning so fast that I sidestepped her. “A cheeseburger and french fries. And maybe some pizza!” She moaned and closed her eyes. “When do you think ranch was invented?”
I laughed. “I’m not sure it is yet. We could try to make it ourselves.”
“That would be awesome.” She sighed, and we continued walking.
I hesitated a moment. “Are you craving anything weird?”
She eyed me sideways but started to smile. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. We hadn’t talked about her pregnancy much.
“Scrambled eggs and cheeseburgers.”
“That’s not too crazy.”
“No,” she said, smiling while she scrunched her nose. “I mean together. And maybe with some ranch on them both.”
“Okay,” I laughed. “Maybe it is kind of gross.”
“Don’t hate!” This was the happiest I’d seen her in a while, and I hoped to keep her distracted. “Just wait until you start cravings. There’s no stopping them.”
I looked down, my heart plummeting. Was that even something I wanted? “That’s probably not happening any time soon.” I forced a laugh, watching as a young couple passed us.
“Stay close, Eva!” Shay yelled. Evaline smiled back at us, her brown curls blowing in her face.
We walked a few more minutes in silence, taking in the momentary peacefulness of not having to work or worry about anything. No one was bothering us, and it was glorious. So why had my mood suddenly gone sour?
“Have you seen him?” Shay asked.
The question took me back as if she was reading my mind. “Who?” I asked, my tone cautious.
She actually rolled her eyes. “Don’t play stupid. Don’t you think I noticed how you’ve been moping around the bakery?”
“I—I’ve been busy,” I said. “Michael hasn’t given me any news yet about my family, and with working all day and singing all night, I’m tired.”
Shay’s face sobered as she watched Evaline run back to us. “I know. You’ve been doing a lot. But you don’t see how your face lights up whenever someone mentions Thomas.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I scrunched up my nose in disbelief.
“It does,” she said, smiling again. “It’s quite pathetic.”
I elbowed her, and she laughed. “No, I haven’t seen him,” I admitted. “I secretly keep hoping he’d come to see me sing, but he hasn’t.”
“I’m hungry!” Evaline yelled as she grabbed hold of my dress.
“Maybe he’ll come around,” Shay said. “Just give him time.”
“I’m not sure how much time we have left,” I said, looking over her shoulder. A few steamships had docked, their smoke billowing up to meet the clouds. It looked like soldiers were disembarking. “Hold on, sweetie,” I said to Evaline. “We’ll get something to eat after seeing who this is.”
“Should we be here?” Shay asked. She had paled when seeing all the men. “What if they’re from the south?”
“I don’t think so,” I said, hearing someone bark orders. “It might be one of the regiments that went for training. Do you remember?”
“Not really, but I haven’t been paying attention too much lately.”
I grabbed Evaline’s hand and went closer to the marching troops. Irish brogues carried with the wind, answering my suspicions.
“I think that might be the all-Irish regiment Michael was talking about,” I said.
Shay studied my face. “Was he thinking of joining?”
“No.” I almost laughed at the thought of Michael joining. “He thinks it’s a waste of time. I only asked him about it because…”
“Because of Thomas,” Shay finished, rolling her eyes. At least I knew she was feeling better enough to be exasperated with me.
“He said Thomas didn’t join, but—but wanted to.” I swallowed, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Shay, you don’t by chance know when the 28th Regiment forms, do you?”
“Why would I know that?”
I shook my head. “That was the regiment on the flag we found in the attic.”
Understanding dawned on her features. “And that’s probably the one Thomas joins.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “That’s why you’re so concerned about time? He might be gone when we finally go back home.”
I looked at the blue sky and watched the clouds pass by, willing away the tears that threatened to spill. “It shouldn’t matter. I don’t really know him.”
“Sometimes we just click with a person, Millie. They just make sense to you, and there’s no explanation, even when it hasn’t been much time. Maybe he’s your person?”
I glanced at her in surprise. “Like, what? Soul mates?” I laughed nervously. “Do you really believe in that?”
“Yes.” She shrugged. “Maybe you were meant to meet Thomas.”
“Fate,” I said, thinking hard. “You honestly believe in fate?” Actually, it shouldn’t have surprised me. Shay had always been the romantic as I was more practical, leaning towards security rather than passion.
“I do,” she admitted. “And I happened to find you staring at his photo more times than I can count.”
I gasped, face flaming red. “I did not!”
She gave me a knowing smile as Evaline swung around, holding onto Shay’s skirts.
“You talking about Uncle Tommy?” Evaline asked, breaking through our conversation.
“Yes.” Shay smiled deviously. “Millie might be your Uncle Tommy’s soul mate!”
“Shay!” I swatted her arm and pulled Evaline faster along. “He is not my soul mate,” I said to Evaline. “Shay is just being silly.”
Evaline’s brows crinkled in thought as she eyed both of us. “I told him about your light, but he didn’t see it.”
“My light?” I asked, perplexed. I squatted down and grabbed both of her hands while I studied her sad face. “What are you talking about, honey? What light?”
“You glow.” She shrugged as if it was normal. “Ms. Shay does too.”
I squinted at Shay, who looked at Evaline worriedly.
“Tell me,” I said to Evaline. “Have you seen anyone else glow?”
Evaline shook her head and pulled out of my grip. “Can we go eat now?”
“Just wait a second. You said Thomas doesn’t see it, though?”
Her brown curls bounced with each shake of her head. “He said no.”
I straightened, sharing a concerned glance with Shay. Of course, Evaline might have been making up a story, but if for some reason she could see that we were from a different time, that we didn’t belong… then what did that mean?
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it at the moment.
“C’mon, ladies,” I said, walking back the way we came, away from the soldiers. “Let’s get you something to eat.”
Shay leaned in close to me. “I kind of want to follow them.”
I looked over my shoulder at the men marching the opposite way. “Okay, let’s drop Eva off, then we’ll catch up.”
Rose agreed to feed Evaline, and we grabbed a couple of slices of freshly baked gingerbread to eat on the go. We didn’t know what we would find but quickly headed back out, hoping to catch up.
“This is delicious.” Shay moaned rather provocatively while devouring her piece.
I couldn’t hold back my smile. “They were headed that way,” I pointed. “Where do you think they’re going?”
“Not sure, but it sounds like an adventure.”
I looked at her, amazed. “I haven’t heard you talk like that in so long.”
Shay shrugged. “I started focusing more on Evaline.” I couldn’t help but notice her hand glide over her belly. “It’s got me thinking about my own and what this war means for them. Have you given any thought about helping?” She gave me a pointed look. “It might not make a difference. I’d still like to try, though.”
I sighed, frustrated with myself for not helping her with it sooner. “I’m sorry, I haven’t with everything going on.” I looked away so she couldn’t see the emotions written on my face.
“It’s okay, Millie. Honestly, settle down.” She laughed, grabbing my arm gently. The sweet melody of her laugh sent a thrill through me. I was finally starting to see my old friend break through her tribulations. “I already asked Rose, and she knows a few people who can point me in the right direction. Don’t worry about helping me; you have enough to do.”
My heart gave a solid thump, momentarily stunned.
“Miss Moretti!” A male voice shouted down one of the docks.
Shay and I froze, looking through the men and women milling about to find the familiar voice. A tall man skirted around a group gathered at one of the fruit stands and walked briskly towards us, his golden hair shining in the sun.
“Hiram!” I said, smiling at his permanently somber face. “How are you?”
“As to be expected,” Hiram said, nodding to me. “Hope you two are doing well. It’s nice to see you out, Miss…”
“Banks,” Shay offered, giving a tight smile—her rising excitement dimmed in his presence. “Shaylah Banks.”
“Miss Banks. Of course.” He nodded, looking between us, suddenly looking as if he regretted calling on us. He’d visited, but Shay never felt well enough to communicate. So, her full name never came up in conversation.
I waited for a minute, wondering if there was something specific he was going to say. When he didn’t, I said, “We just dropped Evaline off at Rose’s for lunch.”
“Oh? Good.” He observed our surroundings with his hands on his hips, clearly avoiding our gaze. “I’ll have to stop by to see her later.”
“Okay…” I drug the word out, looking down the waterfront, knowing we probably missed our chance to see the soldiers. “Look, we were trying to follow a regiment that just disembarked not too long ago. Do you know anything about them?”
He looked at me quizzically. “The 9th Massachusetts Regiment? All Irish. Tommy wanted to join, but his shoulder was smarting too much.”
I exchanged a look with Shay, my stomach sinking. “How is he?”
“Better.” Hiram’s golden eyes pierced through me, and I started to blush. “I’ll expect he joins soon enough.”
I began wringing my hands but stopped when he noticed. “Do you know where they’re headed? We probably should start going.”
He scratched his chin, thinking. “They should be at the State House. I could walk you there.”
“Oh, you don’t have to.”
Hiram glanced at Shay, studying her downturned face. “I don’t mind.”
“Don’t you have work?”
“Too many men today. They turned the rest of us away.”
We headed back into the city, heading to the State House, making small talk as Shay kept her head down or took in the buildings around us.
Hiram stopped to talk to a man he knew while Shay and I stood back. We were quiet until I couldn’t take it any longer. “Why’d you do that?”
She looked at me, surprised. “Do what?”
“Get weird around Hiram.”
“Oh,” she said, dragging her shoe through some dirt. “He knows what happened to me.”
Realization ricocheted through me, and I felt my heart sink. “You have nothing to be ashamed of,” I said fiercely.
“I know. It’s just…embarrassing, I guess.”
“You don’t—”
“I know!” she snapped, face reddening with anger. “I just am. Okay? I’m sure he knows all the dirty details. That’s what everyone sees when they look at me. And the bigger I get with this baby…” Her words trailed off as emotion built in her throat.
“I didn’t mean to tell you how to feel,” I said cautiously, swallowing my guilt. “I’m sorry. You can feel however you want. I’m just saying—” I gazed at Hiram, who kept glancing at us to check if we were still there. “I’m just saying, I don’t think that’s what he sees.”
She huffed out her nose and looked the other way, watching the street vendors call out to those passing by.
“My apologies,” Hiram said, coming up to us. “Let’s go. We might still get there in time.”
We walked the rest of the way, only stopping when we neared the State House, which was similar in appearance, but significantly different than what I was used to. It still had its Greek columns, proudly holding up the second-story balcony. Large arches beneath them presented the ground floor to those who walked up its significant steps. Apparently, at a later date, they would expand the building, adding the left and right wings to the sides, while the impressive gold dome was only grey here.
However, the beauty of the building was not what stopped us in our tracks, but what had to be about a thousand men standing at attention to hear a man speak.
“Hope they have better luck than the last regiment,” Hiram muttered, studying the men before us.
“What do you mean?” Shay asked.
“A mob attacked the Sixth while their train went through Baltimore. They say four perished.”
“That’s awful!” Shay placed her hand on her chest.
My heart squeezed as fear shot through me. What if that were Thomas?
“Who’s speaking?” I asked, trying to concentrate on the scene before me instead of letting my thoughts wander to the man who was avoiding me.
“Governor John Andrew,” Hiram said. “He’s presenting the regiment’s colors.”
“…In one common tide—” The governor’s voice barely carried over the large sea of men. “—flows the blood of a common humanity inherited by us all, and into our hearts, by the inspiration of the Almighty, has been breathed a common understanding…”
“Is that the Irish flag?” Shay said into my ear.
I looked at the green silk fabric billowing next to the American flag. “I think so.”
“Regimental,” Hiram corrected.
“… I now put into your hands, as I have in the hands of regiments that preceded you, the State ensign of this Commonwealth. You already bear with you the Stars and Stripes, but I would have you recognized wherever you go as coming from this State, where you have your homes. When you look on the Stars and Stripes, you can remember that you are American citizens; when you look on this venerable ensign, you can remember your wives and families in Massachusetts.”
Hiram stood rigid, his hands in his pockets as he eyed the men in front of us. We were close enough that I heard eager whispers among the ranks, their excitement radiating off them so strongly it began to penetrate my own being, urging me to fight as well. I couldn’t imagine what that felt like for Hiram, to have the ability and drive to fight, but the very law prohibiting him from fighting for what he desired. For what the Union needed.
The governor’s voice grew louder with enthusiasm as he finished his speech. “Take this as a pledge of affectionate care from the State of your kindred and homes and of the sincere and undying interest which its people feel and will ever feel for you. In the utmost confidence in your patriotism and valor, we send you forth as citizens of Massachusetts, assured that her honor will never be disgraced by the countrymen of Emmet and O’Connell.”
A roar went up as the men hollered and pounded the ground with their feet, their fists in the air. The sight had every hair on my body standing at attention, propelling me to take a step closer to joining their ranks.
“We should go,” Hiram said, grabbing my arm before quickly letting go, the propriety of the time restricting him. He eyed Shay and then the Irishmen, his brows furrowing deeper. It was then I realized he was uncomfortable around so many white men.
