The 45th Parallel, page 28
“That is a huge philosophical shift,” Illy said. “And an impressive one. Many societies take generations to make such a monumental change.”
“It was, especially when they physically remodeled the facilities to ensure inequality never happened again. When they told us about how this world was set up, I realized how lucky we were to be born earthside. I know Dad and many others have visited the mainland when we needed something. These people have been stuck down here for decades. Many of the children born here to the original settlers now have children of their own, and they have never left.”
“I imagine it is mostly the original settlers who are the ones who don’t cope with the cleithrophobia.”
“Cleithrophobia? What is that?”
“Fear of being trapped.”
“So, like claustrophobia?”
“Claustrophobia is a little different. That is the fear of enclosed spaces, like a tunnel or cave. Cleithrophobia is a feeling of being locked in and unable to leave. They are surrounded by contaminated water, so they aren’t able to leave. The fear is quite legitimate.”
“They call it il buio, the darkness, but from what I understand, it is a deep depression that people can’t seem to overcome. Some younger people suffer too, not just the older ones.”
I wanted to say that Matteo had suffered from the darkness but couldn’t bring myself to betray his confidence. Since meeting Sera, he was filled with light and an energy that made me question whether he could have contemplated taking the ultimate step only days before we arrived.
“It would be quite a challenge,” Illy said. “It makes you see how lucky we are. No one on Lewis is fearful of being locked in. We step outside and can see the blue sky and the deadzone beyond. Every day, we know how lucky we are. Fresh air and sunshine, forests and meadows. So much space.”
“Here in winter, they have very few daylight hours. The world around them is prone to sandstorms. With all the vegetation gone, the sand hammers the pods, so they need to retract back underwater. In winter, they can go days without seeing sunlight, and it affects their mood.”
“How do they deal with that?”
“Lots of music, yoga, mindful practice. They drink this disgusting concoction called chamomile tea at their evening meal, but truthfully, it tastes like dirt.”
Illy laughed. “I don’t suppose you remember, but there was a family on Lewis when you were a child. Jacinda used to swear by chamomile tea and made it for me all the time, telling me it would help with the stress. I used to wash my hair in it! So how do they access sunshine?”
“The main pod and all the smaller ones are on hydraulic arms that can be raised and lowered, so they lift them each day to access sunlight. The air is recycled through filters, and they have huge sections in each pod filled with algae to produce oxygen and absorb the carbon dioxide. But there is no fresh air. It isn’t like home, where you can stand outside and smell the pine forest. They use algae instead of trees here as it is far more efficient. But there is no fresh air smell, and I never thought I would miss that. I wish I could bring Aunt Sorcha here. She would love to see what they do with algae here but entirely for oxygen production.”
“Not energy?”
“They didn’t until I suggested they use them for both. So now they use the algae to supplement the power grid.”
“It sounds like you and your sister have introduced a lot of changes for the better. What do they use for energy, then? There is lighting everywhere, and it is warm enough.”
“Hydrothermal and geothermal heat.”
“From the earth? That makes sense. I wondered why they were located here.”
“The central pod is situated over a naturally occurring fissure in the earth. They usually occur on the ocean floor where tectonic plates move, but they can be found under fresh water too. Hot springs form where the naturally occurring heat warms the water. Geothermal heat has been used for years in many countries. Even before the protozoa, there were power stations built using geothermic energy. Callie taught me. But this is the first time that I know of that they have been used to power an entire city. Actually, that isn’t true. The community at Yellowstone was also located on a fissure, and they harnessed the geothermal energy to power their pods.”
“You are right; the technology isn’t new, but this is massive. I won’t be able to drag Tadhg away from this place.”
“Well, Dad would love to see what I did here,” I said proudly, displaying the now flourishing aquaponics tanks.
“You did this?” Illy’s eyes sparkled.
“I did. I learned more than you know with all those punishments you doled out.”
“And you deserved every one,” she laughed merrily. “But honestly, I always knew you had massive potential. With your genes, you both did. We just needed to expose you to as many programs as we could. Did you not wonder why you were given tasks across agriculture, building, medicine, and technology?”
“No, I just thought you were sharing out the slave labor.”
“Well, that was a bonus,” she teased. “But as soon as your parents and I worked out you both took after your father and had an affinity for technology and engineering, all of your placements were tech-based.”
“Placements? I think you mean punishments. So how do you explain the tree planting?”
“Okay, that was a genuine punishment. But we needed the trees planted. You have been away a few years and may not realize that Lewis is also struggling with the storms and the sand pitting the fabric. Planting a windbreak makes a lot of sense while we work out how to double the fabric thickness and not affect the airflow. The more northern communities, Shetlands and the Orkneys, have been even more severely affected by the storms. We needed the help, and you are immune. You know, I would have found a way to make you do it.”
I smirked. She would have. But we handed her the perfect excuse.
“But I am sorry to have loaded you up with work. As soon as you girls went missing, I knew it was my fault. I went too hard. I’m sorry for that.”
Not willing to continue this line of questioning, I tried a tangent. “Is Tadhg alright about us leaving?”
“Callie was disappointed you didn’t confide in her. She would have helped, perhaps before it got physical. But they both knew you needed to break out of there, strike out on your own. Tadhg just wanted to say goodbye. He enjoyed having you around. He misses you.”
“Are they okay? Finn and Reilly, I mean.”
Illy stopped and grinned at me. “Why? Is Giovanni the hottie not enough for you? Not keeping you satisfied?”
I blushed profusely. “He is. They were nice boys, that’s all. I don’t want to think of them hurt.”
“They are both fine, and from what I hear, they are both getting over you breaking their hearts,” Illy taunted. “But when Tadhg described them to me, I must admit I can see how you were bored with them. A boy will never be enough. You need someone who completes you, Caitlin. You need a man who challenges you to be the best you can be and supports you as you achieve your goals. A good man is one who lifts you up and is there for you, not because you need protecting, but because you are valuable. Someone who can keep you satisfied in bed is also an essential attribute.”
My mouth dropped, and she cackled hysterically, drawing Antonio’s attention from the adjoining room. I waved him away, mortified.
“Ha! That’s twice I have floored you. So, does he?”
“What?” I whispered to the floor.
“Keep you happy?”
“He … does.” The words strangled me.
“Good, I’ll let your Mum know.”
“No!” I squealed. “You can’t tell her that!”
“Why not? She would want you to be with a man who fulfills you. I want that for you both, you know. He strikes me as a bit of an alpha, and that is what you need. Someone strong who takes no nonsense from you but supports you as well. Luca was like that. Strong, commanding, but treated me as an equal. On that note, does this Matteo treat my Seraphine as she should be treated?”
“He worships her,” I admitted, looking up into Illy’s sparkling blue eyes. “She is the happiest I have ever seen her. She lights up when he walks into the room. He listens to her, supports her, but doesn’t smother her. He is a good man.”
Illy nodded satisfaction. “Good. Now, I need to tell you about your history.”
Over the course of my childhood, I had heard snippets of how my siblings and I had come about. I knew the basics from hacking our medical records and files from Clava. We knew that the scientific community on Clava had used eggs from my mum and her sister to create genetically modified children. We had been gestated by surrogates and given to families to raise. Sera and I had reviewed the medical records of the surrogates who had grown us, seen photographs of those women who gave us life. But we only knew what was in those files. We didn’t know the details. I had tried to ask Mum several times: why her? Why did she give us away to other families to raise? But something in me had chickened out each time, sensing it wasn’t something she didn’t want to discuss.
“Tell me what happened. To Mum. Why did she agree to have so many children? Why did she give so many away?”
As we walked, Illy told me everything, sequentially, from the moment she saw Luca’s body on the dock at Stornoway to when we were delivered to them on Lewis as newborns. As she spoke, calmly and factually, and I heard the atrocities committed against my mother, I slid down against the nearest wall, my arms wrapped around my knees. I fought to hold in my stomach contents. I couldn’t put my thoughts into a coherent sentence. Fragments flitted in and out. Finally, she stopped speaking and looked at me.
“You knew those people? They did that, to her? To you? For months? And every year she went to our birthday celebrations and acted happy to see all of us. And me? How could she not see me every day and remember what they did to her? She didn’t want me. I wasn’t meant to be born.” My head dropped to my knees, feeling drained. I wasn’t a wanted child. I was an experiment. Sera too. All of us.
Illy slid down beside me. “It wasn’t an act, Caitlin. She loves you. One day, when you have children of your own, you will understand. As soon as that baby is placed in your arms, they become part of you.”
“How can you say that? She didn’t want me, Sera, or the others. They forced this on her. I was created in a laboratory. Fathered by a random sample who also gave no consent. Grown by a stranger. A brain-dead slave. How can Mum see me and not despise me? How can she treat me the same as the others? Those who are hers?”
“You are her child. She knows that. I was pregnant with Alasdair. It changed nothing for me. I treat Sera the same as my other children, don’t I?”
“So why take Sera too?”
“Because I love your mother, and I knew that despite what happened, you are the great hope for the future. Besides, you were babies. You didn’t ask for this. Have you ever felt that you were treated differently from your siblings?”
I considered that. “No. Never.”
“Because that is the truth. We told you as children you were special because you are. You and Sera were extra lucky. You had two sets of parents, and you know who they are. Many of the girls didn’t learn who their biological father was until they were eighteen. When I became Chief, I offered their parents full access to the files, but most said no. It made no difference. The daughter was theirs and Freyja’s. That was enough.”
“I don’t understand. Why would people adopt a child like me? Callie, Isla, Magali, Sorcha. All of them adopted one of us. We aren’t normal. We will always be different. Why would they do that?”
“Because they all owed your mother something. I told you she is an exceptional woman. She saved so many people’s lives. Isla is one of them.”
“I heard about Isla being kidnapped. Louis’ Mum too.”
“Who told you that?”
“Louis, when we came home from Australia. He told me what happened.”
“I don’t know how much he told you, but likely it is true. Many years ago, before I moved to Lewis, a group of men from a male-only community came and kidnapped several women from Lewis and Orkney too. You can guess what for. Freyja established a rescue party. Luca and Jake were among the rescuers. Gerry too—that is how she knew him. Laetitia died before they could reach them, but Freyja saved the others. All of them. She has so many people who love her. Owe her their lives. So when Cam asked, they all said yes without hesitation. But the truth is, when you are handed a child, you don’t stop and think, ‘I didn’t create this child.’ You exhale, and you just know intrinsically they are yours to nurture and protect. Your heart just expands to love one more. Does that make sense?”
“Not really,” I admitted.
“One day, you will understand. Love isn’t finite. When more people come into your life, your heart has the most amazing capacity to produce more love.”
“But if I have children, they will become targets too?” I whispered. “I remember running. Leaving in the middle of the night. The fear in Dad’s face that day when the boy tried to hurt me. I could never do that to a child. I would be scared for them all the time.”
“Sweetheart, you make the best decisions you can with the options in front of you. At some point, your heart may desperately long for a child. And if that happens, then you know, without question, you would lay down your life for that child. None of us lives in an ideal world, even before all of this happened. People lived in fear, in warzones, in poverty, but they still had children. You can’t let anxiety or circumstances out of your control stop you from living your best life. And for what it is worth, Gio seems pretty smitten with you.”
“Smitten.” I grimaced. “Mum, no one speaks like that anymore.”
“He loves you. The deep, messy kind. He is one of the good ones, Caitlin.”
“Really?” I glanced up at her. “You met him for an hour. How can you tell?”
Illy snorted. “Look, I get that I can read people better than most, but you could be completely clueless and see that man adores you. Not letting you face the dragon-lady alone? Holding your hand while I was questioning you? Besotted. Infatuated. In love.”
“I’m kind of fond of him, too,” I admitted.
“I can see that. I’ve never seen you so alive, Caitlin, despite the feelings you are struggling with right now.”
“Why did you do it?” I asked. “Become Chief. If the team on Clava and Auckland did that to you, Mum, and all those women who carried us, why on earth would you want to lead that?”
“It wasn’t a straightforward decision. Your mum was still traumatized by what happened to her.”
Illy ignored my sharp inhalation and continued. “But in part, it was for her, and you. It was after our trip to Australia. I wanted to keep you safe, all of you. By accepting the role, I could ensure that knowledge was used for good. I could lead with the values of sustainability, community, and equality. Never again will something like that happen. No woman, or man, will ever be exploited. Those who played a part in tormenting you were punished. So, in part, it was for you. But it gave your mother a sense of peace to know that you were all safe, so I did it for her, too. Besides, I kind of like being the boss.”
“You are exceptional at it,” I admitted. “Everyone says so.”
Her eyes sparkled at me. “Now, I have a proposal for you. But perhaps it is best to wait until tomorrow. Bring your man. He might want to hear this, too. But before we do, does he know? About you and Sera? Being special?”
“He does. Matteo too. But they are the only ones. We needed to tell them.”
“So, does that mean you don’t believe you are a freak anymore?”
I gaped at her. “How did you know that?”
Illy laughed. “I’m not blind or stupid. We knew, your mother and I, that the children teased you. But worse, you believed it. After what happened to you in Kiewa, I watched a shift in you. I don’t know what that boy said to you, but after that, you acted like you were different.”
“He called me a freak,” I whispered, “as he held me under. Told me I was a monstrosity, and I deserved to die. It all made sense. Sera and I had overheard you talking to Auntie Sorcha about Ceri, Soli, and Beth. We knew. So I thought he was right.”
“I thought as much. And the children on Lewis teased you too?”
“They did.” I hung my head. “Why didn’t you do something?”
Illy sighed and leaned into me. “Your parents and I discussed that so many times. But we knew you would always be different. We couldn’t change that. We thought about what we could do, and the answer was—nothing. Making a big deal of it would attract more attention to you. So we watched and ignored it, hoping that if we treated you as normal girls, then everyone else would as well. If we demanded special treatment, then you would always be held apart, treated differently. Does that make sense?”
“I guess. But they were awful to us.”
“Why do you think I taught you self-defense?” Illy was warm against me, and I dropped my head onto her shoulder. “I know what those children did, and I saw how you reacted.”
“You punished me!”
“Only when you overstepped the mark of what was reasonable. Breaking a nose for taunting you needed to be addressed. We watched. We all looked out for you. Isla and Fraser, Bridget and Jorja, your aunts. Everyone looked out for you. All of you, but especially you, Caitlin. After what happened in Kiewa, we were concerned it would affect you. But you turned into a tough little critter, which was what we wanted.”
“Am I a freak?” I whispered.
