Wedding Days at Halesmere House, page 4
‘That’s not true! You know how I feel about you, and you have friends here, Cal. A life. A reason to stay, even if you don’t come to St Andrews with me. I could come back once I’ve got my degree.’ Lizzie faltered. She hadn’t really given moving back to Cumbria afterwards much thought. She couldn’t stay in Gemma’s cottage forever and she’d never be able to afford anything of her own without a brilliant job.
‘Lizzie, you’d be a fool to go with him to New Zealand after everything you’ve worked for. He’s got nothing. Where do you think that’s going to get him? Or you? If anyone knows what use nothing is, it’s me and your mother. You’re too clever to live that sort of a life with someone like him.’ Her dad finally gave angry voice to his thoughts and her mum’s hand went to his arm, trying to still any other harsh words he might have to offer. Lizzie felt the pressure of their pride in her achievement pressing in, all the greater because she’d come through the dismantling of the only life she’d known right before her exams.
She reached for Cal’s hand, trying to find peace, but he snatched it away. A tear slid from her eye at the flash of pain she read in his.
‘Ach and what would I do in St Andrews, Lizzie, while you’re busy living your student life,’ Cal said bitterly. ‘Sit around in some wee bedsit again, working some crappy job I don’t want, waiting for you? Or have you tell me you’ve met someone who isn’t a bricklayer with nothing to his name, like your dad said.’
A waiter came to check on their food and he shot away when Cal glared at him. ‘I haven’t found what I was looking for here and I’m not going to stay. Sure, you knew that from the start. This was always going to happen.’
‘But I love you,’ she whispered brokenly, swiping at another tear. ‘I thought you loved me, too. Why do we have to choose?’
‘I do love you. But I’m not going to hang around four more years to find out you’ve stopped, Lizzie. You assumed you could fit me into your family because I haven’t got one of my own. I don’t need a family, I just wanted you. My father’s a ghost and there’s no one else out there for me.’
Cal shoved his chair back, standing to face her parents. ‘Thank you for the invitation tonight,’ he said flatly. ‘I understand why you don’t want someone like me in Lizzie’s life. You think I’m a drifter, a nobody who’ll persuade her to throw away her big chance.’ She flinched at the sudden steel in his gaze. ‘I just want her to be happy with someone she can lean on when she needs to. I thought that might’ve been me, but I was wrong.’ He bent down, cupping Lizzie’s face between gentle hands. She saw the finality written in his eyes as he dropped a kiss on her mouth. ‘I’m sorry. I stayed too long.’
She was too stunned to do more than track his swift progress across the room, oblivious to the stares coming their way. The restaurant door clattered and the realisation that he had gone had her pushing her own chair back until her mum gripped her arm.
‘Don’t, Lizzie, please. He’s already hurt you and he’s right about one thing. Your lives are just too different and it’s better you see that now. What if you go to New Zealand with him and he ends it? What then, if St Andrews is gone and you’ve got nothing to show for all your hard work? Don’t upend your life for him, you’re much too clever for that. There’s so much more out there for you.’
Tears tracking down her face, Lizzie slumped back in her seat. Her world had flipped again in a second and she felt derailed by the impact of Cal’s refusal to join her in St Andrews. A glance at her dad was enough to see the fury in his red face. The food she’d eaten was churning, threatening to come back up. Had she and Cal really been fools to fall in love and spend a perfect summer together? Where was the way forward for them now, after those last few horrible moments?
‘He doesn’t understand who he is, Lizzie, and I don’t see the point in him dragging you along to find out. I know that’s hard to hear, my darling girl, and I’m sorry.’ Her mum placed a hand on her cheek, nodding at a worried-looking waiter for the bill. ‘Come home and let us look after you. One day you’ll be glad you didn’t go to New Zealand and throw everything away on a whim, I promise. You know you can’t build a life on dreams and wishes. We all have our mad moments when we’re young and you’ll get over it.’
Lizzie felt the fight draining away, the desire to go after Cal fading as the hopelessness of her love and their situation fell in on her. He needed time to cool down, they both did. He’d always been a dangerous choice and she’d known it from the beginning. She’d risked her heart for a summer of love and the awful realisation came that maybe she hadn’t fought hard enough for him. That she’d been wrong to assume he’d simply tag along with her because he had no one else. As though he needed nothing more than the landscape and Lizzie to love him, which she knew deep inside her wasn’t true.
She’d seen the hurt he tried to hide when he’d spoken of his family. She’d felt the distance he tried to maintain from anything that threatened to come close and unbalance him. He’d let her in, briefly, and now he was shutting her out again. He had a life of his own to make and she was aching as she finally understood he wasn’t going to attach his to hers and hope it would last.
When her parents reluctantly dropped her off at Gemma’s cottage, her mum made her promise to call tomorrow. Lizzie crawled into bed, thankful not to have to face Gemma, who was off camping somewhere with Simon. Sleep didn’t find her until late and Lizzie was wide awake again at dawn, restless and unsettled. She leaped out of bed and threw on shorts and a T-shirt. Cal’s tent had been pitched near the tarn beyond the gardens of the house, and she sprinted through the meadow to find him.
They’d first swum here together, and it was one of their special places. One memorable day she’d photographed him walking out of the water, laughing because she’d deliberately thrown his clothes out of reach. The image was one of her favourites because he was so relaxed and at peace in his surroundings, and with her.
Surely they’d find a way forward if they loved each other? Goodbye wasn’t for a day like this, with the sun already high and warm, hours to be filled with a new promise for the future. She wanted to bask in his smile and kiss him hello, put everything between them to rights once again. Tell him she was sorry for her assumptions and find out how he felt.
Lizzie skittered to a halt on the narrow scrap of shingle which passed for a beach at the tarn, searching for signs of Cal. Her heart began to slam with fear as she read his absence in the space where his green tent had been, the shrivelled patch of grass scuffed to nothing, his mountain bike gone. Her gaze picked out an envelope pinned to the trunk of a nearby birch and her throat was dry as she snatched at it with clammy hands. The envelope tore and something fell to the stones around her feet. She ignored it as she hurriedly unfolded the plain white scrap of paper ripped from his sketch pad.
I’m sorry, Lizzie. I can’t go to St Andrews and wait for you to tell me it’s over. I never planned to stay, you were the reason I did. This is all I have and it’s yours now. Cal x
Lizzie fell to her knees, her search made nearly impossible by the tears pouring down her face, the rough stones scraping against legs bared by shorts. Her fingers found a tiny object and she picked it up, brushing off a bit of soil. Dirt smeared across her face as she swiped at her eyes to stare in shock. She was holding Cal’s silver Claddagh ring, given to him by his mother and the only thing of her few belongings Lizzie knew he had kept. She slumped to the ground and sobbed, his note and the precious keepsake clutched in her hand.
Chapter 4
Present Day
‘Lizzie, I swear I had no idea he was here. You have to believe me. I don’t even want to say his name. Desperate as I am to sort out the wedding, I’d rather be having fish and chips in the street than putting you through this.’ One of Gemma’s hands was in Lizzie’s and with her other she thrust out a glass. ‘Get this down, it’ll help with the shock.’
Lizzie hadn’t uttered a single word since Gemma had quickly steered her back to the house and onto a comfortable sofa in the drawing room. She’d barely glanced at the changes since she’d last been in here, the renovated fireplace or the long floral curtains covering the expanse of curving bay window either side of the French doors. Cosy sofas and armchairs were in differing colours, decorated with pretty cushions, with occasional tables for serving drinks close at hand, and antique cabinets filled with porcelain stood against walls.
Bea was due to arrive soon, and Lizzie knew she had to get a grip. Moisture was a sheen on her palms, heartbeat still a roar in her ears. Three nights on retreat at Halesmere House suddenly felt as long as three weeks and she gulped a mouthful of the whisky, coughing violently as the alcohol burned down her throat.
‘Better?’ Gemma was hovering worriedly with the bottle.
Lizzie shook her head.
‘Have some more.’ Gemma splashed another measure into her glass, and Lizzie knocked it back, spluttering, her eyes watering as she raised them to stare at Gemma.
Lizzie’s voice was a croak, her throat on fire. ‘You’re sure you didn’t know? He isn’t the reason you didn’t want me going online to find out more about the weekend?’
‘What?’ Gemma nearly dropped the bottle. ‘Of course not, we haven’t spoken about what happened between you guys in forever. I’d never have come near the place if I’d thought crashing into him like that was even a remote possibility.’ Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘Wasn’t he in New Zealand? What do you think he’s doing here?’
Lizzie opened her mouth, and it was a few seconds before words could make sense of her thoughts. ‘How would I know? It’s been years, Gem. He could have been anywhere.’ She sank back onto the sofa. ‘Why does he have to be here, now? It makes no sense. He literally could be anywhere else in the world.’
‘I could ask around?’ Gemma clattered the whisky back onto a drinks tray. ‘If you think that’s a good idea?’
Lizzie knew it wasn’t on every level. Cal Ryan belonged firmly in her past and he had left her behind twelve years ago. She didn’t need to know what those months and years had brought for him since they’d separated. She wasn’t interested in whether he was single, divorced, married, a dad, successful, happy or not. He was nothing to do with her.
And yet. ‘Maybe you could google him, Gem,’ she said casually. The whisky burn was easing and she felt more alert, as though the shock of seeing Cal out of the blue had freed her brain from the fog and enabled her to focus again.
‘Or you could…?’ Gemma’s reply was hesitant.
‘No thanks, not going there again. I’ve resisted that temptation for a long time, I’m not giving in now.’ Lizzie cleared her throat, put the glass on a small table beside the sofa and found a weak smile. ‘We’re here for a fabulous weekend and to sort out your wedding, Gem. I’m not letting anyone, least of all him, get in the way of that.’
‘Right. That’s exactly right.’ Gemma’s voice softened. ‘It’s just…’
‘What?’ Lizzie was picturing Cal in her mind again. That look, his stillness, eyes fixed on hers.
‘You’ve had a shock, that’s all. He didn’t just break your heart, Lizzie, he smashed it, leaving the way he did and you never being able to find him afterwards.’ Gemma took her hand again. ‘Whatever you think of him, you need some time to process what you’re feeling.’
‘I’m fine.’ Lizzie was impatient, unsettled, wary. ‘Absolutely fine.’
‘You’re a terrible liar.’ Gemma squeezed her fingers. ‘He must be here for a reason. I hope we’re not going to be bumping into him.’
‘I’m sure we won’t.’ Lizzie bit back the anxiety that hadn’t yet abated as Gemma voiced her other worry. ‘Like you said, it was a shock and I’m over it now. Thank you for getting me out of there so quickly.’ The sound of a doorbell had her leaping up from the sofa, relieved to have something else other than her history with Cal to think about.
‘That’ll be Ella,’ Gemma said, checking her phone. ‘She’s going to welcome us and run through the plans for our weekend. Bea’s messaged to say she’s about twenty minutes away.’
‘Perfect. It’s going to be wonderful, Gem.’ Lizzie was alongside her as they left the drawing room. The stunning, glossy black piano in the hall was new. She’d got to grade six as a teenager before her lessons went the way of everything else then in her life. Bea played too, maybe they’d have a go later.
‘So shall I ask around, find out what Cal’s doing here?’
‘It wouldn’t hurt to know why he’s at Halesmere, I suppose. Just so I can be sure to avoid him. And that’s it. Whatever else he’s been up to, I don’t want to know. Let’s not mention it to Bea yet, I don’t want to spend the weekend talking about him and you know what she’s like, she’ll want to know everything.’ Lizzie plastered a smile on her face as Gemma opened the front door to a woman of similar age to them.
‘Hello, welcome to Halesmere, or should I say welcome back. I’m Ella Grant, it’s so lovely to meet you both.’
Lizzie liked Ella’s open and friendly manner at once. A blonde pixie crop suited her delicate, heart-shaped face and an athletic figure clad in a pink and green running kit.
‘Hi Ella, I’m Gemma. We’ve spoken a couple of times. This is my best friend Lizzie, chief bridesmaid, and wedding planner extraordinaire.’
‘Not extraordinaire at all, Gem,’ Lizzie protested with a smile. ‘I’m just happy to be helping you.’
‘Well, you do love your job and I’m very lucky to have you. Simon’s wonderful but he’s not much use when it comes to flowers, favours and who’s going to sit next to Uncle George.’
‘You’re a wedding planner, Lizzie?’ Ella looked at her inquiringly. ‘Where are you based? Gemma mentioned the three of you are all in the North.’
‘I plan other events too, but weddings take up most of my time. I live in Carlisle at the moment.’ Another unwelcome reminder of her love life, this time Jack and sharing a house with her ex.
‘Haven’t you got something coming up on Windermere soon, Lizzie?’ Gemma was smiling.
‘Yes, an American couple who love the Lake District and Doug wants to propose to his partner there. They knew each other years ago and got back together last Christmas.’
‘That sounds gorgeous,’ Ella said. ‘I do some volunteering with an outdoor centre on Windermere, it’s beautiful. It’ll be a wonderful place to propose.’
‘Lizzie’s brilliant, I’m so lucky to have her help and expertise,’ Gemma said loyally, linking arms with her. ‘Bea’s my other bridesmaid, Ella, and she’s on her way, she shouldn’t be long.’
‘Perfect. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived, I’m just back from collecting the kids and we’re running a bit late.’ Ella pointed to a pair of gorgeous redheaded children, a girl and younger boy, playing with a big, mostly white dog outside the cottage across the drive.
‘That’s Lily and Arlo, and Prim our dog.’ Ella’s smile was lit by love and she turned back to Gemma and Lizzie. ‘Max, my partner, would love to meet you and find out more about the house. He bought it last year and I moved up in November. Your mum mentioned she’d been the housekeeper here and you’d lived in the cottage, Gemma, when I spoke with her.’
‘I did, we both kind of grew up here really. Lizzie’s parents moved away in her last year of college and she stayed with us to finish her A levels.’
Gemma was still talking but for Lizzie the mention of A levels was another sharp reminder of Cal. She’d noticed the new maturity he possessed in just those few moments in the courtyard earlier; the boy become a man. Her gaze flickered to the arch. He had been here not twenty minutes ago. Was he still? After twelve years of silence, was he so easily within reach once again?
‘Sorry, what?’ A flush crept over Lizzie’s cheeks as she tried to focus on the conversation taking place around her.
‘I was telling Ella how much freedom and fun we had here. We used to pretend the house belonged to us and that we were very generously allowing strangers to visit when of course it was the other way around.’
‘We did.’ Lizzie offered a wide smile, trying to make up for her distraction. Concentration was one of her best skills and already it was threatening to desert her after one glimpse of Cal and her past. ‘Do you remember those awful old sofas in the drawing room, Gem? The red draylon things with the pink cushions?’
‘Vividly.’ Gemma shuddered. ‘I’m glad you’ve got rid of those, Ella.’
‘So am I, they sound grim.’ The lovely white dog trotted over and plonked itself at Ella’s feet, staring up at her with a happy face. Ella stroked her head, and Lizzie saw the cottage door open and the children wave before they ran inside. Lizzie waved back with a grin as Ella continued. ‘The house had already been refurbished when I arrived, so I didn’t see it at its worst. We usually give guests a quick tour but I’m sure you already know your way around. Maybe we could get together over the weekend, if you have time, for a few stories?’
‘We’d love that,’ Lizzie said firmly, mentally shoving away more memories. She was going to do whatever it took to make this weekend special for Gemma and plan a wonderful wedding as well. ‘I’m sure we’ll have time.’
Ella was still stroking Prim, who was nudging her leg gently, as though asking why they weren’t going inside the cottage in search of family or food. ‘I was so sorry to hear about your wedding being cancelled after the hotel closed, Gemma. Such awful timing.’
‘Thanks, Ella, it really was. The first cancellation with Covid was one thing, but two is starting to look suspicious.’ Gemma’s smile was rueful. ‘I’m hoping you’re going to come to our rescue. Mum said she’d spoken with you about holding the reception here and the date’s free.’
‘It is, I’ve blocked the weekend off until you decide.’ One of the children emerged shrieking from the cottage and Ella looked over her shoulder. Arlo was clutching an iPad with an irate Lily hot on his heels, and Prim shot off to join them. ‘Sorry, I’d better go and sort them out. Sandy, the rector at the church, has a ceramics studio here and she mentioned you’re meeting with her to see if she can take the service. Why don’t we get together after that and talk through your ideas for the reception? I’m sure we can work around the plans you’ve already made, and we have contacts with many of the local producers and suppliers.’
