Wedding Days at Halesmere House, page 22
Cal grabbed his blazer and snatched keys from his pocket. Lizzie nearly buckled at his fury and hurt when he paused the frantic pacing to glare at her. ‘You had no right. I’m not still your plaything, your summer of fun. It’s so much more than that.’
He stormed through the French doors, and she stared after him, wishing the last five minutes had never happened and trying to understand how it had gone so spectacularly wrong. The party was almost over and only a few guests remained in the garden. She couldn’t think about that now. She couldn’t think of anything other than Cal and his appalled and hurt reaction. She ran back into the garden, found Ella, and quickly explained that she had to leave.
Lizzie leapt into her car and tore down the lanes after Cal, her worry and sorrow for him bound up with anger. It was almost dark, and the roads were mercifully quiet as she flew along, letting out a gasp of relief when she saw his van outside the boathouse. She hadn’t been certain where he might go after the news he’d just received. He could have taken off into the fells and she might not have seen him for days. She jumped from the car and hammered on the front door.
‘You’re not doing this again.’ She was sobbing through the words pouring from her soul. ‘I won’t let you run off and leave me, not again. You can’t just take off every time you get hurt. I know you’re there, Cal, let me in, please. Let me in. You don’t have to do this alone. I’ll help you, I promise. I’ll be there with you. And you’re right and I’m sorry. I should have told you straightaway. I thought I was looking after you.’ She slumped against the door, her voice falling. ‘You’ve never been just my summer of fun, you’re my everything.’
‘It’s not locked.’
Lizzie almost fell through the door when Cal opened it. He dropped to lift her into his arms and hold her tightly. ‘I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I know it’s not your fault. I was stunned and I couldn’t think straight. I still can’t believe it. It feels too unreal to be true.’
‘I know. I felt that way too, at first.’ She tipped her head back and he wiped away the tracks of her sorrow with a finger still shaking. ‘I never wanted to hurt you, Cal. I was just trying to help.’
‘I know, Lizzie. Ach, I do. I’m sorry. I just didn’t see it coming, any of it. After all these years, he’s here? It’s really him?’
‘I think so, and Alec does too.’ She took a breath, a shred of relief settling into her mind. ‘We should talk, properly. I’ll tell you everything I know.’ She found Cal’s hand and he followed her into the sitting room to settle together on the sofa.
She explained about the festival and learning Alec’s name so she could google him and driving to Derbyshire to speak with him at the book signing. She told Cal about the conversation she had there with Alec and how shocked he’d been when he’d heard Marianne’s name, and Lizzie had known the truth straightaway. She showed Cal her email and Alec’s reply a few days later, confirming her suspicions and inviting them to lunch. Throughout, Cal listened in silence and she saw the shock slowly receding as a glimmer of curiosity began to replace it.
She cupped a hand around his face. ‘Alec and I haven’t talked much but I think he was in love with Marianne. He had no idea about you, Cal. None whatsoever. He was stunned she’d had a child.’ Lizzie hesitated. ‘There’s something else you need to know. Your mum did leave you a clue. Alec’s middle name is Hamish.’
Cal’s eyes widened in new shock, and she caught him as his shoulders slumped, his head falling to her neck. She felt the graze of his beard, the wetness of his tears through her dress as he cried. She held him tightly as he shuddered in her arms.
‘It’s okay, you’re not alone. You don’t have to this by yourself. I’m here, I’ll help. I love you.’
One hand went to his back to stroke it as she murmured her promise again and again, Cal clinging to her, holding on as though he’d never let her go. He lifted his head when he was all cried out, trying to smile through the wetness on his face. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ Lizzie kissed his forehead, smoothing the dampness from his skin. ‘It’ll probably help.’
She rearranged them until his head was on her shoulder, stroking his hair, his body still trembling in her arms. ‘When you feel ready, you need to decide what to do about lunch on Sunday. You might want more time to think about it.’
‘I’m going.’ Some of the strength returned to his voice. ‘I don’t want to waste any more time.’
‘I’m so glad.’
‘Will you come with me, Lizzie? Please? I know I have no right to ask, not after the way I reacted.’
‘Of course I will.’ She felt a rush a pleasure that he wanted her to support him. ‘As long as you’re sure you want me there?’
‘I don’t want to do any of this without you, not anymore. I’ve always been a lone wolf. Always felt I had to do everything myself, on my own. I don’t feel like that since you came back into my life. You’re a part of it. Part of me.’
‘Are you saying we’re a pack of two now?’ She felt him smile, his chin resting lightly on her chest.
‘I am. And I heard what you said before. I love you, too.’
Chapter 20
The farm was as isolated as Alec had warned in his emailed instructions: deep in a valley surrounded by high fells, the lane narrowing between trees as it climbed, a river splashing below. Lizzie was nearly as nervous as Cal, who had one hand on her thigh as she drove, his other tapping a light beat against his leg. The past couple of days since the launch had stirred up so many memories for him, both good and bad, and Lizzie had offered him all the support she could as he’d turned to her.
‘Okay?’ She gave him a quick glance. This road was notorious in Cumbria, leading to a high and less travelled pass, and she had to concentrate. Drivers often got caught out and she didn’t want to nudge a wheel over the edge.
‘Yeah. I think so. As I’ll ever be.’ The smile Cal offered was an anxious one. Never had he been closer to understanding who he really was. ‘I still can’t believe we’re going to meet him properly. And his wife.’
‘Me neither.’
They rattled over a cattle grid, mobile signal lost miles back, and dropped down into another valley, the ground falling steeply on one side of the car. Eventually they reached a crossroads and Lizzie pulled up to check the sign. They’d met little traffic out here, though sheep and lambs were everywhere, and she’d had to dodge them more than once.
‘This must be it. It does say it’s unsuitable for vehicles and Alec said to watch out for it, and that we’d be fine in the car.’
‘Good for keeping coaches away, I suppose. Turn right and the farm should be another mile or so further on.’
They carried on and Lizzie spotted the entrance first, a five-barred gate opening onto a track. Alec’s farm was the last one in the valley before moorland met fell and the road ran out. ‘It’s beautiful. Looks like his kind of place, somehow.’
‘Yeah.’
If strength and love could be imparted through a grip, then she was offering every scrap she possessed in her hand clinging to Cal’s as they approached the house. It was hewn from grey stone and slate, a barn and small byre to the right, and despite the day’s warmth, the breeze was still cool. A stone wall surrounding a garden was topped by railings, and Lizzie saw Cal’s gaze fix on a swing and the children’s toys scattered across the grass. Before they reached it, the front door swung open and Alec was there, striding down a path separating the two halves of the lawn. An attractive woman of a similar age was beside him, her grey hair stylish and short.
‘Lizzie, Cal, welcome. We’re so glad you came.’ Alec halted in front of them, apprehensive and uncertain as he held out a hand to Lizzie, then Cal. ‘How do you do? I’m Alec Sutherland.’ The smile became a little less cautious. ‘I thought it was perhaps best to begin again.’
‘Callum Ryan.’ He took Alec’s hand, and they shook firmly. ‘Thank you for offering to meet me. I appreciate it.’
‘Well, Lizzie was very persistent.’ Alec glanced at her, and she returned his smile. She liked this man. ‘It’s clear she cares a great deal about you. Do you prefer Callum or Cal?’
‘Cal’s fine, I haven’t used Callum for years.’ His quick laugh was self-conscious as he ran a hand over his cropped hair. ‘I don’t even know why I said it. I suppose I’m nervous.’
‘That makes two of us, then.’ Alec cleared his throat as he held out an arm to draw the woman beside him into their conversation. ‘Cal, Lizzie, this is my wife, Evelyn.’
More handshakes were offered, and Lizzie liked Evelyn’s welcoming and friendly manner at once. If she was fazed by meeting someone who was quite probably her husband’s grown-up child, it didn’t show.
Evelyn led them into the house and through to a lovely kitchen, large, messy and homely. Beef roasting in the AGA smelled amazing and Alec cleared a pile of newspapers, a box of Lego and outdoor magazines from the table. Chairs were pulled out and drinks offered as everyone attempted to make conversation around the strangeness of the situation they were in.
Lizzie presented the tin of homemade shortbread she’d brought, and Evelyn thanked her as she continued prepping the meal, accepting Lizzie’s help to hand out the drinks Alec poured. He and Cal moved to the huge window and the spectacular view it offered, their shared love of the landscape apparent as Alec pointed out some of his sheep, hefted to the land every bit as firmly as he was, and some boulders in the distance he thought Cal might find interesting.
As it was just the four of them, Evelyn suggested they stay in the kitchen to eat, and Lizzie was glad to have something to do as she set the table. Once everyone was settled and almost finished with the most gorgeous lunch, Alec looked at Cal.
‘Well, I think we both have some questions.’ Alec’s smile was nervous again as he pushed away an empty plate. ‘How old are you, Cal?’
‘Thirty-one. My birthday’s in April.’
‘I see.’ Alec let out a very long breath and the hand around his glass of red wine was unsteady as he looked at Evelyn before Cal again. ‘Then I think it’s safe to accept that you are my son. Marianne loved a good time, but I doubt there was anyone else for her that summer, given the similarities between you and me. We spent every spare moment together and she was still very innocent in some ways.’
Cal’s hands went to his face as his shoulders slumped and Lizzie was off her seat. ‘It’s okay,’ she murmured, her hands smoothing his back. ‘Just breathe.’
‘All this time,’ he muttered. He dropped his hands to the table. Alec’s arm reached out and he touched Cal’s hand, just once. ‘All these years I’ve wondered and never known, and then you just walk into my life.’
‘Would you like to hear my story?’
‘Very much.’
‘May I see the photograph you have, Cal, the one you believe is me with your mother?’
Cal unlocked his phone and slid it across the table. Alec put on a pair of dark-framed glasses and Lizzie was holding her breath as Evelyn’s hand went to his arm, offering her own support. The seconds ran away as he stared at it. Finally he raised his head to Cal, a sad reflection in his few words. ‘You have Marianne’s smile. She loved to laugh.’
A single tear slipped from Cal’s eye, and he tried to smile as he it brushed it away. ‘No one’s ever said that to me before.’
‘Until now.’ Alec cleared his throat.
‘Until now,’ Cal repeated and his eyes briefly landed on Lizzie’s, full of wonder and surprise.
‘We never would have met if the climbing trip I was supposed to be going on hadn’t been cancelled at the last minute.’ Alec picked up his wine, then put it down again. ‘I was living in Edinburgh and staying with a friend in Cumbria. When our climb was abandoned, we decided to go to a festival instead. I saw Marianne’s set with her band and introduced myself afterwards. I thought she was mesmerising.’ Alec paused, looking at Evelyn and then Cal, Lizzie’s hand tight in his.
‘We just hit it off from the start and talked for ages. She was funny, beautiful and interesting, this wild Irish girl who’d run away from everything she knew to sing. I was supposed to be going home with my friend, but it was one of those days that you never want to end. Marianne and I stayed up talking until morning and I think we both knew something special was going on. Neither of us ever quite put it into words but I believe we both fell in love that night.
‘Nothing happened beyond talking, that first night, you understand. We had one more day before the festival ended and we were together every moment she wasn’t on stage. We kissed goodbye and I went back to Edinburgh, telling myself I wouldn’t do anything about what I felt for Marianne, even though I desperately wanted to. I was ten years older than her and already engaged to someone whom I’d known for a long time. There was definitely a fond feeling between my fiancée and I, but it wasn’t a grand passion for either of us. I do realise that’s a very poor excuse for what happened next.’
Alec gulped a mouthful wine, his gaze clear on Cal. ‘I didn’t expect to see Marianne again and I was determined to do the right thing by my fiancée, which faltered as the days went by. I knew where Marianne’s band would be playing next, and I went. We met up and it was clear we both still felt the same. We’d fallen madly in love in the space of a couple of days.’ He smiled wryly. ‘If you’d asked me beforehand, I would have said it wasn’t possible and didn’t ever happen.’
Lizzie glanced at Cal, and she saw the memory of their own meeting in his quick smile for her. Alec was continuing, becoming wistful as he summoned his memories, more than thirty years old.
‘I took ten days off work, which was all I could manage, and that was it. I borrowed a cottage from a friend and Marianne joined me there so we could spend every moment of that time together. It was perfect and I was dreading having to leave her. I knew I had a decision to make. She was thinking of moving to London for session work and I was a barrister in chambers in Edinburgh. It was going to be difficult, but I was sure we could find a way, if we wanted it enough.
‘But of course I had to be honest and tell her about my relationship, which I hadn’t yet done. We couldn’t continue as we were and have a future together.’ Alec’s eyes were shining, and Evelyn’s hand was firm on his arm. ‘Marianne was crushed, absolutely devastated that I hadn’t told her before. There was an awful row and I stormed out into the hills, thinking we both needed to calm down. When I returned a few hours later she’d gone, and I never saw her again.’
Alec’s head dropped and his voice was very low. ‘They say you should only regret the things you haven’t done, don’t they? Not the things you’ve done. I’ve always regretted not being truthful with her from the start. If I had, our lives might have been very different and I’m so terribly sorry for how hers turned out. I went back to Edinburgh, told my fiancée about Marianne, and we ended our engagement. Falling in love with a woman who left me for being dishonest was no way to begin a marriage to someone else.’
Lizzie had the sense he wasn’t prepared to shy away from what he’d done or put a clever spin on it as he faced Cal again. ‘I did try to find Marianne, of course I did. I moved to chambers in London and trawled all the session studios, went to gigs, turned up at festivals the following summer. All to no avail. She was adamant when we were together that she wouldn’t go home to Ireland.’
‘She did go back to her family.’ Cal’s voice was flat. ‘They didn’t want anything to do with her. After I was born, we lived in a bedsit in Belfast, before I went to a foster family when she got really ill.’
‘I’m so desperately sorry.’ Alec’s hand went to Cal’s arm and Lizzie saw him staring at it, as though deciding whether he dared accept the sympathy being offered. ‘I had absolutely no idea about you, Cal. I promise you I would have married Marianne if she’d come back to me. I loved her.’ Alec’s voice caught. ‘But she left me the gift of a son and I’m so thankful to have found you.’
‘She always told me you wouldn’t want us.’ Cal withdrew his arm and Lizzie knew he wasn’t ready yet, not comfortable with allowing himself to hope for more after living with the dream of a father for so long. ‘Your name isn’t even on my birth certificate. She said you were called Jim.’
Alec attempted a smile. ‘That was our little joke; she used to tease me about my ancestry. My father was a Scottish baronet and eventually I inherited his title, not that it matters to anyone, and I’ve never used it. Marianne called me Jim because it’s a nickname for Hamish and in her words, much less posh. We used to laugh about it. I never dreamed it would ever matter.
‘After two years in London the mountains were calling me back and I had this crazy notion that if ever I was going to find her, it would be in Cumbria because that’s where we’d first met. Those ten days together, we’d had this dream about living in the wild off the land, in some place really remote where the world couldn’t find us. I left my chambers in London and bought this place nearly thirty years ago.’
Alec offered Evelyn a bruised smile full of love. ‘I was blessed to meet Evelyn when I did and I’m very grateful for the life we share here.’
‘And a family?’ Cal was staring at the Lego, the child’s coat on the back of a chair. He swallowed and Lizzie squeezed his hand. There was more to this story. ‘Do you have children? Other children, I mean?’
‘Yes.’ Alec stood and collected a phone from the window ledge. He swiped the screen, pushing it across the table to Lizzie and Cal. ‘You have a sister, Cal. A half-sister,’ Alec corrected, and his voice was full of pride and love.
‘This is our daughter Rebecca, who is twenty-five, a teacher and the mother of two very lively little boys called Noah and George. They are your nephews, and I think they would be impressed by you. And that’s her partner, Justin, with them. He’s a research scientist and they live about an hour away, near the coast further north. They know about you and would like to meet when the time is right.’
