Off Limits (The Limits Series Book 1), page 22
Spinning around to search for Lochlyn, I find him sitting on the same couch I’d been planted on earlier, a glass with amber liquid in his hand stretched over the arm of the sofa. His other arm is stretched across the top of the back. It looks warm and inviting. His gaze is zeroed in on me.
My feet move of their own volition. I plop down next to him, inching closer until our legs are touching, my arm against his side. I lean my head back as he slides his arm forward the tiniest bit, my neck resting against the tattoo on his bicep. He brings his glass up to take a sip, trying to hide the smile that spreads across his face.
Though the stars are shining above us, the backyard is still bright, lights everywhere. Glancing around, I notice Chelsea on the other side of the yard with Brendan and a gaggle of girls. I decide to take a chance and lean into Lochlyn, resting my head on his chest as his breath stills below me.
There’s no hesitation as his arm wraps around me, resting for a moment at my hip before moving higher, tracing circles on my arm. I close my eyes, enjoying the closeness and breathing him in. It may not be something friends do, but I don’t care in this moment. I know Lochlyn will be able to come up with something to write it off as nothing if Chelsea says anything.
Which she does mere moments later.
“What exactly is going on here, Lochlyn?”
“Shh, I think she may be asleep.”
“Why is she on you?”
“She decided to have a drink before. I think it hit her harder than she thought. She said she isn’t feeling well. She doesn’t really know anybody else here.” I let my body flow with the natural shift as he holds up his other arm. “I’ve been drinking, didn’t really think I should drive her home. It was this or letting her lie alone on the couch with all these other guys here. I saw Jay corner her earlier.”
I can picture Chelsea’s face in my mind, lips pressed into a line, arms crossed against her chest. “Just keep your hands in a respectable place. Let me know if she needs something.” I’m surprised she glazed over the drink. Clearly, her priority is about Lochlyn and I being close instead of my supposed drinking.
“You got it, sis.”
Her wedges slap on the concrete as she walks away. “Nice play, baby girl.”
I smile against him, tilting my head slightly to kiss his chest. He gives me the gentlest kiss against the top of my head, and I stay right where I am, curled into Lochlyn, in front of everybody.
A few hours later, Lochlyn gently shakes me awake, whispering near my ear, “Shay. Baby, it’s time to wake up.”
My eyes flip open, and I grab his wrist. It’s midnight. “Fuck, my mom.” Though I’m sure she wouldn’t care or notice, guilt still pangs my chest at the thought of even possible worry.
“Hey, relax. You told her you were going to be out late tonight, remember?”
I shake away the haze of sleep. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”
“But we should get going.”
I sit up to look at him as his hand slides down my back to rest on my hip. “I don’t want to. I like being here with you.”
“I know, I did too. But we can’t stay.”
Just then, Chelsea comes stumbling over. “Well, good morning, sleeping beauty!”
“You’re still awake?”
“I am! And I feel great!” She sways on her feet as she reaches her arms out wide.
My eyebrows reach high as I turn to Lochlyn, whose mouth is pressed into a line, jaw tight. I’m aware of his hand still resting at my hip, but I know Chelsea is too drunk to notice, or remember.
“I guess we did a bit of a switch tonight since I’m the one who was asleep before midnight.” Lying and hiding is exhausting.
Brendan is suddenly at her side, slipping his arm around her waist. “Come on, babe, time to get you home and in bed.”
“Alone,” Lochlyn growls next to me, shooting daggers at Brendan.
“Of course.” The flush that rushes his cheeks tells me that hadn’t been his intention.
Lochlyn tenses next to me, noticing it too. “I think she’s a little too drunk for that. Don’t you? Or are you interested in taking advantage of my sister in her inebriated state?” Shielded by my body, I slide my fingers under the hem of his shirt to try to calm him. The last thing we need is for them to come to blows. He doesn’t look at me, but his fingers dig into my hip.
Brendan holds up his hands. “I have to be at work at six. I’m just making sure she gets in bed safely. You’re welcome to take her home yourself.”
“No, I want you to take me!” Chelsea whines at his side.
I can see the internal struggle going on in Lochlyn’s mind. If he takes Chelsea home, he won’t have any time with me. If he lets Brendan take her home, he can’t be sure nothing will happen.
“If I find out anything happens between you and my sister tonight, I promise you I’m coming for you.” He doesn’t move his hand from my hip, the other gripping the armrest, but his eyes say he’s ready to strangle Brendan with his bare hands.
“Understood.” Even though Brendan and Lochlyn are the same age, Lochlyn stands a few inches taller and is noticeably stronger. He’s scared away other guys by doing less. Though he looks intimidating, has a sharp tongue, and can be a little overly protective, he’s a teddy bear. My teddy bear.
They turn and walk away, Brendan supporting her as she stumbles.
“He better keep his fucking hands off her.”
I wonder what would happen if I just climbed on his lap at this very moment. There’s barely anyone still at the party. Heath is his friend, so surely Lochlyn could convince him not to say anything, make sure he doesn’t let it slip. But I decide it’s not worth the risk, taking a less blatant approach.
With my fingers on his jaw, I turn his face to mine. “Take me home.” Ever so gently, I lay the tiniest kiss on his lips.
He closes his eyes, fighting the same urge I have. “I wish I could put my hands on you tonight.”
“Why don’t you stay? At my house?”
“What about your mom?” Mom wouldn’t have any issue with us being together. Her feelings about Lochlyn, as changed as they may be from years earlier, won’t matter to her if I’m happy. But in her state of mind, I can’t be sure she won’t accidentally tell Chelsea, especially since they spend so many hours at the store together.
“I don’t care. We can set an alarm, make sure you’re up and out before she gets up. It’s not ideal, but I’d rather have a few hours than none.” While we’ve been spending a lot of time together, in the five weeks he’s been home, we’ve only been able to sneak in a few nights at his house when Chelsea’s at Brendan’s. This will be the first night we attempt to sleep at my house.
“I need to keep an eye on Chelsea.”
I pull back, my voice solid. “Chelsea’s a big girl, Loch. She can take care of herself. She’s just with her boyfriend.”
“Who may try to take advantage of her when she’s drunk.”
“Okay, humor me. Let’s, for a second, say I actually drank. If I was that drunk, and invited you back to my house, and wanted to have sex, would you consider it taking advantage of me? I can tell you I wouldn’t in the morning. Because you’re my boyfriend and I want to be with you, drunk or not.”
“I see what you’re saying. I’m her big brother. That protection doesn’t go away.”
“I know, but you need to loosen up a bit. You’re not here all year. She’ll be in college in a few months with a dorm room that I hope to rarely be frequenting. You can’t protect her forever. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be with me tonight than babysitting her?”
His eyes flip up to mine. “You’re right. Let’s go.”
An hour later, we’re lying in my bed, Lochlyn in just a pair of boxers while I wear a t-shirt of his that I’d stolen, making out, his hands exploring my body, when he pulls away.
“What’s wrong?” We’d decided having sex is too risky, that kissing would have to do, and my lips feel plump and bruised in the most glorious way.
“I just...I’m sorry.”
Confusion spreads through my mind and face. “For what?”
“I didn’t mean to scare you earlier.”
“Scare me?” What on earth is he talking about?
“In the woods? Against the tree? I was a little…aggressive.”
“I know you’d never hurt me, Lochlyn. I wasn’t scared.”
His eyes flip up to mine. “You weren’t?”
With pinched lips, I shake my head. Should I tell him it kind of turned me on? “I mean, it wasn’t exactly your best moment, but I like when you take the initiative, are dominant.”
A smirk pulls at his mouth. “So, some part of you liked it? Maybe a little?”
I laugh, very lightly. “Maybe just a little. Listen, I’m not saying, like, choke me or anything but, I don’t know, it wasn’t the worst thing. Mixed with your mood, though, a little too much. While I wasn’t scared, I’m not interested in you being in a shitty mood all day and then throwing me up against a tree with your hand around my throat while you tell me that you could take any girl and go fuck her while I watch you walk away.”
He winces at the crassness of the statement and my tone. “Yeah. I’m not proud of that. It wasn’t the drinking though, Shay. It’s that I’m just so tired, so frustrated. They’re my friends and I can’t tell them about you. I can’t let them know how happy I am with you.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t go to more parties, and stay away from alcohol.”
“Everything just got to be too much today, and the alcohol lowered my ability to tamp it down.” He swoops some hair behind my ear, leaving his hand cupping my jaw. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s really not. Not even a little bit. But I appreciate you saying that. I need you to understand, though, there is nobody else. I would never do…that. Shay, I couldn’t imagine hurting you at all, mentally, and, God, physically doesn’t even register because it’s the furthest thing from reality. And if for any reason I ever slipped up and made a mistake that hurt your heart, it still wouldn’t be cheating. I have no thoughts about others, no regrets. Not a single one. I can’t control the actions of others. I can’t change what people have said about me or think they know about me. I just feel like you still don’t trust me.”
I’m quiet for a minute, thinking of the best way to answer. “It’s hard for me. I see eyes turning to you everywhere. At parties, when I visited on your birthday, at the concert, anywhere in public. And I’m so inexperienced. What if you get bored?”
“Bored? Shay, this isn’t like a vacation or something. I’m not trying to change my 'wild ways' and just seeing how it goes. I am in love with you, wholly and completely.”
“But you’ve never had a girlfriend before. What if you realize it’s not for you?”
The bed shakes as he jerks back. “Who said I’ve never had a girlfriend?”
My finger twirls anxiously on his chest. “Chelsea. The rumors.”
He chuckles, low in his chest. “God, those fucking rumors. I don’t know where this shit comes from. First things first, I never slept with an entire team for any sport, not even half. And I lost my virginity to my girlfriend, who happened to be one of the players on the field hockey team. We didn’t stay together, but she was my girlfriend at the time. I maybe haven’t had many, or really any since, but I’m fully capable. When I want to. Which I do. With you.”
On the outside, I try to show confidence. On the inside, I question how long he’ll feel that way before he’s done with me. I’ve been through enough difficult and heartbreaking situations in the past few years. I don’t need to add being cast aside by the man I love to the pile. It’s easier to hold on to the doubt.
Instead of answering, I snuggle into him. His arms tighten around me without hesitation.
Just before I fall asleep, I hear him whispering, “Good night, Shay. I love you, so damn much.”
“I love you too,” I murmur into his chest as I fall asleep.
Chapter 15
The summer is proving to be increasingly difficult. Chelsea questions me extensively about resting against Lochlyn at the party. It doesn’t help that the day after, he pulls me into the pool again, arms tight around my waist and then lets his hands linger on me the rest of the night.
“I just don’t understand why you were lying on him. Do you like him or something?” No, I don’t like him at all. I love him.
“He’s my friend, Chelsea. I’ve known him for over sixteen years. Am I not allowed to be comforted by him?”
“I didn’t say that. It just seems more like boyfriend and girlfriend than friend.”
“Chelsea, I wasn’t feeling well. Come on, when have you ever known me to be asleep before eleven? And even that’s a pretty early night for me.” Really, I had just felt so comfortable and at peace with Lochlyn, I drifted off.
“True. I don’t know, I just feel icky thinking of you and Lochlyn together.”
“We’ve spent a lot of time together, especially in recent years. He’s been there for me through tough times. I trust him. I didn’t drive myself, he’d been drinking, and you were off having fun. And I was pretty sure you’d shown up already tipsy. Jay had creeped me out earlier in the night. I asked him to sit with me because I was afraid of being alone on the couch. I didn’t want to be cornered again.” Frustration is creeping into my voice and words, and I need to be careful before it all goes to hell.
“Just remember, I wouldn’t like it if you two got together. No part of me is okay with it.”
“Why?” Exhaustion with the situation, with the constant reminders, has brought me to this point.
“Excuse me?” Her voice is angry, eyes filled with fire.
“Why are you not okay with it?” I’m walking a thin line here, and I know it.
“Because he’s my brother and you’re my best friend. He’s a manwhore, and you’re a virginal angel. It would make me uncomfortable.”
“What about it would make you uncomfortable?”
“It just would, okay! Sheesh, why do you even care? Do you want to be with him?” Disgust hangs off her words.
“I just want to know why it’s so forbidden in your eyes.” I intentionally avoid her last question.
“Shay, he’s not boyfriend material. And you’re definitely not the sleep around type. I love him, he’s my brother, but he’s not fit for anything more than a string of one-night stands.”
To make sure I don’t fly off the handle, I have to bite my tongue. I don’t understand how she can be so blatantly disrespectful in what she says about him. He’s none of the things she says he is. Maybe at one point he had been, but he’s also done so much for her, and he’s a wonderful person.
“I don’t think you give him enough credit.”
“Shay, trust me, I’m doing you a favor.”
“If you say so.”
“Okay, I don’t understand what all this argument is about. I’m not okay with it. End of discussion.” To show she means it, she turns away from me.
“Sure, Chels. I’m going to go check on my mom.”
I’d been avoiding Chelsea for a few days when Lochlyn told me she’d questioned him as well. It seems she was a bit nicer to him about it, thanking him for taking care of me and making sure I was okay. She had to corner me on the floor at the store to have the conversation.
Trying to keep my temper in check, I walk to the office, straightening and organizing on my way, taking my anger out on the stacks of garbage cans and drawer organizers.
Bursting through the office door, startling Mom, I pace the room for a few minutes before grasping the back of a chair and taking a few deep breaths.
“Everything okay, sweetheart?”
“Yup. All good.”
“Tough customer?”
“Mom, would you risk a friendship for love?” I turn to her, blurting it out. I don’t know why I’m asking her of all people.
For the first time in months, Mom looks at me. Really looks at me, her eyes penetrating mine. “I’m not sure love is worth risking anything for.”
My heart slides down to the floor and I want to go right along with it. Possibly stupidly, I was hoping for some motherly advice. I know it’s asking a lot with how things have been for almost two years. But I so desperately need my mom to be my mom again. I don’t know who else I can turn to.
“Oh. Okay. Thanks. I guess I’ll just—"
“It’s Lochlyn, isn’t it?” My eyes widen as I look at her.
“How did you…"
“I know I’m not around a lot anymore, I know I’m…distracted. But I still see you and notice you, Shay. You’re my daughter, I love you. I still pay attention to you. To what’s going on with you. I can see the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. And that’s just in the confines of this store.” She opens her arms wide.
“I know you’ve had him over more than once recently, and he’s spent the night. I’m not mad. I’m not going to tell you he can’t. You’re nineteen; I trust you to make good choices, to be safe. Don’t feel like you have to hide it from me. He doesn’t have to sneak out in the morning.” My heart is racing and my breaths are shallow. She knows?
“Chelsea doesn’t know.”
“I assumed as much. I’ve been careful not to tell her.”
“How long have you known?”
“I had an inkling around Christmas that something had happened. He watched you very closely at Thanksgiving. I had a feeling when you went to visit in February. I’ve known him for sixteen years, so I know when his birthday is. I truly knew in March.
“You know your father—" Choking up, she stops, putting a hand to her mouth. Almost two years later and she can still barely talk about him. Tears in her eyes, she clears her throat. “Your father always thought that Lochlyn held a torch for you. I brushed him off, told him he was seeing things. I guess he was right.”
“Yeah, yeah, he definitely was.” My voice has grown quiet. “I miss him.”
“I do too, honey. I do too.”
“I don’t know what to do, Mom. Chelsea is so against Lochlyn and I being together. But I’m so in love with him.” The last words come out in a gust of air, as though they’re coming from the very depths of my soul.
