Two Roads Back Together, page 10
“No, she moved right off Stocker. But yeah, I’m staying with her. What about you? Where are you now?”
“View Park.”
“Moving on up—”
Sandra chimed in, “—To the east side!” They both laughed again before falling silent.
“So,” Shy began, “you’re a fine-dining chef for an elite restaurant establishment that frequently travels around the world. You go out to nightclubs looking like a million bucks, and you sing a note so delectable angels bow. Did I get that right?” Shy winked.
“Yep, that is my life in a nutshell.” Sandra took a quick sip of her coconut daiquiri with a twist of lemon.
“So I gotta ask… I remember you had a boyfriend while we were at Prairie View,” Shy said, tapping the table. “What was his name?”
“Gregory Dillard.”
“That’s it. He was in high school, right? Basketball All-American Junior.”
“You have a sharp memory.”
Shy shrugged. “Sometimes. Whatever happened to Greg? You guys were so close. I thought for sure you’d end up a power couple off in the ’burbs somewhere.”
“You serious?” Sandra playfully dismissed the idea. “Well, he went to UCLA, but after his first year we broke up. I was still in high school, you know. I never had a chance. After we parted ways, I never really kept up with him.”
Shy kept probing. The thrill of reconnecting with a childhood crush, the long-shot chances of this meeting, served to give them confidence. And Sandra was flirting; even sheltered Shy could see that. What were the odds she was gay or bisexual? Shy took a chance. “Are you dating someone now?”
Sandra playfully hit Shy’s arm. “Girl, please!” Shy blinked rapidly as the descriptor hung in the air. That word cut like a knife. Shy’s sudden shift in mood caused Sandra’s smile to disappear. “Uh, I’m sorry. Did I offend you?”
“No, it’s just… I’m more comfortable with people just calling me Shy.”
“Understood.” Sandra tapped Shy on the arm again, then rested her hand there. “To answer your initial question, I’m still single,” she chuckled nervously.
Shy nodded. As Sandra spoke, her voice cracked, her smiles were short-lived, and the ends of her eyes never moved. There was something else there... Shy was intrigued. They wanted to sit back and patiently let the mystery of Sandra unfold on this beautiful night home in southern California. So they listened, and they waited, and they allowed Sandra’s actions to speak.
A man walked by and smiled at their table, nodding. “Ladies.” Shy felt their face twist in a half-smile and murmured through their teeth, “Hey.”
Sandra watched the man move away, then turned to Shy, eyes searching. “Shy, does it bother you when people refer to you as a lady or woman?”
Shy nodded, and felt the plea not to be judged bubble up behind their lips but tamped it down again.
“However you feel or identify, I respect that. Even though not everyone is cool with it, I am. But really, if I am or not doesn’t matter. You just have to be good with it for yourself.” She smiled back at Shy.
“I’m not what you think I am.” The words rolled away as Shy felt Sebastian nudge them defiantly. Then what are we, Shy? We sure ain’t ‘normal.’
“Okay. I just want you to know that however you might identify is entirely your business and you don’t have to answer to anyone. Just be happy with it.” Shy nodded in response as Sandra leaned in. The hint of her light citrus fragrance teased Shy. “Let me ask you something. Do you think you identify as ‘Sebastian’ more than ‘Shy’?”
Shy’s eyes whipped like darts to Sandra. “Where did you hear that name?”
“Well, the piece that you recited earlier was called ‘Sebastian’s Midnight Escapade’… and you’ve flinched every time you’ve been addressed as a female. I figured that was how you saw yourself with the woman you so delectably described in your performance.” Sandra’s fingers slowly stroked over Shy’s arm once, twice. “I’m curious. What is the significance of the name?”
“None really. I came up with the name in elementary.” Shy’s gaze was stuck on Sandra’s hand, casually resting on their arm.
“Did you ever want to be a boy?”
Shy paused. “I did… at one time. When I was younger, mostly.”
Sandra’s luminous eyes stared into Shy’s soul. “So who would you say Shy is? And are they where they want to be?”
Shy let out a heavy breath. “What are we, life coach Iyanla Vanzant, now?”
“Come on Shy, work with me. We’re old friends so there’s nothing to hide.” Shy felt like they were back in their weekly therapy sessions with the spate of piercing questions. Sandra had a knack for this.
“I may have some work to do.”
“Like...?”
“I think things, like, my self-confidence. Maybe accepting myself more, without reservation.” Cough.
In spite of Sandra’s inviting smile and soothing voice, Shy was uneasy. Shy’s central nervous system was tingling with tiny vibrations. They couldn’t relax; the pressure valve was wound too tight. Abort. Pivot. Close the box.
Shy took a drink, breaking eye contact, and deflected wide. “So what made you cut off your beautiful hair?” Almost immediately after speaking, Shy sensed a change in Sandra. Her limbs stiffened and she stared blankly at the dance crowd in the uncomfortable manner Shy knew all too well. Is this what people see when they look at me?
“It’s what I wanted to do with my hair,” Sandra said abruptly, her voice cold and matter-of-fact.
The low translucent lights bounced off Sandra’s eyes as Shy carefully studied her profile. She looked beautiful, but the laughing, teasing Sandra had disappeared and it was all Shy’s fault. Do something, Shy.
What? How? I can’t just reach out and—
Move, I got this. Without hesitation, Sebastian slid closer to Sandra. “What I was trying to say was, your hair really accentuates your beauty,” they said in a lower register, their soft breath barely brushing Sandra’s earlobe. Sandra blushed and touched the sides of her short black coils. She was radiant. And Sebastian ran with it. “Do you mind if I touch you?” Sebastian asked. Sandra shook her head.
Sebastian traced their fingertips along the fine hairs of Sandra’s crown just above her temple, down to the top of her ear. Their eyes locked on Sandra as they said, “Do you forgive me for sticking my foot in my mouth?” Sandra nodded. They pulled Sandra into their chest, just holding her, staying silent as the two watched the energetic crowd on the floor below them.
A young waitress stopped by their table, offering to refresh drinks. “Get me a long island with extra tequila and whatever they want,” Sandra said as she handed the waitress a twenty and told her to keep the change. “Excuse me, Shy, I’m heading to the ladies’ room. I’ll be right back.”
While Sandra stepped away, the waitress came back with their drinks and Shy got lost in the music. They sipped the rum and coke, trying to keep their anxieties low. Relax, Shy. We’re doing fine. Finally, Sandra returned to the table and tasted her drink. “Perfect,” she sighed, then looked at Shy with a wicked gleam. “Let’s dance.”
She offered her hand to Shy.
Shy’s self-consciousness roared forth. They gulped their full drink down to the ice to quell the ever-present anxious bubbles inside. Their liquor buzz had been growing since they’d sat down with Sandra and the ol’ trusted rum was quickly taking effect. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, played it cool, and followed Sandra to a halfway obscure spot near the balcony.
They danced.
Sandra was music. Her coordination was, bar none, the best they’d ever seen. The way her legs, arms, and hips rode the booms and baps of the beat was mesmerizing. Shy’s inhibitions faded and they let the music and alcohol carry them as they watched the sensual woman in front of them. Shy was free—Sebastian was free—and it felt wonderful. The music blared over the club speakers. As the DJ scratched music and blended to the club’s classic hits, the crowd noise peaked as they obliged the DJ’s call and response.
“Do my ladies run this muthaf—?”
“Hell yeah!”
“Do my fellas run this muthaf—?”
“Hell yeah!”
“Let me hear you say Club ZO2. Club—”
“—ZO2!”
“Now stop!”
The entire club stopped moving. Silhouettes of sweaty faces and bodies froze. The DJ cut the music back on, and sending the crowd back into a dancing frenzy.
Shy grinned.
The DJ then switched the beat to a faster tempo. Sandra moved with it, pressed her butt against Shy’s pelvis, and began grinding sensually as the music thrust them both into a hypnotic daze. Sebastian grabbed Sandra’s hips, hitching to her rhythm as her hip and back muscles rolled and flexed.
Shy felt good, relaxed, and could see the same pleasure in Sandra’s eyes. They were enjoying every minute of each other on the dance floor; this was a night they both needed.
When the next song cut on, the two of them slowly moved apart and returned to the refreshments at their table. Sandra nearly collapsed into her seat. “I haven’t danced like that since high school.”
“Really? Well you’re still good at it.” They laughed and settled into the booth, catching their breaths. Shy hesitated, not sure if they should ask, but the alcohol and the company made it easier to push aside their insecurities and take the plunge.
“So… are you dating right now?” Shy asked carefully. Their eyes never left Sandra’s face while they watched the color rise in her cheeks. They patiently waited for an answer.
“I keep my options open. You?”
“I never thought about it until right now.” With you.
“Tell me,” Sandra said, “if you were to date, what’s your type?”
“I don’t know if I have a type, per se. I think I just like what I like.”
“I ain’t mad at that.” Sandra made a sassy hand gesture of approval and snapped her fingers. “Would you be open to elaborating a little? Maybe I can help you find what it is you like.”
“I haven’t really thought about it. I don’t date much, so I can’t really say if I have a type,” Shy replied.
“I bet you do know,” Sandra purred. “Maybe? Well, let me ask you this first. Do you like guys or girls? Or maybe both?” She lightly skimmed Shy’s hand resting on the table.
Shy immediately felt their heart rate increase and their throat turned dry. Reaching for their drink, they gulp the rest. Aw, c’mon Shy. Stop being so… shy. You like the way Sandra makes you feel. Relax! She’s into you.
Stop it! You’re not helping. I can’t think with you pushing like this.
The forcefulness of Sebastian felt too strong. And the alluring effect of Sandra kept Shy dazed and off-balanced; the pull and push of their masculine and feminine energy got the best of them.
But it seemed Sandra wanted to meet Shy where they were. She moved closer to Shy, her leg touching theirs. “You do know you’re grown, right? It’s okay to like girls.”
Shy was melting from Sandra’s perfectly-pitched voice, the sultriness of it caressing the tiny hairs along their arms and whispering into their ears. Shy’s lips parted, their mouth pulling in more oxygen while their heart continued to pound. Sandra leaned in, and Shy could feel the heat from her lips nearly grazing the top of their right ear as Sandra spoke, “I know I like you. I always have.”
Arousal flooded Shy. They had been attracted to women before, but usually fear—of discovery, of being ‘asked’ though they didn’t ‘tell’—quickly snuffed out these feelings. But not tonight. Perhaps it was the mixture of liquor, music, and sweet tobacco from the hookahs, or the low-level lighting creating a sensual atmosphere, mixed with the satisfying knowledge that this poised, elegant woman of Caribbean descent was into Shy and Sebastian, too. But for the first time, arousal wasn’t followed by fear, and Shy relished that.
Shy’s mind was desperately trying not to burst into pieces. Their body shuddered with hundreds of thousands of nerve-endings all stimulated—along their arms, their chest, inside their legs up along their groin. All Shy could do was nervously smile and sit still next to Sandra as they frantically tried to figure out what to do next, now that they were free to be themselves.
She’s always liked me? Oh god, what do I do? How do I respond?
Bro, chill. Just let it come to us, Sebastian steered Shy. You got this.
Sandra fueled the growing fire of connection between them. “Do you like when I touch you… here?” she whispered while lightly touching the nerve endings along the base of Shy’s neckline. Then she leaned across Shy, exposing the tops of her breasts to Shy, and grabbed the napkins closest to Shy’s left side. She placed her drink on the napkin, then gently looked up at Shy, who felt like a teenage boy about to experience his first time with a grown woman. She laughed at Shy’s low groan of consent. “Relax, Shy. We’re just having a little fun, right?” Shy nodded. “I can be a bit... forward and assertive, I know. But I like you, Shy.”
Sandra grabbed Shy’s tightly-balled hand, uncurled it to string her fingers between Shy’s, and placed both of their hands in her lap. The circuitry loop inside Shy was in overload. Shy coughed and wiped the top of their brow. “Yeah?”
“So what do you like to do?”
“Well, I read a lot. Go to the gym.”
Sandra chuckled and felt Shy’s muscular arms. “I can see that. But I meant what do you like to do… with a woman?”
“Like on a date?” Shy was trying to keep up as Sandra’s fingers traced up and down their upper arm, over and over.
“Yeah, or in the bedroom.” Shy’s eyes widened and Sandra paused, pulled back. “I’m sorry. Let me know if this is too much.”
“I, uh... I... No. I just haven’t been with anyone like that before.” Shy turned away.
Sandra gently cupped Shy’s chin and directed it back toward her face. “Shy, no one is judging you. Just let yourself be free.” Sandra’s finger brushed the bottom of Shy’s lip. They quivered under the slight warmth of Sandra’s touch.
Shy hesitated. “Have you… ever been with a woman?”
“Yes, I have,” Sandra replied.
“I don’t think of myself as a woman,” Shy said matter-of-factly.
“I figured as much. And that’s okay.”
“Wouldn’t you want to be with someone that’s experienced?”
“Well, it depends. What if I fall for someone who has a beautiful heart and an amazing spirit, but lacks the spicier versions of… ‘dancing’?” Sandra giggled at her euphemism.
“But I thought people like to be with people who have experience. I would want someone who is sexually compatible. Or what’s the point?”
“I guess it depends on your comfort level with communication.” Sandra reached down under the table to caress Shy’s outer thigh, then slipped along their inner thigh, slowly gliding upward until her hand stopped just short of where Shy needed it most. “I mean as long as there is chemistry, I believe two people can work it out. I think we overthink sex, sometimes, when it’s divinely instinctual. At least that’s my philosophy.”
Shy was screaming inside. They were breaking apart with lust and want and no one in this club even realized the maelstrom happening in this dark corner.
“Well, Sebastian...” Sandra paused. “If you are lucky enough to find a partner who understands where you are and meets you there, I think sparks could fly.”
Shy placed their hand on top of Sandra’s as she gently caressed them. They closed their eyes, loving the sensations pulsating across their body. Shy was high on dopamine and alcohol, a potent mix. They had no clue what or how this was happening, and for once, they didn’t care. Sandra led a playful tease and dance and Shy willingly submitted; their energies balanced inside. Sandra’s touch suggested there would be more, much more, when they were ready. But would Shy ever be ready?
“So you never fully answered my question. You don’t like being direct, do you?” Sandra teased. “Delight me. Do you prefer to give or receive?” she asked, pursing her lips.
“Receive. Well, both.”
Sandra leaned closer in, her breasts brushing up against Shy’s arm as her fingers kept up the light touches. “Do you think you are more comfortable initiating and being dominant in a relationship?”
“I’m more submissive, I think. But there would be some moments where I might naturally feel dominant. It depends, I guess. It depends on my sexual energy at that moment. So I guess I’d be a bit of both.”
“Really! I would have guessed you to be the dominant partner. Ooh, this is getting good. Tell me more, Sebastian. Rawr!” Sandra lightly clawed the side of Shy’s arm, making Shy laugh.
Shy felt amazing. For the first time in so long, they allowed themselves to be vulnerable. Here. In this space. Under the full spell of Sandra’s seductive advances, Shy happily went along and was enjoying the ride. They floated in this cloud of euphoria, present, but also as if in a dream. As if their body was operating under the call of a different pilot, and that pilot was Sandra. Like the mythical sirens singing unsuspecting journeymen under a spell, Shy fell deeper in Sandra’s hypnosis. They leaned in closer as she lightly brushed her fingers in circular motions along Shy’s lower back.
“If I like someone and I want to kiss her, what should I say?”
Sandra looked delighted and offered, “You say it just like that.”
“I like you, Sandra, and I want to kiss you.” Shy’s immediate response made Sandra smile.
“I see you learn fast.”
“I’m curious. How do I please someone I like?”
“You mean like sex?”
“Uh, yeah.” Shy felt a blush heating their face.
“What do you want to know?” Sandra’s inviting nature and willingness to let the conversation breathe put Shy at ease.
“How do I turn a woman on?”
