Heartsick & Lipsticks, page 24
“Jada just invited me to Nick’s surprise fortieth birthday,” I whispered, even though we were a safe distance away—out of anyone’s earshot.
“Oh cool. Kurt just invited me to go as his date. We can all go together.”
“I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have no reason to go.”
“Of course you do. You’ve been living in the man’s house for a month, and he just threw your daughter this amazing birthday party. You’d be an asshole if you didn’t go.”
Crap. I hadn’t thought about it that way. Ri was right. He’d done so much for me that the least I could do was go to his fortieth birthday. Even if it would kill me to see him with another woman.
33
NICK
“Bye, Squirt. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I kissed Bella on the head and shut the door to Maddox’s SUV. Hannah, Lexi, and Bella were all spending the night at Maddox and Peyton’s house after Callie’s birthday party.
“Thanks for coming.” I pulled Maddox into a one-armed man hug. “I’ll pick her up tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.” Maddox patted my back. “I’ll let you know what I find out.”
“Thanks.”
After talking to Naomi this morning, I’d asked Maddox to find out everything he could about my father. I’d also enlisted the services of the P.I. who found Bella’s mom. For so long, I’d lived my life just looking forward. It was time I faced the past and where I came from. Who I came from. I wanted to know everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Peyton leaned out of the passenger’s side window. “It was a great party!”
Maddox climbed into the driver’s side. “Yeah, it’s nice seeing you so domesticated, grill master.”
The SUV pulled out of my driveway, and as I watched them leave, I smiled ear to ear. I’d never seen my friend happier. He’d always been content, but after reuniting with Peyton, he was truly happy.
I was the lone wolf who wasn’t in a relationship. For years, all three of us had been single, but now Alex’s wedding was in a couple weeks, and I was sure that Maddox and Peyton’s wouldn’t be far behind. They’d been holding off on getting married so that they wouldn’t upstage Alex and Sadie. But soon I would be the only single dad in the Sexy Single Dad’s CEO Club.
As I walked back into the house, I thought about Maddox’s parting remark.
Domesticated. That wasn’t a word I’d ever aspired to. Even becoming a single father hadn’t slowed down my social life. I was a bachelor in every sense of the word. That status had never bothered me before. If anything, I’d embraced the title.
But now, it just seemed…lonely. Empty. Unfulfilling.
I walked into the kitchen and found Skye at the sink doing dishes. The sleeves on the oversized sweatshirt she’d put on over her jeans and tank top when it got dark were rolled up to her mid forearm. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, and her feet were bare. She was the perfect combination of cute and sexy.
In that moment, everything in my world felt right.
If this was what being domesticated meant, I was all in.
“Where’s the birthday girl?” I asked.
Five of Callie’s friends had stayed after the party for a sleepover. As appreciative as I was that she’d included Bella so much today, I was happy Callie was going to get some teenage time. She was a really good kid. Seeing her and Bella together reminded me of the brotherly bond that Alex, Maddox, and I had formed. Sometimes family has nothing to do with blood.
“All the girls are in the media room watching The Purge.”
“Horror, huh?”
“I hate horror movies.” Skye shook her head. “I have no clue why people think it’s fun to be scared.”
“Yeah, me either,” I agreed. I’d spent most of my early childhood terrified. I never knew where I was going to live or how long I was going to live there. I went through one hundred and thirteen foster homes before finally ending up in the group home where I met Alex and Maddox. I never had any security or family, which as a kid was terrifying. I had no interest in watching something that reminded me of how I’d felt then.
Even though Skye’s mother had raised her, her upbringing wasn’t exactly stable. From what I’d gleaned, Lola had been more interested in men than in being a parent.
“I think the party went well.” I leaned my lower back on the edge of the counter. “Everyone seemed to have a good time.”
“They did. Thank you so much, Nick. You have no idea how much today, and just everything, means to me.”
“It’s my pleasure.” I could hear my voice drop as I looked at Skye’s mouth.
I didn’t mean to stare, but I’d been dying to kiss her all day. Actually, I’d been dying to kiss her every day. I had done my best to respect her wishes and keep my distance from her, keeping things purely professional. But since the night we’d spent together when the girls were at camp, I hadn’t been able to rein it in quite as well as I had before that night. It took every shred of self-restraint I possessed not to act on how I felt when I was around her. It was so difficult being so close to her and not being able to touch her, to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her how fucking beautiful she was, and sometimes I slipped up.
This was one of those times.
“Are Naomi and Lola watching their shows?”
Skye nodded.
So that meant we were alone. The teens were down in the basement. Our mothers were on the other side of the house. I took a step toward her, and her breath caught as she looked up at me. Golden flecks swam in her hazel eyes. I wanted to pick her up and set her on the island. I knew I shouldn’t, but that was what I wanted to do. Before I could act on my impulse, she turned suddenly and headed to the other side of the kitchen.
I tried not to take it personally. Logically, I knew that any second someone could walk in, but my dick didn’t really run on logic.
Clearing my throat, I changed the subject. “I talked to my mom, to Naomi today.”
Skye turned back to me, and her face lit up like the sky on the 4th of July. “You did?”
“Yeah. I asked her all the questions I’ve had, and she answered them. All of them.”
“How are you? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, It was….” Emotion welled in my eyes, and I wiped beneath my lids with my thumb and forefinger. Skye must have noticed because she wrapped her arms around me. As soon as she did, I pulled her tight against me. My heart thudded in my chest as I inhaled the fruity, fresh scent of her shampoo and her curves molded into me.
This was what I’d needed all day. To hold Skye in my arms. I exhaled, and all the tension, all the stress, all the anxiety I’d been holding in for… my whole life drained out of me, and my entire body relaxed. It wasn’t just the physical reaction I was having. This embrace soothed my soul. A wave of peace washed over me like a cool breeze on a sweltering day. I continued to hold her even after her arms loosened their hold around me, indicating this hug was over.
Not wanting to let her go, I held her tighter as I rasped, “Skye.”
Her head lifted, and her eyes met mine. She licked her lips nervously, and my gaze automatically fell to her full mouth.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” I admitted.
Her eyelids slowly closed and taking that as a green light, my head slowly lowered. I felt her breath fan my face a second before she stepped back, out of my arms.
“I’m, sorry. We can’t.”
Disappointment bloomed in my chest, despite knowing that was a boundary I shouldn’t have crossed. “I know. I’m sorry.”
We stood staring at one another for what could have been a few seconds or a minute; I wasn’t sure. Time didn’t feel linear when I was with Skye. It was as if it stood still and went at the speed of light simultaneously.
The silent bubble we’d been floating in burst when we both spoke at the same time.
“You know my—”
“I got a ca—”
We smiled at each other.
“I’m sorry, go ahead,” I prompted.
“No, what were you going to say?” she countered.
Normally, I would insist on ladies first, but in this case, I feared I would lose my nerve. “You know my friend Alex?”
She nodded.
“He’s getting married in two weeks, on Saturday, and I was wondering if you’d like to go as my date.” I’d never asked a woman to go to a wedding before. I’d been a firm believer in not bringing sand to the beach. The thing was, since meeting Skye, I wasn’t interested in any other sand. The only sand I wanted to play with was her.
She blinked at me several times before she shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Is it because of your rule not to date? We can just go as friends.” I knew that I was grasping at straws here, but straws were all I had.
My chest felt like it was being squeezed in a tourniquet as I waited with bated breath for her reply.
“No, it’s not that.”
I felt like an asshole for putting her in the position of having to turn me down. She’d made her boundaries clear, and I was not respecting them. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have crossed that line.”
“No, it’s not… You don’t need to apologize.” She took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. It’s just… I can’t. We can’t.”
There was a finality to her statement that shattered my heart into a million pieces. The flame of secret hope I’d been harboring that something would happen between us was extinguished. Two words doused it with their ice-cold reality. We would never be together.
Not wanting her to see the effect her rejection had on me, I did my best to sound unaffected as I asked, “What were you going to say?”
“Huh?” Her brows furrowed.
“Before, what were you going to say?”
“Oh, right. Yeah, um. I haven’t told anyone yet; I wanted to wait until after the party. But I got a call from my landlord yesterday morning. The building will be ready for occupancy on Friday, so I’ll, we’ll be out of your hair.”
I’d thought that her turning down my invitation for the wedding and then making it clear there was no future for us would be the most devasting part of our conversation. I was wrong.
34
SKYE
As I stood in my bedroom and unpacked my bag, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that I’d had since arriving home an hour ago. Everything looked exactly the same, but it felt different now. I’d reasoned that it was just because I’d gone from living in a mini-mansion with every amenity that one could ever want back to an eleven hundred square foot walkup, but that wasn’t it. If anything, this place felt empty with just Lola, Callie, and me in it. Which made absolutely no sense.
I walked into the kitchen and checked to see what I could make for dinner tonight. The only thing I had everything for was spaghetti. On autopilot, I grabbed the ground beef from the freezer. I grabbed two packages before realizing that I only needed one. I was cooking for three, not six.
Not that Naomi ever ate that much, but I had still been making a serving for her for the past six weeks.
“Hey, mom. Can I go over to Jenny’s and stay the night?”
“We just got home,” I reasoned.
“So,” she shot back.
“I was gonna make spaghetti for dinner.” That had always been Callie’s favorite dish.
Callie tilted her head to the side, indicating that, just like my first response, that was not a reason for her to stay. And she was right.
“Fine. You can go.”
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. But before leaving the kitchen, she turned around. “I miss Bella. Do you think she’s okay?”
“Yeah, sweetie, she’ll be fine.”
Callie didn’t respond. She just went back to her room.
The move back hadn’t been easy for either of the girls. Callie and Bella had a sleepover last night in the family room. Nick made them a fort, and they stayed up and watched movies.
This morning, we all had breakfast together before it was time for us to leave. The mood at the table was quiet and somber. When it was time to go, huge crocodile tears slid down Bella’s face as she hugged Callie tightly. There were promises of getting together and hanging out, but everyone knew that it wouldn’t be the same as the girls living in the same house. Nick had to practically peel her arms from around Callie so we could leave.
Kids were resilient. Plus, Bella had Hannah and Lexi, who were her pseudo- sisters.
A few minutes later, Callie emerged with her backpack. “Jenny’s downstairs.”
“Text me when you get to her house and if you guys are going to go out anywhere.”
“Kay,” she replied before opening the front door.
“I love you,” I called out.
“Love you!” she shouted and the door shut behind her.
My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it. It was a message from Sonja asking if I could cover for Hector, the weekend night nurse, next Saturday. I checked the calendar. That was the day of Alex’s wedding. The wedding Nick had invited me to. Saying no to him was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. But it was the right thing to do. Things between us had gone too far in private. There was no way that I wanted to advertise my bad decisions by going public.
I wondered if he was going to bring a different date and if he did, would he bring her home? Even though I knew we didn’t have a future together, I still didn’t want a front-row seat to him with another woman.
But it’s not about me; I reminded myself of what my priorities should be. Naomi and her care were all that mattered. My job also mattered to me, and supporting co-workers was an important part of that.
I messaged back, accepting the shift.
As soon as I pressed send, a wave of exhaustion pulled at me. I hadn’t slept since yesterday because I was on the clock last night. I’d planned on staying up today and spending the day with Callie since I was off tonight. We hadn’t really spent much time just the two of us since we’d moved in with Nick. But since she’d gone to Jenny’s, I figured I might as well get some sleep.
I was halfway down the hallway when I heard my mom’s door open. “Did Callie leave? I thought I heard the front door.”
“She went to Jenny’s.”
“Do you want some tea?” she asked.
Not really. I wanted some sleep. But Lola never asked to spend time with me; maybe she was having a hard time adjusting to being back home as well.
“Sure.” I nodded and headed back to the kitchen.
I started to fill the kettle up with water, but Lola stopped me. “Sit, I’ll make it.”
Her offer took me by surprise. Maybe the past seven weeks of caring for Naomi had unlocked a maternal mode in her that hadn’t been there before. I wasn’t going to argue with that. I set the kettle down and lowered myself into a chair at the kitchen table.
Lola fixed both of our teas before sitting across from me. She stirred her tea, then looked up at me with a nervous grin. I could tell that she wanted to say something, but I didn’t push her. It was my experience that people talked when they wanted to.
She took a sip of her tea and set it back down. Her finger traced the rim as she said, “I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have my Netflix partner.”
“I’ll watch shows with you. If you want.”
“Really?” Her brows lifted in surprise.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
This time, her smile wasn’t nervous at all. It was wide and happy. “Okay.”
Her reaction had me wondering if I hadn’t spent enough time with her. Thinking back, ninety-nine percent of the time I did spend with her was with Callie as well. When Callie was at a friend’s, we usually did our own thing. I would catch up on self-care or hang out with Ri, and Lola would usually be out.
“I thought you would want to go out. I figured the only reason you hadn’t been was because we were living with Nick.”
Her left shoulder lifted in a shrug. “At first it was, but then I don’t know. I talked to Naomi and realized some things.”
I wondered if she was referencing the conversation, I’d overheard in the laundry room. “Really, what things?”
A sigh fell from her lips as she stared down at her mug before taking a breath. She shifted in her chair and pulled out her phone. “Um, I wrote some things down so I wouldn’t forget.
My mother had never asked me to have tea or a talk with her. I started to get a little anxious about what she was going to say. Maybe it wasn’t about the conversation at all. Maybe she’d decided to go backpacking in the Himalayas. Or she was joining a cult. Which she’d almost done once.
Her thumb scrolled on the screen before she took a deep breath, set the phone down in front of her, and looked up at me. The vulnerability in her eyes was heartbreaking. “First, I want to say I’m sorry. I know that I have never been a good mom to you—”
“You don’t have to—” I interjected in relief that she wasn’t leaving the country or joining a cult.
“No, I do need to say this. Please, can you just let me talk, and then you can say whatever you want?” she asked.
I nodded.
She took a deep breath, then exhaled loudly. “I’m your mom, and I’ve never acted like it. I can make excuses for my behavior because of my childhood, having you so young, and your dad dying. The truth is, none of that actually matters. I was your mom, and I should have put you first, but I didn’t. I don’t know why, honestly. I guess I was just really selfish, and you’ve always been so good at taking care of yourself. Not that that’s an excuse for my neglect; it’s not.”
She teared up, and I reached out and covered her hand with mine. “Lola, it’s okay.”
She pulled her hand away. “No, it’s not, and I’m not done.”
“Sorry.” I hadn’t meant to interrupt her again. I just wanted to comfort her.
She took another breath, this one slower and more deliberate. “You never should have had to take on so much responsibility at such a young age. It’s not okay that I never tucked you in or read you bedtime stories. It’s not okay that you knew how to use the stove and the washer and dryer by the age of four. It’s not okay that you had to remind me to pay the light bill or go to your parent-teacher conferences. It’s not okay that Ri’s parents took you on vacations and back-to-school shopping. It’s not okay that I constantly had different men in our lives. And it’s not okay that I told you to call me Lola and not mom.
