Heartsick & Lipsticks, page 22
She shook her head back and forth as she licked her lips.
I kept my eyes locked on her as I dropped my arms and leaned back slightly. “What do you want?”
“You,” she breathed.
I swallowed a moan at her admission.
“Can I touch you?” I asked, needing to make sure that I hadn’t misread the signals.
Desire flickered in her hazel eyes, mirroring the need I felt for her. “Yes.”
My hands trembled as I lifted them to the belt that was tied at her waist. I waited, giving her plenty of time to tell me to stop. To tell me she changed her mind, and we couldn’t do this. But that never happened.
Slowly, I tugged on the terrycloth cincture until it came loose. When it did, her robe parted revealing a tiny sliver of naked skin. It was enough for me to see that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it, just as I’d suspected.
Leaning forward, I softly pressed my lips to her bare belly. She sucked in a slight gasp as her hands once again rested on my head. This time her fingers fisted in my hair. I continued kissing her belly, as my hands traveled up her torso. Her nipples brushed along my palms causing a tingle in my balls as I continued up to her shoulders where I slid the robe off her body. It fell to the floor with a soft thud.
Her knees buckled slightly, and I stood. When I did, she reached up and held onto my biceps to steady herself. I grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her into the bathroom, just like I’d fantasized doing when I walked in.
“What are you…what are we?”
I leaned down and tested the water with my wrist and felt that it was the perfect temperature. When I rose back up, I looked down at her. “You said you were going to take a bath.”
“But—”
Her protest halted and she let out a little squeal when I scooped her up, then set her down in the water. As I helped guide her, my sleeves got wet, but I didn’t give a shit. Once she was settled, I got on my knees beside the tub and removed my shirt.
“Aren’t you going to come in?”
“No,” I rasped as I my hand slid over her arm. I could feel her tension as she looked up at me, confusion swimming in her golden stare. “Just relax,” I instructed.
The water sloshed as she shifted back so she was resting against the headrest that my designer had talked me into installing that was integrated into the surrounding panel. I had no plans on ever using this tub, but I wanted my guests to have a five-star spa-like experience, so I agreed.
I began touching her, running my hand up her arm which was gripping the side of the tub. When I got to her shoulder my fingers grazed her collarbone before moving to her breasts. My fingertips trailed across the area of skin above the waterline. After several passes over each mound, I dipped my hand beneath the water and traced her areola before teasing her nipples. I rolled them between my forefinger and thumb before pinching them.
With one hand I continued to massage her breast, while the other traveled lower.
“Open your legs,” I commanded roughly.
Her knees parted and I slid my hand between them. My fingers glided easily over the folds of her sex. After several passes up and down the seam of her pussy, I began to flick my finger across her clit.
Her chest rose and fell as her breathing grew more and more labored. Her eyes were cast down, watching as I pleasured her. Her hands gripped the side of the bath as if she were trying to anchor herself.
“That feels so good.”
“Good. I want to make you feel good.”
“You do. Every time you touch me, it feels so good.”
My jeans were getting snugger by the second as tiny sounds of pleasure escaped her mouth. As much as I loved bringing her to climax with my tongue and dick, there was something so sexy about just using my fingers. About watching the entire scene from a bird’s eye view that somehow was even more erotic.
“Yes, yes, right there.”
“Right there?” I asked, just wanting to hear her tell me again.
Her eyes lifted to mine, and she nodded. “Right there.”
Keeping our gaze locked I asked, “Are you gonna come for me?”
“Yes. Yes.” Her right hand dipped beneath the water and her fingers gripped my wrist, keeping it in place.
She let out a quiet gasp as her nails dug into my flesh and her body shook with release. I watched as pleasure played across her face, my finger keeping the rhythm on her clit, drawing out the release for as long as I could until her grip loosened and her head fell back and she sighed, “Fuck.”
“Good idea.”
Her lips curled as I stood, bent over, slid one arm beneath her legs and the other behind her back. “Wrap your arms around my neck.”
“I’ll get you wet,” she panted.
“I think that’s only fair considering how wet I’ve made you.”
She chuckled as I began to lift her out of the tub and her arms wrapped around me. Her face nuzzled into my neck and a warmth spread through my chest. It was more than just an emotional feeling, it was physical.
I stalked over to the king-sized bed and gently laid her down on it. When I stood back up, I stripped out of my shoes, jeans, and boxer briefs and joined her on the mattress. Her legs parted for me, and I moved between them.
Hovering above her, I took a moment just to stare down at her and my chest ached.
“I missed you,” I breathed my confession again.
“I missed you, too.”
It might not be a declaration of love, but it sure as hell felt like one to me.
30
SKYE
I shut my eyes after confessing that I missed Nick. I know that all I’d done was repeat what he had told me, but I was suddenly feeling very vulnerable. He had a way of making me feel like that. I tried not to think about what tonight meant or the fact that I wouldn’t be able to sneak out tomorrow morning like I had in the hotel. I just decided to surrender to the experience.
His lips softly pressed against my neck, jaw, and then continued peppering kisses down my neck.
He whispered against my skin, “I like you living here. Being under my roof. I like coming home to you and waking up to you. I look forward to cleaning the kitchen every day because I do it with you. Every time I see you, I feel calm. No one has ever made me feel that before.”
I nodded but felt my body tense because I knew where these confessions were coming from. The reason he was feeling these things was because of the heightened and unusual circumstances we were in. The storm of stress and trauma, which was the reason we’d been spending so much time together, was the catalyst for his feelings. It had nothing to do with me. I just represented the umbrella he stood beneath to escape the downpour of his reality.
I was the safe place.
The shelter.
The escape.
I was the other person who understood what was going on. It created a bond that had nothing to do with me. I needed to remember that. My feelings for him were real, but his were situation based, which was another reason this was a bad idea.
Unfortunately, even understanding the truth of what was happening wasn’t enough for me to stop it from happening. Unlike Ri, I wasn’t convinced that it didn’t make me a horrible person.
Above me, Nick stilled.
I opened my eyes and found his baby blues staring down at me with an intensity that rushed through me like the rapids.
His brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He lifted up onto his forearms and his thumb grazed my cheek. I closed my eyes at the tenderness of his touch. “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.”
I shook my head, not wanting him to feel bad for his admission. If it was under any other circumstances, I would be swooning right now.
“No, you didn’t.”
“Something made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s just…I got distracted.”
“Wow.” The right side of his mouth lifted in a curl. “Then clearly I’m doing something wrong.”
“No, I didn’t mean, not like that.” I tried to recover from the insult I’d just inadvertently given him. “I’m just in my head. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.” His thumb glided along my jaw and tingles rippled through me. “We can stop. We don’t have to—"
“No,” I shook my head. I couldn’t believe that Nick was naked, on top of me, and we were talking. Ri would be so disappointed in me. “I don’t want to stop.”
Concern brimmed from his deep ocean stare.
The right thing to do would be to stop. This wasn’t going to go anywhere. There was no reason to blur the lines any more than those suckers had already been smudged. My head knew that. Other parts of my body had other ideas.
Without running it by my conscience, my hips rolled, grinding my sex against his heavy erection cradled between my legs. His nostrils flared as he exhaled audibly. My hands roamed up and down his back before lowering further. I gripped his ass cheeks and squeezed as I rocked my hips into his straining erection. My wet folds slid up and down his shaft.
I could see that he still wasn’t convinced I really wanted this so I lifted up and pressed my lips to his neck. His skin was salty and sweet as I pressed open-mouth kisses just below his ear. I licked him, before nibbling lightly on his earlobe.
A deep groan vibrated from his chest a second before I felt myself being flipped over onto my belly. The mattress dipped beneath me. The next thing I heard was the distinct sound of a condom wrapper being ripped open.
Anticipation built in me, excitement for what was going to happen next. The first time we’d been together, he hadn’t taken me from behind. If memory served, doggy style had been my favorite position. With each second that passed, I felt myself getting more and more aroused. I’d barely recovered from my first orgasm, but already felt the signs of number two building.
The tips of his fingers dug into my hips and he lifted me up onto my knees which meant my ass was in the air. I gasped as I balanced on my forearms. His hands spread out on my backside. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to just surrender to the sensations of his strong fingers squeezing and exploring my body.
The sounds of his heavy breaths combined with my own labored inhales and exhales were all that I could hear. The soundtrack created a private bubble that only we inhabited.
His hands slid slowly down to my thighs, and he pushed them even farther apart. When he did, a wave of vulnerability washed over me, because this position left nothing to the imagination. But that exposed feeling quickly morphed into something else. I felt emboldened. I felt like a sensual being.
“So pretty,” he rasped reverently as his fingers trailed up and down my feminine lips.
My inner walls began to pulse as tingles swirled in my core. It still shocked me how responsive my body was to Nick. Tim had complained about how hard it was to bring me to climax. Nick had mastered my body. He knew what I wanted, what I needed even better than I did. He pushed me just enough out of my comfort zone to excite me, but not enough to make me want to retreat.
His finger began to intimately massage my opening, applying pressure as it slid across the base. With each pass of his touch, my inner walls contracted more as my next release built up momentum.
“Mmm, I love seeing and feeling how greedy and wet you are for me,” he gritted out, his voice deep and gravelly. “You living here, you being so close yet not being able to touch you, has been torture for me. Every night when we’re doing the dishes I want to strip you down, pick you up, put you on the island, spread your legs and have you for dessert.”
His bold admission caused my entire body to vibrate with need.
The pads of his fingers spread me apart and I felt the heat of his breath on my damp sex a beat before he covered my core with his mouth. His tongue licked the seam of my opening as his finger circled around my sensitive clit. I’d never had someone lick me from behind. It felt naughtier somehow this way and amped up the eroticism of the moment.
Just as I began to feel myself go up and over the edge of oblivion, the bed dipped below me as Nick straightened up and replaced his tongue with his dick. He drove into me with a force that had me burying my face in a pillow as I cried out.
His thrusts were deep and fluid as his hands gripped my hips, pulling me into him as he pushed inside of me. Within seconds I saw stars behind my eyes as my release rose to even higher highs. My climax crashed over me like waves, one right after the other. Just when I thought I’d felt the last one, another would consume me.
Finally, after the final crush of sensation subsided, I opened my eyes and drifted back to reality. Nick stood and I rolled onto my back. He went into the bathroom, and I assumed discarded the condom. When he came back to bed, he threw back the sheets, laid down and pulled me into him. My back was against his front as he spooned me from behind.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me so close, so tight. “Can I stay with you tonight? I just want to hold you.”
This was the part that I knew I’d miss most after tonight. The feeling of being wrapped in his arms. The sex was better than I’d ever known it could be. But that wasn’t what was going to destroy me. Being in his arms, feeling like nothing could ever hurt me. Feeling taken care of and…loved.
Even though I knew what I was risking, I couldn’t deny him or myself the comfort we could both give tonight.
“Yes,” I softly whispered.
He let out an exhale of relief as he pulled me tighter, burying his face in my hair. My heart ached in my chest, and I knew then that my answer had sealed my fate. I’d fallen in love with a man who I could never be with.
My fingers gripped his forearms and tears pricked my eyes, but I sniffed them away. I was going to allow myself to absorb the comfort and security that only being in Nick’s arms had ever given me. Even if it was just for tonight.
31
NICK
“Everything is set up. I’m going to run home and change,” Jada explained as I stood in front of the grill, scraping it clean. “I just spoke with Kurt. He’s on his way with the horses.”
Kurt grew up on a ranch in Montana and kept two horses in stables nearby. I’d asked him to bring them today so that Callie and her friends could take rides on the beach at her party.
“Okay. Thanks for all your help.”
Jada nodded and headed through the accordion-glass doors that led to the living room. I scanned the backyard and was pleased at what I saw. Photos of Callie dangled on strings hanging from a balloon arch in one corner of the yard. A grass wall backdrop with a neon sign that read Callie’s 15th stood on the opposite corner for photo ops. The DJ booth was set up at the far end of the pool, and there was enough food and drink to feed a couple hundred people. I’d never hosted a birthday party for a fifteen-year-old, but Jada assured me the setup was “gram-worthy.”
The birthday girl was at the nail salon with Skye, Lola, Rihanna, and Bella. Naomi was invited as well, but she hadn’t been feeling up to it so she was taking a nap. Skye told me that every year since Callie was five, they’d gone to get mani-pedis on the morning of her birthday. Bella was so excited to be included in the tradition. Seeing my little girl’s face as the group headed out together tugged at my heartstrings.
It felt right to see Bella with the ladies. She’d grown so close to Callie, especially, but also to Lola and Skye over the time they’d been here. The five weeks since they moved in had somehow passed in the blink of an eye, but it also felt like it had been forever. I couldn’t remember what life was like before they lived here, but it also felt like it had flown by.
Foster care had taught me at a very early age that nothing lasted forever. I was conditioned to expect things to change. For my entire childhood, I’d always known that any day, without warning, my entire life could be different. Different home. Different school. Different social worker.
That lesson stayed with me and contributed to my never having any sort of serious relationship. I was too used to people leaving, and honestly, I was fine with that. When you don’t form connections, it doesn’t really faze you when the roster of people in your life changes.
The problem I was having now was that I knew the roster was going to change, and I was not fine with that. I kept having to remind myself that this wasn’t going to last forever, but I’d been pretending that it was. Skye, Callie, and Lola would move home. And Naomi… I didn’t know how much longer we had with her.
I turned my attention back to the grill and saw Naomi walking out of the sliding doors. Skye had mentioned that she seemed to be getting weaker, and I noticed now that she was right. Her cheeks were hollowed out, and if I had to guess, I’d say she’d lost at least ten pounds since she’d arrived. Which, on her petite frame, left her looking like she would blow over in a strong wind.
Today, her hair was in two Dutch braids. It was the same style that Callie, Lola, Bella, Rihanna, and Skye were all wearing for the party. The night before, they’d all sat in the family room and braided each other’s hair.
When she noticed me standing beside the grill, her eyes widened. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were out here. I just wanted to come and see the decorations before the party started.”
She turned back to leave, but I stopped her.
“You don’t have to go.” She looked uncertain, so I pulled out a chair for her. “Did you want to sit?”
“Okay.”
My heart was pounding wildly in my chest as I held the chair for her. This was the first and only time we’d been really and truly alone since she arrived. There was always someone around. But now, it was just the two of us. I’d been wanting to talk to her, and this seemed like as good a time as any.
She lowered down into the seat gingerly, and I pulled the oxygen tank beside her. “Thank you.”
“Did you want something to drink? Water, soda, lemonade?” I asked.
“Lemonade would be great.”
I opened the outdoor fridge and grabbed a lemonade for her and a beer for me. I handed it to her and watched as she struggled with the cap. It was clear that she wasn’t strong enough to open it.
I kept my eyes locked on her as I dropped my arms and leaned back slightly. “What do you want?”
“You,” she breathed.
I swallowed a moan at her admission.
“Can I touch you?” I asked, needing to make sure that I hadn’t misread the signals.
Desire flickered in her hazel eyes, mirroring the need I felt for her. “Yes.”
My hands trembled as I lifted them to the belt that was tied at her waist. I waited, giving her plenty of time to tell me to stop. To tell me she changed her mind, and we couldn’t do this. But that never happened.
Slowly, I tugged on the terrycloth cincture until it came loose. When it did, her robe parted revealing a tiny sliver of naked skin. It was enough for me to see that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it, just as I’d suspected.
Leaning forward, I softly pressed my lips to her bare belly. She sucked in a slight gasp as her hands once again rested on my head. This time her fingers fisted in my hair. I continued kissing her belly, as my hands traveled up her torso. Her nipples brushed along my palms causing a tingle in my balls as I continued up to her shoulders where I slid the robe off her body. It fell to the floor with a soft thud.
Her knees buckled slightly, and I stood. When I did, she reached up and held onto my biceps to steady herself. I grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her into the bathroom, just like I’d fantasized doing when I walked in.
“What are you…what are we?”
I leaned down and tested the water with my wrist and felt that it was the perfect temperature. When I rose back up, I looked down at her. “You said you were going to take a bath.”
“But—”
Her protest halted and she let out a little squeal when I scooped her up, then set her down in the water. As I helped guide her, my sleeves got wet, but I didn’t give a shit. Once she was settled, I got on my knees beside the tub and removed my shirt.
“Aren’t you going to come in?”
“No,” I rasped as I my hand slid over her arm. I could feel her tension as she looked up at me, confusion swimming in her golden stare. “Just relax,” I instructed.
The water sloshed as she shifted back so she was resting against the headrest that my designer had talked me into installing that was integrated into the surrounding panel. I had no plans on ever using this tub, but I wanted my guests to have a five-star spa-like experience, so I agreed.
I began touching her, running my hand up her arm which was gripping the side of the tub. When I got to her shoulder my fingers grazed her collarbone before moving to her breasts. My fingertips trailed across the area of skin above the waterline. After several passes over each mound, I dipped my hand beneath the water and traced her areola before teasing her nipples. I rolled them between my forefinger and thumb before pinching them.
With one hand I continued to massage her breast, while the other traveled lower.
“Open your legs,” I commanded roughly.
Her knees parted and I slid my hand between them. My fingers glided easily over the folds of her sex. After several passes up and down the seam of her pussy, I began to flick my finger across her clit.
Her chest rose and fell as her breathing grew more and more labored. Her eyes were cast down, watching as I pleasured her. Her hands gripped the side of the bath as if she were trying to anchor herself.
“That feels so good.”
“Good. I want to make you feel good.”
“You do. Every time you touch me, it feels so good.”
My jeans were getting snugger by the second as tiny sounds of pleasure escaped her mouth. As much as I loved bringing her to climax with my tongue and dick, there was something so sexy about just using my fingers. About watching the entire scene from a bird’s eye view that somehow was even more erotic.
“Yes, yes, right there.”
“Right there?” I asked, just wanting to hear her tell me again.
Her eyes lifted to mine, and she nodded. “Right there.”
Keeping our gaze locked I asked, “Are you gonna come for me?”
“Yes. Yes.” Her right hand dipped beneath the water and her fingers gripped my wrist, keeping it in place.
She let out a quiet gasp as her nails dug into my flesh and her body shook with release. I watched as pleasure played across her face, my finger keeping the rhythm on her clit, drawing out the release for as long as I could until her grip loosened and her head fell back and she sighed, “Fuck.”
“Good idea.”
Her lips curled as I stood, bent over, slid one arm beneath her legs and the other behind her back. “Wrap your arms around my neck.”
“I’ll get you wet,” she panted.
“I think that’s only fair considering how wet I’ve made you.”
She chuckled as I began to lift her out of the tub and her arms wrapped around me. Her face nuzzled into my neck and a warmth spread through my chest. It was more than just an emotional feeling, it was physical.
I stalked over to the king-sized bed and gently laid her down on it. When I stood back up, I stripped out of my shoes, jeans, and boxer briefs and joined her on the mattress. Her legs parted for me, and I moved between them.
Hovering above her, I took a moment just to stare down at her and my chest ached.
“I missed you,” I breathed my confession again.
“I missed you, too.”
It might not be a declaration of love, but it sure as hell felt like one to me.
30
SKYE
I shut my eyes after confessing that I missed Nick. I know that all I’d done was repeat what he had told me, but I was suddenly feeling very vulnerable. He had a way of making me feel like that. I tried not to think about what tonight meant or the fact that I wouldn’t be able to sneak out tomorrow morning like I had in the hotel. I just decided to surrender to the experience.
His lips softly pressed against my neck, jaw, and then continued peppering kisses down my neck.
He whispered against my skin, “I like you living here. Being under my roof. I like coming home to you and waking up to you. I look forward to cleaning the kitchen every day because I do it with you. Every time I see you, I feel calm. No one has ever made me feel that before.”
I nodded but felt my body tense because I knew where these confessions were coming from. The reason he was feeling these things was because of the heightened and unusual circumstances we were in. The storm of stress and trauma, which was the reason we’d been spending so much time together, was the catalyst for his feelings. It had nothing to do with me. I just represented the umbrella he stood beneath to escape the downpour of his reality.
I was the safe place.
The shelter.
The escape.
I was the other person who understood what was going on. It created a bond that had nothing to do with me. I needed to remember that. My feelings for him were real, but his were situation based, which was another reason this was a bad idea.
Unfortunately, even understanding the truth of what was happening wasn’t enough for me to stop it from happening. Unlike Ri, I wasn’t convinced that it didn’t make me a horrible person.
Above me, Nick stilled.
I opened my eyes and found his baby blues staring down at me with an intensity that rushed through me like the rapids.
His brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He lifted up onto his forearms and his thumb grazed my cheek. I closed my eyes at the tenderness of his touch. “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.”
I shook my head, not wanting him to feel bad for his admission. If it was under any other circumstances, I would be swooning right now.
“No, you didn’t.”
“Something made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s just…I got distracted.”
“Wow.” The right side of his mouth lifted in a curl. “Then clearly I’m doing something wrong.”
“No, I didn’t mean, not like that.” I tried to recover from the insult I’d just inadvertently given him. “I’m just in my head. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.” His thumb glided along my jaw and tingles rippled through me. “We can stop. We don’t have to—"
“No,” I shook my head. I couldn’t believe that Nick was naked, on top of me, and we were talking. Ri would be so disappointed in me. “I don’t want to stop.”
Concern brimmed from his deep ocean stare.
The right thing to do would be to stop. This wasn’t going to go anywhere. There was no reason to blur the lines any more than those suckers had already been smudged. My head knew that. Other parts of my body had other ideas.
Without running it by my conscience, my hips rolled, grinding my sex against his heavy erection cradled between my legs. His nostrils flared as he exhaled audibly. My hands roamed up and down his back before lowering further. I gripped his ass cheeks and squeezed as I rocked my hips into his straining erection. My wet folds slid up and down his shaft.
I could see that he still wasn’t convinced I really wanted this so I lifted up and pressed my lips to his neck. His skin was salty and sweet as I pressed open-mouth kisses just below his ear. I licked him, before nibbling lightly on his earlobe.
A deep groan vibrated from his chest a second before I felt myself being flipped over onto my belly. The mattress dipped beneath me. The next thing I heard was the distinct sound of a condom wrapper being ripped open.
Anticipation built in me, excitement for what was going to happen next. The first time we’d been together, he hadn’t taken me from behind. If memory served, doggy style had been my favorite position. With each second that passed, I felt myself getting more and more aroused. I’d barely recovered from my first orgasm, but already felt the signs of number two building.
The tips of his fingers dug into my hips and he lifted me up onto my knees which meant my ass was in the air. I gasped as I balanced on my forearms. His hands spread out on my backside. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to just surrender to the sensations of his strong fingers squeezing and exploring my body.
The sounds of his heavy breaths combined with my own labored inhales and exhales were all that I could hear. The soundtrack created a private bubble that only we inhabited.
His hands slid slowly down to my thighs, and he pushed them even farther apart. When he did, a wave of vulnerability washed over me, because this position left nothing to the imagination. But that exposed feeling quickly morphed into something else. I felt emboldened. I felt like a sensual being.
“So pretty,” he rasped reverently as his fingers trailed up and down my feminine lips.
My inner walls began to pulse as tingles swirled in my core. It still shocked me how responsive my body was to Nick. Tim had complained about how hard it was to bring me to climax. Nick had mastered my body. He knew what I wanted, what I needed even better than I did. He pushed me just enough out of my comfort zone to excite me, but not enough to make me want to retreat.
His finger began to intimately massage my opening, applying pressure as it slid across the base. With each pass of his touch, my inner walls contracted more as my next release built up momentum.
“Mmm, I love seeing and feeling how greedy and wet you are for me,” he gritted out, his voice deep and gravelly. “You living here, you being so close yet not being able to touch you, has been torture for me. Every night when we’re doing the dishes I want to strip you down, pick you up, put you on the island, spread your legs and have you for dessert.”
His bold admission caused my entire body to vibrate with need.
The pads of his fingers spread me apart and I felt the heat of his breath on my damp sex a beat before he covered my core with his mouth. His tongue licked the seam of my opening as his finger circled around my sensitive clit. I’d never had someone lick me from behind. It felt naughtier somehow this way and amped up the eroticism of the moment.
Just as I began to feel myself go up and over the edge of oblivion, the bed dipped below me as Nick straightened up and replaced his tongue with his dick. He drove into me with a force that had me burying my face in a pillow as I cried out.
His thrusts were deep and fluid as his hands gripped my hips, pulling me into him as he pushed inside of me. Within seconds I saw stars behind my eyes as my release rose to even higher highs. My climax crashed over me like waves, one right after the other. Just when I thought I’d felt the last one, another would consume me.
Finally, after the final crush of sensation subsided, I opened my eyes and drifted back to reality. Nick stood and I rolled onto my back. He went into the bathroom, and I assumed discarded the condom. When he came back to bed, he threw back the sheets, laid down and pulled me into him. My back was against his front as he spooned me from behind.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me so close, so tight. “Can I stay with you tonight? I just want to hold you.”
This was the part that I knew I’d miss most after tonight. The feeling of being wrapped in his arms. The sex was better than I’d ever known it could be. But that wasn’t what was going to destroy me. Being in his arms, feeling like nothing could ever hurt me. Feeling taken care of and…loved.
Even though I knew what I was risking, I couldn’t deny him or myself the comfort we could both give tonight.
“Yes,” I softly whispered.
He let out an exhale of relief as he pulled me tighter, burying his face in my hair. My heart ached in my chest, and I knew then that my answer had sealed my fate. I’d fallen in love with a man who I could never be with.
My fingers gripped his forearms and tears pricked my eyes, but I sniffed them away. I was going to allow myself to absorb the comfort and security that only being in Nick’s arms had ever given me. Even if it was just for tonight.
31
NICK
“Everything is set up. I’m going to run home and change,” Jada explained as I stood in front of the grill, scraping it clean. “I just spoke with Kurt. He’s on his way with the horses.”
Kurt grew up on a ranch in Montana and kept two horses in stables nearby. I’d asked him to bring them today so that Callie and her friends could take rides on the beach at her party.
“Okay. Thanks for all your help.”
Jada nodded and headed through the accordion-glass doors that led to the living room. I scanned the backyard and was pleased at what I saw. Photos of Callie dangled on strings hanging from a balloon arch in one corner of the yard. A grass wall backdrop with a neon sign that read Callie’s 15th stood on the opposite corner for photo ops. The DJ booth was set up at the far end of the pool, and there was enough food and drink to feed a couple hundred people. I’d never hosted a birthday party for a fifteen-year-old, but Jada assured me the setup was “gram-worthy.”
The birthday girl was at the nail salon with Skye, Lola, Rihanna, and Bella. Naomi was invited as well, but she hadn’t been feeling up to it so she was taking a nap. Skye told me that every year since Callie was five, they’d gone to get mani-pedis on the morning of her birthday. Bella was so excited to be included in the tradition. Seeing my little girl’s face as the group headed out together tugged at my heartstrings.
It felt right to see Bella with the ladies. She’d grown so close to Callie, especially, but also to Lola and Skye over the time they’d been here. The five weeks since they moved in had somehow passed in the blink of an eye, but it also felt like it had been forever. I couldn’t remember what life was like before they lived here, but it also felt like it had flown by.
Foster care had taught me at a very early age that nothing lasted forever. I was conditioned to expect things to change. For my entire childhood, I’d always known that any day, without warning, my entire life could be different. Different home. Different school. Different social worker.
That lesson stayed with me and contributed to my never having any sort of serious relationship. I was too used to people leaving, and honestly, I was fine with that. When you don’t form connections, it doesn’t really faze you when the roster of people in your life changes.
The problem I was having now was that I knew the roster was going to change, and I was not fine with that. I kept having to remind myself that this wasn’t going to last forever, but I’d been pretending that it was. Skye, Callie, and Lola would move home. And Naomi… I didn’t know how much longer we had with her.
I turned my attention back to the grill and saw Naomi walking out of the sliding doors. Skye had mentioned that she seemed to be getting weaker, and I noticed now that she was right. Her cheeks were hollowed out, and if I had to guess, I’d say she’d lost at least ten pounds since she’d arrived. Which, on her petite frame, left her looking like she would blow over in a strong wind.
Today, her hair was in two Dutch braids. It was the same style that Callie, Lola, Bella, Rihanna, and Skye were all wearing for the party. The night before, they’d all sat in the family room and braided each other’s hair.
When she noticed me standing beside the grill, her eyes widened. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were out here. I just wanted to come and see the decorations before the party started.”
She turned back to leave, but I stopped her.
“You don’t have to go.” She looked uncertain, so I pulled out a chair for her. “Did you want to sit?”
“Okay.”
My heart was pounding wildly in my chest as I held the chair for her. This was the first and only time we’d been really and truly alone since she arrived. There was always someone around. But now, it was just the two of us. I’d been wanting to talk to her, and this seemed like as good a time as any.
She lowered down into the seat gingerly, and I pulled the oxygen tank beside her. “Thank you.”
“Did you want something to drink? Water, soda, lemonade?” I asked.
“Lemonade would be great.”
I opened the outdoor fridge and grabbed a lemonade for her and a beer for me. I handed it to her and watched as she struggled with the cap. It was clear that she wasn’t strong enough to open it.
