Was that really the reason? How long, he’d wondered bitterly, were they supposed to let Leon dictate the course of their own relationship? Then he’d felt ashamed of himself for being so horrible about his best friend.

  The truth was, he didn’t know what to think any longer. His thoughts were all over the place, and he seemed to be in a permanent state of anxiety. Was Kat just making excuses because she had no intention of staying with him? Maybe she no longer saw a future with him at all. Maybe he’d been kidding himself. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d turned a blind eye to the facts staring him in the face, would it?

  As his worries overtook him again, he sat down next to Tommy and tried to focus on his son. This was a huge day for him, and although he didn’t seem nervous, who knew how he would react when he finally met his grandparents and uncle for the first time?

  Tommy had taken the news of the Corcorans with surprising ease.

  ‘Do you remember a man called Chris?’ Jonah had asked him gently, not entirely sure how Sofia had referred to him in front of Tommy.

  Tommy had considered. ‘Do you mean my other daddy?’ he asked eventually, which had hit Jonah like a punch in the stomach.

  Forcing himself to smile, he’d nodded. ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Mm. He made mummy cry,’ Tommy told him. ‘I didn’t like him much. He was mean.’

  Jonah closed his eyes for a moment, wondering how much Tommy knew or remembered. It didn’t bear thinking about.

  ‘Well,’ he said at last, ruffling his son’s hair, ‘maybe he was mean, but that doesn’t mean everyone in his family is mean, does it? And the thing is, buddy, Chris had a brother, and a mum and dad of his own, which means you’ve got an uncle and a grandma and grandad. They’re so excited to know about you, and they’d really like to see you.’

  Tommy looked confused. ‘But not my other daddy?’

  Jonah blinked away tears. ‘Your other daddy has gone away to another country, and they don’t see him anymore. But hey, what do you think about seeing your grandparents and uncle?’

  ‘I’ve never had a grandad,’ Tommy said, sounding excited for the first time. ‘Marcus in my class says grandads are cool. His grandad takes him fishing and gives him three pounds pocket money every week.’

  Jonah managed a laugh. ‘Well, that does sound pretty cool,’ he said. ‘So what do you think, eh? Do you want to see them or not? Because if you don’t,’ he added, ‘I won’t make you. No one’s going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you would like to see them, I’ll be there with you. What do you say?’

  Tommy nodded. ‘I’d like to have a grandad. And another grandma. Do you think this grandma will like me better?’

  Jonah swallowed down the lump in his throat. Tommy had never mentioned Jonah’s mother’s obvious dislike of him, but clearly he’d noticed. It almost broke his heart.

  ‘I think anyone who doesn’t love you is a complete fool,’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. ‘So shall I ring them and tell them we’re going to meet them?’

  Tommy nodded. ‘Okay, Daddy.’

  So Jonah had made the call, and now he could only hope that these people were as decent as Phillip had made out.

  ‘Here you are!’

  An overly jovial cry made him look round in dread. There was Phillip Corcoran, all smiles as he held out his hand for Jonah to shake. Behind him, a man and a woman, probably in their mid-sixties, gazed at Tommy, drinking him in as if they couldn’t believe he was actually real.

  ‘Jonah, it’s good to see you again,’ Phillip said. ‘This is my mother, Evelyn, and my dad, Vince. Mum, Dad, this is Jonah Brewster. And this,’ he added, smiling at his nephew, ‘must be Tommy.’

  Evelyn and Vince managed to drag their eyes away from Tommy for a moment to shake hands with Jonah, who motioned to them to sit down. There was a general awkwardness as chairs were pulled out and people sat, facing each other in polite silence.

  ‘Well,’ Phillip said finally, ‘it’s good to meet you at last, Tommy.’

  Jonah glanced at Tommy, who was watching the newcomers with interest, but didn’t seem too worried. His gaze fell on Evelyn, and he was touched to see she was in tears. Even Vince looked dangerously close to crying. He cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable.

  ‘Tommy, are you going to say hello to everyone?’

  ‘Hello,’ Tommy said.

  ‘Hello, Tommy.’ Evelyn’s voice was thick with emotion. ‘It’s so good to see you. What a beautiful boy you are.’ She turned to her husband. ‘Look at those dark curls, Vince. Aren’t they gorgeous?’

  ‘They certainly are. Puts me in mind of myself when I was a boy,’ Vince said. He nodded at Tommy, a kindly smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. ‘I had curls just like yours until I turned forty, then it all started to drop out, and look at me now.’ He patted his almost completely bald head and Tommy stared at him, his dark eyes huge.

  ‘Don’t be scaring the poor boy,’ Evelyn scolded him. ‘Your grandad didn’t mean it, Tommy. I’m sure you won’t lose your hair.’

  The word grandad grated on Jonah, and his hand tightened on his glass of water. Well, isn’t that what he was after all? Tommy’s grandad. At least they seemed nice. Their feelings for Tommy were genuine, he thought. Surely no one could fake the look in their eyes as they beamed at their grandson?

  ‘It’s a lovely place,’ Vince said, glancing around the pub in approval. ‘And a beautiful location, too.’

  ‘We’ve never been to Tuppenny Bridge before,’ Evelyn confided. ‘We live just outside York, and we’ve visited the Dales before lots of times, but never this place. It’s a pretty town, isn’t it? I can’t imagine how we’ve missed it.’

  ‘And you’re a farrier, I believe, Jonah?’ Vince asked. ‘That’s a skilled job. Is there much call for it round here? We don’t see a horse round our way from one year to the next.’

  ‘Plenty of work,’ Jonah assured him. ‘I’m kept very busy.’

  ‘Daddy’s brilliant at it,’ Tommy told them. ‘He showed everyone how to put shoes on the horses at the sheep fair, and everyone clapped him, didn’t they, Daddy?’

  It was the first time that Tommy calling him Daddy had ever felt awkward to Jonah. He shifted nervously, waiting for some reprimand from the Corcorans, but none came.

  ‘Did they? Well, I wish I’d seen that,’ Evelyn said, while Vince nodded enthusiastically.

  ‘I’d have loved to go to a sheep fair,’ he said. ‘I love sheep. I do love these rural events, and I’d have enjoyed watching your daddy shoeing horses, I’m sure.’

  He smiled at Jonah, who finally began to relax.

  ‘Should we order?’ Phillip said cheerfully. ‘I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry, and I’ll bet Tommy’s ready for his lunch, aren’t you?’

  ‘I want chips,’ Tommy said firmly. ‘And can we have pudding, Daddy?’

  ‘Always,’ Jonah told him, smiling.

  ‘Pudding is the best part of any meal,’ Evelyn agreed, laughter in her eyes. ‘We must always save space in our tummies for that.’

  ‘Do you like apple pie?’ Tommy asked her. ‘Auntie Birdie and Auntie Rita make great apple pie. Auntie Birdie brought us some round, didn’t she, Daddy? We didn’t have custard though. I like custard with it really.’

  ‘Love custard,’ Vince agreed. ‘Unless it’s got a skin on it. Now that makes me feel queasy.’

  ‘Ugh! Me too! I stayed for school dinners once and we had pudding and custard and it had skin on it! It made me feel sick. I don’t have school dinners any more. Kat makes me a packed lunch.’

  ‘Kat?’ Evelyn enquired.

  ‘Daddy’s girlfriend,’ Tommy said nonchalantly. ‘She’s at home looking after Hattie. Hattie’s my new sister,’ he added.

  Jonah stared at him. He’d had no idea Tommy had cottoned on to the fact that he and Kat were an item, and as for accepting Hattie as his sister—as easy as that!

  ‘I had the pleasure of meeting Kat a couple of weeks ago,’ Phillip told his parents, his eyes sparkling with amusement, no doubt at the memory of her in her dressing gown on the doorstep. ‘She seems like a lovely lady.’

  She is, Jonah thought bleakly.

  Tommy made it sound as if they were one big happy family, but he was no longer sure that was the case. Why couldn’t he shake the fear that he was losing her already?

  Kat was relieved to see that Tommy was smiling when he and Jonah arrived home later that afternoon. She glanced warily at Jonah, but he seemed fairly relaxed, although she thought sadly that she detected signs of tension when he greeted her.

  ‘How did it go?’ she asked, taking Tommy’s coat from him and hanging it up in the hallway.

  Jonah shrugged off his own jacket and smiled down at Tommy. ‘It was all right, wasn’t it, mate? They were nice, weren’t they?’

  Tommy beamed up at Kat. ‘I had sausage and chips and beans, but I left most of the beans. And then I had treacle sponge and custard. Nearly two bowls! Grandma couldn’t eat much of hers, so she let me have it. I made her laugh because she didn’t believe I could eat all that, but I did, didn’t I, Daddy?’

  ‘You certainly did,’ Jonah agreed. ‘I have no idea how you fitted it all in, but I don’t think you’ll be wanting much for tea tonight.’

  Tommy considered. ‘Maybe I could just eat some crisps for tea?’

  ‘Nice try,’ Kat said, laughing, and Tommy grinned before running into the living room to turn the television over for Paddington.

  ‘So it went all right?’ she asked, turning back to Jonah.

  He tucked his hands in his jeans pockets and nodded. ‘Yeah, it did. They seemed nice enough. Friendly. Didn’t object to Tommy calling me daddy, which I thought they might.’

  ‘Why would they? You are his daddy!’

  ‘Maybe, but I thought they’d struggle with that, seeing who their son is.’ He paused. ‘Tommy told them all about you and Hattie. He explained that you were my girlfriend, and Hattie was his new baby sister.’

  Kat felt surprisingly touched. ‘He never did! Wow, and we’ve been so careful not to give him any ideas about us.’

  ‘He’s not daft. Evidently we weren’t careful enough.’ He put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Kat, I think we need to talk.’

  Kat’s stomach lurched with dread. Is this what she’d been fearing? Was she about to get the whole ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ talk? But, she realised, he was right. They couldn’t go on like this with whatever it was simmering away between them. She wanted it back the way it had been, and if they couldn’t fix it, maybe it was better to agree that it hadn’t worked and go their separate ways.

  She couldn’t give any head space to how terrible that made her feel.

  ‘Okay,’ she said reluctantly. ‘But not now.’

  ‘You agree then? There are things to discuss?’

  ‘I think we both know that,’ she said. ‘But not while the kids are up. Wait until they’re in bed. Then we’ll talk.’

  He stared at her for a moment, then nodded. ‘I’ll put the kettle on. I’m ready for a cup of tea after all that drama.’

  TWENTY-NINE

  By the time Tommy and Hattie were asleep in bed that evening, Kat had worked herself up into a state of dread. Was this the day when he finally told her he couldn’t be a surrogate father to yet another child? She wasn’t entirely sure if Hattie was his problem, but something was. If not Hattie, then it was definitely all her. Either way, she couldn’t stay in a relationship that felt so awkward and strange. How had they come to this?

  He brought her a glass of wine and himself a beer and settled himself on the sofa looking pensive.

  ‘So what’s this about?’ she asked, after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

  ‘I don’t really know where to begin,’ he admitted. ‘It’s been a weird kind of day all round.’

  ‘Were the Corcorans really as nice as you said in front of Tommy?’

  He nodded. ‘I wish I could say they were awful. It would make things a lot easier. Truth is, they seemed like decent people, and they were obviously mad about Tommy. They got quite emotional talking to him at various points, and I did feel sorry for them in the end, knowing how much of his life they’ve missed out on.’

  ‘I’m sensing a but,’ she said cautiously.

  He gave a short laugh. ‘That obvious?’

  ‘What are you worried about?’

  ‘Does it make sense if I say they were too nice? Too accommodating. Tommy kept calling me daddy, and they didn’t even flinch.’

  ‘But you are his daddy!’

  ‘Yeah, but only—’ He closed his eyes for a moment, as if the thought was painful. ‘Only by adoption. What if they think blood trumps that? What if they believe that, no matter what any court says, Chris is and always will be Tommy’s dad, and that means their rights over him are greater than mine? What if all this is some ploy to lower my guard until they launch a legal challenge?’

  Kat took his hand. ‘I don’t think you have to worry about that at all. Even if that’s what they wanted to do I don’t see how they could. Tommy was adopted by you when he was three years old. He loves you. His life is here with you. He doesn’t even know these people. Besides, grandparents don’t have many rights even when their grandchild is with its natural parents, so I honestly don’t see this as an issue.’

  ‘But they might try, and we could be caught up in a legal nightmare that drags on for years!’

  ‘You’re overthinking this,’ she said. ‘Just because they’ve asked to see Tommy doesn’t mean they want to take care of him. I’m sure they understand all too well that Chris gave up all rights to his son, and by extension he gave up their rights, too.’

  ‘And you don’t think that by letting them see him I’m taking a risk?’ he asked, his eyes anxious as he waited for her response.

  ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I really don’t. Look, Jonah, why don’t you try to see it as it is? The Corcorans understand that Tommy’s yours now, but they would like to play a small part in his life, and would it hurt if they did? You told me once how upset it made you that your own mother wanted nothing to do with him. Sofia’s parents weren’t on the scene and never will be. Don’t you think it would be lovely for him to have his grandparents in his life—people who love and care for him almost as much as you do? I know you’ve been through a lot, but so have they. Chris sounds like an absolute nightmare, and Phillip can’t have children. Why deprive them of Tommy?’ She blinked away tears. ‘I just think it would be cruel, and I know you’re scared, but you’re not a cruel man. Trust them.’

  ‘I guess I’ve got a bit of a problem with trust,’ he admitted grudgingly.

  ‘Well, that’s hardly surprising. And you’re not the only one, you know. I struggle with it a bit myself.’

  He looked at her, clearly surprised. ‘You do? Why?’

  She shrugged, half wishing she hadn’t said anything but knowing, deep down, that now was the time to open up.

  ‘I suppose Hattie complicates everything. I wouldn’t trust her welfare to just anyone. I’ve been determined, ever since I knew I was pregnant, that I would be the one to take care of her. I never wanted anyone to look at me and think I was failing her. You can’t imagine how devastated I was when I heard about Pennyfeather’s, because it was my responsibility to provide for Hattie, and knowing I was about to lose both my job and my home terrified me.’

  ‘I can understand that,’ he said slowly. ‘But you haven’t failed her. She’s happy here, isn’t she?’

  ‘But for now that’s down to you,’ Kat said desperately. ‘Don’t you see that? That’s why my knitting business is so important to me. When I was talking to Daisy the other week about her not being able to buy the shop alone, I realised how precarious it is, depending on someone else. Hattie’s home and her security could be snatched away from her at any time.’

  ‘How?’ he asked, perplexed. ‘You can’t think for a moment that I’d throw you out?’

  ‘This thing between us,’ she said unhappily, ‘can’t you see that it puts me in a vulnerable position? If we were to break up I’d have nothing, and how do I care for Hattie then?’

  ‘You think we’re going to break up?’

  ‘No one can predict the future, Jonah,’ she said. ‘And the way things have been between us lately…’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘There’s a distance between us. You must have noticed. Why else did you say we needed to talk? I’m right, aren’t I? And that just confirms that everything Hattie and I have depends on you, and that’s not good.’

  ‘Is that why you want to start the business?’ he asked, his brow furrowed. ‘Because you thought that would give you some security?’

  ‘Of course it is! Well, that and because I need something of my own to be proud of. Like you, being a blacksmith and a farrier. You’ve achieved something. I want to do the same.’

  ‘So it’s not because you’re getting sick of us—me and Tommy? It’s not because we’re not enough for you?’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Is that what you thought? Of course you’re enough for me! But I need to earn my own money outside of this house. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to take care of Tommy. Look at it from my point of view, Jonah. This is your house. I need to contribute to it—not just by cleaning and cooking. You do almost as much as I do in the house anyway. I mean financially. If not, how can I ever feel equal? How can I ever feel as if I’m doing right by Hattie?’

  ‘I understand that,’ he said. ‘I really do. But you never have to worry about Hattie, you do know that? I love her, too, and—’

  ‘Do you?’

  He dropped her hand. ‘Are you seriously asking me that question?’

  ‘You’ve never said.’

  ‘I didn’t think I had to! I thought it was obvious. She’s part of my life now, and I can’t imagine not having her around. She’s—well, she’s Tommy’s little sister, and I feel like she’s my…’

  ‘Your what?’ Kat asked.

  ‘I don’t want to sound pushy or presumptuous,’ he said hesitantly, ‘but she feels like my daughter.’

 

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