Blaze, page 19
When we pull up in front of the house, it feels like it’s been forever since I was last here instead of just a week. Everything has changed, yet nothing has changed at all.
Finn carries the bags upstairs and sets mine down outside the door to my suite. He turns away from me because the last time we were home, I had him staying in a guest suite.
“I don’t.” The words don’t come out any further. I can’t make them rise out of my throat. I don’t want you to go. I love you. Please stay.
“I won’t,” Finn answers like he can hear my thoughts.
He picks my suitcase back up and follows me through the doors into my suite.
Chapter 31
Finn
Lena’s invite to stay with her surprised me. It was one thing when we were in Ireland and I was her only option, but for her to ask me to stay once we came home is another thing entirely. Broken bond or not, her wanting me here is a step in the right direction.
“Ugh,” Lena huffs, pacing around her suite. “I strongly dislike jet lag. And I have travel hair.”
“Travel hair.” I nod, pretending like I know what she’s talking about.
“Obviously, you don’t understand.” She shakes her head at me, her long hair flipping back and forth. “I’m going to shower and wash it.” Lena starts to get fidgety. She looks down at my feet, tilting her head down in submission before flicking her eyes up to look at me. “And we should talk.”
“I’d like that,” I answer, following her through the bedroom.
I bring the bags into Lena’s closet and start a load in the wash. In the meantime, Lena stripped and started running one of her brushes through her brown locks. Running my hand over the top of her ass, I walk past her to turn on the shower. She shrugs her shoulder toward the towel warmer and smiles when I turn it on.
Lena bites her bottom lip as I strip and head into the shower before her.
“I’m sorry,” Lena says and steps through the door right to the hot water.
“For what, Kathleen?” I furrow my brow and pull down my smile. Is it really going to be that simple? The first time we’re truly alone? I can’t blame her for wanting privacy.
“I let Revecca break our bond in order to fix my wolf.” Her statement is accompanied by a sharply indrawn breath, which she holds.
“I know, Kathleen,” I admit. “I didn’t tell you, and it was wrong not to warn you. But I had hoped that after everything we’ve been through, you’d have consulted me first.”
Lena’s shoulders stiffen. Her features pinch together, and she shakes her head. My words sink in slowly, and her expression falls from confusion to bitter disappointment. Lena drops her head, and her shoulders slump. She whines, and it pierces my heart. Bond or not, it’s a heartbreaking sound.
Taking a moment, Lena steps away and grabs the first product she wants to use in her hair. She lathers it against her scalp, working it outward in sections. But with every movement, she refuses to look at me.
Once satisfied with her work, Lena steps under the spray and begins rinsing it out.
Midway through her rinse, eyes closed, she speaks. “It wasn’t fair for you to test me like that.” Her shallow breathing becomes ragged. “It. I. We.” Lena starts and stops before settling on a complete thought. “It was selfish of you. I couldn’t handle the feral wolf, but for a while, it felt like we were making progress. Orla got too close to you, and I saw red. Then for what, you to set me up for failure? If I’m supposed to come to you, why can’t you come to me too?”
With a clenched jaw, she shakes her head, and I remember that look. The one that used to be accompanied by the feeling of a rageful storm deep inside her.
I need her in my arms. Stepping to her, I secure her against me and shield her from the stream of water.
Nodding against her head, I answer, “I hear you, faolan.”
The way she offers information is a big change. She doesn’t seek my prompting. Her words, while wavering, ring true in my heart. Separating us, I run my hand up her arm to her chin, tilting her head up to look at me. She meets my eyes.
“I failed. It was worse than selfish. It was cruel to not prepare you. It was my responsibility to care for you, and in this, I didn’t because I held you responsible for my pain.” My mouth runs dry.
“It’s not fair for you to expect me to be perfect.” Her voice barely makes it over the sound of the water flowing around us, but her tone is filled with frustration.
“Fixing your wolf was the right thing to do. We can re-establish the mating bond. I’m proud of you for accepting help.” I try to reassure her she made the right decision.
Lena’s eyes fall closed. “I understand I broke your trust on so many levels.” She gasps for air. “I’ve asked for you to give me so much. The amount of drama I’ve caused in the last week, I don’t even recognize myself, and I’m the agent of chaos.”
I don’t have to have a physical bond with her to know how she’s feeling is breaking my heart.
Her words are soft-spoken, from a place of compromise and acceptance, and are meant as an appeasement.
She pulls away from our embrace. “Maybe I’m wrong about what’s right for us.”
Those words feel like the cold muzzle of a gun pressed against my chest, threatening to pull the trigger.
“We are mates,” I argue.
She steps back to her various products and selects another one.
“We are mates,” I repeat more firmly.
Her response is only a nod, and that muzzle presses harder against my chest.
“God put us on this planet to be together, and maybe you’re not hearing me. I love you. I was mad that you didn’t talk to me about it because I want you to trust me enough to do so.”
She works the strands of her hair more.
I pause, trying to find the best way to explain my feelings. There’s only one example, and I don’t know if it’ll mean much to her, but it’s worth a try. “Kathleen, I would follow in Magnus’s footsteps and walk your ass down to the church today if I thought making an honest woman out of you would make any difference whatsoever.” Nothing feels right about this. “You are my now, my future, my forever.”
Lena’s hand goes to where her mating mark is, and she nods. For the first time, she approaches me and nuzzles her head against my sternum. The confirmation removes the feeling of the loaded gun and has me releasing a heavy exhale.
After a few minutes of standing in the steam together, Lena pulls away from me.
We wash up in the comfortable silence between us, and by the time she turns off the water, Lena’s yawning.
“Let’s go back to bed. Tomorrow’s a new day,” I encourage.
In clean, soft pajamas, Lena climbs into bed with me. She rests her head on my chest.
On the verge of sleep, her voice comes out soft and tender. “I really wish I could figure out how to say I love you.”
My heart flutters in my chest, and I fight the urge to pull her up to me and kiss her deeply. Her breathing falls to the sleep sounds I love.
Those words weren’t intended for my ears.
But no matter how long I live, I won’t forget them.
Chapter 32
Lena
Waking up before the sun goes against the natural order of things. But my body objects to sleeping any further. I toss and turn for half an hour before Finn pulls me up to kiss me.
“Let’s get you some breakfast. Dinner was a really long time ago.”
“Coffee.” I nod, pulling myself out of the warm bed. My whole body shivers with the change in temperature.
Finn insists on picking out my clothes, and I want to be angry about the lack of control I have, but having him pick them out takes about twenty minutes less time. Because I don’t sit here and scrutinize my options, we’re on our way down the stairs for breakfast before my stomach starts growling.
“Oh, hey. You’re home.” Deacon looks at the two of us as we come down the stairs.
His plate, piled high with spaghetti, is an interesting choice for breakfast but not the weirdest thing I’ve seen him eat at this time of day.
“That’s great that you’re back. Wait. No, have you been here the whole time?” Deacon furrows his eyebrows and squints his eyes, cocking his head almost to his shoulder.
“We got in late last night,” I answer, heading for the coffee pot.
“Why?” Finn instantly goes on the defensive.
The room becomes electrified with the tension rippling off him.
Suspiciously, I look at my phone, wondering why Deacon’s concerned with our presence. I open the group chat and find a single message.
Cade:
Thalia is in heat. Going to get her through it and maybe take some time away. We haven’t exactly had a break. I’ve my phone, but you know how this goes. If something is severely wrong, Peter knows where we’re staying. Be safe. Love you lots.
Deacon laughs. “Because as of, I don’t know, three-ish hours ago, you’re officially the heads of the pack.”
“Fuck.” Finn and I groan at the same time.
“Whoa. That was freaky. Don’t do that again.” Deacon shakes his head and walks around to the eating side of the counter.
“You pay people to do this,” Lauren scolds, coming into the kitchen from the main dining room. She blusters past Finn and starts making breakfast. “Challengers agreed to wait until nine. So, we’ve about two hours to get you ready.”
I’m not entirely surprised the challengers didn’t waste any time, but I’m a little shocked they’re so willing to try at all. I mean, by now, they know who Finn is and at least some of his reputation. But Cade knew challenges would come when Thalia was in her heat, and Finn is the better option to fight them. Deacon is unbothered, as evidenced by his eating and looking at his phone.
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” I mumble, looking out through the large windows to the deck.
A dusting of snow covers the deck, and sometime while we were away, the staff brought the stand heaters out of the basement.
“Do we know how many?” I ask the room, hoping for a very small number.
The coffee pot is full and hot, so I pour a cup. When I turn for coffee creamer, Finn is already coming from the fridge with it for me.
“I don’t recall.” Deacon doesn’t look up from his phone.
“Sorry, Lena. I’m not sure how many were planning on challenging or if it was just the usual ‘here for the fight’ type hang abouts.” Lauren starts eggs in the pan in front of her.
Finn pours himself a cup of coffee and comes to sit at the breakfast bar with me.
We barely finish breakfast when the people milling about under the stand heaters make their way into the house.
Deacon clears his plate and heads to the stairs. I want to ask him to come back, but Deacon being out with the pack might aggravate the situation if someone wants to directly challenge an Ardelean.
Without breakfast and Deacon to focus on, I turn to look at the amassed crowd.
“Finn,” I whisper, “that’s a lot of people.”
He laughs. “Oh, faolan, don’t worry. I didn’t get to bash as many heads together in Ireland as I wanted to. It’s a lovely welcome home present.”
He called here home, my wolf points out. You don’t call someplace you don’t want to be home. Her statement of the obvious, as snarky as it may be, is not invalid and oddly comforting.
Finn tilts my head up to him and firmly kisses me before resting his forehead against mine. “Let’s get you set up with a snack and a stopwatch so you can see how fast I can clear the mob out.”
My heart squeezes with guilt again. The intensity in which he cares for me hasn’t changed. At his insistence to bundle me up, I find myself in a thick sweatshirt with one of the indoor-outdoor blankets and a thermos of coffee. Finn guides me out onto the deck with a hand on my lower back.
As soon as we step outside, all eyes turn to us.
My heart rate picks up, and my wolf circles, pushing down. I let my submission happen, lowering my eyes, then my head, and angling my body toward Finn. They know, so there’s no sense in hiding it. Fear for this moment, ingrained so deep in me, takes my already rapidly beating heart and slams it up until it’s throbbing in my head. Cade isn’t here to defend me.
But our mate is, my wolf counters.
My behavior toward Finn doesn’t draw a single murmur or negative sound from the gathered crowd. And in less than the span of a second, Finn claims me as his, at least in this moment.
His hand, resting on my lower back, dips and squeezes my ass before he steps past me. Turning back toward me, Finn draws me closer with a hand between my shoulder blades. He runs his hand up my neck and into my hair. With his fingers gripping the strands, he kisses the top of my head.
The pulse beating in my head drops off, and my wolf settles.
Parting from me, Finn gives me a wink before turning back to the deck full of pack members.
“Let me guess, you’re here to challenge Cade, myself, or my mate?”
A murmuring consensus of agreement follows his question.
“Excellent,” Finn laughs. “Cade tells me that he was planning on fighting any challenges for Alpha Female himself. So, it’ll be my honor to fight them on my mate’s behalf.”
He uses those words twice in one minute, further claiming me as his own.
He wants us, my wolf reminds me. He’s showing he still wants us.
I try my hardest to accept her words.
Finn guides me down the stairs, fluffs my blankets around me, and turns on the gas fireplace. All his affections toward me, done before other people, feels like an infringement on our intimacy. But at the same time, having a mate look after you is a mark of a healthy relationship, and he’s flaunting his care for me before them all.
When Finn double-checks one last time that I’m content and have a good view, his wolf surfaces in his eyes, a fire igniting within him.
Finn turns away from me and claps his hands together, beckoning the challengers. “So, who’s first?”
Sadist. I smirk.
The chair next to me shuffles closer. When I turn, Nikki waves, bringing a blanket of her own. Caitlen, shortly behind, has a big bowl of what smells like kettle corn.
Friends. My wolf wags her tail inside me.
I regret not having Henri get their social media info to a new account. I could have texted them from the new number, but it’s not like I was in the right head space. Everything felt wrong, but seeing them now, I know my wolf is right. We have friends. I should have reached out.
“We came to watch the fights.” Nikki shrugs her shoulder toward Caitlen while getting herself settled.
Caitlen plops down in her chair and offers me some popcorn. “I’m not moving in on your mate, but that man is hot, and there’s just something about a blood bath.”
Nikki giggles. “Would it be rude to wolf whistle when they strip?”
I wobble my hand back and forth, debating it for a second. Sexual harassment isn’t sexual harassment if he’s your mate, right? “It’s not demure or very Alpha Female of me, but fuck it, why not?”
We don’t have to wait long before Finn’s T-shirt comes off over his head.
I let out the wolf whistle, and Finn looks back at me, shaking his head. And if it weren’t for the chill in the air flushing his cheeks, I’d swear he was blushing.
“I guess I just don’t understand why they think this is a good idea?” Caitlen gestures down to the field with a handful of popcorn. “They challenge Finn, and by some freak turn of events, he gets struck by lightning or something, allowing them to win. They have what? A week or two of being Alpha? And that’s if you don’t call and get one of the Alloways here?”
“They’d hardly get moved into the house,” Nikki agrees. “It’s just stupid.”
They’re right, but tension flutters in my heart. I didn’t tell him how I feel. And if he does ‘get struck by lightning or something’ and Finn gets hurt or dies . . .
Our mate is going to be fine, my wolf assures me.
Some challengers shift, ready to challenge regardless of what happens in the first fight. Others stretch, staying human but ready to watch intently to analyze and see if they can win.
Other observers sit on the ground or in lawn chairs they brought with them. Challenge fights are always a draw for a show. As Caitlen said, there’s something fun about it, I guess.
I draw a deep breath and let it out. It comes out shaky.
As Finn suggested, I pull up the stopwatch on my phone. I don’t even get the timer on my phone started before the first challenger’s on his back, yielding to Finn’s monstrous wolf.
The coat Magnus gave me, now put away in my closet upstairs, indicates they called him the Shadow. And I’m starting to see why. His large black wolf moves fluidly like a shadow dancing in light. It appears unnaturally easy for Finn to curve and wrap around the other wolf, avoiding their attack.
Finn snarls, and his teeth connect with the other wolf’s neck. There’s a yelp, and the second challenger is dropped to the ground.
Finn waits for the next challenger in the middle of the yard. If someone doesn’t step forward in three minutes, the challenges are officially over. It will be three days before anyone can challenge again.
I recognize the next wolf to step forward and challenge Finn. My heart beats a little harder. It’s Isabel LeFleur’s older brother. Cade could never prove that he was involved in Thalia’s kidnapping. He wasn’t linked to the security company, and the only similarity was the last name.
But he’s slimy. On his high horse, he looks down at others with a sick condescension that feels predatory. The attention he’s given me at pack functions has always been uncomfortable, and Nikki told me he makes other women uncomfortable too. On more than one occasion, he’s tried to ask for my intention. None of this is punishable, unfortunately.
LeFleur is an Alpha wolf. Strong and dominating, I don’t like to think he’s strong enough to take Finn.
