Blaze, page 18
I stop fighting with myself and reaccept my resolve to fix my wolf. “I’m fine with that.”
“Excellent.” Revecca stands, and I expect her to go to the kitchen and grab a knife.
I’m squirming in my seat, uncomfortable at the idea of being cut. But the added weight of losing my connection with Finn and the most recent knowledge that our bond can take away or lessen the Alpha commands against me doesn’t feel like a complete loss.
Instead of going to the kitchen, she walks directly over to me and crouches so we’re at eye level. Her voice is soft. “You won’t feel anything.”
I’d almost be willing to say that through the sharp tones of her accent, there’s a tenderness.
“No knife?” I question, suspicion rising within me.
“Deacon’s gift comes from the blood. Yours comes from the eyes,” Revecca says matter-of-factly.
Pushing myself back in my chair, I get ready to spring out of it. Nope. No.
“Relax.” Revecca rolls her eyes. “Are all Americans so jumpy? It’s not like I’ll pluck them out of your head and turn them into stew.”
“Well, you cut Deacon open with a knife, so you pulling out a spoon and removing them isn’t too big a stretch.” I meet her gaze.
“Don’t blink.” Revecca’s eyes lock with mine and turn the same classic wolfy gold tone as Cade’s.
Even if I wanted to look away or blink, I can’t. There’s something compelling about her words. It’s not an Alpha command. It doesn’t hurt or force my body, but there’s no way I would be able to do anything else. The suggestion, unique and suspicious, holds me in place.
Then, all the discomfort that’s been weighing down every piece of me is lifted, and my wolf stretches out within me. All I’m left with are the familiar feelings of a wolf.
“Done.” Revecca blinks hard a few times, and I close my eyes.
I take a deep breath in. The hard stone I’d been living with in my gut is gone. But my relief is short lived. There’s . . . something else, something worse. It’s lonely and empty feeling in my heart. My wolf looks for Finn and our bond. She paces, unsteady, wanting him.
“Just . . . don’t punish her anymore.” Revecca moves and sits back down in her chair.
She’s quiet for a moment, swallowing hard. Drawing a breath, she wipes her eyes. The way her features falter, a pout on her lower lip, it doesn’t look like our staring contest was the cause of the tears.
“She doesn’t deserve that.” Revecca’s voice wavers before she pauses. “I don’t know what you were led to believe, but none of it is true.”
Uncomfortable with the exchange, I find myself shifting in my seat, moving my weight from side to side, trying to best work out the hole inside me as if sitting differently will fix the void. One can only hope.
Revecca ignores the change in my body language. “I wouldn’t necessarily say the O’Briens are completely sane in their beliefs on submissives, but it’s at least in the right direction.”
“For an older sister, you’re not so bad.” I smile at her, trying to make, at the very least, a friend.
“Ew. No.” Revecca shakes her head. “I’ll take the cousin title that you all seem to use affectionately for each other.”
I catch a glimpse of a smile and push the conversation a bit further. “Isn’t that what we are? Cousins?”
“Distantly, I suppose.” She shakes her head and steels herself against whatever familiarity we opened between each other. “I suppose you’ll want to be going. The boys will start something if you don’t.”
“Can you fix Deacon?” I don’t acknowledge her dismissal.
Revecca shakes her head. “There’s nothing wrong with Deacon’s wolf. He’s a perfect Alpha. If he’d let it sober up for a few weeks and focused a bit more, he’d have control of his gift. It’s a little unstable currently but . . .”
Her voice trails off, and I answer the questioning look she’s giving me. “Deacon’s not an Alpha wolf.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Our bloodline is either alphas or submissives. There is no one who is not.” She shakes her head.
My brain is reeling with the information. Could we lock Deacon up for two or three weeks? Detox at Ansel’s?
“I’m serious, Lena. Embrace your wolf,” Revecca warns me. “She’s already said she’ll be fine without you once.”
“I’ve no intention of ignoring her anymore,” I assure her. Standing to leave, I pause. “You know how much he loves you, right?”
“This isn’t about us.” Revecca is quick to answer. “Your gift will be back in a few days. Don’t miss your flight.” Revecca waves her hand toward the door, formally dismissing me.
Don’t piss her off, my wolf cautions.
It’s such a relief to have a normal conversation. I do as she and Revecca ask and head down the stairs and back through Magnus’s office, closing the door behind me.
“Hello, little wolf,” Magnus greets me.
“Was I supposed to knock? I didn’t really think about that,” I address Magnus as he sits at his desk across from Ansel, of all people.
Could this day get weirder?
Shaking his head, Magnus offers me the vacant chair. He gestures with his head toward his apartment door. “I don’t hold meetings in my office if Vex is here.”
“I count as company, not meetings. I’m not formal enough.” Ansel laughs, standing from his chair.
He wraps me up in a massive bear hug.
Magnus growls softly but clears his throat, stifling it.
“Protective bunch, aren’t they?” Ansel lets me go, smoothing out my hair from the hug.
Nodding in response, I follow Ansel’s lead and sit in the chair Magnus indicated.
My wolf is still settling inside me, stretching out and making herself comfortable. We’re safe here, but we should find Finn.
“You’ve a need for something I possess.” Magnus stands from his desk and walks to the coat rack behind the door.
I look at Ansel, who raises an eyebrow and shrugs.
Returning with a jacket, Magnus hesitates and gingerly, like he’s afraid the coat will break me, places it in my lap. The black leather is well worn and smells like Finn. For the briefest second, I debate not, but it’s a compulsion as I raise it to my face, drawing a long inhale before putting it back in my lap. Curiosity piqued.
“I had to have some patches pulled, otherwise I would have given it to you before you went to visit Ma. You showed up sooner than I was expecting,” Magnus explains.
Opening the coat, I lay it out across Magnus’s desk and look across the front of it. There are a few patches replaced by wolf pawprints and other symbols. But what is glaringly obvious, laid out across the upper part of the left breast pocket, is what’s written in a decorative font: Protected by The Hellhound. Kept by the Shadow.
Finn is the Shadow. Nothing sticks to Magnus because he’s the light. It makes so much sense.
“It’ll give you safe passage just about anywhere but especially on the isles. I can’t patch Finn back in, but there’s nothing saying I can’t grant protection to my brother’s mate. Though, I did try to bring Harbinger on board. It seems he can’t let go of the flannel shirt.” Magnus eyes Ansel.
“I’m just sayin’, you get yourself a flannel and you won’t even miss the leather jacket. They make them in green and black. I went with red because it’s her favorite color. Figured she’d know me when she saw me.” Ansel laughs.
Standing, I wrap Finn’s jacket around me. Much like his shirts, it hangs low around my butt. Pulling my hair out from under the collar, I smile. “Well, I think it makes me look tough.”
“Go, get out of my office, both of ya.” Magnus rolls his eyes. “And tell my brother Ma wasn’t joking about Christmas.”
“I’ll see you in December.” I smile before opening the door.
Ansel follows me out of Magnus’s office. We’re down the hall before he nudges me with his shoulder, brushing against me. “You seem to be everyone’s favorite everywhere you go, and aside from pristine manners, you’re not even that nice.”
I laugh, leaning into him before walking first through the door to the garage.
Magnus is standing next to Finn.
“How did he?” Ansel starts.
Shaking my head, I answer, “Apparently, it’s part of being The Hellhound. He just shows up places.”
It doesn’t matter though. Because he’s not the O’Brien I’m concerned with.
Finn’s hand covers his mouth. He’s staring at me like I’ve just killed someone or given them a lap dance. Either would probably be equally entertaining and appropriate, I suppose.
I hope he doesn’t get too mad when he realizes our bond is gone. Maybe he won’t notice until we get back to the States.
The brothers exchange words in Gaelic, and from the corner of my eye, I catch Ansel looking at me.
“I’ve no idea. I don’t even try.”
Ansel shrugs. “But we’ve got to get going. I promised I’d get you both back home. One of you needs to finish paintings for the Smithsonian. Thalia’s quite, oh, what was that word Quack used . . . chuffed!”
Chapter 29
Finn
Lena in my jacket — with patches replaced as necessary, rather than making her an honorary Enforcer for Magnus — is a vision I hadn’t even considered. I never put it over the shoulders of a girl before. It wasn’t like a collar or a mating mark but a different extension of me. But now I can’t scrub the image of her wearing nothing but it out of my head.
Magnus accepts a hug goodbye from Lena and, with hesitation, Ansel. Over the ding of my phone, I hear Ansel invite Magnus to Utah if he ever ends up on the State’s side of the ocean.
Cade Alden:
Private flight is confirmed. Instructions in your email. Bring our girl home. And don’t let Ansel stay in Ireland, we don’t want to deal with the headache if his pack Second quits.
There are messages from Revecca, but in my peripheral, I catch someone stepping toward me. Turning off my phone screen, I look up.
Magnus has come to stand before me, his wolf flashing in his eyes. “Don’t hurt her.”
Giving Magnus’s hand a shake, I question. “You’re threatening me, your brother, over my own mate?”
My wolf floods to the surface, meeting with his.
He nods. “She’s special. Vex likes her.” If I hadn’t known Magnus for thirty-seven years, I would have missed the sadness that crept in at the corner of his eyes and mouth. He brushes it off. “I’ll see you at Christmas.”
Rather than break our handshake, I pull him in for a hug. “I love you. Thank you.”
Magnus hugs me back but doesn’t answer. He gives one last nod to Lena and pats Ansel on the back before turning away. Immediately he goes back to business, shouting at the ‘lazy shites’ who stopped to watch us say goodbye.
Private airport security is a breeze. This is a new perk of my new life that I greatly appreciate. I’m big for a wolf shifter, making me massive for a human. Not trying to squeeze into the little jump seats or being frisked down for looking menacing is a wonderful thing.
Lena comes to curl up with me on the plane while Ansel sits on the other side at a window seat, watching the wing. I catch him stealing looks at us a few times before takeoff.
With her head on my shoulder and my arm wrapped around her, Lena drifts off to sleep before we even get to cruising altitude.
The bond breaking wasn’t nearly as painful as I was expecting. I guess that’s probably because it’s been thready and weak the entire time we’ve had it.
The pain I’m feeling is for a different, but not unrelated, reason. My heart stings with a small betrayal that I hope to stop from festering. The fact that Lena hasn’t tried to tell me that by healing her wolf, Revecca broke the bond.
Revecca isn’t that irresponsible or loathsome of me that she wouldn’t have told Lena.
Wait.
Trying not to wake Lena, I slide my phone out of my pocket and look at the messages from my brother’s wife.
Revecca Ardelean:
She didn’t seem to know what would have to happen for me to fix her wolf. I would have assumed you told her. Monitor your wolf, if he gets difficult to control, then call me. When the mark fades, you can bond again.
I fixed the damage from her little experiment. Her wolf could have handled it, but since I was there, well, Merry Christmas.
Despite how difficult you are, I don’t hate you.
High praise that Revecca doesn’t hate me anymore.
But her words further the painful sting through my ribcage. Not warning Lena was an attempt not to sway her decision.
However, I would have thought she would have come and spoken with me once she knew the consequence of fixing her wolf. I wasn’t that far away. If she felt uncomfortable coming to me through the warehouse, she could have given me a call. Hell, for privacy’s sake, even a text beforehand.
Though, maybe she went ahead with it without talking to me because she knew my desire was to fix her wolf. She knew the purpose of us being there, and my intention was for her to feel better and behave accordingly.
But still, no attempt to warn or tell me.
Lena keeps doing these things and going rogue. Da might be right about her. With her wolf fixed, we could be a mated pair again, but that doesn’t make her ready for our relationship. Maybe she never will be. Fuck, maybe she doesn’t want to be.
We aren’t tied together anymore. With her submissive wolf made known and her position as Cade’s Alpha Female desirable, Lena will have her choice of mates.
My wolf growls at that thought. He’s ready to do anything to keep her, and so am I.
I squeeze her tightly, and Lena shuffles closer. Her small hand fists my shirt as she drifts back asleep.
She might have all the options in the world, but please, God, let her choose me.
Chapter 30
Lena
Turbulence wakes me. It’s nothing to be afraid of, but being startled awake causes my heart to beat a little too fast for comfort.
Finn whispers, “Shhh, faolan. I’m here.”
I squirm in his arms, uncomfortable with how I’m lying and how he’s holding me.
He frees me and waits patiently while I shrug off his coat and slip out of my shoes. Standing, I stretch to try and calm my nerves, but turbulence strikes again. I spread my feet apart to balance better, but my uneasiness continues.
“Maybe you should sit,” Finn instructs, gesturing to the seat beside him again.
Guilt crawls across my skin as I feel the hollowness inside, which I’m now certain is where our bond must have lived in my head and heart. It’s terrible. And I didn’t even warn him. Turning my head away from him in shame, I look over to see Ansel staring out at the plane’s wing into the darkness.
Owning what I did wrong would be the right thing to do. It’s uncomfortable to think about having this conversation with an audience. Even if Ansel is the most nonjudgmental audience in existence, it’s not something we should talk about now.
The plane bounces again, and I yelp. Ansel and Finn both move to steady me. I cross the small space and sit with Ansel. His eyes dart between me and Finn, but then he shrugs, letting me lean against his shoulder and look outside at the darkness.
Finn falls asleep about thirty minutes later, and Ansel picks up my hand and squeezes it.
“He sleeps through anythin’. Weird they let him be some sorta security if he doesn’t wake up,” Ansel whispers, despite his statement of Finn’s heavy sleep.
I nod against his shoulder. “I’ve made a huge mess.”
“Nothin’s unfixable.” Ansel nods. “Tell him the truth. Tell him why you did it. Let him process and then move forward together. The both of ya.”
Ansel wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tight. I fight back a sob, trying to maintain the little dignity I can.
What if there’s no making him see how much I want him? What if letting her break our bond is the last straw? It’s been my motto that there’s no reason to chase people. If they don’t want to be in my life, then that’s fine. I don’t need anyone anyway. I can do everything on my own, and I’ve proven it time and time again.
But we want him, my wolf reminds me. We can do the hunting this one time. We’ll track him down no matter how far away he goes.
Her voice is so steady and present. I accept her comfort. Maybe she’s right, or maybe she’s not, but at least right now, her idea makes sense.
Ansel waits until I’m breathing steadily before he lets me go. I wipe my tears and can finally see his goofy grin directed at me. He nods toward Finn.
Want our mate, my wolf demands.
My body moves without needing further urging. I unwrap myself from where I’ve curled up next to Ansel and walk the short distance to where Finn is sitting.
“Come to sit with me, faolan?” Finn’s voice is raspy from sleep.
I scoot closer in the adjoining seat, and with a nod of my head, he opens his arms and helps me curl up into his lap. My head finds the spot on his shoulder where it fits so perfectly. I take a deep breath, his scent filling my nose and seeping into my lungs, bringing me peace.
When his head comes to rest over the top of mine, my entire body relaxes.
The bond is broken, the mating marks on our shoulders will heal, and we’ll be nothing to each other. But I can’t deny that with Finn, I have feelings, and, at least for right now, I can curl up in his lap and feel safe. I’ll have to tell him what I’ve done and soon, but right now, this feels right.
“I love you, faolan,” Finn whispers, nuzzling his nose against the crown of my head.
Our mate still wants us, my wolf concludes.
