The Way You Say My Name, page 5
“Not even close. I did my best to fool myself into thinking I hadn’t really loved Jamie, but cutting him out of my life was like hacking off my own arm. I promised myself that I would forget about him and move on, but I couldn’t. About a year ago, I gave up trying. I accepted the fact that I would never be happy until I had Jamie back in my life. But I knew I couldn’t try to make up for the hell I put him through until I took care of a few things first. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that my folks will pitch me out on my ass the minute they realize I’m gay. So I’ve been working and saving as much money as I could. I just turned eighteen last month, and I have enough money saved up to make it on my own for the rest of the school year and the summer.”
“What about college?” This from Nate.
“With my extra-curricular activities and my three-point-eight G.P.A., I was able to get in at Garman College.”
Brandon raised a brow. “In New York?”
Dillon blushed. “Yeah. That’s where Jamie’s going. I know because Megan works as a student aid in the office and I bribed her to take a look at his files.” He took one more drink of his now cold coffee. “Anyway, I have a college fund in my name, and my car--which I bought myself and is paid for--is also in my name. If I’m careful, when my folks do kick me out, I should be able to make it until school starts.”
Nate said, “If and when that does happen, Dillon, Brandon and I could help. We--”
Dillon stopped him. “I appreciate that, but this is my mess, and I have to work my own way out of it.”
“I admire that, kid, but what are you gonna do if James Walker refuses to take you back? I can see how sorry you are, but you delivered one hell of a painful blow to the guy. What if getting him back is a no go?”
Dillon hoped to God that Brandon wasn’t right, but he also knew he very well could be. “Even if Jamie tells me to go straight to hell, I still have to try. And I also have to come out. I’ve done enough reading on the net and listened to enough of Pastor Oakley’s sermons to know I’m never gonna stop being gay. I’ll have to come out sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.”
“So, this whole thing with Megan was just for kicks?”
“I guess you could put it that way. I know you’re worried about your sister, but I swear, she’s known all along. She and I do stuff together because we care about each other, and we have a blast, but we’ve never been more than friends. We never could have been.”
Brandon nodded and then looked down at his watch. “It’s almost one o’clock in the morning. I hate to do this to you, kid, but you’re gonna have to call your folks to come and get you. You may be over eighteen, but as long as you still live at home I have to have a parent’s signature before I can let you go.”
Dillon’s stomach knotted. “My folks are out of town for the weekend. They’re off celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. They won’t be back until Sunday night.”
“Damn. Is there anyone else you can call? A grandparent, maybe, or an aunt or uncle?”
“No.” He thought for a minute. “I do have an older brother. Heath. Could he sign for me?”
“How old is he?”
“Twenty-three.”
Brandon said, “Well, it’s not the best situation, but I can’t have you stay here for two days until your folks get back.” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and passed it across the table to Dillon. “Call him.” Before Dillon had a chance to dial, Brandon pulled a card out of his shirt pocket and handed it over. “Here. It has my work, home, and cell numbers on it. If you need us, call.” He got up and pulled Nate to his feet, leading him towards the door. “Nate and I will be waiting in my office. Just have your brother come in and sign you out when he gets here.” Brandon paused with his hand on the doorknob. “You know, your mother is gonna find out about this. It’ll be all over the school come Monday.”
“I know. I’ll tell them about the fight when they get home. The rest of it I’ll just make up as I go along.”
Brandon nodded. “Good luck, kid. God knows you’re gonna need it.”
* * *
Dillon watched his brother make his way through the rows of desks with a mixture of relief and dread. He’d had a lot of time to think while sitting in a chair just outside the interrogation room waiting for Heath. His brother had sounded none to happy on the phone. He probably had a hot date, and being called down to the police station in the middle of the night was screwing with his plans.
At six-two, Heath was just a couple of inches taller than him. Same brownish hair, though Heath’s was cut short to stay out his way while he was working as a firefighter for the city of Reed. Same light green eyes. Physically, the two were a close match. But that’s where all similarity ceased. Whereas Dillon had done his best to please his parents over the years, Heath could care less what anyone thought of him, his folks included. His who-gives-a-rat’s-ass attitude was one of the reasons the Carvers seldom saw their oldest son, and one of the things Dillon most admired about his brother.
Heath spotted him almost immediately. He crossed over to Dillon in three long strides, grumbling as he went. “You wanna tell me why you had to call me down here? Where are Mom and Dad?”
Dillon stood up and stretched his cramped muscles. “They went to the Pocono’s for their anniversary.”
The look he gave Dillon was typical Heath. “Ah, yes. Twenty-five years of wedded bliss.” He snorted. “Of course they’ve stuck together. No one else could stand to put up with either one of ‘em.” Health put his hand on Dillon’s shoulder and led him towards the door. “You said on the phone you needed someone to come down here and sign you out, right?”
“Yeah. Sheriff Nash is waiting in his office for us.” Heath nodded. “Let’s get to it.”
Brandon had the papers waiting for them. The signing out process took no time at all, a fact that Dillon actually found himself regretting. It wasn’t that he enjoying spending the night at the police station, but he knew his brother. As soon as the two of them were alone, Heath was going to demand to know the truth about his fight with Lewis. And Dillon was gonna tell him. All of it.
Heath’s truck was parked just outside the main door to the sheriff’s station, right in front of a fire hydrant. Dillon laughed.
“I thought you were a public servant. You’d think a firefighter would know better than to block a fire plug.”
“Yeah, well, most firefighters don’t have to bail their kid brothers out of jail after pulling a double shift, either.”
Dillon could feel himself getting defensive. “You didn’t have to bail me out, Heath. I was never charged. All you had to do was come down here and pick me up. It’s not like I asked you to give me a kidney or something.”
“Maybe not, but I still want to know what’s up with you.” Heath didn’t seem to care less that they were standing on the sidewalk within hearing distance of anyone who cared to listen, but Dillon did.
“Why don’t we get in the truck, and I’ll tell you about it on the way home?”
“Not happening, little brother. Knowing our illustrious parents, they’ll find a way to pin this one on me, like they do everything else. No, sir. We’re not stepping foot off this sidewalk until you tell me what’s going on.”
Dillon could tell by the set of Heath’s shoulders that he was serious. Might as well get it over with. “I took Megan to the dance tonight.”
“Megan Nash?”
“Yeah.”
“So what? The Sheriff busted you for taking his little sister to a mixer?” Heath narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t do anything stupid like take her parking, did you? So help me, Dillon--”
Dillon cut him off. “No, nothing even remotely like that. I got hauled in here for fighting.”
“With who?”
“Ben Lewis.”
“James Walker’s boyfriend?”
Dillon had to work not to wince at the word boyfriend. “Yeah. That’s him. He and I got into it, he insulted Megan, and I decked him.”
Heath tensed. “He insulted Megan?”
“Yeah, but that’s not what started the fight. He was pissed because I was trying to talk to James.”
“Lewis was pissed because you and James were talking? What, did he think you were doing, trying to put the make on his guy?”
Dillon nodded. “Yeah, that’s exactly what he though.”
“And why would he think that?” The suspicion in Heath’s voice would have been hard to miss.
Dillon took a deep breath. “Because I was. I’m gay, Heath. And I’m in love with James. I have been for the past four years.”
Dillon hadn’t exactly expected Heath to be thrilled, but he was unprepared for the raw loathing he saw on his brother’s face. “Gay? You’re gay? You rotten bastard.” Heath’s anger caught Dillon so off guard he didn’t see his brother’s raised fist, but he sure as hell felt the punch.
Chapter 3
Dillon had no time to brace himself for the right his brother delivered to his jaw. He staggered backwards but was able to keep himself standing, barely. He whirled on Heath, stopping just short of retaliation. “You no good hypocrite. All I’ve ever heard from you is how bad Mom and Dad are, and here you are, gay bashing just like they do. You wanna kick my ass because I’m gay? Go ahead. It’s not like there’s a damn thing I can do about.”
“You think I hit you because you’re gay? I don’t give a flying fuck about that. You can screw the whole male sector of the Plunkett High Young Republicans League for all I care. Hell, my best friend in high school was Jesse Wade, and he came out in like the eighth grade. Homophobic I’m not.”
Dillon rubbed his sore jaw. “Then why in the hell did you hit me?”
Dillon could see Heath’s eyes flashing even in the dim glow of the street lights. “Being gay isn’t something you can help, but toying with a girl’s affections is a definite choice.”
Toying with a girl’s affections? When did Heath start talking like an eighty-year-old man? And what was he talking about. “Toying with whose affections? Megan’s?”
“Yes, Megan. Who else have you been leading around by a string for the past five months?”
“Whoa. Heath, you’ve got it all wrong. The thing about Megan--”
Heath balled up his fists again. “You’re the one who’s got it all wrong if you think a sweet girl like Megan deserves to be used as a cover while you chase cock behind her back.”
Dillon leaned one hip against the side of Heath’s truck. “How would you know how sweet Megan is? As far as I know, you’ve only met her that one time at Mom and Dad’s Christmas get-together. You wouldn’t even have been there if Mom hadn’t called and guilted you into it.”
Heath shifted uncomfortably. “She volunteers with the Reed Boy’s and Girl’s Club after school. They taught a week long course on fire safety, and I was one of the guys who got roped into helping out.” The furious expression returned. “Anyone who gives up her own free time to help out underprivileged kids deserves a lot better than to be treated like your token girl.”
So it was like that, was it? “For your information, Megan knows all about me being gay. She has from almost the start. You’re right about what kind of person she is. She’s sweet and generous. That’s why she volunteered to help me get Jamie back. We’re friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. If you don’t believe me, call her and ask her.”
Watching the air go out of Heath’s sails would have made Dillon smile if his jaw hadn’t been hurting so bad. “She knows?”
“Uh huh.”
“Oh.” He stared down at his shoes for a full minute and a half before snapping his head back up and saying, “Well, you might have told me before I tried to dislocate your jaw.”
“When was I supposed to tell you, genius? Before or after you nearly knocked me to my knees? And how was I supposed to know you’re carrying a raging hard-on for my quasi-girlfriend?”
Heath shook his head. “It’s not like that. Megan is way too young for me, but she’s still. . .special. I’d hate to see her get hurt.”
“So would I. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but screwing Megan over isn’t one of them.”
“Fair enough.” Heath motioned towards his truck. “Why don’t you tell me the rest of it on the way home?”
“Sounds fine, but instead of taking me home, why don’t you drop me off at my car. It should still be parked in the senior parking lot at school.”
“Works for me. Get in.”
The ride back to the school took just long enough for Dillon to give Heath basically a repeat version of the story he’d just told Brandon and Nathan Nash. To Heath’s credit, he listened without interrupting, and when Dillon was through, he didn’t seem inclined to pass judgment.
Heath pulled up behind Dillon’s Lumina. “For what it’s worth, I hope it all works out the way you want it to.” He paused. “You know Mom and Dad aren’t gonna stand for it.”
“I know, but it can’t be helped.” Dillon grabbed for the door handle. “Thanks for the ride, and for signing me out with the sheriff.”
“No problem. Um. . .sorry about your jaw.”
Dillon shrugged. “No big deal. I’m sure I’ll have a bruise, but I’ll just tell Mom and Dad I got clipped in the fight with Lewis.”
“When are you planning on telling them the rest of it?”
Dillon climbed out of the truck and gave his brother a long, searching look. “I wish I knew, Heath. I really wish I knew.”
* * *
Jamie was thankful the sermon didn’t last any longer than it had. It was bad enough that he’d had to spend an entire Saturday cleaning the basement just to appease Aunt Sadie’s wrath, but trying to concentrate on the preacher’s words proved impossible. His mind was still reeling from Friday night.
He flipped through the channels on the T.V., but couldn’t find anything he wanted to watch. He’d just about decided to surf the net when the phone rang. Normally, Aunt Sadie would pick it up, but she’d had a Ladies Auxiliary meeting after church. Jamie grabbed the extension in his room.
“Hello?”
“So, did old lady Banks ground your ass, or what?”
Ben. Jamie laughed. “Nah. I told you she wouldn’t. I had to clean the basement, but I would have had to do that sooner or later, anyway.”
“Cool.”
“What about Nora? How bad did she bust you?”
“She was fairly pissed, but she got over it quick. She wasn’t gonna let me back out to see my guy, though, so I waited until she went to sleep and climbed out my bedroom window.”
“Didn’t she hear your car?”
Jamie could almost hear Ben smiling. “Nope. My boy picked me up about two blocks from the house. He dropped me off at the same place about an hour later.”
Jamie couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that to tease his best friend. “An hour? Is that all it takes?”
Ben’s voice lost all sense of levity. “We didn’t even go there, man. He was too pissed over that kiss I gave you.”
“Oh, wow. Wait a minute. He was at the dance?”
“’Fraid so.”
“Dude, I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry. I’m the one that kissed you, remember?”
“I know, but still.” He paused. “Did you guys break up?”
“I honestly don’t know, J. He said he needed time to think things over, whatever that means.” Ben’s voice turned angry. “Where the hell does he get off, anyway? He’s the one that wanted to keep things between us light. Now he’s acting like some jealous ass just because the two of us shared a kiss. I told him you and I were just friends. That’s when he accused me of screwing around behind his back.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“What I always do. The best I can. Which right now includes washing my car.”
Jamie shuddered. “It’s twenty-three degrees outside. You’re gonna freeze your balls off.”
“A small price to pay for giving my car that special glow. Quit worrying, J. I’ll bundle up. Catch you in the morning. That is, if your aunt is still gonna let you ride in with me.”
“She will.”
“Cool. Catch you later.”
“Later.”
Jamie placed the phone back on the charger. He was just about to log on to the net when he heard the doorbell.
He mumbled all the way down the stairs. “What’s a guy got to do to get some peace around here?” He made it to the door just as the bell sounded again. Flinging it open, Jamie came face to face with Dillon Carver.
