Suddenly Mine, page 26
That had sparked a dialogue that quickly escalated, with Nana accusing her of betraying her mother by going to see her father. And if Sophie were honest, that was one of the things she struggled with the most. Hearing Nana say it made it worse, and yet…this was still something she needed to do. Watching Christian struggle in his grief with all of the unanswered questions he had was the deciding factor. There was no way she wanted to live with that hanging over her head for the rest of her life.
So here she was. Driving down I-35 and hoping that after this weekend, she’d finally be able to move on and come to grips with her past.
And her future without Christian.
“Geez, any more depressing topics to think about, Soph?” she murmured.
Hoping to clear her mind, she turned on the radio and instantly groaned. Adele was singing about lost love. “Next!” she called out, changing the station and landing on Sam Smith’s “Stay with Me.” “Ugh, next.” After that it seemed every channel was playing sad Ed Sheeran songs.
Switching off the radio, she sighed. Now what?
The silence was maddening, and she couldn’t wait to get to her hotel and get something to eat. “Probably should have grabbed at least a snack at the airport. Brilliant, Sophie.”
And there was her new focus for the rest of the drive—her poor decisions and what she was going to eat.
Which, really, could be one and the same right now.
Thirty minutes later, she was checked in and placing her suitcase on the luggage rack. She’d booked a suite, but it was a typical chain hotel, so basically all that meant was she had all the usual amenities plus a small sofa and coffee table. They called it a living room—she wasn’t sure she’d go that far.
Either way, she was here and ready to grab some food. Sitting on the sofa, she reached for the folder that told her what was close by and cringed when so many of them required getting in the car. With no other choice, she picked up her purse and headed out.
It didn’t take long for her to find a burger place where she went through the drive-thru, got her order, and returned to the room. Setting up at the coffee table, she spread out her meal and reached for her laptop.
She checked her emails, caught up on the national news, and pulled up the information on the facility she’d be visiting on Saturday. There were a lot of steps she’d had to follow in order to visit, and even though she’d gone to the website multiple times, she couldn’t help but read it all again to confirm that everything was in order.
More scrolling, more reading… Her eyes were starting to cross and when her phone rang, she let out a small yelp and then laughed as “Nana’s on the phone… Nana’s calling you” rang out. She instantly answered.
“Hi,” she said nervously.
“Are you there? Did you really fly in?” Nana said instead of a greeting.
Resting against the sofa cushions, Sophie let out a small laugh. “Yes, I’m here and I’m checked in at the hotel.”
“I don’t know why you went there so dang early. You could have come here.”
“Nana, the last time we spoke, things did not end well. I thought it best if I came here first,” she explained. “I know you don’t agree with what I’m doing, and I know if I had come to you, you would have spent the entire time I was there trying to talk me out of this.”
Silence.
Sophie waited a moment before speaking again. “I’m not looking for your approval on this. I needed to do this for me.”
“You have no idea what it feels like,” Nana said, her voice thick with emotion. “That man took my baby from me. You can’t imagine the pain of burying your own child, Sophie, and I hope you never do. I’ve had a lot of years to come to grips with Laura being gone, but…it never goes away.”
“Nana…”
“Even though I spent almost your entire life not talking about it—the truth about what happened—I felt her loss every single day. Every time I watched you laugh and smile, I thought of her because you look so alike. And now with you going there…the pain feels fresh. Raw.”
“I didn’t mean for it to be this way,” Sophie said quietly. “This was something I felt I had to do—for me. And I’m sorry that by doing so, I’m hurting you.” She paused. “But if I didn’t do it—if I didn’t come here—then I was going to spend the rest of my life agonizing over it. Can you understand that?”
“What do you think is going to happen when you go there? What can that man possibly say that is going to bring you peace? Have you thought about that?”
“Of course I have! I’ve run every scenario in my head, but until I go there and confront him, I have no idea what’s going to happen!”
“Why would you open yourself up to that, Sophie? What good can come of this? He can’t bring your mother back! He ruined so many lives and he doesn’t deserve the opportunity to see you or get to know you! Your mother will never get that chance!”
And they were back to the heated words.
“We’ll never agree on this. It doesn’t matter how much we talk about it, it’s never going to happen,” she said wearily, her eyes closing as she tried to calm herself.
“I need to understand…”
And that’s when Sophie told her about Christian and his father—their turbulent relationship and how Christian had struggled since his father’s death. “He’s obsessed with what he should have said or what he wished he would have asked his father. Everything he does is in search of an answer and you know what? He’ll never get that. That chance is gone. But I still have that chance!”
On the other end of the phone, Nana sighed. “The only difference is that Christian might have had a chance of resolving his issues with his father, and now he’ll never know. But for you, there won’t be any resolution. Nothing he says can undo what he did.”
“And I know that,” she replied with frustration. “And maybe I need to go there and tell him how awful he is, or…or…how much he missed out on because of what he did! Maybe he knows that already or maybe he doesn’t, but you’re never going to understand, and I don’t have to justify it to you or to anyone. I’m here and I’m doing it and that’s it!”
At that, they both fell silent.
And she hated it—hated that this would always be between them.
But then again, it already was—not this exact situation with Sophie going to meet her father, but the way Nana had lied to her for her entire life about her parents.
“Do you remember when you begged me to understand why you kept the truth about my parents a secret?” she asked warily.
“I do,” Nana replied sadly.
“That’s what I’m doing here. I need you to understand.”
“But you didn’t,” Nana argued. “You were upset and you were hell on wheels to live with until you left town—mad at me and everyone you knew. How is that understanding?”
Unfortunately, she had a point.
Letting out a long breath, Sophie stood and walked over to the window, looking down at the parking lot.
“So where do we go from here? I’m mad at you, you’re mad at me, and you know what? We’re all each other has! And yes, I was mad, and I didn’t understand why you did what you did, but I’m trying. I really am. In a perfect world, things would be different, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation because my mother would still be alive!”
And more silence.
After what seemed like forever, Sophie heard Nana let out a shaky breath. “Sophie, there is nothing in the world you can do that would make me stop loving you. And you’re right, I have to accept that you have to do this. I don’t have to like it, but I can accept it. All I ask is…is don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to hear anything that man has to say or any excuses he tries to give you or any more of his lies.” A small sob escaped before she could continue. “I know you’re not going there in hopes of being his friend or to give him the opportunity to be your daddy, but…I need you to know that I can’t go there again. I can’t give him that kind of power in my head or my heart again.”
Now Sophie was openly weeping. Nodding, she swiped at her tears. “I understand. And I promise, after Saturday, we will never talk about this again.”
“Okay then.”
They talked about her flight, her long ordeal at the car rental counter, and about her hotel room. They even made tentative plans for Sophie to drive out to see her on Sunday, but they both agreed to wait and see how she felt after her trip to the prison.
When she hung up the phone, she was emotionally drained. Crawling onto the bed, she wished she wasn’t alone—that someone was there with her to hold her and tell her it was going to be all right.
And as she curled into the fetal position and more tears fell, she wished that someone was Christian Montgomery.
* * *
“I don’t understand. What’s happening right now?”
With a grin, Christian chuckled and tossed the last of his paperwork into the basket on his desk. “I’m taking some time off,” he said to Erin, who looked utterly confused. “David Marcum is going to take over my clients, Matt Bladen is his backup. All of my clients have been notified.”
“But—but I didn’t talk to any of them,” she said, slowly sitting in one of the chairs by Christian’s desk. “How…? When…?”
“I made all the calls personally.” He shut his desk drawer and locked it, pocketing the key. “I explained to all of them about losing my father and how I needed the time away to deal with my grief. Luckily, everyone was very understanding, and then I had David call and do a follow-up with them. It worked out quite well.”
“So…but where are you going? How long will you be gone?”
Shrugging, he took his phone off its charger and slid it into his pocket before wrapping up the charger and placing it in his briefcase. “I’m not sure. I haven’t worked it all out yet.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said slowly, still watching him warily.
A light knock on the door had them both turning. “Uncle William! I’m glad you were still in town. Come on in.”
Christian had to hold in the laughter, because his uncle was looking at him as if he were crazy—pretty much just like Erin was. Which reminded him…
“Erin, everything you need is in the email I sent you. David has all of the information that he needs and I think we’re in good shape.” He winked at her. “And don’t worry. It’s all going to be fine.”
She didn’t look one hundred percent convinced, but she stood and gave him a weak smile before greeting his uncle on her way out.
Once they were alone, he caught his uncle’s wary expression. “Please, have a seat,” he said, motioning to the chair Erin had vacated.
“Everything all right, Christian?”
Leaning on the edge of his desk, he grinned. “I’m not sure. But… I’m hopeful.”
William’s expression narrowed. “Oh?”
Reaching behind him, Christian picked up the lone envelope on his desk and handed it to his uncle.
William accepted it and looked at it briefly. “What’s this?”
“Answers I realized I don’t need.”
And just like that, his uncle’s face lit up. “Is that right?”
Nodding, he couldn’t help but smile. “True story.”
Sliding the envelope into his coat pocket, William shifted in his seat, a smile of his own on his face. “What changed your mind? Did you read it all?”
He shook his head. “No. I stared at that cover letter for about an hour and never looked any further. I know that you and Uncle Robert are handling all of the business stuff, and as for any inheritance that may be left, I’ll wait until I hear from Dad’s lawyer. Other than that, there’s nothing else I need to know.”
“But…but you said… When I was here yesterday, you were going on about—”
Christian held up a hand to stop him. “I know. I sat here for a long time and thought about everything you said and I realized you were right. I am the one in control of my life. My destiny. There was nothing on any piece of paper that was going to change that.”
“Well, you don’t know that for sure. For all you know, your father left you a hefty inheritance that could change your life!”
He shrugged. “If he did, I’m sure I’ll hear about it eventually.” Moving away from the desk, he stepped around it to pick up his briefcase, jacket, and keys. “All I know is that the answers I want—really want—weren’t in that envelope.”
“Really? And where are they?”
Christian grinned. “I believe they’re in Kansas, and that’s where I’m going to find them.”
Jumping to his feet, William walked over and hugged him. “Splendid! When are you leaving? What can I do to help? Do you need a ride to the airport?”
“Actually, I was hoping we could grab some lunch first.”
Once more, his uncle’s face beamed with pure delight. He wrapped an arm around Christian’s shoulder and led them both toward the door. “I always said you were a smart boy, Christian. I’m so glad you proved me right.”
Laughing, they walked out of the office and Christian shut the door behind him, and not once did he bother to look back.
From now on, he was only looking forward.
* * *
It was a little after five on Friday when Christian pulled up in front of the hotel. Finding Sophie hadn’t been nearly as hard as he’d originally thought it would be. After talking to Patricia in Human Resources and getting Sophie’s nana’s phone number, everything had fallen into place.
Ida Colby was a bit of a pistol, but once she’d spoken her mind on how much he’d broken her granddaughter’s heart, Christian had assured her that he was willing to do whatever it took to win her back.
Now he had a new best friend.
Climbing from the car, he scanned the parking lot and realized he had no idea what car Sophie was driving or if she was even here right now. Maybe she’d gone out to get something to eat or went shopping or…he had no idea. It was a small town and from what he could see, there wasn’t much to do.
He hadn’t gone more than two steps when the automatic doors slid open and she walked out.
And took his breath away—she looked as beautiful as ever, but sad. Her hair was long and loose, she had on a pair of faded blue jeans, a black sweater, and black boots. Gone was his California surfer girl and in her place was her beautiful Midwestern twin.
They both had his heart.
He stood still and waited for her to notice him. When she did, she nearly tripped over her own two feet. They were no more than ten feet apart and he was scared to move any closer. Her face was unreadable—for all of his pep talks to himself on the flight here, he suddenly had no idea what to do or say.
Sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, he finally said, “Hi.”
“Hi.”
He took one step closer. “How are you?”
Without moving, she said, “Fine.”
For the past few months, he’d seen Sophie laughing, smiling, yelling, and crying, but right now, he had no idea what she was thinking or feeling. So he took another step closer and saw and heard the hitch in her breath.
Okay, so she wasn’t as unaffected as he’d thought.
“So…um, I was wondering if I could take you to dinner?”
Smooth, idiot. Real smooth. Way to remind her of the last thing you majorly screwed up!
Emerald eyes widened briefly before narrowing. “Really? You came all the way to Kansas to ask me to dinner? Seriously?”
Another step and now he could smell her perfume.
“Well, that wasn’t my only reason for coming to Kansas, but I figured it was a good place to start.” He gave her a lopsided grin in hopes of getting her to smile, but she didn’t. And that’s when he thought, To hell with it and closed the distance between them. “Talk to me. Please.”
“And say what?” she asked, not meeting his eyes now.
“Yell at me, scream at me, tell me I’m the world’s biggest jerk, but please talk to me,” he begged as he boldly reached out and took one of her hands in his. She didn’t immediately pull it away, so he took that as a good sign.
For a moment, she looked like she was going to say something—her stance changed, her lips moved, but ultimately, she stayed silent.
Cupping her cheek with his free hand, he whispered, “Please.”
A ragged breath was her first response. “I’ve already yelled, screamed, and cried, Christian.” Then she looked up and her green eyes shone with unshed tears. “You hurt me. No, wait—you devastated me. I deserved more than that from you. With everything we shared together, I deserved more than being cast aside while you spent day after day killing yourself in the office.”
“I know,” he said lowly, gruffly. “I don’t have an excuse, Sophie, and I’m not going to stand here and make one up.”
“I was there for you at your lowest point, I was there with you while you tried to figure out how to finally live the life you wanted, and I was there with you when you cried over losing your father. And at a time when you should have been talking to me, you pulled away. I’m not talking about going out on dates, I’m talking about having a conversation because you were overwhelmed with grief. I shared with you the most horrific details of my life—I laid myself bare to you and you wouldn’t do the same for me.”
“Sophie…”
But she pulled her hand free and moved away. “We were in two different relationships. I saw a future for us and…and…I don’t know what you saw. All I know is it seemed pretty easy for you to walk away from it.”
“It wasn’t,” he gently argued. “I let my grief and fear paralyze me and I know I should have gone after you that night—I cursed myself for not doing it. But ultimately, I thought I was doing the right thing. My life was a mess and you had enough on your plate without having to deal with any more from me. As it is, I have enough guilt over the fact that you got roped into dealing with both my medical problems and then Dad’s.”
