Infidelity, page 10
Relieved to not be alone with his feelings, he more than welcomed the burn of the anesthetic. This he could handle. The burning ache in the hollow space where his heart used to reside, he could not. He longed for the empty coldness that used to be there. Before Melanie had reentered his life.
Ending up with fifteen internal stitches and twenty external, Luke was happy to be leaving the small emergency room of the clinic. Melanie and the detective were in the waiting room, Melanie silently staring out the window with her arms wrapped around her waist. He wished he could do something to ease the fear and tension he felt rolling off her body. But with her earlier reaction to him fresh in his mind and this damn ache in his side, he didn’t feel like opening himself up to more rejection.
The detective stood and walked over to Luke when he walked through the waiting room door.
“Mr. McLean, Luke, I’ve had your truck towed to the barracks in Rutland so our techs can go over it. I want to see if the brakes were messed with. As soon as I get back to the office, I’ll start checking on Mr. Giordano’s whereabouts. If he is in the area, we’ll find him.”
The detective shifted on his feet and took a deep breath. “Look, Luke. Melanie’s brother is a good friend of mine. That makes this personal. I will do everything in my power to see this man is caught. I know your military background. You’re Dan’s partner. It may go against the grain, but I need you to stay out of this investigation. You need to leave this to us. I don’t want to see my friends hurt, — new and old. Don’t worry, I’ll be telling Dan the same thing when he calls which I know will be as soon as he talks to you.”
Luke shook the cop’s offered hand and nodded, but didn’t say a word. There was no way he was staying out of this. No way was he letting this Italian scumbag slip through his fingers. Joseph Giordano was his.
Chapter Thirteen
After Detective Fuller dropped them off, Luke headed to the computer and Melanie made a beeline upstairs. She needed the sanctuary her bedroom offered. She was confused, and her chest was killing her. The doctor had given her some pain medication after Luke insisted she be examined. She inhaled slowly. For what were just bruises and contusions, it sure hurt like hell.
But it wasn’t as bad as the pain Luke was in. They hadn’t spoken more than a word or two since the incident by the pickup truck. She could almost see the dark cloud that hovered over Luke. His face ridged, eyes cold and dark as coal. If she didn’t trust him the way she did, she would be scared to be here alone with him.
And wasn’t that a miracle in itself. She trusted a man not to hurt her, especially with the state his mind must be in after all he’d been through. But she did, and she wished there was a way she could help remove that ominous cloud. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know he was mad about being shot. Mad that, in his eyes, he hadn’t protected her, but he had. He got her off the mountain with a madman and a gun on their asses.
If she hadn’t been so worried about him, she wasn’t sure how she would have reacted to the brake failure. Would she have tried to save herself? Or take the easy way out and just let it happen?
Melanie shook off the morbid thoughts. She needed to find a way to reassure Luke, yet at the same time guard her heart. The more she was around him, the more she wanted to be. She yearned for the comfort of his arms. Needed the strength he emitted just by holding her. In his embrace, a natural part of herself, once thought dead, came to life. She almost felt like a real woman.
And that kiss. Damn, what a kiss. She’d lost control over her emotions and maybe even her heart during that kiss. Holy shit! She wanted him. Wanted to make love to him. Wanted to feel his hands skimming over her body. To feel his weight as he lowered himself to her. To welcome him into her body as she’d never welcomed Tony. She hadn’t wanted to be with a man since Tony had shattered all her illusions of love on their wedding night. Yet here she was, wanting to experience everything she’d never felt with Tony.
He didn’t think he could make love to a woman. Yet, when they’d kissed, she’d felt the bulging in his jeans that indicated differently. He reacted to her. Could she do this? Give him her body without giving away her heart and soul? Or was it too late already? Did he already own her heart? Hadn’t he always?
It didn’t matter. One way or the other, she wanted this. He’d done so much on that mountain today. He’d given her understanding and hadn’t judged her for her mistakes. He’d shared things from the deepest part of his soul. Told her things he would take to his grave without telling another soul. Trusted her with his secrets.
Yes, she could help him. Could remove that cloud and hopefully bring just one moment of sunshine. If she were to be honest with herself, she knew she fell in love on that mountain today. She could live with that knowledge, but would keep it to herself. Never would she burden Luke with her feelings.
If he took what she was about to offer, that would be enough for her. Really, what more could she expect out of her life anyway? Teenage fantasies were over. She was a grown-up now. Just sharing her body with him would have to be enough. It was all she was worth anyway.
Luke stepped out of the shower and tore off the wet bandage covering his stitches. He turned to get a dry bandage and caught his reflection in the mirror. Christ! What a disgusting specimen. He’d always taken his body for granted. He’d always been lean with a muscular build. While he hadn’t been obsessed with his body, he worked out to keep in shape for the work he did in special ops, but didn’t go overboard like some of his buddies had.
But looking at himself now, it was all just painful reminders of a time he would never forget. It helped to talk today to Melanie, but it still didn’t erase the guilt that he’d survived that place and his troops hadn’t. Yeah, maybe he knew there was nothing he could have done, but it still didn’t sit any better with him. He should have died there, too. His soul and humanity did. His body should have as well.
Luke turned away from the reflection of scars and carved up skin. The wounds may have healed, but the memories kept them as fresh as yesterday to him. He slapped on a new bandage, dragged on a clean pair of boxers and stalked to his room. It was only eight o’clock in the evening, but he wasn’t fit for company. Besides, he was fairly sure Melanie didn’t want him around anyway.
She hadn’t spoken one word to him. He couldn’t blame her for her reaction to him. Hell, he could hardly stand himself. Why should she be any different? Shutting the door to his room, he checked the bedside dresser to make sure the Glock still sat there and crawled into bed. Turning the light off, he put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He’d done some checking online and called an old AF friend who lived near Giordano in Jersey. No one had seen the guy in a couple of days. The official story was he was out of town on family business.
Yeah, he knew just what that family business was. Well, the asshole picked the wrong person to piss off. Luke closed his eyes and could see himself punching a hole in Joey’s chest, ripping out his heart and shoving it down his throat. He was itching to get his hands on the man and end this once and for all.
Melanie had made a breakthrough today. He’d watched her breathing in the fresh air, saw the joy flash in her eyes as she studied the scenery around her. She wasn’t scared of being out of the house; she was reveling in it, until that bastard took a pot shot at her and sent her running for her life. Now she’d never leave the damn house again and who could blame her.
He punched at the air in impotent rage. His hands shook and his breath came in short gasps. The anger flowing through his body was at a boiling point. All Luke wanted to do was destroy something, someone. He needed to get out of the house, away from the suffocating walls that surrounded him, before he blew and lost control.
Luke threw his feet over the side of the bed and reached for the light. The sound of a shuffling outside his door stalled his movement. Blindly reaching for his gun, by habit he found and raised it.
With his back against the wall, he slowly and silently crept to the door as it opened.
Luke grabbed the arm of the intruder and spun around, violently pushing the intruder up against the wall, trapping him between the wall and his body, with his knee shoved in the guy’s back. Arm twisted behind, he jerked up, threatening to break it. The piercing cry of a woman followed. The body he had thrown against the wall and trapped against his own was small and soft and about to collapse.
Dear God, Melanie!
Chapter Fourteen
Horrified, Luke backed away from Melanie. He shoved a hand through his hair. What the hell had he just done? He watched as Melanie turned and looked at him. Her eyes, huge and wet, searched his.
He could have hurt her. Did hurt her. What the fuck was wrong with him? “Lainie, I’m so sorry. I—I didn’t know it was you. Shit! I just didn’t know.”
Unable to hold her gaze, he stormed past her and out the door.
Melanie heard the back door slam and slid down the wall, hugging her knees. God, she’d been so scared, it’d been like being in the room with Tony. She frowned, no that wasn’t true. Luke reacted from all he’d suffered at the hands of animals as bad as Tony had been.
She knew Luke hadn’t meant to hurt or scare her. So much for getting rid of that dark cloud. It was now as dark and dangerous as an F-5 tornado, along with Luke’s mood. She’d just made things so much worse. She never should have come to his room. What the hell was going on in her head anyway?
She’d crept into his room in the middle of the night under the misconception that she could seduce him into feeling better about himself? What a joke. She was nothing but a used up shell of a woman. How was she supposed to make any man feel good, when she didn’t even feel good about herself? A bitter laugh escaped her lips.
.She needed to apologize to Luke before he thought this was his entire fault. She pushed herself to her feet, brushed the tears from her face and went to find him. She found him sitting on the back porch steps, staring off into the night. What did he think of her now? Opening the screen door, the hinges creaked and she saw him stiffen in the moonlight. He didn’t say anything to her, not even when she sat down beside him.
For several minutes she sat, conscious of the heavy silence.
“I didn’t know it was you, Lainie. I never thought it would be you outside my bedroom door,” he said, breaking through the silence. His voice shook and he put his face in his hands. “Now you have some idea of how screwed up I am.”
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. It’s okay, really. I should have known better than to show up in your room in the middle of the night unannounced. I’m the one who should apologize here, not you. What with everything going on, it’s no surprise...”
Luke jumped up and bounded off the steps to pace the lawn, his fists clenched and jaw tight.
“Melanie, I was half an inch from breaking your arm. Are you going to sit there and tell me I didn’t hurt you? From the moment you passed out in my arms in New Hampshire, the one thing I’ve been telling myself and you is I’d never hurt you. I never wanted to look in your eyes and see fear directed at me. Or to see tears I put there because I’ve caused you pain. But it’s exactly what I did. Isn’t it? You were scared of me, weren’t you? Weren’t you?”
Melanie studied her feet. She’d caused his pain. Shame and guilt rocked her. “It’s my fault you—”
Luke stormed over to her. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare take the blame for my bad behavior? Look at me!”
Afraid she’d see contempt and anger in his eyes, Melanie shook her head. She couldn’t face being a failure in another man’s eyes. When she wouldn’t look up, Luke bent down to her level and tipped her chin with his hand.
He spoke in a quieter tone, but with just as much intensity. “Don’t ever blame yourself for a man being cruel to you again. What Tony did to you was wrong. Nothing could ever warrant that behavior. What I just did to you is wrong. You should be able to walk about your house without fear of being attacked. You should be able to come to me for anything, and not have to worry about how I’ll react. Do you understand? This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my fucked up head.”
Melanie nodded. The hand that held her chin shook and she knew he was hurting over what happened. She took his hand between hers.
“Yes. I understand that. I also understand you have PTSD. After what happened today, I should have realized you’d be even more jumpy than usual. I should have spoken outside your door, given you some kind of warning it was me. I should have thought, but I didn’t, and that is my fault.”
When he tried to speak, she pressed his fingers to her lips. “Please, Luke, give me some credit here. If you’d known it was me, this wouldn’t have happened. You are not like Tony. Tony wouldn’t have stopped, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be beating himself up over it. I’ve gotten a lot stronger since I’ve been home. Thanks to you. You should take credit for the good things you do. Please, stop feeling bad about this.”
Luke shook his head in disbelief. The woman sitting in front of him had to be the strongest, most compassionate woman he’d ever known. It amazed him, how she made him feel better, just by talking to him. While he’d never believe this wasn’t his fault, he knew better than to argue any more about it. “Ya know, you’re very special to me. I’ve never stopped caring about you. I’m so, so sorry I hurt you.”
“I have a way you could make it up to me, but I’m not so sure you want to hear it.”
“Anything.” He’d do anything for her. Always would, always will.
“Would you think about talking to a doctor? Maybe a short trial of medication. From what I’ve read, the medication they use these days doesn’t wipe you out or make you walk around like a zombie, and you might only need it for a short time. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It’s a turning point. It’s taking back control of your life, and not letting those monsters run it any longer.”
He didn’t know if he could do what she asked. He also wondered if she realized she might suffer from the same thing, but didn’t really want to discuss it right now. Getting up from his kneeling position, he sat on the steps next to her again.
“I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I ask.”
They sat in silence a few more minutes when Luke stood and grabbed Melanie’s hand.
“Let’s go in. Neither of us is dressed for an April night in Vermont.”
He continued to hold her hand as they went inside and back up the stairs to his room. Selfish as it might be, he wasn’t ready to break the connection they had or send her back to her room quite yet. Knowing she came with him without any trepidation filled his heart. She trusted him not to hurt her again, and by God, he’d die before he ever did.
By talking today, sharing everything, they’d formed a bond, and he wasn’t ready for the day to end. He led her over to his bed and pulled down the blankets. If he could persuade her into letting him hold her for a while, he’d die a happy man, but he wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet. But when he patted the bed for her to sit down, that’s exactly what she did, and slid her legs underneath the blankets.
Luke walked around to his side of the bed and sat. His heart threatened to pound out of his chest and he was suddenly short of breath. Good Lord, he felt like a randy teenager, and all he wanted to do was hold this woman in his arms, to feel her warm, soft body close to his.
Gathering his courage, he slid his legs onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard. Melanie’s scent permeated the room. It was so quiet he could hear the soft intake of her breath. He wanted to feel her skin next to his. Could it possibly be as soft as it looked? Would she taste as sweet as he thought she would?
Damn! If he didn’t know better, he’d swear he was starting to get hard. What he wouldn’t give to be able to make love to her. To bury himself deep inside of her and wipe away all the memories of what that bastard had done to her. He wished he could show her the beauty and tenderness of making love.
He turned to face her and was shocked to find her intent gaze locked on his. He sucked in a breath. Holy shit! She was one beautiful woman.
“Lainie, what were you doing outside my door anyway?” he asked, trying to hold onto his sanity.
She held his stare. Her throat bobbed and her own breath hitched. Then she spoke. The words were so fantastic, he rubbed his ear, trying to clear his hearing.
If what he heard was correct, nothing else could’ve tilted the world on its axis.
Chapter Fifteen
“Say something. You did hear me, didn’t you?” Melanie watched as the color in Luke’s cheeks faded. He’d gone stock still, and for a moment she was afraid he was going to pass out. She knew instinctively he was scared, nervous his body would fail him.
He wanted her; she knew that. The passionate way he kissed her and the hunger she sometimes caught in his eyes left no doubt of his attraction. He just didn’t believe it could happen for him. Well, she wanted to prove him wrong, and by God, she would.
“Luke?”
“I…uh…I’m not sure I heard you correctly. Could you please repeat it?”
Melanie laughed softly and rose on her knees to face him with newfound confidence. She slowly straddled his lap. Luke’s leg muscles stiffened under her and his fists clenched around the comforter under him. I can do this, she thought to herself.
Leaning forward, she brought her hands up to his face, one running through his hair, the other wrapping around the back of his neck. As she looked into his eyes, she inched in closer to whisper in his ear.
“I want you to make love to me.”
His body trembled under her and she heard his sharp intake of air. His reaction emboldened her. Melanie nipped at his ear and ran her tongue down his neck. Again, she whispered in his ear.
“Please, Luke. I need you.”
Luke let go of the comforter and brought his hands up to rest on her shoulders. “Melanie, I can’t give you what you need. Lord knows I want to, but it’s just not gonna happen.”
