Behold: Humanity!: Total War, page 3
Before he got in the car, he checked the back seat.
Yup, looked empty. Perfect.
He rubbed his upper hands together in glee as he opened the door and got in. Those ninjas were the perfect investment.
Getting in the car he watched as Major Bloodfist and Chrome Cortez got into the passenger seat and into the back seat with the invisible ninjas respectively. His datalink pinged and he took the call.
"All right, Herr Ya'ahd, I'll be providing comms for you to the gate. After that Herr Otto will be assisting you. Just drive to the gate and show your ID," Heinrich said.
"Excellent work, minion," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said. "When the Lanaktallan people take over this planet I'll put in a good word for you."
"Thank you, Herr Ya'ahd, you are as generous as you are wise and capable," Heinrich said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd drove through the desert in silence until he was only a few hundred yards from the gate.
"All right, there's a movement verification system in place, Herr Ya'ahd," Heinrich broke in as Ba'ahn Ya'ahd parked his bright cherry red automobile so that his minions could refuel it. He had driven fifty miles and the fifty-gallon tank was almost empty.
"I understand," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said. He got out and stretched.
"Now, just like we practiced," Heinrich said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd faced the gate, only a few hundred yards, a long run but not impossible for a highly trained agent such as himself who had spent months exercising in 1.25G to acclimate himself to the punishing gravity of Terra.
He leaned forward at the waist, put all four of his hands behind him at a 45-degree angle, looked down at the ground, and galloped forward as fast as he could in order to fool the gait-identification system into thinking he was one of them.
"OK, Herr Ya'ahd, I'm losing communications, so I will hand you over to Herr Otto," Heinrich said as he got to within fifty yards of the gate.
The running pose was difficult, but obviously working as Ba'ahn Ya'ahd panted out "Thank you, Heinrich."
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd slowed down within ten yards of the gate, breathing heavy with all four lungs, straightening at his waist, and letting his arms hang down at his sides naturally instead of being held behind him at a 45-degree angle.
"Comrade Ya'ahd?" the voice was a harsh accent that oozed with authority and menace and made Ba'ahn Ya'ahd's flanks tingle with excitement.
"Yes, Otto?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said quietly.
"All right, just go up to the gate and show your ID. Your hat, jacket, and ID should get you past the guards," Otto, the Digital Sentience hacker told him.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd trotted up to the uniformed humans at the gate. They all wore solid olive drab green uniforms with strange patches on the tops, shined black boots, and metal helmets painted OD green with a white stripe around them and "MP" on the sides.
"Identification?" one asked, giving Ba'ahn Ya'ahd an intently suspicious look.
"General Ya'ahd," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said, lifting his head up and holding out his identification.
"Hmm," the human said. He handed it to the guard inside the shack made of wood and glass. "Check it out, Private."
"Yes, Sergeant," the human inside said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd wondered what caste of humans they were.
After a moment the ID was handed back.
"Welcome to Area-51, General Ya'ahd," the gate guard said, pressing a button so the striped wooden pole raised up.
"Thank you, human," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said and trotted onto the base.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd was in awe at what he saw. All the Unified Military Forces bases he had infiltrated before, most of the troops just sat around or spent their time lacklusterly doing makework. Here they drove around yelling to one another, ran from place to place in large groups in perfect time, carried packages, worked on vehicles, or paid urgent attention to papers in their hands.
To Ba'ahn Ya'ahd it was frighteningly efficient.
My work could change the war, he thought to himself. Much more than acquiring the budget for a Senior Military Most High's personal account.
“Comrade Ya'ahd, go into the building on your left. I will direct you to the hidden elevator that will take you down to the research sub-levels," Otta said.
Ooh, underground research facilities! Only the Unified Research and Development Council were allowed those! That the Terran Space Force would have their very own underground facility tells me that this place is indeed an important facility, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd thought to himself. The information I get here could turn the entire war around!
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd smiled to himself as he punched in the keycode number Otto gave him and got into the elevator.
When I get back, they'll see who's the best Superspy and who isn't! Why, I might even be asked to speak at the Unified Espionage Council meeting! he thought. He spent a bit fantasizing about how important he could become and how every Council being would want to speak to him and hear about his adventures deep in enemy territory on Terra itself!
The door opened with a soft ping and Ba'ahn Ya'ahd trotted out.
It looked properly mysterious. Big boxes, some wooden crates, some metal boxes. A thick white mist a few inches thick covering the floor, mysterious stencils on the walls, old feeling concrete.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd followed Otto's instructions, twice hiding from human guards that moved through the dimly lit hallways, their features entirely obscured by gas masks. Ba'ahn Ya'ahd had to admit they were quite creepy looking and those weapons looked extremely dangerous.
Finally, he reached the room where the technical blueprints were stored. Following Otto's advice he quickly found the rolled up blueprints for the F4 Phantom Aerospace Multi-Role Craft. He spread it out and looked at it.
The stats horrified him. A max atmospheric ceiling of 100,000 feet! Twin engines! Mach 2.5 at under 125 feet! Multiple weapon systems including the capability to carry atomic weapons! It was capable of operating as a parasite craft and could even land on a stretch of flat ground instead of a specially prepared runway with a magnetic assist system!
Worse, it could be piloted by a single being! Two beings made it even more efficient!
Yes, yes, if this gets into production it would be a disaster for the Unified Military Council's aerospace elements! It carries more weapons that any two aerospace fighters we posses! Worse, it doesn't require a high energy reactor, it can do all of this off of fossil fuels as well as being made of lightweight materials, meaning that it would be invisible to modern scanners!
He rolled them up and tucked them into his sash, then looked around. He took down several other blueprints and looked at them, gasping in shock.
The V-2 Rocket System made him curl his tendrils in horror. It didn't depend on anti-gravity systems or fusion thrust but instead highly refined fossil fuels! It was a disaster waiting to happen! Lanaktallan air defense systems wouldn't even be able to see them!
Another blueprint was for a system called the Challenger Tank. Nervously he spread it out and looked it over. While at first glance it looked crude, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd realized its small size, high speed, and massive gun made it a dangerous weapon system.
That too went into the tube he grabbed and put the rolled up blueprints into.
"Almost out of time, Comrade Ya'ahd," Otto warned.
"No, no, no, I need more of this," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd moaned, grabbing some random plans and putting them in the tube. "This place is full of incredible military research!"
If the Terrans get these into production the war is lost! Ba'ahn Ya'ahd thought to himself, grabbing another plan down.
It was a heavily armed and armored rotary aircraft called a HiND! Ba'ahn Ya'ahd moaned in fear looking at the specifications. He rolled it up and put it in the tube, then slung the tube over his shoulder.
"Get out of there, Comrade Ya'ahd," Otto told him.
"Lead me out, Otto," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said, taking control of his fear.
He followed the directions carefully, finally reaching the elevator. Ba'ahn Ya'ahd was trembling in excitement and fear. This was his favorite part of any espionage mission.
The escape.
At least Yu'uMo'o wasn't there to sabotage him and take all the credit like the last three times that Ba'ahn Ya'ahd had managed to gain valuable intel.
"Comrade Ya'ahd, it appears that there is some difficulty. Quickly, ascend to the roof instead. I had Comrade Chrome Cortez put your jetpack harness up there," Otto suddenly said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd pressed the cancel button and then the "Roof Access" button.
"What is happening?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahd asked nervously.
"It appears that the Space Force Military Intelligence Division suspects you may be trying to break into the most secure research facility in the Confederacy," Otto said.
"Could I shoot my way out with my grenade launcher and shotgun?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahd asked eagerly.
"Sadly, no, Comrade. You will have to flee via jetpack. They have, umm, anti-grenade fields and anti-shotgun armor," Otto said. "Real cutting-edge high-tech stuff, but it is Confederate Intelligence."
"Hmm, makes sense. I will ascend to the roof and make my dramatic escape from there!" Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said eagerly.
Then he waited, humming a song he had heard on the car's radio and tapping the cardboard tube with his fingers. After a few minutes the doors pinged open and he trotted out onto the roof.
The military base was a hive of activity. Aerospace fighters roared overhead, using vertical takeoff and landing systems to quickly set down. Tanks clattered around, pointing their guns everywhere. Entire dozens of Terran soldiers with rifles ran in perfect unison and formation sweeping the areas.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd spotted his jetpack harness and galloped over to it. He strapped on the flank harness, which had four thrusters, one over each hip, to provide him with lift, then strapped on the backpack section, which would provide him with forward momentum. He put on the helmet, which was bright chrome so it would blind anyone looking at him as well as reflect any attempts to use RADAR or LIDAR on him, then pulled the controls around.
He checked the roof real quick to make sure he wasn't leaving any ninjas behind, then activated the jet pack.
With a roar it lifted off.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd gave the traditional Terran escaping spy salute to a defeated enemy. He held out both middle fingers of his lower hands and called out "SO LONG, SUCKERS!" and jetted forward at the incredible speed of nearly four minutes per mile. The wind ruffled his hide and the speed almost made him dizzy.
"Comrade, you have a helicopter coming in! You'll have to fight them if you want to escape!" Otto called out.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd looked around, reaching around behind him and grabbing his Terran Burgerland make grenade launcher.
There it was, approaching rapidly!
"Comrade, when it..." Otto started to say.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd held his tongue between his teeth, curled his tendrils, and aimed his grenade launcher, squeezing closed all but one eye. He hit the trigger and the grenade launcher kicked hard.
The grenade that hit the front of the helicopter kicked harder and the helicopter burst into flames, falling to the ground in a shower of debris.
"Ooooor, you can do that," Otto said.
Following Otto's directions he landed just outside the gate, next to his cherry red car. Chrome Cortez and Major Bloodfist helped him out of his jetpack as the Terran Space Force guards stood on the other side of the fence and fumed impotently.
"You were all stimulating opponents, but alas, you faced the pride of the Lanaktallan Unified Espionage Council," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said. He felt somewhat bad for them. "Fear not, against lesser opponents you would have prevailed! Sadly, you faced me, Ya'ahd, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd, Secret Most High Secret Agent Spy, who has..."
Cortez and Bloodfist checked their watches and waited for the Lanaktallan to finish his villainous speech.
When he was done, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd chuckled at how obviously demoralized the Space Force soldiers were as he got into his car. He waved at them, where they stood on the other side of the chain link fence, and started up his car.
“SO LONG, SUCKERS!” he called out the time honored Terran parting words of all great spies.
As he raced off into the desert to the next refueling stop he checked the back seat and smiled.
It was still empty except for Chrome Cortez.
Ninjas are the best.
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TREANA’AD HIVE WORLDS
Oh my god, this guy is amazing!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
I know, right?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
RIGELLIAN SAURIAN COMPACT
I'm curious about why his vitals spiked when he was looking over the old historical document replicas. That tech is like 10,000 years out of date for Terran military tech and he acted like he found the plans for the Viper-IX interdiction fighter.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
I know, right? Weird.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TELKAN FORGE WORLDS
He really likes that grenade launcher.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
They're fun if you're on the shooty end.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TERRASOL
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!
////////
TERRASOLINT
AHAHAHAHAHAH!
/////////
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Oh, Digitial Omnimessiah, now what?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TERRASOL
Get the popcorn, it's about to get funny.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA’AD HIVE WORLDS
>Eagerly shoves popcorn into mandibles with both hands.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
SPY VS SPY
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd crouched down next to the dumpster that was beside the back door to the bank. Major Bloodfist was lounging next to a sign for the bank, doing something that Ba'ahn Ya'ahd had discovered was called 'smoking a cigarette' in order to ingest a complex multi-function drug. Chrome Cortez was reading something called a newspaper as he sat on the bench outside the bank. Otto was telling him what to do over his comlink as Heinrich kept an eye out for any LawSec response.
"All right, Comrade Ya'ahd, the guard moved through the copy room and into the stairwell, it looks like he's coming out back. Make sure to use your silenced weapons so we don't alert anyone," Otto said over the comlink.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd shuffled back slightly, checking the silent pistol in his hand, then looking up. The guard came out and Ba'ahn Ya'ahd shot him once in the head, dropping him down.
"Answer his radio or the cops will get suspicious," Otto said.
The radio crackled and someone at a LawSec building asked for a report.
"I... uhh... went outside to smoke a cigarette and look at pornographic holocubes," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd said into the radio.
"All right. Don't take too long. I'll log you as on break," the LawSec being said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd pulled a body-bag out of his belt, put the human inside, and threw him in the dumpster so that nobody noticed a dead Sec-guard on the ground.
"There's another one, he's walking to stand by the ATMs at the entrance. The other one is walking from the vault back to the offices. You should be clear to take out the security surveillance room," Otto said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd snuck carefully in, making sure his shoes didn't clatter on the cement floor. He checked up the stairwell, then moved through the door into the small cement alcove. An open doorway led into the bank, with the copy-machine room right across and the door to the security office on his right. Ba'ahn Ya'ahd leaned back, reared up, touched his hoof to the keycard reader, and activated his hoof EMP generator. The keycard reader let out a little smoke and the room unlocked.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd whipped open the door and shot the guard at the console twice in the head, then answered the radio and gave the excuse that his bowels were full and he needed an elimination break. The LawSec communications officer seemed satisfied and Ba'ahn Ya'ahd relaxed.
That left only the two guards in the bank. The vault was full of gold, cash, jewelry, and other stuff. He trembled at the thought of opening the high security safe deposit boxes to see the contents.
Terra is so exciting, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd thought to himself.
"OK, he's coming to you. Looks like he's heading to the roof. Wait for him to get to the stairs and take him out," Otto said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd waited for the human, dressed in black pants with a white shirt and a gunbelt, to go by and shot him in the back of the head. He dropped and Ba'ahn Ya'ahd fast talked the LawSec guy again, using a Telkan accent. Not a good one, but good enough to fool the LawSec agent. Ba'ahn Ya'ahd took out another body bag, rolled the human into it, zipped it up, then dragged the body into the camera room.
"OK, wait so you can see the copy room. He should come in there soon. Everything is going good," Otto told him.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd moved into the cement alcove and waited, his pistol held ready. The last human guard kept wandering around, from the ATMs to talk to some clerks back to the desks, then to the ATMs, then...
"Here he comes."
Ba'ahn Ya'ahd lifted up his pistol and sighted it. When the guard appeared in the doorway that led from the copy room to the back hall Ba'ahn Ya'ahd shot him in the forehead then quickly galloped into the copy room, chortling to himself that the man and woman attempting to secure a loan from a bank officer hadn't noticed him. He answered the radio, bodybagged the dead Terran, then galloped back to the camera room carrying the body.
Humans know how to do covert actions. This is much better than the last mission I did where my overwatch forgot that LawSec guards could open doors, Ba'ahn Ya'ahd thought to himself.
"OK, go get the thermal drill. I had a guy stash it out back," Otto said. "So far, nobody has to break cover."
"Excellent," Ba'ahn Ya'ahd replied. He trotted out the back door and into the parking lot, following the annotation on his retinal link for where the drill was. It was in the back of a truck and Ba'ahn Ya'ahd noticed it was quite heavy. It made him stagger to carry it back in.
"OK, go in and menace the people in the loan officer area, don't let the tellers or anyone waiting to do banking see you," Otto said.
