A Suitable Bodyguard, page 2
Zelli straightened his shoulders. It was a little pointless since much of his too-bright hair had been pulled free of his twin braids by the winds along the battlement and Zelli’s clothing had no embellishments, but he tried to have dignity.
“I didn’t come here to talk about your cat,” Zelli announced calmly, then ruined the effect somewhat by pushing out his bottom lip as he imagined the cat lying against Tahlen’s side through the night. “What’s its name?”
Tahlen ignored the question and took a small step forward. “Why have you come here, Zelli? What did you have to say that couldn’t be said where others can hear?”
Zelli had to tilt his head back, but he had to do that with everyone and couldn’t really resent it now. He didn’t know what to make of Tahlen’s tone, or lack of one. Tahlen’s questions felt weighted, though with what, Zelli didn’t know.
Tahlen was like the rock in the foothills and mountains around them. Zelli couldn’t be that steady if he tried. Even without reaching for one of the weapons leaning against the wall by the door, Tahlen was ready to leap into action if Zelli gave the word. Zelli would have looked afraid or worried in a moment like that. Tahlen was only so very still, his eyes so very dark.
“Earlier,” Zelli blurted, his thoughts jumbled as they spilled out, “with Grandmother.”
Tahlen turned his head, studying the wall before turning back to Zelli. He gave the impression of stepping away without moving a single one of his many muscles. “Earlier,” he echoed, as nearly emotionless as ever. “You’re here because of what was said today. You’re in your nightclothes,” he observed after that, as though the two things were related.
Zelli glanced down over his long, heavy robe and the boots he wore for his duties inside the hold’s stone walls. The blue wool of the robe was of a fine weave, but thick enough to more than conceal that Zelli wore only a knee-length shirt underneath.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he explained himself, twitching the robe to try to see how Tahlen had guessed what was beneath it.
“Because of earlier, with your grandmother,” Tahlen prompted, meeting Zelli’s eyes again when Zelli raised his head.
Zelli let the folds of the robe fall back down. “Did you think I was foolish? Was I wrong?”
He could not claim Tahlen had no emotions because Tahlen’s eyebrows flicked up for a second’s surprise. “You’re asking me?”
“Who else would I ask?” Genuinely perplexed, Zelli continued to stare at Tahlen despite the crick in his neck. There was no one else remotely suitable, aside from Grandmother herself, which Tahlen was too clever not to realize. “You have no doubt seen things many others have not, in your mysterious travels before you came here. You speak, when you do speak, with knowledge and experience. Grandmother respects your opinion and insight even when she does not share it with me. And I have never seen you act with anything less than sense.”
It might have been nice to see that, Zelli sometimes thought. At least once.
For not even the space of a heartbeat, he almost caught an expression crossing Tahlen’s face. Then it was gone.
“You… were not wrong,” Tahlen admitted slowly, Zelli tried not to think reluctantly. “There are people to be seen to and reassured, as well as places to visit before plans can be made for next year. You were also right in that you might lose more guards if this continues. They are not convinced any sacrifice will be worth it for a family that cannot even take care of its basic obligations, even though most of those remaining like it here and like your family. This part of your family,” he added, and that was with reluctance.
Zelli waved off that piece of forced honesty. The Tialttyrins outside the valley who would not return to do their duty were not worth any politeness, his parent included.
He spoke over the fast beat of his heart, pleased despite the situation to know Tahlen agreed with him. “But no one will step up!” he exclaimed. “If all of that is true, and Grandmother cannot go, then someone must. If there is no one else, then don’t you think…”
“Zelli.”
“…That I should?” Zelli carried on, moving closer to Tahlen in his agitation. “Not the whole distance! Not even half the distance. Merely enough to get the word out that we are still here! That we will still listen! We have to trust Cousin Adifer is doing what he says he is across the valley, although he always has and he has yet to ask for help or send out any alarms. But a small show of our presence, even just a few days’ travel into the valley, to remind people that we stand with them and to hopefully convince them we have more strength than we do. At least… at least until an alliance can be secured to ensure that.” There, Zelli darted his gaze away, focusing again on the comfortable, happy cat. “And we must let them know that problems can still be brought to us. Of course, they can’t leave the fields for long, which is part of the problem. They won’t even want to. I could… I could go as far as a few waystations along the main roads. Make sure they haven’t started to fall down. And there is one village there where I know they have been waiting for messengers and probably judgments as well.”
“Zelli.”
“It should have been done last year. It can’t be put off any longer. And… and Grandmother isn’t well. What if...?" Zelli pulled in a deep breath. “What if the new Tialttyrin acts too slowly, or foolishly? Then all will be lost, Tahlen!”
“Mizel,” Tahlen said in a low voice, drawing Zelli’s gaze back to him. “It’s good that you think of possibilities. But you need to calm yourself, for your own good.”
“We don’t even know which cousin would take her place,” Zelli complained but did his best to be calm. “I should have suggested you go in her stead.” Zelli was less bitter about it than he would have expected himself to be, maybe because it made Tahlen go very still again. How strange that Tahlen should react to surprise as though it might hold a threat. “That would have pleased her, and we both know you would do the job well. I know I would not do it so well. I’m fully aware that I’m only qualified to go because I’m the youngest Tialttyrin here. You don’t need to say it.”
“Your grandmother does not think you unfit for the task,” Tahlen objected.
Zelli waved that off too. “Someone has to see to things. We have not even had outguards pass by here in ever so long. I’m not even sure whoever has the palace now has maintained the Outguard.”
“I doubt any of those trying to claim the throne lived long enough to turn their thoughts to practical matters of governance.”
It was such a Tahlen thing to say. The other guards did not speak like him.
Not calmer, but trying to be, Zelli ducked his head, peering up once or twice to Tahlen’s eyes, to the hair on his chest, to his eyes again. “And, after all, I will have to travel eventually if an alliance is arranged, and there really won’t be anyone here to manage it then, unless Grandmother’s health improves. What difference is there between traveling then and now, except that on my way to meet my intended I will have an escort to better demonstrate the dignity of the Tialttyrin?”
Tahlen’s profile was unyielding. Nevertheless, Zelli kept trying. “Summer is already fading, Tahlen. Soon it will be time for the harvest. Things have to be seen to. It would be only a matter of days. I would not even offer judgments. I would relate the cases to Grandmother and ensure responses were delivered.”
Tahlen finally turned back to him, eyes deep brown and unreadable. “Are you asking me for permission?”
Zelli pursed his lips to hold in his denial. “I’m asking if you approve.”
“You don’t need my approval.” Tahlen said it as though Zelli should have known that, as though Zelli did not know that. “And you don’t have the approval of The Tialttyrin.” Something shifted behind Tahlen’s eyes. Zelli only caught it because they were so close. “But you plan to go anyway.”
He did not ask.
Zelli did not look away though he wanted to. “Will you watch over her while I am gone? And Nya too?”
A child of an ancient house and the merciful, powerful fae should not beg.
Tahlen lowered his head to study Zelli more intently, his hair falling to where Zelli could easily have touched it. “You could order me to let you go.”
Zelli tore his gaze away from the pretty fall of hair. “Your oath is to Grandmother first.”
Tahlen drew his dark eyebrows together. “You can’t mean to go alone.”
Zelli had not thought out all the details, only that he would have to go soon, possibly even by morning. But it was true, he had never even been to a waystation by himself. He might need some guidance.
“You will not go alone,” Tahlen continued, once again knowing what Zelli might have said before he could say it, “because it could be dangerous. That was the original objection, Zelli. You can’t be in danger.” Tahlen said this as though he could make it so with just words, shaping each one so clearly that Zelli was slow to realize he was staring at Tahlen’s lips. “Then I will go with you.”
Startled, Zelli jumped, then stood gaping at Tahlen for far too long. “But you don’t approve,” he managed at last in a whisper, “and Grandmother needs you.”
“She needs you,” Tahlen countered. “And no one else would agree to this, no matter how charming you’ll try to be. They won’t defy The Tialttyrin.”
Zelli nearly sputtered. “But you will?”
“I wouldn’t consider it defiance. Not with…” Tahlen shut his mouth with the rest of his sentence unfinished. He could be resolute even half-dressed and unbound. “She knows your determination. She’ll probably guess your intentions by midmorning tomorrow, and if she can’t stop you, it will reassure her to know I’m with you.”
Which was true. She likely wouldn’t even punish Tahlen for it. Zelli frowned at him anyway. “But… you wouldn’t mind? I had no intention of…”
“I know.”
“…Dragging you into trouble,” Zelli finished, lifting his chin to give Tahlen a displeased glare for the interruption. Tahlen stared back at him as if surprised once more.
He would be less surprised if he stopped assuming he knew all of Zelli’s thoughts, Zelli decided, before crossing his arms and glancing away. “Your sister will not be happy with me.”
It made Tahlen sigh. “You worry about everything but what you should. You won’t have much time until your grandmother will anticipate your plans.”
“Yes, I am incapable of being discreet when I feel something strongly,” Zelli agreed testily, having heard those words from his grandmother already. “I was… I had no definite plans, you understand, but I was thinking of leaving early this morning, before dawn, while the fog remains.”
“Earlier than that if you want enough of a lead that she won’t send the other guards after us to haul you back and bury me in some dungeon.”
“I’d never let her.” Zelli looked up sharply, then eased his shoulders down. “She wouldn’t. She respects you too much. Me, however….” He abandoned that thought as he followed Tahlen’s meaning and his mind began to plan around it. “We could leave now, unless you want a few hours of rest.” Zelli would not rest, not with his thoughts leaping forward. “I have only to pack. You really will?” He regarded Tahlen in absolute confusion. “I’ll do my best to ensure no trouble for you.”
Tahlen gave him not even a hint of an expression for that. “Pack light, with clothes for the chill of night in the valley where the fog settles. And… do you have any armor? I’ve never seen you in any.”
“What for?” No one would expect Zelli to fight. No one thought him capable and he wasn’t sure they weren’t right. “There is some in the treasury that belonged to family members in the past. I could…”
“Ancient armor will not help you if it’s not in good condition.” Tahlen’s voice at least had grown stern. “Wear layers then, many of them.”
“But it’s not truly cold enough yet for—oh. For protection. An armor of sorts.”
“I’ll look for mail in your size. If you don’t change your mind,” Tahlen paused there, then went on as if aware that Zelli’s mind would not change, “then I’ll meet you by the kitchens whenever you’re ready.”
“Really?” Zelli could not help the smile on his face as relief and a funny, elated feeling sank into his bones. He swept forward recklessly, nearly taking Tahlen’s hands before he recalled himself. Tahlen stared down at him, wide-eyed, mouth open. Zelli beamed at him. “I will make you proud. I swear I will. And I will allow no harm to come to you if I can possibly prevent it.”
Tahlen shook his head. “I am supposed to swear to you, Zelli.”
Zelli nodded excitedly. “Yes, but I would never demand your body for mine, Tahlen. You’re far too precious for that.” He stepped back, bumping into the door when he had trouble breaking Tahlen’s stunned gaze, then turning to slip outside and close the door quietly behind him.
Two
Perhaps Zelli hadn’t fully thought about traveling alone because he’d known it might make him hesitate. He thought about it now, letting it sit alongside the knowledge that he would be attempting this with Tahlen. Even though Zelli would undoubtedly embarrass himself more than once, he moved faster at the idea of Tahlen’s company.
Tahlen had gone with Grandmother on one of these trips; he would know what to do. And he believed it was right, as Zelli did. After all, if Tahlen had wanted to stop Zelli, it wouldn’t have taken much to hold him or bring him to Grandmother and tell her all. Tahlen was over twice Zelli’s size… though plenty of other adults were. Tahlen just made Zelli feel it more than most.
Zelli took the back staircases to his room, mentally assembling which belongings he would need and could fit into the pack he had traded with someone in the village to get a few days ago. The corridors were empty at this time of night, the guards stationed outside, far from the personal apartments of any Tialttyrins and their guests within. The corridors were also considerably warmer than those in the guards’ living quarters, something Zelli absently frowned about as he slipped into the large family bathing room. His private bedchamber had a room for bathing and personal grooming, but the communal baths were centuries-old and used the steam within the mountains to keep the room and the water warm at all times, and Zelli was in a hurry.
He didn’t linger in the water, scrubbing up quickly to ensure he would hopefully still be presentable when he faced any villagers. He despaired of his hair, as he always did, for it had a life of its own. He dried it hastily and combed it with oil so it would stay malleable for a brief time, and then hurriedly divided it into two braids to rest down his back.
Pinned or braided into place, in dim lighting, Zelli’s hair might have been mistaken for dark red or even brown. But the moment it slipped free of any bindings and the light found it, it was the colors of a particularly fiery sunset. Orange, red, and yellow all together, with shades of purple and blue just starting to appear, curls and straight locks, fine and thick, like silk until it wasn’t. Fae hair. More obviously fae than anyone else’s hair in his family. Or maybe simply what happened when fae traits and human traits mingled to the degree that they did in Zelli.
Back in his room, he chose a hooded cloak to help him hide his wild mane, and swept what jewelry he owned into the pack, fastening the rowan tree pendant that he wore every day around his neck. He looked as respectable and dignified as he possibly could; the freckles that ran down his throat to his shoulders could be hidden, but not the ones across his nose. There was nothing to be done for that, or for the sharpness to some of his teeth, noticeable if he smiled widely or laughed, or for his eyes, which did not seem to stay one color.
It was when he was choosing layers to wear as Tahlen had suggested that Zelli paused to consider the possible problems of traveling with someone else—with Tahlen specifically—while being Zelli. That was to say, while being a Tialttyrin with more than a touch of the other world about him.
It had been months since any of Zelli’s other fae complications had popped up to bother him so he hadn’t factored them into his plans, except to vaguely consider the best excuses to make if anyone happened to witness anything. Grandmother knew and had stories ready. But out there in the valley, Zelli could hardly keep to his room for days at a time.
Perhaps, if something did happen, it might be better for Tahlen to be there. Zelli would face explanations that would make him cringe, but Tahlen could see that Zelli was undisturbed or return him to the fortress if need be.
Zelli shivered a little, not sure if he liked or disliked the idea of Tahlen seeing him altered, much less Tahlen touching him when he was like that, as Tahlen would have to in order to get Zelli back here. Zelli would humiliate himself, no question, and Tahlen likely would not react at all. That was good and also somehow terrible.
But it was not the lingering warmth from his bath that stung Zelli’s skin as he thought about it.
He did his best to banish the imaginary sensation of Tahlen’s hands on him and the crush of Tahlen’s disinterest, or disgust to see Zelli out of control. Zelli would worry about that only if his conditions showed signs of appearing, although it would be considerate to warn Tahlen of the possibilities before they left.
But that would raise two problems. One, Tahlen might decide not to let Zelli go, even though the risk was minimal and hardly life-threatening, and anyway, neither complication had happened in months. And two, it would be tricky to explain to Tahlen because it was Tahlen. Zelli would stare up at him and feel this… strong pain in the center of him… this inconvenient, aching, sorrowful spot in the middle of his chest that only made things worse, and if that happened, he would have no chance of convincing Tahlen of anything.
Really, it was some sort of fluke that Zelli had managed to get Tahlen to agree to even this.
He would tell Tahlen if the situation required it, he decided, because it wasn’t as if it was a total surprise… usually. As satisfied as he could be, Zelli finished dressing and stuffed his pack to the brim, including a handful of coins for those events in which he would be expected to hand over money.
