Make Me Feel Again (Lost & Found Duet Book 2), page 1
Copyright © 2023 by PS. Black
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Edits: Dee's Notes: Editing and Proofreading Services
Cover Design: Coffin Prints Designs
Formatting : PS. Black
Proofreaders: Toni McPherson & Claire Buckley
Playlist
I honestly don't think I could have written this story without my playlist.
If you love a playlist while reading a book, or like me, love listening to them after reading the book, please follow the below link to my Make Me Feel Again's playlist on Spotify.
Make Me Feel Again playlist on Spotify.
Contents
Foreword
Dedication
Prologue
1. Rylee
2. Cash
3. Cash
4. Rylee
5. Cash
6. Cash
7. Cash
8. Rylee
9. Cash
10. Rylee
11. Rylee
12. Cash
13. Cash
14. Rylee
15. Rylee
16. Rylee
17. Rylee
18. Cash
19. Rylee
20. Rylee
21. Cash
22. Rylee
23. Cash
24. Cash
25. Rylee
26. Cash
27. James
28. Cash
29. Rylee
30. Rylee
31. Rylee
32. Rylee
33. James
34. Rylee
35. Rylee
36. Cash
37. Cash
38. Rylee
39. James
40. Rylee
41. Rylee
42. Rylee
43. Cash
44. Rylee
45. Rylee
46. Rylee
47. Rylee
48. Rylee
49. Cash
50. Rylee
Epilogue
Afterword
Also By PS. Black
Stalk me
Foreword
Make Me Feel Again has subjects that some readers may find difficult to read. Please also note, there is mature content. Please click the below link for the trigger list.
This will have spoilers.
Make Me Feel Again Trigger list
“You don’t know what you’re made of until you’re forced to let go of someone you love.” ― R.M Drake
To myself.
I embraced the pain and chose to make something heartbreakingly beautiful with it.
Prologue
Cash
“Jace is brain dead.”
Everything stops. My whole world crashes to the floor in a thousand pieces. My blood runs cold. Never in my life did I think I would hear those four words while on this earth. How can it be, how can I be living in a world where Jace doesn’t. I stare at the doctor in front of me, his mouth is moving, but no sound reaches my ears. My stomach curdles, so I place my hand over my mouth. It can’t be my boy.
“My boy. Not my boy,” I choke out on a sob, trying to hold in the sickness threatening to come out. Pressure lands on my arm, and through blurry vision, Bohdi falls to the floor before me, gripping my shirt and tugging me into him. The pain seers through my chest, causing me to grasp Boh harder. Boh’s shoulders shake with mine as we cry into each other’s arms.
“My baby.” I zone back into the world, pulling away from Boh enough to look over, and one of the most amazing women to ever walk this earth falls to her knees beside Jace—the most amazing sister and auntie anyone could ever ask for.
“Bridge,” I croak out. Boh leans back as we open our arms to her. She crawls along the floor; I doubt any of our legs could carry this pain at this moment. She pushes up to her knees and falls into us, and our pain combines as we all cry together.
“How are we going to do this.” She sniffles into our chests. “How are we meant to go on without him, Cash.” The pain intensifies, the words cutting like razor blades over my heart. I can’t say anything because this is all I could think about the entire week. How do I go on in life without him. My son, my best friend. The light in all our lives, the bigger-than-life smile that lit up every room he walked in, the sense of humor that brought smiles to people’s faces on their worst days. How can this world exist without my son. All I know is my life, all our lives, won’t ever be the same without him. My mind flashes to Rylee, and with blurred vision, I scan the room for her, but she’s gone.
Chapter one
Rylee
“James?”
I stay rooted to the spot and stare into his soulless eyes. My vision becomes hazy from tears, and I open my mouth, then close it again, unable to say a word. I just want to ask him why he has done this.
“You’re probably thinking, why, am I right?” He smiles at me. My heart rate picks up, as the smile on his face does not make me feel safe in any way. I want to answer, but I can’t get any words out, so I nod.
“When I first saw you in that club, Ry, I was mesmerized.” He walks toward me, and my body freezes, as though I am being held down. The closer he gets, the louder my brain screams for me to move, to do anything, but I can’t.
“You were and are so effortlessly beautiful. It was like seeing an angel. I knew, from that moment, you were mine.” He says it like he believes I have been waiting my whole life to hear him say it. What is happening right now? This can’t be real. He crouches in front of me, so I drop my head to my chest. I can’t look at him. The smell of his aftershave makes me sick to my stomach.
“Look at me,” he whispers.
I keep my head down, shaking it side to side, tears trailing down my cheeks.
“Rylee,” he snaps, so I flinch away from him. “Look. At. Me.” He grips my arm, making me wince. I lift my head slowly, the endless pools of black stare at me as he leans down, and I stop breathing. What the fuck is he going to do?
His lips skim my cheek. “Fucking beautiful.”
A sob escapes my mouth before I can stop it, and then I find my voice. “James, please. Stop.” I don’t know what else to say, but I want him to get away from me. I don’t want him anywhere near me.
He huffs in my ear, as if my reaction is an inconvenience to him.
He pulls his head back a few inches so he is nose to nose with me, and his eyes, which represent the pits of hell, flicker between mine. A tinge of sadness flashes in his eyes.
“Get some rest, this has been a lot for you. I’m sure it will all make sense once you have slept and eaten something, my beautiful girl.” He slowly stands. I shake my head back and forth. All make sense? None of this will ever make sense, what planet is he living on?
“No,” I choke out. “James, what is happening right now? What have you done, and why am I here?” My whole body shakes as the fear flows through me at not knowing what he will do.
“I told you, Rylee. You belong to me. I was hoping you’d come to the realization on your own, but that fucking prick Cash made me recognize I needed to push this along.” His face turns an alarming red, his chest heaving, then he takes a few deep breaths as if he is trying to calm himself down.
“That prick always tried to get involved. I don’t know how Jace put up with him,” he grits out.
Jace’s name leaving his lips sends a jolt of sadness through me. I need to keep him talking.
“What do you mean he always tried to get involved, get involved with what?” I keep my voice quiet and as uninterested as possible. If he picks up on me trying to gather information, then he may not give me anything, and I need to know as much as possible.
He sighs like he doesn’t have the energy to get into it. “It doesn’t matter now.” The smile he flashes makes me sick; it’s like a mask has been lifted off James’s face and I’m finally seeing him for who he is. I have never seen so much coldness, so much evil in his eyes before. “I have you now, so I won. He didn’t.” His thumb grazes my cheek. I stay frozen to the spot, waiting for him to continue or give me more.
“James, please tell me what is happening.” I hold eye contact with him, even though I’m trying to hold the sickness at bay.
He stares at me with a blank expression for what feels like an eternity and then speaks. “You want to know everything?” he asks, raising his eyebrow.
I nod because I don’t think I can speak without breaking down. He crouches again.
“I don’t think you can handle the truth, Rylee. I can promise you, it’s so much deeper than you could possibly imagine.” He smiles, then stands, spins on his heel, and walks back toward the door.
“Wait. James. Don’t leave me on my own. What are you going to do?” The words leave my mouth before I can even think. Panic is taking over my body. I can’t sit here without knowing what
“Make sure you eat the food I left you; you have lost a lot of weight recently. I miss those curves,” he deadpans, before walking out the wooden door and closing it behind him.
The locks click in place, then I lean to the side and liquid burns my throat and nose as I finally retch. I miss those curves. I cover my mouth, trying to hold back the sobs wanting to escape. There’s no way I’m getting out of here, and I have no idea what James will do. By the things he was saying, and the way he was looking at me, whatever he does, it will happen whether I want it to or not.
Chapter two
Cash
I pace the length of my house, tugging my hair till pain sears my scalp. When I got a call from James’s ex-girlfriend, Casey, an hour ago, my heart sank. I always knew something wasn’t right with James, and after what Jace and I saw on his phone a year ago, my thoughts were confirmed.
Rylee is a stunning girl, and Jace knew everyone knew that, but he had the attitude of they can look all they want, but she’s mine. He was a lot calmer than I ever could have been. Yes, I was a hypocrite, and I still am, but back then, I only ever admired Rylee’s looks and personality. I bet that slimy prick James admired a lot more. When James was flicking through pictures on his phone to show Jace and me his holiday pictures, he accidentally scrolled too far and a picture of Rylee came up. Anger simmered through my veins. I have never struggled so much to hold back anger like I did that day.
If Jace hadn’t done something about it, I would have. Jace’s eyes narrowed, and his face got red before he snatched the phone out of James’s hand. I grasped James so he couldn’t grab it back. With the fury flowing through me in that moment, I could have crushed his worthless bones with my bare hands. Anger filled Jace as he flicked through the pictures. I only saw the one, but Jace said there were at least twenty of Rylee, all pictures he had saved from her Facebook. I wanted to rip his fucking head off. Jace was a calm man, but he could hold his own. I knew that from the little scraps he got into at school, and he always came out on top, but he was a lover, not a fighter. Rylee brought the loving side out in him more, but when he saw pictures of her on one of his closest friend’s phone, he lost it.
One minute, Jace was staring down at the phone, trembling in anger; the next, I was pushed out of the way and Jace was on top of James, raining blow after blow down on him. I was happy to sit back and let it play out. The slimy prick needed a beating, but Rowan pulled Jace off while some staff from the bar helped James up off the floor. Jace had a few firm words to say before we left and was raging on the way home.
The thing is, James didn’t even try to plead his innocence or make any excuses. He just looked angry that Jace had reacted the way he did, and never showed any mercy, as if he had the right to have those pictures of Rylee. I told Jace then he needed to kick that prick to the curb and keep him far away from her. I had no doubt in my mind that he would try and take Rylee from him. The thought sends me spiraling even more.
The heartbreaking truth of the matter is, Jace isn’t here anymore to stop him, but is what I’m doing any better? No, it isn’t. As much as I said I wasn’t sorry the other night, it’s plagued my mind since being at home alone more than I ever thought it would. I can’t stop thinking how sick and wrong it is of me to do what I’m doing. I’ve told myself it’s the grief. We gravitated toward each other because of Jace—the one person we loved more than life itself—but I know for me that’s not the reason. I just have to say that to stop hating myself more than I already do. All I want is for Rylee to be safe, and I know Jace would want me to do everything I can to make that happen.
I send Rylee a text to know she is safe, and I also need to explain to her why Jace stopped talking to James and why I told her to stay away from him.
Me: It’s urgent, I really need to speak to you. Pick up your phone.
I know deep down why she isn’t answering, it’s the guilt of what happened the other night. The guilt is eating away at me. I have barely slept since, not that I sleep much these days. My dreams have turned into play-by-play memories of Jace growing up. When I open my eyes and I am back to reality, the pain hits harder each time. So I try and keep busy with work, or just drink myself into oblivion to the point my brain is too fucked up to dream. It usually works.
My phone shows she has read the message. After this, I will go back to the way things were and keep my distance. Well, try, but I need to explain everything first. I try ringing her again, but this time, it goes straight to voicemail. I get she doesn’t want to talk, but there’s no way I can leave this after what I've found out today. I grab my coat and keys and head out to the car. As much as I don’t want to step foot back in that apartment, I need to see her.
“Rylee,” I shout through the door. I've been banging on the door and she hasn’t answered. Maybe she is out with Toni or Rachel. I rub the outline of the key in my pocket, not wanting to cross that line but the bad feeling in my gut hasn’t left me since that call. I pull the key out of my pocket, flip it between my fingers and glance back up at the door. I pound on the door one more time before opening it, then shout Rylee’s name again, but it’s deadly silent.
The horrible feeling in my stomach intensifies from being back in this apartment. “Stop thinking, Cash, just look for Rylee.” I step into the apartment some more. “Rylee!” Her keys aren’t hanging on the hook. She’s clearly out, but this isn’t something that can wait. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Toni’s number.
“What do you want?”
“It’s Cash.”
“Yeah, I’m aware. Like I said, what do you want?” Toni is a character, but she’s not rude, so I’m not sure why—
“You have some nerve ringing me, Cash. You best believe if you were standing in front of me, your cheek would be stinging from the hardest slap you have ever received in your life.” Then it dawns on me, either she heard what happened at the bar or Rylee told her what happened in the apartment and they’re both disgusted with me right now.
“Look—”
“No, you look, Mr. My Rylee is a good girl. She certainly does not need you calling her out in front of people and talking down to her like she is a piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe. She isn’t one of these flavors of the week you parade around. She respects herself and would certainly not go with the likes of creepy as fuck James. Especially after everything that has happened.” Her voice dims down on the last bit.
I sit in silence because I know what I did at the bar was disgusting, and she is right. I acted like Rylee is one of these girls who jumps from person to person when she is not even in the same galaxy as those women.
“Cash.” Her voice is low and calm. “I know you’re hurting; I can’t even imagine what you and your family are going through right now. We all lost a huge part of our lives, and things will never be the same, but please, I beg you, give Rylee a break. You have always acted a certain way with her, but this is not the right way. Go back to being your moody-broody self toward her, but please, don't be nasty to her. She's fighting this uphill battle alongside you, and I don’t know how much more she can take.” She sighs.
She’s right, everything she said is right, and I have nothing to say back to her. “We all miss him.” Her voice cracks as sniffles come through the phone. My jaw clenches as I try and hold back my emotions. Now is not the time to break down. I can’t.
“Toni, everything you have said is true. Rylee knows I’m sorry for what happened the other night. There is no excuse for it, I was a complete prick and I own that.” She sniffles and chuckles.
“Never did I expect to hear Cash Stiles admit he was wrong.”
“Don’t get used it. Listen, Toni. I called for a reason. I’m worried about Rylee.”
“What, why?” Her voice peaks.
I explain the call I received earlier, and she screams down the phone, “I fucking knew it. Ahh, when I get my hands on that fucking creep, it’s game over for him.”
