Make Me Feel Again (Lost & Found Duet Book 2), page 13
“I was. I have been for the last six years, but I didn’t think I would need to be on it and wanted a break, so I stopped.”
Toni nods. “Yeah, I get that.” She closes the door, and we walk toward the elevator.
“Rylee, my dear.” I hear from behind me. I spin and there stands Miss Dainty.
“Hey, Miss Dainty,” Toni says, taking her bags and helping her toward her front door.
“Hey, Miss Dainty,” I say, following them. “How are you today?” Miss Dainty pats Toni’s hand and gives her a kiss on the cheek when Toni takes the keys off her and opens the door and walks straight in, taking them into the kitchen. Miss Dainty has been here for years, way before Jace and me, and she is one of the nicest ladies I have ever come across. Toni loves her dearly and always wants to help her. I always tell her if she needs help with shopping, I will come with her, but she doesn’t like to bug anyone.
I stand at Miss Dainty’s door while Toni takes the shopping in. Miss Dainty stands next to the door opposite me.
“How are you feeling now, my dear. I was worried about you last night,” she says, frowning.
“I’m fine, what makes you think I wasn’t?” I question, offering her a smile.
“Cash stopped by here last night to get the spare key, and he looked worried out of his mind.” Toni peeks around from behind Miss Dainty, her lips thinned, holding her laugh back.
“I was feeling a little unwell. Cash overreacted a little. I’m fine, Miss Dainty.” I smile sweetly at her.
“He’s a sweet man, that Cash. Making sure you’re okay, it’s lovely of him,” she says with a big smile.
“Oh, Cash made sure Rylee was feeling perky as ever before he left, Miss Dainty.” Toni walks out, shrugging while giving Miss Dainty a sweet smile.
“We need to be going now, Miss Dainty,” I say grabbing Toni’s arm. “If you need me to help with shopping, please do let me know in the future, I don’t want you struggling.” I place a kiss on her head.
“I know, dear, but I like to get some fresh air.”
“Okay, well, so do I, so I will come with you next time.” I offer her smile as I drag Toni toward the stairs, deciding I don’t now want to wait for the elevator.
“Have a lovely day, ladies.”
“You too, Miss Dainty,” Toni and I say at the same time.
As we walk down the stairs, Miss Dainty shouts, “Oh, and Rylee, can you ask Cash to drop the key back when you see him.”
“Of course, I will,” I shout back. The fucking dick. Toni giggles as we jog down the stairs.
“Not a fucking word.”
“I bet you feel right as rain now, don’t you.” She laughs.
“Of course, you couldn’t just leave it, could you.”
“Cash is smooth, I will give him that,” Toni says as we exit the building.
“Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about you, missy. I want to know everything between you and—Oh, actually who is it? Do I know them?”
“Kaleb Hawks.” She smirks as we get into her car. Why do I recognize the name?
“That name . . .” I squint. “Oh my God! That hottie from last night that won the auction.” I stare at her wide-eyed.
“Yup.” She smiles as she starts the car and heads to the store.
“So, was that your date, or . . .?”
“Do I look like a hoe?” Her eyes flit from me to the road.
I smirk at her. “Do I answer that, or . . .?”
“You bitch.” She laughs. “No, it’s not the date, just a tester, if you will,” she says, waving her hand around like she always does. We burst out laughing.
“He did look a bit young from what I saw. How old is he?”
“Our age. Well, my age,” she says.
“Thank you for correcting that.”
“Bitch. You are only a couple of years younger; it will be your thirtieth before you know it.”
“Eww, please don’t.” I snap.
I side-eye her. “Mmm, so he’s twenty-nine?”
She nods. “Yep. How old did you think he was?” I think back to last night, but I didn’t see him that well.
“I don’t know, it was only a glimpse really, but like twenty?”
Toni lets out a loud laugh. “What twenty-year-old has 15,000 dollars to be spending on a date, Ry, come on.”
I glare at her. “What twenty-nine-year-old has that, Ton.”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, but I will go on the date with him to find out.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “He’s not in town for long anyway, he’s here on work.”
“Well, didn’t he tell you what he does?”
“Do you think I was worried about what he does for work when his tongue was working its magic like he was a professional porn star.” She glances at me, one eyebrow raised.
“Exactly,” she says when I don’t answer her.
“So, when’s the date?” I question, staring out the window, watching the world go by.
“I think he said he goes back home next Saturday, so I think we are going out on Friday.”
“And where is his home?”
“Michigan.”
“Interesting,” I say.
“It is, first Michigan boy I’ve fucked, and I have to say, it was ten out of ten.”
My eyes go wide. “You have never said a guy is a ten out of ten. What the fuck?”
“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if his full-time job is being a porn star. It was fucking amazing.” Her eyes roll to the back of her head as the car swerves a bit.
“Okay, eyes on the road. You can have flashbacks later,” I say, holding onto the dashboard.
“So do you think you may actually miss him . . . or his dick or whatever when he goes back to Michigan.”
She bites her lip, thinking about it.
“Him, nah. His dick.” She pauses and looks over at me. “I will weep into my pillow every night,” she says straight-faced.
I burst out laughing. “Wow, that must have been some good dick.”
She groans. “You have no idea.”
“Let’s not even talk about dicks anymore.” The thought of going into a shop at my big old age of twenty-seven for Plan B makes me want to cry. “I want to get this over with.” I sigh.
Chapter thirty-one
Rylee
“I mean, if you tell me the rough size, I can go grab some for you while you get the pill,” Toni says.
“I want to think you’re just helping, but I know this is just to get out of me how big Cash’s dick is.”
She huffs and rolls her eyes. “You’re such a spoilsport. I tell you the size of all dicks I encounter without you even having to ask.”
I place my hand on my heart and gasp. “And I’m so lucky for that.” I roll my eyes, then turn around to make sure there is no one I know nearby.
“Rylee, let me get this. You go browse, get those condoms you need.” She offers me a small smile. She knows what I’m thinking without me even trying to give her any hints. Imagine what people would think if they saw me buying Plan B when I only lost Jace at the beginning of the year.
“Are you sure.”
“Of course, my baby. I got you always, you know that.” I walk away from Toni and browse the aisles. I get to the condom section, and there has to be at least twenty options. Do girls buy these; I’ve never done this before. What if Cash thinks I’m weird for buying them. What if Toni is right and he has this breeding thing. Oh God. I pick a pack up and examine the picture on the front, it has bumps on it. Why does it have bumps on it? “‘For intense pleasure. You won’t even know a condom is on.’”
“Rylee.” My heart sinks. I stay looking down at the box, not wanting to turn around.
“Ry.” I feel a tug on my arm as I turn around, and there stands Boh, staring at me, and then his eyes flick to the box of condoms in my hand. I feel my cheeks redden, and my heart thumps out of my chest. How do I explain this?
“It’s not what it looks like, Boh,” I blurt. But it is what it looks like, but I can’t lose him. I can’t have him thinking I’m a piece of shit, even if I am one in hiding. His eyes flick from me to the box again.
“I’m not judging. You’re single now,” he says without a smile. I stand there quiet, not knowing what to say.
“Who’s the guy, then? He should be buying these, not you.” He has a slight bite to his tone.
“I—Uh.”
“There you are,” Toni says from behind me. “Oh, hey, Boh,” she says way too excited.
“You found them. Thank you, baby.” She takes the box of condoms out of my hand. “Just doing the weekly shopping.” She winks at Boh, waving around the Plan B in one hand and the condoms in the other. The weekly shopping? Is she okay?
“You ready.” She eyes me, not looking the least bit embarrassed that she referred to Plan B and condoms as the weekly shopping. Boh’s shoulders drop, and he smirks. They all know what Toni is like, so this all looks and sounds believable.
“Good night, Toni.” Boh laughs.
“Always. Boh. Always,” she says.
Boh nods, still laughing. “Well, I’ll let you ladies get back to it.” He starts to walk away. “Oh, Ry.” I stop and turn slightly to face him. “You still coming to Cash’s for Thanksgiving dinner?”
“Uh, yes, of course. Wouldn’t miss it.” I muster up a smile.
“See you then.” Boh gives us a wave and walks away. My heart feels like it’s about to thump up my throat and fly from my mouth. Even though Toni saved me, I still feel like every single lie was written all over my face in Sharpie. Toni links her arm through mine, pulling me along and dumping the condoms at the end of the aisle. I let her drag me out, still picturing Boh’s face and how disappointed or annoyed he looked. I’m not sure, he’s never given me that face before. My face must say it all.
“Don’t you dare get inside that head,” Toni says still dragging me through Walmart.
“Just get me out of here,” I say, feeling like the weight of the world has placed itself firmly on my shoulders again.
“I really don’t know if I can continue this with Cash.” I may cry at any minute. My emotions are all over the place since seeing Boh. I can’t stop thinking about his face, if he looks at me like that, imagine how others will look at me, or worse, say to my face.
“I told you in the car on the way home, Boh didn’t suspect anything. He thought it was all me.” Toni has a slight frown on her face.
“I know he did, but you didn’t see his face when he thought they were mine.” I pick at the nonexistent lint on my trousers. “He was so disappointed, and that’s with him thinking it’s a random guy, imagine if he found out it was his brother.”
“Then that is a Bohdi problem, not a you problem,” she states, eyes narrowed.
“What have I told you since we were young. Fuck what people think, Rylee. Fuck what Boh thinks, fuck what Bridget thinks, fuck what I think, fuck what Miss Dainty thinks, fuck what the dog next door thinks.” I chuckle. “Your feelings are all that matters.” She grabs my hand. “I get you don’t want to hurt other people because that’s the kind of person you are, but you have been and are still going through one of the hardest years of your life. Who are they to tell you not to be with someone who makes you smile again.”
She grabs my cheeks, making me look her in the eye. “Because if anyone in this life deserves to smile again, it’s you. It’s too beautiful to hide away.” I smile as tears well in my eyes. She wipes under my eyes, catching the stray tears before they fall. “It’s time to put yourself first, Rylee,” she says, smiling and bringing me in for a cuddle. “If anyone takes that smile away, I will kill them,” she whispers into my ear, holding me tight. The joke is, I don’t doubt that for a second.
Chapter thirty-two
Rylee
Thanksgiving
“Rylee!” Bridget squeals as I walk into Cash’s house. Bridge offered to pick me up, but I told her I was with Toni, so I would come by after, as I knew she was here helping Cash get the food set up.
“Hey, Bridge.” It’s Thanksgiving, and I knew Bridge wouldn’t let me have it anywhere else but with her and the family. Toni said I could go to her mom’s, but I wanted to be with the Stiles’ family this year. It only felt right to spend the first one without Jace with them.
I give Bridge a tight squeeze before following her into the house. We’re having it at Cash’s, as he has the bigger place, so it made sense. This will be the first time I have been around Bridge and Boh since having sex with Cash, and I’m anxious. I feel like it’s written all over my face. “I fucked Cash, I’m a piece of shit.” I even practiced in the mirror to see what my face may look like seeing Bridge. It’s made me crazy over the last few weeks. Cash laughed at me every time I would have a meltdown about it.
It’s weird because we haven’t spoken about what is going on between us. We haven’t spoken about telling anyone. Not that I’m in a rush to, but the more time I spend with him, the more I fall for him and the deeper it gets. I have seen Cash every week since the night of the ball, and each time, we can’t keep our hands off each other. I mostly come here, and I think he has fucked me over every surface in this house.
The minute I see him, my stomach somersaults. He has his back to me, fussing over some food in the kitchen. My heart races and my legs feel like jelly. I can’t explain it, but whatever this high is, I never want to come down from it. It scares me because it’s a high I want forever, and the thought of losing it is a sucker punch to the stomach.
There have been a few close calls with Bohdi. I spoke to Cash regarding him, but Cash has been avoiding him. Bridge had asked me over the phone why I left abruptly the night of the ball, so I said I felt sick and thought it was best to go home. I don’t know what Cash said, but to be honest, the more I don’t know, the better. I’ve never been able to lie.
“Hey, Bohdi,” I say as I walk into the kitchen. Bridge walks over to the stove and fusses with some of the food.
“Ry. You okay?” He smiles, not his usual smile though. I wish I knew what was wrong with him. He used to text me, but I haven’t spoken to him since the day after the ball when I bumped into him. I offer him a smile, trying to brush off the niggling feeling that something isn’t right.
“Much better now I’ve seen you.” I nudge his arm, trying to fall back into our fun banter, but he gives me a tight-lipped smile. He hugs me, but it resembles one of those hugs you give someone you just met. He goes to turn around, and I grab his arm.
“Boh, can I talk to you a minute.” He squints at me and then nods before walking out of the kitchen. Cash is nowhere to be seen, which I’m glad for the moment, because I need no distractions before talking to Boh. As we turn the corner into the living room, I stop him.
“Hey, what’s up?”
He examines my face before letting out a big sigh. “Nothing.” He offers me a tight-lipped smile again.
“Boh, I know you. Something isn’t right. Talk to me?” I plead with my eyes.
His eyes flick between mine. “You would always tell me the truth, wouldn’t you?” His eyebrows draw downward. Why is he asking me this?
I nod and gulp, trying to plaster on a smile that says anything but the truth.
“Cash has been different . . . with you.” Shit. Fuck.
“What do you mean.” I frown, bringing my hands out in front of me and picking at the skin on my nail. Anything to ground this feeling right now.
“More protective, around you a lot. Since Jace, he’s just been different, and it’s a bit weird.” He frowns toward the floor and places his hands in his pockets.
“I think it’s just the James thing, with what James told me. He doesn’t want James doing it again.” I blabber, praying that Boh drops it. If he asks me to my face, I don’t know if I can lie to him. My face will say it all. I’m already getting hot.
“Rylee.”
I glance up and lock eyes with him. Oh no.
“Is anything going on—”
“Rylee, when did you get here?” Cash appears from behind Boh, walking over to me and giving me a kiss on my cheek.
My eyes flick from Cash to Boh. Boh’s jaw tenses right before he nods a few times and walks back to the kitchen. He knows. He has to.
“Cash,” I say, my eyes filling with tears.
“It’s okay, he didn’t ask. It’s okay,” Cash says, pushing my hair back from my face and cupping my cheeks.
I step back from him. “Don’t.” I put my hand out in front of me, glancing around, worried Boh or Bridge are watching.
“I stopped him from asking you. It’s okay.” He frowns.
“Were you listening?” I ask.
He nods. “I was worried he may ask. Every time your name is mentioned, he looks at me. He’s barely talking to me at the moment,” he mumbles, then takes a deep breath. “I think he knows.”
“And now he hates me. He can barely even hug me anymore.” My heart beats out of my chest, and I feel like a panic attack may set in any minute. My chest tightens.
“Calm down.” Cash pulls my arm, and I yank it away. If he wasn’t so fucking obvious, Boh might have never caught on.
“This is your fault,” I grit out. “Don’t talk or look at me for the rest of night. I mean it.” I point at him. “I need to work out what to do about Boh. He means too much to me,” I say as I go to walk past him. He grabs my bicep. I glance up at his face and relax at the way his eyebrows are drawn down. “What, and I don’t?” he questions.
“Please just leave it for now.” I walk away feeling like shit and the ache starts back up in my chest again.
“The food is great, Bridge,” I say glancing sideways to her with a smile while cutting into my pork.
“Thank you, Ry,” she says, bunching her shoulders up. The table is oddly silent, and I am doing all I can to avoid looking in Cash’s direction. His stare is burning a hole into the side of my face. The only noise is the TV in the background. Bridge is squinting while looking between Boh and Cash. Boh is pushing around the food on his plate.
