The Scandal You Started, page 20
If Rayna was set on drawing a line between them, if she cared more for her job than she did for him, if she didn’t wish to be his, then he couldn’t go about trying to convince her any longer.
He wanted her to want him willingly.
But she wasn’t willing. At least, she didn’t want to be. And he no longer saw how he could persuade her to be.
“Say it,” he prompted. “Refuse me.”
Her lips parted. “I…”
“Say you do not want me.”
“I don’t…”
She stopped. Gritted her teeth. Curled her hands into fists. And Dominic braced himself for the blow she was soon to land.
“I don’t want you.”
It was quiet, but it was definite.
It was the end.
With an agonising burn in his chest, he flashed her a ghost of a smile. “Then that settles that.” He stepped back. “I shan’t bother you further.”
And he left with what frayed pieces of his heart were still intact.
Chapter 25
Rayna
It was for the best.
He’d understand soon why I did it.
Rejecting him was the right thing to do.
Rayna kept telling herself these things over and over again, hoping the lie she’d told Dominic would soon feel like the truth. But no matter how angry she got with herself, no matter how many disastrous endings she came up with had she not rejected him, the heavy feeling that she’d done the wrong thing pressed down on her stomach constantly.
She’d hurt him. Badly. Enough to make him give up.
That was what she’d wanted. But now that she’d achieved it, she hated it.
She hated how differently he was treating her.
His silence around her. His downcast gaze. The lack of sneaky touches when he helped her with chores. His absence the moment he no longer needed to be in her presence.
Only on Tuesday through to Thursday, when they’d been at the museum, working on the letters with Cassie, Matt, and Hania, had he seemed more like himself. With them. Not her.
Rayna told herself it was because she wasn’t used to him acting like so, that was why it bothered her. She told herself she’d eventually be fine with it and wouldn’t care soon. But all the while, the churning discomfort in her belly began feeling more like anxiety.
I don’t like this. I hate it. This isn’t what I wanted.
But it was what she would have to accept. She had to…didn’t she?
What he’d offered her—no consequences, no one discovering them, nothing but a temporary secret—that was too good to be true, wasn’t it?
It didn’t matter anymore, though. She’d pushed him away, so now she’d never find out.
But the distance she’d forced between them made her hyperaware of his every move. Maybe that was why on Thursday evening, while they were eating dinner at the small, square table, something about his silence felt off.
She’d made steak and chips with a salad. None of it was spicy, and she hadn’t added anything he didn’t like, yet he kept clearing his throat and taking sips of water as if in discomfort. Plus, there was a slight strain between his brows and a faint pinkness under his skin. Neither of which were normally there.
Rayna lowered a forkful of steak from her open mouth when Dominic cleared his throat for the dozenth time and reached for his glass of water. Pressing her lips together, she watched his left eye give the slightest wince as he swallowed the liquid before he placed the glass down.
“Is something wrong?” she muttered.
“No,” he replied without lifting his gaze from his plate.
“Do you not like what I made?”
He pressed a forkful of steak into a thick chip. “I do.”
“Then what’s—”
His head snapped up. “There is nothing wrong.”
She blinked, taken aback by his abruptness. It might have angered her if she hadn’t noticed the weary droop to his eyes. He looked exhausted as if…
“Dominic, are you not feeling well?” she asked, placing her knife and fork on her plate of half-eaten food.
He lowered his thick fans of lashes. “I am well,” he muttered and chomped down on the fork.
She shuffled forward on her chair and moved the back of her hand towards his forehead. “Let me check—”
But he dodged her fingers. She stared agape as he finished chewing.
“I said I am well.”
“Then let me check you are.”
“You do not need to.”
“What the—” She cut off, and the crevice between her brows deepened. “Yes, I do. I have a duty of care to you as your—”
“Guardian.” His amber-ringed eyes pierced into hers. “Yes, I’m aware.”
She ignored the stab of discomfort between her ribs and sat taller. “Then let me check, Dominic. Because if you’re sick, I need to tell Ash.”
“There is no need. I am fine.”
“No, you’re not,” she snapped. “I can see you’re not, so why are you lying?”
His lips curled in a small smirk that threw her off. “You do not believe me?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, then…take my word as I took yours. I am fine.”
With that, he forked the last chip on his plate into his mouth, finished his water, and picked up his stuff. After placing everything in the sink, he left.
Rayna had wanted to chase Dominic and yell at him for being so stupid and comparing how she’d lied about wanting him to the way he was lying about not being ill.
In hindsight, she should have. A Study falling sick could potentially escalate into a serious issue, and as his Guardian, she should have been more adamant about checking him as she would have been with another.
Instead, not having the energy to butt heads with him, she decided to force the subject again in the morning and assess his condition properly.
But the following day, Rayna was almost finished preparing breakfast, yet Dominic hadn’t made an appearance. She even woke up a little earlier to try to catch him before he went for a swim, but she’d neither seen him leave nor return through the garden doors.
When the kettle went off with a flood of steam, her hand reached to pick it up, but her frown moved to the archway, waiting for his entrance.
A few seconds passed.
Nothing.
Not the creak of the third step from the bottom to let her know he was coming down the stairs. Nor the faint patter of movement on the floorboards above to at least tell her he was awake.
Something’s wrong.
Abandoning the kettle, Rayna headed out into the corridor and up the stairs, swiftly passing her room and stopping before Dominic’s closed door.
She rapped her knuckles against the rustic wood twice. “Dominic?”
No answer.
Which meant he was either in the bathroom, still asleep, or dying on the bed from sickness.
On the sure gut feeling it was the latter, she pushed on the handle, opening the door.
The navy curtains of the two windows opposite were still drawn. But the light from behind her and little glimmers from the sides of the drapes illuminated the queen-size bed tucked in the right corner against the ensuite wall just before the built-in cupboard alcove.
Rayna’s heart plunged to the pit of her stomach.
“Dominic,” she uttered in a panic and ate up the strides towards his bed.
He lay sprawled on his back, his head turned away from her, the blanket tangled around his hips. His T-shirt had ridden up his abdomen where one hand rested, his skin coated in a damp sheen. Other than his rasping breaths, coming strained and slow, he was entirely unresponsive to the sound of his name.
“Dominic,” she called again. “Bloody woods. Dominic.”
From close up, she could see he was trembling even though he was sweating a lot. His lashes flickered weakly upon hearing his name the third time.
Bending over him, she pressed the back of her fingers to his neck and swore under her breath.
He let out a shuddering exhale at her touch and began rotating his head, his hair slick and spiking in different directions. His eyes were barely open a sliver. “Rayna…” he croaked.
“You’re burning up,” she said.
“I’m fine,” he whispered, moving his trembling hand from his stomach towards her fingers.
“No, you’re not fine, you idiot. You’re ill,” she bit out. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call for me? This is why—fuck, wait there.”
She went straight to the bathroom and came back out with a digital thermometer and a cold, wet flannel just wrung enough so it wasn’t dripping over the latte carpet.
“Keep still,” she said after powering the device on, then held it to his forehead.
“Nothing wrong,” he rasped just as the thermometer beeped.
“What the fuck do you mean nothing wrong?” She showed him the digital face. “You have close to a thirty-nine-degree fever, Dominic. Any higher, and I would have had to rush you to the lab infirmary.”
He made a gruff sound of complaint. “Too loud.”
A pang of sympathy echoed in her chest, but she was bloody annoyed with him, annoyed with herself too for not having investigated the signs she’d seen last night further. She shouldn’t have let him leave like that. He’d spent the whole night suffering because she had.
“Good,” she grumbled quietly and placed the thermometer on his bedside cabinet by a lamp, clock, and half a bottle of water. “This is your own fault. You shouldn’t have been so stubborn last night.” She sat herself on a bent knee beside him, spreading the flannel open over one palm. “I could’ve given you some medicine, and you wouldn’t be feeling so shit right now.”
She went to press the wet cloth to his face, but he caught her wrist and stopped her.
Dominic gave a small shake of his head. “No.”
“What do you mean, no? I need to wipe you down and then strip you out of your clothes. Now.”
She tried to pull his hand off, but his shaking fingers squeezed her wrist. “I do not want you to touch me.”
For some reason, his statement made her skin sting in anger. “Stop being ridiculous. It’s my responsibility to take care of you, and I have to touch you to do that.”
“No. I do not want…to be your responsibility.”
“Well, you are.”
“No. Please.” His gravelly voice cracked on his plea.
A set of sharp claws dug into Rayna’s chest, curling into the muscle behind her rib cage.
It wasn’t guilt, not quite sympathy either. It almost kind of hurt, but she couldn’t explain why. Only it made her shoulders fall and mouth twist to the side as she stared at the pained pinch between his thick brows.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But I have to. Even if it’s against your consent.”
“Ray—”
“Just this once. It’ll make you feel a bit better.”
She unfastened his fingers from her wrist and kept hold of his hand as she pressed the towel to his forehead, covering his eyes. He released a rough, shuddering exhale, his fingers curling over hers, and she wiped down his temple and around the side of his whiskered face.
“This is not making me feel better,” he whispered when she dragged the flannel down the other side. “It is torture. I wish for it to end.” She wiped over his reddened ear and behind it. “I wish you had not seen me so.” She patted along the line of his jaw. “I wish you were not my Guardian.” And wiped his other ear. “I wish…I wish not for this.”
Rayna drew the cloth down his neck, holding it against each bit of skin for a few seconds before moving to a new area. She stared into the thin glimpse of his stunning irises.
Maybe it was what he said, the way he was watching her, his vulnerability, or the fact his exhaustion resonated through the marrow of her bones, but…
I didn’t wish for this either.
And upon that one single, aligned thought, all the words—that feeling she’d locked behind chains a few days ago, swearing she’d never unlock it—clanked undone and poured forth.
Except no panic rose and gripped her by the throat. Rather, the churn of discomfort was gone from her belly, and a serenity took its place.
“You think this has been easy for me?” she heard herself mutter.
The only sign of surprise from him was the twitch of his fingers around hers.
Leaning over him, she rubbed the flannel down his arm. “Do you think it was easy, realising I was attracted to a Study even though I knew I shouldn’t be? When it’s never happened before. Because I’ve never failed to be professional while doing my job. Ever. But you…”
She wiped his individual fingers. “You made it fucking impossible, Dominic.” Cleaning his palm, she forced herself to meet his unmoving stare. “Every boundary I tried to set, you just walked right through it like some indestructible bear.”
Her skin warmed under the intensity of his gaze. “Every time you touched me, every time you looked at me, all fucking horny, all those shameless erections when I hadn’t even touched you.” She grew more frustrated with each thing she listed. “All those loud laughs, and your curiosity, and conversations. Your stupid compliments, sneaking into my room every night, and just constantly being affectionate. Gosh, you’ve been so fucking relentless.”
Rayna exhaled before wiping back up his arm. Then she moved onto the arm of the hand she held but stopped halfway when his fingers clamped around hers.
“I cannot apologise for it,” he mumbled. “Even if you want me to, I cannot. I would not mean it.”
She flashed him an annoyed little smile. “Yeah, I know, you persistent idiot. But don’t act like this was easy for me. It wasn’t—it isn’t. Knowing you’re a Study…but wanting you anyway.”
Gulping, she tried not to shift in discomfort under the knowledge that she’d admitted something she wasn’t supposed to. Unable to take his silence, she focused on flipping the flannel in half with one hand.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I…don’t know,” she admitted, then placed the cloth on his exposed abdomen. She couldn’t help noticing there were no defined lines of abs, only one flat plain with a sharp V cut into it.
With a low gasp, Dominic jerked, and his stomach contracted under her touch.
Her attention snapped up. “Did that hurt?”
“No. It is cold.”
She held the cloth there for a few seconds, letting his flushed skin adjust to the cool dampness. Then the quiet rustle of her wiping his torso up under his T-shirt and his shaky breaths filled the gap in their conversation.
“Is it because I am ailing?” he said. “Are you taking pity on me?”
Rayna huffed an amused sound. “I’m not nice enough to offer you pity for being sick when it’s your own fault for not admitting you were last night.”
“Then why, Rayna?” His eyes took on a miserable glow. “Do not taunt me with hope if nothing is to come of this.”
She thought over her answer as she dragged her hand out from under his T-shirt. “I’m tired, Dominic. These last few days were exhausting, and last week was just as bad. I kept convincing myself it was the right thing to do, but nothing about it actually felt right.
“Meeting Jake proved there was nothing between us, and I felt stupid because it just became more obvious how I wanted you. And then I kissed you, and I…I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.”
It didn’t help that Erin and Kelly had told her what Monty had said, according to George. She kept wondering if it meant what her best friends had suggested, rather than what she’d thought.
What if she’d exaggerated the repercussions in her mind, and in actual fact, she wouldn’t be throwing away her job if Dominic joined her in her bed, with no lines drawn this time? As long as he went back to his time, maybe everything would be fine if they behaved like a man and woman who wanted each other behind closed doors, rather than as Study and Guardian.
“I still don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted. “But I can’t pretend I don’t want you anymore.”
He released a rough, choked sound. “Ray—”
“But there have to be rules.”
“Anything,” he said desperately and pressed her palm flat over his thumping heart. “Anything you want.”
“You don’t know what the rules are.”
“It does not matter. I accept.”
She cocked her chin. “I’m paying for everything then, and you can’t argue about it ever again.”
The glow on his face evaporated. “No. Not that.”
“But you said anything.”
“Almost anything.”
A chuckle burst from her, and she shook her head at the way he so quickly amended what he’d said. Stupid man.
Except when she felt the weight of his pawing stare, her amusement faded, and a blush warmed her cheeks. “What?”
One corner of his mouth pulled up. “It has been far too long since I was last gifted with the sound of your laughter.”
“Right back at it, aren’t you?” she grumbled the playful accusation. “Even in this state.”
“With you, sweetheart?” His gorgeous smile widened. “Even on my deathbed.”
Rayna scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Well, you currently look like it, so you’re not far off there.” Then she dragged her hand from his and climbed further onto the bed until she was kneeling with her knees bracketing one of his thighs. “Come on. I need you to sit up so I can take your T-shirt off and wipe you down some more.”
“I am being tortured by a little witch,” he whispered gruffly.
But it wasn’t the wounded kind of torture anymore. It was light-hearted and suggestive. It sounded more like him. And Rayna couldn’t put into words how glad she was for it.
Gosh, she’d missed him. More than she cared to admit.
Chapter 26
Dominic
Dominic stirred awake with a heavy exhale, blinking tiredly into the darkness shrouding his bedroom. He swallowed around the slight rawness in his throat, not nearly as bad as it had been the past few days, but he required water to soothe it.
