Alpha's Obedience, page 18
He waited till he was certain Palani had left, then let out a groan of frustration. What the hell was going on? Sivney wanted to move out and hadn't told him? He'd tolerated this weird estrangement between them for three days now, but this was it. He needed to know where he'd fucked up because this was driving him crazy.
It took two hours before Sivney came back—something else that he would've never done until a few days ago. Naran waited till he heard the omega put his daughter in her crib, and then he knocked on the wall. When after a minute Sivney still hadn't appeared, his heart dropped. Seriously? Sivney didn't even want to talk to him anymore?
He'd give it one more shot, and so he knocked again. This time, the room next door opened, and soft footsteps came down the hallway.
"Do you need anything?" Sivney asked.
Naran took a deep breath. "Yes. I need you to sit your ass down and tell me what the fuck is going on."
To his credit, Sivney didn't pretend as if he didn't know what Naran was talking about, and he lowered himself into the chair, though he said nothing.
Naran had never found himself more willing to plead than he was now. "I’m sure I did something wrong, but you'll have to tell me what it is because I've been going over it in my head, and I can't figure it out. What happened? Did I offend you somehow? Did I do or say something wrong?"
"So you noticed, huh?" Sivney said.
"That you practically disappeared? Damn right, I did. I missed you."
He hadn't even realized how true that was until he said it, but that was why it had hurt so much. He had missed him. Without Sivney, it was like all the sunshine had disappeared, like the light had been removed and all that was left was darkness. Huh, how about that? He must’ve grown even more attached to him than he’d been aware of.
"I didn't think you would now that you and Lev are back together."
Naran blinked. "What?"
"I saw the two of you in bed. I wanted to give you some space to talk things through together.”
In that moment, some surprising truths registered with Naran. The first was that Sivney said one thing, but his face said something else. His words expressed happiness that Naran and Lev were working things out, but his body language showed no joy at all.
The second truth was that he was strangely relieved that Sivney was upset about him and Lev. He filed away that as something he would have to think about later in more detail. And the third, and definitely the most surprising truth, was that he was more upset about Sivney not talking to him than about Lev distancing himself. Lev would think things through and come back, but with Sivney, it wasn’t so easy.
"Lev and I are not back together," he said quietly.
"But I saw you in his room, in his bed."
"You saw us do what? Sleeping, right? Fully dressed."
Sivney looked puzzled. "Well, yes, but—"
"Lev had a nightmare," Naran said. "It woke me up, and when I heard him crying out, I knew he needed me. So I hoisted myself into my wheelchair and managed to get to his room. He was upset when he came out of it and asked me to stay with him. So I did, but it changes nothing between us. In fact, he left that morning before I woke up, and I haven't seen him since. Coincidently, I've also barely seen you."
"But he was supposed to help you shower…"
Naran's jaw tightened. "Yeah, I heard you two argue over who would have to do that. Not very good for my ego, I'll be honest."
Sivney looked away, his cheeks reddening. "I didn't know you heard us."
"You may want to remember for next time how thin the walls are. But let's get back to the original topic. Even if Lev and I were back together again, why would that mean you'd have to move out?"
Sivney shuffled his feet on the hardwood floor. "It's the whole reason I moved in. To bring the two of you back together. I figured I had succeeded and you wouldn't need me anymore. Nobody likes being the third wheel, you know."
"Sivney, honey, nothing you're saying makes sense. Why would you be the third wheel? You belong here just as much as…"
He stopped talking. What was he saying? That Sivney belonged with him as much as Lev did? Did he? Naran had lost all hope of ever mending things with Lev after the boy's hateful rant in the car. The idea of Lev belonging with him was one he'd never dared to voice, not even to himself. But now that Sivney had brought it up, he realized it was what he wanted more than anything. Except, it wasn't only Lev he wanted.
“Holy shit,” he said slowly as the puzzle pieces clicked. “When did that happen?”
He looked up to find Sivney watching him, looking bewildered. No wonder; he had no clue where Naran’s thoughts had gone to. How had he not realized this before? It all made sense now, though he had no idea how this could possibly work out.
“Care to enlighten me?” the omega asked.
Naran hesitated. “Not yet. I have some stuff I need to think about. But please, firecracker, stop thinking of yourself as a third wheel. You’re not. I want you here, and I’m confident Lev feels the same way.”
“Are you sure?” Sivney asked in a small voice, and Naran had never seen him so insecure.
“One hundred percent,” he said. “I missed you and your sweet girl too. Why don’t you bring her here so I can hold her for a bit?”
Sivney’s face lit up. “You want that? She’s sleeping, though. I just fed her.”
“I love watching her sleep.”
Sivney hurried out the room and after what seemed less than a minute, came back with a sleeping Abigail, who was making little smacking sounds with her mouth. Naran reached for her, and a sigh of contentment left him as he held her close to his chest. Sivney watched them for a bit. Then he yawned.
“Tired?” Naran asked.
The omega nodded. “The joys of single fatherhood.”
“Why don’t you take a nap, then? She’s going to be sleeping anyway.”
“That was the plan until you knocked on the wall.”
Naran smiled. This was perfect. “Come sleep here,” he said, petting the empty space next to him. “I’ll wake you when she wakes up.”
He expected Sivney to protest, but the omega looked at him, nodded, then kicked off his shoes and plopped down onto the bed. He rolled onto his side, facing Naran, curled up, and within seconds, was deep asleep. And as Naran watched both the sweet baby and her daddy sleep, he had a lot of time to think.
26
Sivney was jittery that whole day, the combination of nerves, excitement, and fear making him on edge. To hear all the stories about shifting was one thing, but that night, he'd be able to see it for himself. Wolves. There would be actual wolves. And every time he tried to wrap his mind around that, he came up short.
"I'm right there with you," Naran said when Sivney brought it up.
Things had changed between them after Sivney had fallen asleep on the alpha's bed the day before. He wasn't sure what had been going through Naran's mind when he'd made those mysterious statements about Sivney belonging there, but the man's reaction had at least given him hope that he wanted him there. For now, he'd stay, but at the first sign that he was the third wheel, he was out.
"So you've never seen them shift either," Sivney said.
They were eating lunch, and much to Sivney's surprise, Lev had joined them. In fact, he had made the lunch, a delicious creamy tomato soup accompanied by slices of rustic bread with thick butter mixed with herbs and garlic. Sivney had never thought of himself as a bad cook, more like an average one, but Lev put him to shame, that was certain.
"No," Naran said. "They haven't shifted recently, and before that, I wasn't able to attend the pack meetings."
"You mean they didn't invite you," Sivney said, his tone sharp.
Naran smiled. "Let's say it was a combination of me being a stubborn ass and them being easily persuaded to leave said ass alone."
"Yeah, I figured, but they could have tried harder."
"So could I," Naran said softly, and that was the first time he'd admitted as much. "You can't put all the blame on them, firecracker."
"Oh, I know. Trust me, I'm well aware of how difficult you can be. But they had a responsibility too, and they failed you."
Naran leaned in, grabbed Sivney's neck, and pulled him in. He pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. "Any man who has you in his corner is a lucky man."
Sivney blinked a few times after Naran had let him go again. "That sounds suspiciously like a compliment. Who are you and what the hell have you done with Naran?"
The alpha looked away, fidgeting with his hands. "Can't a man say something nice without being attacked for it?"
Sivney could say a lot about that, but he swallowed it back. Naran's change was a little unnerving, but it wasn't unwelcome.
"Do you need my help to get to the meeting tonight?" Lev asked Naran, and Sivney almost dropped his spoon. What alternative universe had he landed in now? Since when did Lev directly address Naran, and even more, since when did he voluntarily offer to help? What was going on here?
"I'd much appreciate that," Naran said. "Thank you, Lev."
There had been a slight hesitation before he'd said his name, as if he'd wanted to say something else and had changed his mind. Sivney mentally shook his head. Maybe the upcoming pack meeting and shifting were making everyone crazy because those two were not on normal behavior. It wasn't like he could complain about the change, since it was an improvement, but man, give a guy a warning. He had no idea what was going on.
"Maybe Lev can tell us what to expect. He's the only one of us who has seen them shift," Naran said, and his voice was so friendly that Sivney almost wanted to pinch himself to make certain he wasn't stuck in some weird dream.
Lev nodded. "The shifting itself is the most unbelievable, incredible sight you'll ever see in your life. One second, men are standing in front of you, and the next, they’re wolves. And you recognize them. That was the most amazing thing, that I knew who Lidon was. Well, I guess he's easy because he's by far the biggest wolf of them all, but the others were recognizable as well. Vieno is this beautiful white wolf, and Palani is always by Lidon's side. And Enar…"
Lev's voice sounded like he was choked up, and Sivney looked up from his bowl of soup. Why would Lev get emotional over Enar? Oh, wait. "When they're in wolf form, can you see who's an alpha, beta, or an omega?"
Lev nodded.
It clicked for Sivney, and he understood Lev's feelings because they welled up inside him as well. "Enar is a beta wolf," he said.
"He is," Lev whispered. Something more showed on his face than him being emotional on Enar's behalf. Sivney studied him, trying to pinpoint what it was he was seeing. He was struggling with something, but with what?
"That must've been a deeply special moment for him, that first shift," Naran said, and Lev's expression changed.
"It's still not clear to me who can shift," Sivney said. "Because from what I heard, not every pack member can shift. Right?"
"Erm, yeah. It has to do with… You have to be in a relationship," Lev stammered.
Sivney frowned. "That's it? So as soon as you're seeing another pack member, you can shift? That doesn't sound very spiritual or you know, mystical."
Naran chuckled. "There is a little more to it than that. What Lev was trying to say is that only pack members who are in a poly relationship with their fated mates can shift."
"Whoa," Sivney said. "Back up there for a second. You're telling me that you are required to be in a poly relationship? What if that's not what you want?"
Naran held his hands up in mock surrender. "I'm only the messenger here. That's what I've been told. Palani said their research showed that the shifter gene or whatever it's called is triggered by the poly relationship."
"At first, they weren’t sure if having a relationship was enough," Lev said. "They thought that you needed to be alpha claimed to shift."
Sivney's head dazzled. "Alpha claimed? Are you telling me that all the threesomes here on the ranch have been forged by alpha claiming? That's a pretty old-fashioned way. Also really definite."
No way in hell he would ever allow an alpha to alpha claim him. By doing that, he’d surrender everything, and the alpha would have full rights over him for the rest of his life. Hell, for the rest of both their live because the two would be inextricably linked. He might be foolish enough to consider another relationship with an alpha—though to be honest, he'd much prefer a beta—but alpha claiming was at least ten steps too far.
“No, you don’t need to be alpha claimed,” Lev assured him. “Because Bray, Kean, and Ruari shifted before Bray had alpha claimed them. It’s why Sean, Felix, and Gia are looking forward to tonight because it will be their first time shifting.”
"You've been paying attention," Naran said.
Lev blushed. "I wasn't snooping around or anything. People tend not to notice me when I'm in the room, or they don't care, so I overhear a lot of conversations. I heard Sean talking about this with Isam and Adar, but it was after a work meeting, so I didn't think it was a private conversation."
"It wasn't criticism," Naran said, his voice soft and kind.
"Oh." Lev stared at his plate.
Sivney cleared his throat. "So tonight is more like a demonstration? Cool. I'm excited to see it."
It was quiet for a few beats, and then Naran said, "Did anyone explain the effects of shifting on the rest of the pack to you?"
"Effects?" Naran and Lev shared a look that had Sivney frowning. "What am I missing?"
Naran sighed. "I apologize in advance because this conversation is about to get uncomfortable and even a bit inappropriate."
"Because you've been so appropriate so far?" Sivney asked.
That made Naran smile. "This will take it to a whole new level, trust me."
"Okay, I'll bite. Spill," Sivney said.
"Once again, remember that I'm only the messenger." Naran seemed to search for words. "When they shift, it's like they borrow our power for a few seconds. All alphas are affected by it, and we feel dizzy and weak for a second or two. Then that power is returned to us but like tenfold. It slams into you, and you feel it bursting through your body. It scared the shit out of me the first time."
"Okay," Sivney said slowly. "That sounds a tad scary, but where is the inappropriate part?"
"I was getting to that," Naran said. "One of the side effects of that power blasting through us is that everyone, and not just alphas, experiences a heightened sexual drive."
Sivney stared at him, blinking a few times. "Dude, you'll have to spell it out for me because I'm not getting it."
"Everyone is having sex after shifting," Lev blurted out, and his cheeks grew red.
If Naran had said that, Sivney would've double-checked to make sure he wasn't yanking his chain, but a statement like that from Lev was the truth. He matched it with what Naran was saying, and something clicked. "You're saying that the shifting makes everybody horny?"
Naran nodded, looking almost relieved. "Yes. And horny isn't even strong enough a word. I've been told omegas compare it to being in heat."
Oh, hell no. Sivney leaned back in his chair, his mind racing. That which had seemed exciting only minutes ago, now loomed over him. He would never subject himself to that. His first heat had been such a nightmare that he had tried to block it completely from his memories. The idea of experiencing anything similar to that? Scary didn't even cover it. Terrifying. Horrific.
"Yeah, I don't think so," he said, and he had to fight to keep his voice level. "I think I'll skip this round and stay with Abigail."
"It won't matter," Lev said. "Everyone feels it, whether they’re at the actual meeting or not. Every time someone shifted, I was…" He blushed again, and Sivney couldn't get over how adorable that looked on an alpha his size. "I reacted. Even when I was in my room or somewhere else, I experienced the shift and the effects."
Sivney looked from Lev to Naran, whose eyes had darkened. "And how did you ride it out?" Naran asked, and his tone gave Sivney goose bumps. It wasn't anger. Not really. It was dominance mixed in with possessiveness, as if Naran had every right to know what Lev had done.
Lev looked at his plate again, his cheeks crimson red.
"Boy," Naran said, and Lev visibly reacted to that one word.
He cringed a little, sinking low in his chair. But after a few beats, he relented. "I rode it out alone."
He whispered it, his voice hoarse, and he studiously avoided looking at either of them.
Sivney swallowed. Why was it so hot to see Naran dominate Lev? Because that's what it was. He'd had his suspicions, considering they were both alphas. There was the considerable age gap, of course, and Naran had called Lev a good boy before. But that one word just now and how Lev had reacted to it had confirmed it. Boy, Naran had said, and Lev had obeyed.
"Good," Naran said. He waited, and when Lev looked up to meet his eyes, he said, "Good boy."
Lev's face lit up like fireworks, and Sivney had to hold back a gasp. This was what Lev needed. This dynamic, it was what he craved. There was no doubt these two thrived on that dynamic, and it saddened Sivney. Because even though watching them had made him hard for the first time in forever, it also made clear that whatever feelings he had for these men were doomed to break his heart. He could never submit to Naran like that. He was the outsider, and he always would be. They fit together, and he didn't.
He pushed his chair back. "I think I hear Abigail. Please excuse me."
He almost ran to his room, then closed the door behind him. And when the tears came, he stuck his head under his pillow because he would never, ever let anyone else hear him cry over a man again. Or in this case, two men.
27
Right up until the moment they left, Lev had not been sure whether Sivney would show up. It had him worried all afternoon because of the way Sivney had ran out on them and then had locked himself in his room, only to come out and spend the rest of the day elsewhere.
He'd gone over his words, trying to figure out if he'd said something wrong, and all he'd been able to come up with was that Sivney had been scared by what they’d said about the sex thing after shifting. He couldn't blame him. He hadn't known the first time, and it had been a terrifying experience. But maybe it was worse if you did know in advance because then you had time to worry about it.
