No Filter, page 12
Josh's mouth dropped open before he caught himself and closed it. His eyes focused on Indy, narrowed. “That cannot have helped with you being horny already,” he said slowly.
All Indy needed to come was someone touching him. Seriously, one touch to his cock and he’d fucking erupt. Stupid ribs. Stupid broken arm. Well, maybe not. Maybe that fucked-up robbery, meeting Josh, and having sore ribs would turn out to be the single best thing that ever happened to him.
Noah and Josh locked eyes, communicating with each other wordlessly. The slow smile spreading across Josh's face told Indy he was on board with the plan. Still, Indy had to ask. Noah would not let anything happen without Indy’s explicit consent and didn’t that seal the deal for him?
Indy looked from Noah to Josh and back as Josh lowered himself on the armrest of Noah’s chair. They were so close, so in tune with each other. He wanted that, opening himself up again sexually with someone he could trust. Maybe with someones he could trust? The idea filled his head. If these guys were that open and okay with their complicated sexual relationship, why not go with the flow? Maybe he could tap into that trust they had going. Fuck knew he could use some of that.
He took a deep breath. It was time to jump. “Which is where you guys come in. Would you care to help a guy out?”
Noah’s eyebrows furrowed, but Josh reacted first.
“You mean Noah, not me, right? You said guys, but you mean Noah. It’s him you want, not me. I’ve seen how you look at him, and he wants you, too…I’ll shut up now, ‘cause I’m babbling. I do that sometimes when I get nervous. But you meant Noah, right?”
“I meant you both.”
Josh's head jerked, and he shot Indy an incredulous look. “But…you want him, not me.”
A deep sense of calm filled Indy, even though his belly fluttered. “I want you both. I need you both. What you two have, it’s beautiful. It’s messy and fucked up, but beautiful. I want that. And I don’t wanna come between you by choosing one of you. When we kissed, you were hard, Josh. And you gave me the first boner I’ve had in a long time.”
Indy looked down at his hands for a few seconds. This was where it got brutally honest. “I haven’t had sex in over two years and for me, sex has rarely been a good experience. The last time I had sex was…fucking horrible. Yes, Noah’s stories were hot, and they turned me on. But even more than you guys fucking, the trust between you did it for me. I know that we just met, but I love the trust you have. Maybe you could share that with me and help me regain some self-confidence and faith in people?”
Josh and Noah shared a look stuffed with meaning. How he wanted someone to look at him like that, someday. That much love and trust, it was staggering.
They’ll never want you like that. Not when they find out who you are, what you did.
“You can’t hold Indy down or restrain him,” Noah told Josh. “And we have to be careful with his ribs, so no twisting or turning or any kind of pressure on his torso.”
“Okay.” Josh nodded seriously, then turned to Indy. “Avoid touching the bottom of the stump. Anywhere else is fine, but the skin of the stump is irritated right now and sensitive.”
Indy’s eyes burned with tears. These guys were incredible. They did nothing but take care of each other, and now of him. A cripple, a basket case and then him: the paranoid, defensive freak. He did fit right in.
“I don’t have much experience, Indy, so you’ll have to tell me want you want,” Josh said. He was sporting an adorably serious expression, as if he was ready to take notes to pass a test.
“Same here,” Noah said. Indy’s eyes widened and Josh frowned. “What?” Noah asked defensively. “I enlisted when I was eighteen and thought I was straight, okay? Not a lot of available girls in the army. I only got to fuck girls in the months before I enlisted, but I remember little since I was drunk half the time. Plus, even then, me and Josh were tight, and we hung out together most of the time. Most of my experience is with you, Josh, and you’re the only guy I’ve ever fucked.”
“I know for a fact you banged what’s-her-name in your dad’s office. Lieutenant Dallas,” Josh said.
“First, her name was Meghan. You don’t call someone lieutenant when you’re banging her, as you put it so eloquently. But more importantly, what do you mean ‘know for a fact’? It happened only once, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t tell you.”
A devilish grin spread across Josh's face. “I watched you. We had agreed to grab a movie, remember? I was supposed to meet you at your dad’s office, but I got confused on the time and was an hour early. Had quite the front-row seat there to your, erm, activities. She was limber.”
Indy hadn’t thought it was possible, but Noah blushed. “Shit, I can’t believe you watched me, you perv. Probably got off on it too, right?”
Josh laughed. “Hell, yeah. You were pounding away, and I got to watch your gorgeous ass. Exquisite view. Spanked myself to that memory quite a few times.”
“Was she any good?” Indy asked, gladly adding fuel to Noah’s embarrassment.
“Oh, I’m sure she was. I was eighteen, and she was in her thirties, recently divorced. She came on so strong, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her no since she clearly needed an ego boost, so I went along with it. It was nice, and I think she liked it, because she kept screaming my name, but I had no idea what I was doing. And like I said, my experience with guys is nonexistent, except for Josh here.”
“Well, that’s reassuring,” Indy said, his eyes sparkling.
“Luckily, they taught me some stuff in medical training,” Noah said dryly.
Indy grinned. “One can only hope.”
“So the bottom-line is that none of us know what we’re doing, which means we’re fucked,” Josh said.
Noah’s eyes twinkled as he looked at Josh. “Not yet, but that’s up to you.”
A delightful blush stained Josh's cheeks.
Indy asked, “You guys wanna fill me in here, or is this a private thing?”
Noah gestured to Josh to do the honors. He cleared his throat, fidgeted with his thumbs. “As a reward for certain activities earlier this week, Noah has promised to let me top him for the first time.”
“Yup, Josh gets a go at my ass, instead of the other way around.” Noah said it so matter-of-factly that Indy almost didn’t realize what a big thing this was for them both. Not that he would know, he’d only ever bottomed himself. Like Duncan would ever let me top, fuck no.
“You’ve never switched?” Indy asked.
“No. I haven’t been top ever,” Josh said, and Indy noted with interest he wasn’t blushing this time.
Noah frowned. “What do you mean, ever? You mean with me, right?”
“No, I mean ever. I’ve never fucked another guy; I’ve always been the bottom guy.”
Noah’s head reeled back. “What the fuck?” he said. “How come you never told me?”
Josh got up from Noah’s armrest and kneeled before him on the floor. “Because you would’ve felt obligated to switch, and it would’ve been wrong.” He kissed Noah’s hands, then turned and sat on the floor, his back resting comfortably against the empty spot under Noah’s missing leg.
“I’ve always known I liked boys, ever since I was maybe ten, though I didn’t come out until I was fourteen. I was the stereotypical gay kid: sensitive, awkward in social interactions with guys. The kids in school picked up on it easily, especially in high school. My parents stopped talking to me when I came out, and my younger brother chose their side. Fuck, my life was hell before I met Noah. Teasing grew into bullying and then physical violence. I got the shit beaten out of me a few times for acting too gay.”
Josh sighed as he looked up at Noah with a deep affection. “Without his friendship, I wouldn't have survived school. But I was still awkward and shy, way too scared to meet other gay guys, let alone date. Finally, I decided I wanted to get this whole virginity thing over with so I liquored up and went to a gay bar. I met this older guy named James who took a liking to me. He was my first, and it was nice. I like bottoming,” he said, eying Indy with a quick look. “I love being fucked. It’s an incredible feeling, well, with a guy who does it right.”
Indy closed his eyes for a second, breathed through the familiar pain that thinking about sex, about Duncan and Eric brought. “I like it, too,” he confessed. “When it doesn’t fucking hurt because it’s too rough.”
He opened his eyes again, hoping that he wouldn’t find the pity he feared on their faces.
“Yeah,” Josh said, a similar expression of pain on his face. “It certainly can hurt like a motherfucker.”
Indy didn’t ask. Josh's face said it all and so did Noah’s hand that came down on Josh's shoulder. What was there to say? Indy didn’t need the details; on the contrary. He’d lived them.
Josh let out an audible breath, playing with Noah’s hand in a habitual way. It struck Indy again how okay Noah was with Josh's constant gestures of affection. For someone who thought he was straight till a while ago, he seemed to be on board with all of it. The guy had to be bi at least, if not full-out gay.
Josh said, “You know, with two guys having sex, I feel that there’s a pecking order. Being top means being in control, being the dominant one in the relationship—at least at that point. I’ve never been that guy, never felt secure and trusted enough to be anything else than bottom.”
Noah had been silently listening, though Indy had seen him react with suppressed anger when Josh mentioned what had been done to him. But now his eyes flared.
“That’s bullshit,” he said, his voice sharp. “And that’s not why we haven’t switched positions yet.”
Josh ducked a little, then pulled up his legs and lowered his head on his knees.
“Then why?” he asked so softly Indy could barely hear him. “We’ve been fucking for ten months, and you never even offered.”
Indy held his breath. Would Noah get angry? Noah bent forward and simply lifted Josh up under his arms, pulling him on his lap with sheer strength. He clamped two strong hands on Josh's face and kissed him hard on his mouth.
“You’re an idiot, if you think that’s the reason.”
Tears welled up in Josh's eyes, even as he covered Noah’s hands with his own in a gesture of sweet affection and surrender.
“Look at me, Josh,” Noah commanded. Josh raised his eyes. “I am to blame for that, not you. When we started messing around and then having sex, it scared the shit out of me. Here I was, this self-proclaimed straight guy, and I was getting blown by another guy, literally sleeping with him, fucking him.”
“I know it was hard for you. Weird,” Josh said, his voice thick with emotion.
“No, it wasn’t, and that made it so complicated. I fucking loved it. When you gave me that first blow job, I came harder than I ever had before, including sex with girls. And when you let me fuck you, it unnerved me even more because what should’ve weirded me out felt so good. Sex with you is incredible, Josh, and that terrifies me since I always thought I was straight. That’s why I was so hesitant to cross those last boundaries, why I wouldn’t swallow or let you fuck me. Because once I did that, I’d have to embrace that I’m at least bi, probably leaning more toward gay.”
Josh's eyes softened. “It’s a label, Noah. It doesn’t change who and what you are. You give it a name, that’s all. And everyone already thinks you’re gay anyway because of me, so what’s the big deal?”
Noah clenched his jaw. “It would mean he was right.”
Indy tilted his head. Who was Noah talking about?
Josh's brows furrowed before his face lit up with recognition. “Oh, babe, he wasn’t right at all. God, even if you came out as full-on gay, started wearing fuchsia feather boas and danced in the Pride parade in a pink thong, he still wouldn’t be right. He’ll never accept you for who you are, not even if you were straight.”
His dad. They were talking about Noah’s dad, Indy understood. Poor Noah. He and Josh had not been lucky in that department. Indy’s mom had done a lot of horrible things—selling him to Duncan took the cake—but she’d never even batted an eye over Indy’s sexuality. He’d never even come out. They both simply knew, and it had not been an issue.
“I know,” Noah said. “My head knows you’re right, but it still hurts. And I’m gonna pass on the feather boa and pink thong, if you don’t mind.”
Josh grinned. “They’d look good on you.”
Noah’s face relaxed, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Still not donning them.”
“We’ll see. Now that you’re gay, I see a whole range of possibilities.”
Noah’s eyes found Indy’s. Indy sent him a soft smile and got one back in return.
“So why are you willing to bottom now?” Josh circled back to their earlier topic.
“Because of Indy.”
“Me?” Indy asked. “What do I have to do with anything?”
Josh's hands dropped, and he bowed his head. “It’s not what you think, Josh,” Noah said with a hoarse voice.
“How do you know what I’m thinking?”
Noah lifted Josh's chin with his index finger. “Because you’re pulling away right now, in expectation of a mental blow. You think I’m allowing you to fuck me to cover up that I’m attracted to Indy.”
“Don’t deny it!” Josh's head shot up, an angry blush on his cheeks. “You were hard when he kissed you, and you were angry because he made you hard, and that’s why the sex was so different. You’ve never fucked me that intense.”
“You weren’t complaining,” Noah shot back.
“No, because I’m twisted enough that it completely turns me on when you go all dominant male on me.”
“I know,” Noah said, with the slightest hint of a smile.
“What do you mean, you know?”
Indy had been tense when Noah and Josh had started arguing. God, would he turn out to be the cause of a break of trust between them? But this was how they worked through issues, apparently. The fact that Josh was still solidly parked on Noah’s lap said enough, didn’t it?
“When you’re on the edge, all I have to do to make you come is order you to.”
“Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing that is? Dammit, Noah, all you have to do is say my full name and I come. Sometimes I hate that you have that effect on me.”
“I’m aware, which is why I would never abuse it. Two nights ago was the first time I told you to do something without you obeying me right away. I told you to spread your legs and you didn’t.”
“Is that why you offered me yourself? Because I had earned it?”
“No, but it did cross my mind to give you that as a reason when you asked.” Noah sighed. “God, you were sexy when you said ‘make me.’ Total turn on.”
Josh smiled a slow, sensual smile. There must’ve been some nice memories playing through his head. “So why did you offer now?”
“Because I wanted to. Yes, I reacted to Indy, and I still do. I haven’t been attracted to anyone since we started our thing, but I am to him. Hell, yes, I want to fuck him, and I’m not denying it. He did make me hard, and I was angry, because it felt like a betrayal to you. But I offered you top for two reasons: the first was to give you pleasure, because after that incredible fuck two days ago I wanted more of that for you. But the second reason was because I wanted to. I want to bottom for you, be fucked by you. I want to know what it feels like and share that with you before I’d even consider sharing it with anyone else.”
Indy’s body, which had cooled off during the argument, heated up quickly when Noah’s words created a picture in his mind that was so wicked dirty and arousing, he had to bite his lip to keep a moan in. Never, ever had a guy turned him on so much with mere words. Then again, never had a guy admitted so honestly that he wanted Indy.
Apparently, it had a similar effect on Josh, because he didn’t hesitate, but kissed Noah deeply. And with tongue, by the looks of it.
“Please, Noah, fuck me,” Josh moaned, tearing his mouth away. Ignoring Indy, or maybe forgetting Indy was even there, he put his hand on Noah’s massive erection. “I need your thick cock to fill me, to fuck me hard. I want you so much.”
Without even touching himself, Indy came.
10
Noah caught Indy’s deep tremble from the corner of his eyes, and he had a pretty good idea what had happened. But that was not his biggest concern right now. His problem was denying his own raging erection to keep the promise he’d made Josh.
“No. You know what I said. I will not fuck you until you ask me to bottom for you.” His cock was cursing him as it was rock hard and dying to get some action. But he would not break his word. He hadn’t fucked Josh since he’d made the promise—they’d only given each other blow jobs—and he wasn’t going to fuck him now.
Josh looked at him with big eyes, his hand still on Noah’s dick. “You can’t be serious.”
“You know I never break a promise.”
Josh squeezed Noah’s cock. The press sent a wave of pleasure through his balls and up the length of his erection. “For fuck’s sake, Noah, you’re as hard as I am. You want this.”
Noah clamped down hard on his desires. Knowing Josh was willing, that all he had to do was say yes and he’d find release, it was maddening to deny himself that. Yet he had to. For Josh.
“I do, but that doesn’t change a thing. You know what you have to do.”
Josh got up from Noah’s lap, almost pushing himself off. “This is totally unfair. Every single time you ask for sex, I always say yes. The one time I ask you and you deny me.”
Noah’s jaw tightened. “That’s a low blow, and you know it. I said no because you’re asking the wrong question. Ask me, Josh.”
Josh whipped around. Indy was watching them in fascination. “He’s so hard it’s ridiculous,” Josh complained to Indy. “He’s being a stubborn asshole.”
“I have a nice view of his…arousal,” Indy said, licking his lips in a way that shot straight to Noah’s cock, “And I agree. However, it seems the solution is straightforward. Ask him to let you top him.”
