Cobra (Blue Angel Security Book 1), page 30
“Luca, where did the fire—” she begins to ask me as I grip her hand tighter in my good hand, leading us both down the hallway, when suddenly she stops, noticing the interior changes.
“Luca,” she turns to me with tears threatening to spill over. Taking my thumb, I wipe them away.
“The fire, or rather fires, I should clarify, began in my mama and Bobby’s rooms.” As we inch closer to their rooms, I remember in horrific detail that scene over twenty years ago. “By the time I arrived, David was sitting on the front lawn screaming up to the heavens in complete devastation.”
“The house was a smoldering, soggy mess. The police were already gathered around David, trying to console him, but their efforts were futile. The worse part of that whole night was when the fire chief came up to us and told us they had found two bodies inside. Up until that moment, we had blocked all the commotion surrounding us out. If we didn’t hear it, then it wasn’t real, right? The moment their deaths were confirmed was a moment I’ll never forget.”
“I’m so sorry you have to go through this again, Luca.”
We reach Bobby’s door first, and I briefly hesitate before opening it. With a deep breath, I turn the handle and look around the room, confirming David’s love most certainly didn’t end with my mother. He had Bobby’s room restored in perfect rendition, right down to the Star Wars bedding Bobby was obsessed with. He even found the stuffies that Bobby never went anywhere without. I walk over to the desk and pick up the two robot characters that my brother was in love with. Despite knowing these are replacements, I can still visualize him playing with them on his bed.
“Bobby loved his robots. He went everywhere with them. I don’t ever remember him going anywhere without them.” I scan the sparsely decorated room, secretly wishing I could replace my pain with second hand emotions as easily as David had done with Bobby’s toys.
“Nothing in here is actually his. The same goes for Mama’s room, too. Their rooms were completely engulfed by the fires,” I angrily growl as I carry the robots out with me, closing Bobby’s door. We step across the hallway, heading for my mama’s room. Each footstep bringing me closer to the hell I know will be waiting just inside her room. As we approach her room, I lean against the wall as my tears fall. How am I supposed to say goodbye to her again? This was the first woman who ever loved me, and my God, I loved her. She was my whole world. I would have done anything to protect her. But I can’t really say that, can I? I wasn’t even in the same city with her when she needed me the most. When they both did. I drop to my ass, clutching Bobby’s stuffed robots as years of regret and guilt rip my soul to shreds.
“Whiskey?” Jaycee says, sliding down the wall, sitting with me.
“It’s never going to get easier. I know that. Hell, I’ve told you as much,” I say, wiping my face. “I haven’t felt this kind of anger or loss in so many fucking years. You’d think I’d have a handle on it by now, but I don’t. If it wasn’t for the fact we’re sitting in David’s remodeled home and all the charred remnants are gone, I’d swear she just died last night. It hurts that much. I feel like that prick just plunged a knife in me, slicing me wide open,” I say, hearing Jaycee’s quiet sniffles. I wrap my arm around her as we both sit and cry. She cries for the man she loves and can’t stop the pain for, and me? I cry for all the dreams and memories that were lost because of one sadistic, cruel, selfish son of a bitch. After several long minutes, I wipe my tears, as well as hers and stand up, reaching for her. “Come on, baby. I have one last room to face before we can leave. I came this far. I need to finish this.”
I open the door, sucking in a deep breath as I absorb her bedroom. “This is where my mother’s life was stolen from her. That evil bastard chained her and Bobby’s doors together, so neither one could escape.”
“What? There’s no way that I heard that correctly.”
“Unfortunately, Tiger, you did. From what the police and fire department were able to establish, the fucker jimmied their back door open and crept into the house. It was well after midnight. They were both sound asleep. He chained their doors together and then went back outside. From there, he threw rags doused in gasoline through their windows.”
Numbly, she walks behind me into my mother’s room. As I look around, I can’t believe how much the interior looks exactly the same. “I remember how excited she was the weekend she called after moving in with David. I could hear her laughter echoing off the walls. David later explained the only thing in their room was them. He had gotten rid of everything and insisted she pick out the furniture, the pictures, the bedding. Everything. He wanted it to be her dream. Two days later, she sent me pictures of it. She had a few pictures hanging on the walls, a beautiful bedroom set, tons of throw pillows, and, of course, her signature lavender quilt,” I say, running my hands down the silky material. “She couldn’t contain her happiness when I came home for my first visit after they moved in. You’d think she’d let Bobby show me his room first, but no, not Mama. She ripped my hand away before Bobby had a chance to grab it and ran like a bear was chasing her down the hall to show me. She was so happy.”
Somberly I look up at the walls, remembering how beautiful and full of life my mama was in those last couple of years with David. Their love is clearly reflected in the photos lining these walls.
I sit on Mama’s bed, motioning for Jaycee to join me. “You wanna know a secret, Tiger? Even though I know my mother and Bobby were happy here, this house still haunts me. This is where they took their last breaths. Maybe if she had stayed in her tiny apartment, they’d—”
“Luca, close your eyes and remember back to the last time you were here with your mother and brother. What are you doing?”
“Chasing Bobby around the yard. He kept trying to take the last candy cane from the tree. The little turd won, too. He quickly opened it and licked it.”
“Sounds like my kind of kid. And your mama, David? Where were they?”
“In the kitchen cooking. They loved doing anything and everything together. She was his whole world.”
“Were they happy, Whiskey?”
“Yeah, they were.”
“Now visualize your mother’s old apartment. Was she happy there? Was Bobby happy?”
“No, Mama hated it. She used to say it never felt like a home.”
“With that being said—”
“I get it, Tiger. I really do. I know she would have rather lived here for a short time than to have lived a long life in an apartment she hated. I just miss her so much.”
“I know you do.”
“Thank you for reminding me they were happy here,” I tell her as I kiss the top of her hand. As I put her hand back on my leg, I notice the closet door slightly ajar, the small space revealing a box on the floor. I get up and open the door, curious what it might be. Fully opening the door so Jaycee can see my discovery, she looks at me questioningly.
“The larger box is unmarked, but the small box is addressed to me. It’s in David’s handwriting.”
“I think you should open the one from David, first. Then, we’ll tackle the other one.”
“Sounds good to me,” I say as I cautiously open David’s box, finding a letter addressed to me. Slowly, I read it out loud.
“Dear Luca,
By now you’ve heard I’m a coward. I’m sorry, son, I just can’t face a life here without your mama and Bobby. Please don’t think you weren’t worth fighting for, because, Luca, you are. I’m just not strong enough to fight the demons in my dreams any longer. I need to be with her.”
Holding the letter in my hands, I bow my head, feeling a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. “I’ve spent the last twenty-plus years torturing myself, wondering if there was anything I could have done to save him. The what ifs had nearly driven me to the brink of self-destruction more times than I want to admit. The only reason I remotely survived that uncertain time period in my life is because I found an outlet, a way to channel my grief. David’s death triggered my interest in bodybuilding, and from there I went into personal protection,” I ramble on, filling Jaycee in on some of my life’s details she was unaware of.
“So, in a way, I have David to thank for you being in my life now.”
“Yeah, baby, I guess you do.”
“Does he say anything else in his letter?”
“Yeah, looks like there’s more,” I tell her, starting again.
“Luca, I don’t know how long it’s going to take for you to open this letter and package. Just know I love you with all my heart and I’m honored to have spent what little time I did with you. You and Bobby are the sons I never saw take their first steps, but I did see you both grow and change. My one regret is I’ll never see you find the love of your life. Luca, take it from me, cherish every moment with her. Life is way too short and sure as hell not guaranteed. The day I met your mama was bittersweet. I hated seeing her hurt, knowing it was at the hands of a man who promised to love her, but his loss was my gain. I will always love your mama. Inside this package is the undying symbol of the love I have for her.”
Tears rush down both mine and Jaycee’s faces as we realize that inside this box is what should have been my mama’s wedding rings.
“Son, my mother, your grandmother, had she still been alive when we met, gave something very special to me before she died. As her only child, she gave me her wedding rings and told me when the time was right, to give them to the lady who was to become my wife. A year ago, I did just that. I had a couple extra diamonds added to it and had the rings reset into a new design for your mama. She wore her engagement ring every day with great pride until the day before our wedding when she gave it to me to hold on to. After we said our vows, I was supposed to place it back on her finger. That day never came. As a family heirloom, I could think of only one option for this beautiful set. Luca, I want you to give these rings to the lady who will one day own your heart. These rings deserve to be celebrated and loved every day, not resting in the dark, never to sparkle again. I love you son, don’t ever forget that.
Love, David”
“He gave me my mama’s rings. How could he, and for that matter how could I ever expect you to…” I look at her, completely lost for words.
“Luca, if the day ever comes that you propose to me, and if I accept, I’d be honored to wear your mama’s rings. David obviously loved his mother and your mother a great deal to have gifted you a family heirloom.”
I walk over to her, setting the box with my mama’s rings inside on the bed, and pull her into my arms. “Tiger, when the day comes that I ask for your hand in marriage, make no mistake, you will say yes,” I tell her, tilting her chin with my thumb stealing her lips in a tender kiss.
“So cocky,” she mumbles against my lips.
“So confident,” I counter as I break our kiss, savoring in the knowledge that part of my future is secured, and when the time is right, we will celebrate my mother’s and David’s love along with ours.
“One more box,” I say, crossing the room back to the closet. As I pull back the flaps, my heart immediately plummets. The letter, which is clearly in Siobhan’s handwriting, is from her. But the contents of this box? Those are from my father’s home. The one we fled after he nearly killed my mother the night he shoved her down the concrete basement stairs.
“Luca?” Jaycee asks, seeing the vast difference in my expression. “Who’s it from?”
“The contents are from my father’s home. The letter,” I stand up, holding it in my hands, “is from Siobhan.”
“Huh? I thought Marcia said no one had been in here since David.”
“Siobhan must have come in here at least once. Otherwise—” I leave the obvious unsaid.
“I’m sure, Whiskey, that’s exactly what she did. For whatever reason, there is something here Siobhan wanted you to have.”
Staring at the ordinary envelope, I mindlessly wonder what fresh hell I may be walking into blindly by reading this letter. So many walls have come crashing down around me today. Do I really have the strength for one more? Do I even have a choice at this point?
“Luca?” Jaycee calls out to me.
Exhaling slowly, I surmise I no longer have a choice, not if I want the closure I desperately crave.
Siobhan’s eloquent script comforts me marginally. I know her. I trust she wouldn’t do anything to further hurt me. Removing the stationery, I begin to read her letter.
“Dear Luca,
I’m sure you’re wondering what in the tarnation is the old woman up to now? Well, if you’re reading this, unless Marcia finds this before I pass, I’m probably not up to much. Yep, I know my humor still isn’t very good. Anyway, this letter and box was my way of protecting you from your father like your dear sweet mama had tried in vain to do. A few weeks before your father’s official sentencing, a box showed up on my doorstep. It was addressed from your father’s house. At first, I nearly threw it away, but then Phillip insisted we at least open and see what the degenerate had sent us. It was obvious it was meant for you. Everything in this box is good. It’s just pictures of you, your mama and Bobby, along with a few mementos, that for whatever reason, he had a decent thought for once, and decided to let you have. Under my letter is what might be hurtful for you, or it could be what finally closes that chapter in your life once and for all.
Luca, in the first photo album, is another small envelope that has the key to your father’s home across town, along with the deed. Before he got sentenced, he transferred everything to your name. I haven’t seen it in years and have no intentions. Do with it whatever you choose to, maybe burn it to the ground. I know, not very southern of me, but that man brings out the snark in me. Just promise me, Luca, it’s time to let the guilt go. There’s only one man responsible for your mama and Bobby’s deaths, and that man is not you. Forgive yourself. They never blamed you.
Your friend, always~ Siobhan.
I jump to my feet, growling louder than a grizzly bear, “What the actual fuck? He gave me the damn house he beat us within inches of our lives inside of? Does he really think I want a fucking thing to do with that farce of a sham he had everyone convinced we lived in? Not a fucking chance!” I seethe, pacing back and forth. The quiet calm I had a few minutes ago, now a thing of the past.
“Luca?” Jaycee calls over to me.
“I don’t know,” I mindlessly answer.
“You don’t know what?” she asks.
“Any fucking thing. This is so screwed up,” I say, dropping back onto the bed beside her.
“I agree, Whiskey.”
“What do we do now?” I ask, squeezing her hand.
“I know what I would do,” she whispers as her voice cracks.
“What’s that, Tiger?”
“I’d go back. For weeks and months, hell, even years after my parents’ murders, all I could do was be pissed off at myself for not going back to their home. I should have. If for no other reason to rip Bryant’s pictures off from my parents’ walls. I was so angry with all the choices that were taken from me and then the one choice I had? I balked at it and chickened out because I was afraid of re-living my ordeal, or seeing the places where my parents’ had drawn their last breaths again. Where I should have. Either which way, after the house was sold, I instantly regretted not going.”
“You would really go back?”
“In a heartbeat. And hey, this is the house he tried to destroy your life in, and now you own it. Go in there and destroy it. Break the windows, bust up the sheetrock, tear down the cabinets. Exercise all that anger you’ve been carrying around for years. But this time, direct it at the person it should’ve been aimed at all along.”
“You’re right,” I turn, taking her lips in a heated, passion filled kiss. “You’re a genius. It’s my house. Let’s go break some shit. I can at last do to that house what I’ve wanted to do to him for years.”
“What’s that?”
“Destroy it from the inside out. To make him feel as helpless and unwanted as I felt growing up. I know the house has no feelings, but this is as close as I’ll ever get to showing him exactly what he did to me.”
33
COBRA
As we approach my father’s home, I nearly laugh at this house’s appearance. For a man who prided himself on outside pretenses, he’d be appalled at its condition. The grass is so overgrown I’m not even sure where the stairs are any longer. The siding is cracked, peeling, or just plain missing. Ironically, this house reminds me of his overall life. The best part though? The part that could be considered the icing on the cake? It looks as if there are at least two notices of some kind hanging on the door.
“By the looks of it, there won’t be much left for us to destroy,” I say, getting out of my SUV. As I look closer at this house, the more hesitant I become about letting Jaycee even out. The house looks like it’s one good gust of wind away from falling down.
“Tiger…”
“Don’t even start with me, Luca. Hell, my first apartment in Georgia looked very similar to this. I won’t break. I told you at the start of the day, I wasn’t leaving your side, and by golly I meant it. Now let’s go.”
I shake my head at my girl’s fierce protective side as we get out and I walk in front of her. “Fine, but stay behind me. The last thing we need is for you to reinjure your ankle. You haven’t limped in a few days and I plan on it staying that way.”
Reluctantly, she follows me, grumbling the whole time her ankle was fine. That is until I take a wrong step and the top stair breaks in half with my weight. After that, she stays close with no arguments. Once on the porch, I quickly pull out the key to unlock the house. I don’t trust this whole porch not to crumble under our combined weight. This place is truly a literal definition of a death trap. Raising the key to the lock, I see the door is simply resting against the frame and I don’t need the key, anyway. I grasp the knob and slide the door a bit so I can get a better handle on it and move it out of our way.
