Fresh Start, page 19
They hadn’t touched at all during the meal, but they’d overtly flirted and even mentioned the touching they’d done the night before and that had Alyssa hoping for more when they returned to their apartments. She could see just the hint of cleavage through the button-down Hannah had worn and wondered if Hannah had intentionally not buttoned the top button just to torture Alyssa over dinner.
She pulled her hand away from the door knob as she remembered seeing Rachel. She hadn’t seen Rachel since right after Ty’s death when she’d rushed into Derrick’s house and hugged her. She’d pulled her into her body and Alyssa had clung to her. Alyssa had fallen asleep in Ty’s parents guest room with Rachel holding her from behind because that was the only way she’d been able to sleep. She’d felt the loss of Ty and Lizzy so deeply that even after not sleeping since she’d woken that day to find them, she’d been unable to close her eyes for more than a few moments until Rachel arrived and forced her to try to at least get in a few hours. Not even her mother had been able to do that.
Rachel had wanted Alyssa to stay with her instead of with Ty’s family. She wanted to keep more of an eye on her than a grieving family possibly could and Alyssa had considered it until she recalled that before Ty’s death, Rachel had expressed her desire that they get back together and as much as Alyssa would have liked to be with her friend as she tried to grapple with everything, she didn’t think it would be fair to Rachel who still had feelings for her. Once they’d arrested her though, Rachel seemed to disappear and Alyssa had no idea why. Even if Rachel actually believed Alyssa was guilty, she knew Rachel. She knew her persistence and her need to know everything about everything. It was one of the things that had attracted her to Rachel in the beginning. Rachel had been a public policy major with the intention of going into law after graduation. She’d always enjoyed their intellectual conversations and felt the drive they both shared made their relationship that much better.
Seeing her tonight, with her new haircut and her younger sister that she hadn’t seen in four years and looked so different than the last time when she’d been a gawky fourteen-year-old, made her stomach twist. Things had been better back then. She’d considered sharing a life with Rachel and had taken the time to get to know her parents and Jessica well before they’d broken up and she’d been devastated because she’d not only lost Rachel, but also this second family she’d acquired with the relationship. She’d come to think of Jessica as a sister and even Judy had come to adore the teenager. She’d lost that when she’d lost Rachel. She did, however, wish she could thank Jessica for being so thoughtful tonight, but knew if she’d reach out, that would only cause more problems.
She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and tapped contacts. She walked toward the sofa and sat down, scrolling through all the names of people she never intended to call again, but hadn’t had the heart to delete them from her phone. She scrolled past Derrick’s name and then her old friend from work Elise and then Erin. She moved quicker through some names and stopped on others. It was as if she was yet again taking stock of all the people she’d lost. She stopped on Jessica’s name and even remembered when her parents had bought her an iPhone for her birthday after months of begging and she’d immediately texted Alyssa to put her new number into her phone. She’d scrolled right past Hannah’s name on purpose because it wasn’t about her right now. It was about the people she’d lost.
She thought about that and scrolled back up to Hannah’s name. She didn’t want to lose her. Just the thought of losing Hannah now made her nauseous. She kept scrolling though until she landed on Rachel’s name. She minimized contacts and tapped on messages. She had four exchanges in the phone. Her mother didn’t really care for texting, but did it when it was easier or faster than a call. Then, there were the messages she’d exchanged with Hannah. Ty’s messages were still in the phone and she clicked on them. The phone had technically not been evidence in the trial against her, but the text messages they’d exchanged had been provided for review by the jury.
The prosecution had used them to show that the relationship had been strained. They’d put her most private exchanges with her boyfriend up on a large TV screen for everyone in court and in the media, who would then report it, to see. Some of their messages were basic. Ty said he’d pick up something for dinner and Alyssa confirmed that she’d be there. Others were more private and she hated that people were seeing some of their more intimate exchanges from the beginning of their relationship when everything had been hot and heavy. The prosecutor flashed through those though and put emphasis on the ones Alyssa and Ty had exchanged just prior to her moving in. Ty texted that he was picking up Lizzy from daycare and taking her to a daddy daughter dinner. He’d forgotten their anniversary and Alyssa had reminded him via text that she’d prepared a romantic dinner for them. He’d replied that he gave Katherine the night off and that she was already occupied so he’d have to bring Lizzy over. Alyssa’s response wasn’t one of her finer moments, but she was upset that he’d forgotten when they’d confirmed their plans only the day before. He apologized and in the same text asked her to prepare something separate for Lizzy since she wouldn’t like the dish Alyssa had made for them.
The last text Ty sent her was enough to bring tears to her eyes and made the jury and the people in the courtroom fall more in love with Ty just by reading it. He’d told her he was sorry that things had been tense between them lately. He was so happy she’d be moving in and that Lizzy loved her like crazy. He couldn’t wait to start this new chapter with her. That was sent the day before he died.
She moved on to the last message she’d exchanged with Rachel. It had been after Rachel had confessed her still present feelings and practically begged her not to move in with Ty. Alyssa had left and returned to her apartment to pack and after a few hours got the text from Rachel that told her she would always love her. That was it. Alyssa hadn’t replied because she didn’t know what to say.
***
Hannah took yet another shower because she needed to get the stress of the day off her body and water had that cleansing effect even when the dirt wasn’t physical. She readied herself for bed by putting on a pair of loose fitting black sweats and an oversized t-shirt that was the opposite of sexy because she no longer had the need to be sexy.
She turned on the TV and began scrolling through the channels. She had no idea why she’d even gotten cable when she rarely watched TV to begin with, but her mother had it and it was more familiar to her than these streaming services that seemed to be popping up everywhere. She’d missed a lot of that when she’d been in Europe. There had been no reason to stay on top of the new apps or new shows when she was exploring the world. She stopped immediately and leaned forward in her bed when she came across the news and a familiar face. She turned up the volume and paid attention.
“Alyssa Masters, the woman recently freed on charges of double homicide of her boyfriend and his three-year-old daughter was spotted out in Los Angeles tonight with an as yet unidentified woman. A little over two years ago, Masters said she awoke to find her boyfriend who she’d recently moved in with and his toddler from a previous relationship dead on the floor of their apartment. Masters was arrested days later. Authorities tied Masters to the knife and found her prints at the scene, but the judge recently ruled that the evidence had been compromised and dismissed the case against Masters. She has since returned to Baker where she lives with her mother, who has been proclaiming her daughter’s innocence since her arrest. Masters and her mother have not commented since her release. Masters did not comment on the case or on her feelings upon being released tonight. Next up, we’ll find out from Graham what to expect for your weekend forecast.”
Hannah stared at the footage that played while the reporter spoke. It showed Alyssa and Hannah walking out of the restaurant in a frantic pace toward her car before it began to flash back to videos of Alyssa’s arrest, pictures of Ty and Lizzy, a video of Judy speaking on her daughter’s behalf, video from the trial and the hearing and video of them pulling away in the car.
“They put that together quickly.” She commented to herself when she looked at the clock at noticed it was after eleven.
She heard the knock at her door and hit mute on the TV in case she’d been wrong. A moment later, she heard it again and turned the TV off before standing and making her way toward the front door. She looked through the peep hole and saw Alyssa standing there still dressed in her date attire.
“Hi.” She greeted when she opened the door.
“Were you asleep?” Alyssa asked when she noticed Hannah’s wardrobe.
“No, I just got out of the shower.”
“I was worried I’d wake you.” Alyssa looked at the floor.
“Are you okay?” Hannah asked and opened the door a little more.
“Can you come over?” Alyssa looked up and asked her.
“To your place?”
“Yeah. It’s okay if you say no.”
“I can come over.” Hannah replied almost immediately. “Just give me a second.”
“I’ll leave it open.” Alyssa nodded and turned back to her apartment.
Hannah closed her door and took a deep breath. She grabbed her purse, which had her keys and phone in it and opened the door. After locking up, she made her way toward Alyssa’s and found the door open. She closed it behind her and took a look at the small table in front of the sofa, which had the flowers they’d brought for one another still in the vase, resting on it as well as two plates.
“My mom made it for dinner last night.” Alyssa emerged from her bedroom. She’d changed into something more comfortable. She looked Alyssa up and down. She’d put on a white t-shirt with a V-neck and Hannah could see beneath it that she had chosen not to keep her bra on and she paired that with a pair of sweatpants Hannah had seen before. “We didn’t get dessert earlier.” She sat on the sofa and stared up at Hannah expectantly.
Hannah didn’t know what to make of this. Alyssa had said good night earlier. They’d parted ways. The date was over and she needed to be alone. Hannah had wanted to press, but she’d respected Alyssa’s wishes.
“So, you held out on me last night when you only offered me the meatloaf?” Hannah lifted her mouth into a smile. Alyssa smiled up at her and then patted her hand on the sofa. Hannah joined her there and then watched Alyssa pass her a plate with a piece of apple pie on it. “How does your mom have time to bake?”
“It’s her one hobby. She works a lot, but when she’s home, she’s usually cooking or baking something.” Alyssa answered.
The pie was cold, but delicious and Hannah watched carefully as Alyssa ate while avoiding eye contact. She didn’t finish her pie, but had enough to make sure Alyssa would know she appreciated this unexpected gesture and then sat it back down on the table. She waited the few moments before Alyssa finished as well and took both of their plates into the kitchen, leaving them in the sink and then returning to sit next to her.
“So.” Hannah had no idea what to say.
“I’m sorry for how I acted earlier; saying good night like that after everything you did for me tonight. It wasn’t fair to you and I wanted you to know how bad I feel.”
“Al, it’s okay.”
“You say that a lot to me, you know?” Alyssa reminded. “You constantly tell me things are okay or are going to be okay and even though things are far from okay, when you say it, I believe you.” Alyssa slid a little closer on the sofa. “I sat here for a while when we got back and thought about Ty and Rachel.” She got out while Hannah lowered her head in disappointment. “Seeing her tonight really shook me up.”
“I know. I get it. You loved each other.” She kept her head down.
“Hannah, that’s not-” Alyssa scooted closer and lifted Hannah’s chin so she could meet her eyes. “It’s not about Rachel. It’s about everything I lost when this thing happened, but that’s not what kept coming back to me when I sat here.”
“What do you mean?”
“You.” She admitted. “I kept thinking about how remarkable you were with me tonight and how patient you’ve been.”
“I pushed too soon. I know that now.” Alyssa’s strong and confident lips were on her own. It took her a moment to react, but then she pressed back and parted her lips. Her hand went to Alyssa’s neck and pulled her in closer. This was what she’d wanted all day and all night. She wanted to be touching this woman and to be touched by her. Her mouth opened and Alyssa pushed her tongue inside. It was wet and warm and Hannah’s body began to react as Alyssa’s hands wrapped around her back and pulled her tighter. Hannah didn’t want to stop kissing her, but she wanted more and she knew she had to stop because she wasn’t sure Alyssa was ready for more. She pulled back and gasped out a few less than solid breaths.
“Al, we should stop.”
“I promised you two kisses, remember?” Alyssa asked and brushed Hannah’s hair behind her ear.
“That was one, but it felt like more.” Hannah admitted while staring into Alyssa’s light eyes. They weren’t sad like before or confused or angry. Alyssa had a smile on her face and her eyes showed it.
“Can we have number two in the bedroom?” Alyssa asked and Hannah pulled back a little more.
“Al, I don’t want to rush this. You’ve had a bad night.”
“I had a great night with you.” Alyssa offered. “Other stuff was not so great and I hate that I’m dragging you into that, but I had fun with you, Han. I’ve never just met someone and felt, I don’t know, just everything so immediately. I want this. I want you and it has nothing to do with seeing Rachel tonight. It has nothing to do with anything else. It’s about me wanting to be with you.” She stood and held out her hand. Hannah stared up at her. “If you want to wait, I’ll wait.” Alyssa said. “But I still hope you’ll stay with me tonight.” She kept staring and Hannah could see the hope in her eyes. “Last night, I didn’t have a nightmare.”
“I remember.”
“You also didn’t turn on the music.” Alyssa reached for Hannah’s hand to pull her up. She held it between them and Hannah felt her stare. “I slept without it. You didn’t push too soon. You’re doing everything just right, Han.”
Hannah leaned her forehead against Alyssa’s and put her hand over Alyssa’s heart. She didn’t say anything, but she gave her chest a light push to indicate she wanted to go into the bedroom. They made it through the door with their hands still linked. Hannah noticed that Alyssa had made the bed. The room was sparse, but the new bedding gave it new life. Alyssa’s arms wrapped around her waist from behind.
“You’ve been busy.”
“I knew I couldn’t get you to stay over unless I did it.” Alyssa pressed her cheek to the side of Hannah’s face with her mouth to her ear. “And I wanted you to stay over.” She pressed a kiss to her earlobe. “Do you like it?”
“What you just did or the bed?” Hannah inhaled deeply.
“Both.” Alyssa chuckled and the vibrations shook Hannah’s body.
“Yes.” She gasped out as Alyssa’s lips move to graze her shoulder. “Do you want to stop?”
“No.” Hannah turned around quickly in her arms and kissed Alyssa hard. Her arms went around her neck and she was pulling her toward the bed. She backed them up until her legs were against the soft comforter they’d just purchased and she allowed herself to fall on top of it. Alyssa stood in front of her for a moment. Her lips were swollen and her eyes were dark. She wanted Hannah, but she was hesitating. “I wasn’t expecting this so I didn’t dress for it.” She toyed with the hem of her overly large shirt in an act of nervousness.
“You are beautiful.” Alyssa instantly fell on top of her and used her arms on either side of Hannah’s head to hold herself up.
She leaned down and kissed her hard. Alyssa’s hands were everywhere and all at once. Hannah’s skin was on fire. Her lips were moving against Alyssa’s as Alyssa lifted her shirt up to slide her hand under it. Within seconds, it was kneading her breast and Hannah just wanted the shirt off. She wanted everything off. She wanted them both naked and pressed together. She wanted Alyssa inside her and she wanted to be inside her. She wanted everything with her.
Hannah opened her eyes when Alyssa pulled back and she was glad she had because she watched Alyssa pull her shirt over her head and toss it to the floor. Hannah’s hands went to her breasts immediately and she felt the nipples grow tight beneath them.
“God!” Hannah gasped when she heard Alyssa moan at the touch and she lifted herself off the bed to take one of the nipples into her mouth while she toyed with the waistband of Alyssa’s pants with the other hand. “Off.” She ordered when she pulled on the nipple and released it with a pop.
“Fuck.” Alyssa offered and tugged Hannah’s shirt over her head. “You too.” She ordered and lowered herself back down forcing Hannah back underneath her. She reached for Hannah’s pants and tugged until they were below her knees and then climbed up and off the bed. Hannah pushed her pants off the rest of the way and watched as Alyssa removed her own. She hadn’t put anything on underneath them. She slid back on top of Hannah’s body and pressed a thigh between Hannah’s legs.
“I can feel you.” Hannah remarked and realized how silly that sounded. Of course, she could feel her. Alyssa was lying on top of her, but what she meant was that she could feel how wet she was. Her bare thigh was providing friction for Alyssa’s center, which had pressed down into it.
