Cross Your Mind, page 11
Alex shifted past the crowd to my side and clinked my glass, his fingers grazing along the small of my back, hidden by the bar. “Happy birthday, Nancy.”
“Thanks.” I looked up at him, holding back the urge to run my fingers through that mane of hair. “Alex, this is my colleague, Ayesha Jatt. She’s helping to audit your GreenTech division.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Ayesha. And how are you finding working at Goldfields?”
Ayesha looked starstruck. “It’s great. They make us feel appreciated with things like this.”
“Staff motivation is important. I hope my team has been equally welcoming.” Alex smiled while stroking descending circles down the base of my spine. His fingers reached the band of my panties, then traced the fabric to investigate what I was wearing. It was the most intimate advance he’d made since our first date. I heated with anticipation, and prayed I hadn’t broken into a flush as he located the dip of my thong.
“Oh, sure, they’re great. Everything’s seamless,” Ayesha said obliviously.
I tried to remain composed.
“Excellent.” Alex’s lips curled at my evident effort, then his expression changed. He removed his hand and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his vibrating phone. “Excuse me, I need to take this.”
“Ladies!” David breezed in, filling Alex’s spot and clinked our glasses. “Are you enjoying your birthday so far?”
“It’s been lovely.” I smiled appreciatively. “Thanks for taking us out. It’s nice to socialise away from work.”
“My pleasure. You guys deserve it. So, what are the rest of your plans for the day?”
“Some friends are coming over for drinks later, and then we’re going to Ride in Brixton.”
He chuckled. “Wow, Ride, it’s been ages since I was last there. Do they still have the roof terrace?”
“I think so. To be honest, I’ve not been in ages. There’re some hip-hop acts, then a DJ till late.”
“Gonna dance the night away then?” David reflected. “Remember to pack a pair of Party Feet. No one wants blisters and a hangover.”
I laughed. “How do you know these things?”
“We men get sore feet, too.”
“From stilettos?” Ayesha interjected.
“Hey, no judging.” David flashed his eyebrows over the rim of his glasses, and we laughed.
The waiter approached him. “Lunch is ready to serve if your party would like to sit.”
“Great stuff,” he said, turning to the group. “Right, folks, take your seats. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
I sat with Ayesha and Evelyn, ensuring we left a space for Alex.
“Twenty-three.” Evelyn shook her head, mid-reminiscing. “What an age. I’m quite envious.”
“Evelyn, you’re both classy and timeless. If anyone should be jealous, it’s me.”
Evelyn blushed and patted my hand. “How did you know I was susceptible to flattery?”
“Just wise for my age, I guess,” I chuckled
“‘Qui n’avance pas recule,’ as my Dale would say.”
“You’re going to have to translate. I didn’t get past GCSE French.”
Evelyn squeezed my hand. “If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards.”
Half an hour later, we’d finished our beautifully presented plates, and conversation flowed as freely as the drinks, creating an upbeat murmur throughout the room. I was half-listening to Ayesha and Evelyn discuss the new series of Avoid My Spouse (a guilty pleasure the pair evidently enjoyed) while I looked over at the door every few seconds for Alex, who’d never joined us for lunch.
I excused myself to look for him. As I entered the hallway, I heard the sibilant tones of hushed conversation from the alcove under the stairs. I moved a little closer, remaining hidden behind a flower display.
“It’s never been about that… I’m sorry how we left it… You deserve better than what I had to offer… Of course, you’re a beautiful woman, Mi.”
What the hell?
I backed into the ladies’ room. Alex had been talking to his ex for the last half hour, missing my birthday lunch. I entered a stall and lowered the seat. What would they have to discuss for so long if their relationship was finished? And why now, today, on my birthday? Things were obviously not as clear-cut as he’d made out if he still dropped everything when she rang—including me.
I tried to shake off the panicked feeling creeping over me, but my anxiety increased with each passing second until all I wanted to do was escape. My mind on autopilot, I returned to the restaurant and tapped David on the shoulder, thanking him again for lunch. Then I said goodbye to Ayesha and Evelyn, who looked concerned when they saw the shake in my hand. I made some feeble excuse about drinking too much and tried to keep my voice light as I gathered my coat and bag.
Alex was still on the call when I left, but I didn’t bother to tell him I was going. If he cared, he’d be with me, not Mimi. Ignoring the tightness in my chest, I slid past him, up the stairs, and into the drizzle.
“Good afternoon and happy birthday, Ms Cooper.” Evan’s friendly lilt greeted me as he opened the Range Rover’s rear door.
I realised I was scowling beneath my hood and tried to meet his smile with one of my own as I climbed into the back seat. “Thanks, Evan. Are you having a good day?”
“Very fine, thank you, despite the weather.”
“Could you take me to the apartment, please?”
“Certainly, Ms Cooper.” He shut the door and returned to the driver’s side, shaking out his umbrella to stow under the seat, then he started the car. But after a long minute, we were still parked.
“Y’alright, Evan?”
“Very well, thank you.”
I waited for him to say more, but he sat silently facing front. “So why aren’t we driving towards the apartment?”
“Just a moment, Ms Cooper.”
I looked for signs of a blockage on the road, but nothing stopped us from leaving. After a few more seconds of waiting for Evan to do something—anything—I became uneasy. The air in the car surrounded me. I ran the back of my hand over my brow, finding it clammy.
“Look, if he has a problem with me leaving, I’ll just hail a cab,” I said, pulling at the door handle to get out, but it didn’t shift. I rattled it, but nothing happened.
Panic flew over me.
“What the fuck! Let me out the car!” There was no answer. “Evan, open it!” I wrenched at the handle, desperate to escape the confined space.
“Please calm down, Ms Cooper. We’ll leave in just a moment,” Evan said, but I couldn’t hear him.
I fumbled trying to open my tote bag. I needed to find the keyring attachment, but I couldn’t focus on the zip. My heart thrashed in my chest, making my vision hazy and my movements staccato. I turned back to the blacked-out window and began to strike it with the heel of my palm. An old memory replayed, permanently embedded inside the dark recesses of my mind, but I couldn’t push it away as I usually did because, right now, I was reliving it.
Sharpened breaths battered my ribs and clawed at my throat. Tears ran down my cheeks as I fought for air. Evan was calling out. The words were lost in the turmoil. My body hit the cool leather of the seat, then a face was above me in the airless blur. It was all I could do to breathe.
23. ALEX
I MARCHED OUT OF THE RESTAURANT after Nancy had left without a word, and from across the street, I spotted the strange sight of Evan kneeling by the rear door, his posture tense. It took me a moment to realise something was very wrong. As I started to run, Nancy came into view, lying on the bench seat as she gasped for air.
“What the hell happened?”
Evan checked her vitals. “I’m unsure, Lord Toverton. We were waiting for you, so I locked the doors as standard. Then, Ms Cooper seemed frightened and tried to get out of the car. That’s when I heard her gasping.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I think she’s having a panic attack.”
I leaned in and touched her face. “Nancy, can you hear me?” Her eyes were dilated, black and bulging as she struggled for air. “Evan, we need to get her to a hospital, now!” I ordered as I climbed in, lifting her trembling body onto my lap. Evan jumped into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the kerb with a screech, turning the car a sharp one-eighty to speed off in the opposite direction.
“Just breathe, Nancy,” I whispered like a mantra into her curls. “Please, just breathe.”
The streets rushed by us as I pleaded over and over, for how long I couldn’t say, but after a time, her breath mellowed, and her body relaxed into mine.
“Alex?” she murmured.
“I’m here. You’re going to be okay.”
“What happened?”
“We think you had a panic attack.”
“It was blurry. I couldn’t focus.”
“It’s okay.” I stroked her hair. “We’re going to the hospital. Just rest.”
She stilled. “I’m feeling better.”
“We’ll get you checked over.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“They’ll make sure at the hospital.”
“No.” Her voice trembled.
“No?”
“I don’t want to go to the hospital.”
“Why not—”
“I won’t go there!” She tensed like a plank, and I clasped her, frightened she was on the brink of another attack.
“Shhh, it’s okay, we won’t then. Concentrate on your breath, in for four and out for four.” I called over to Evan to divert to the apartment. If she had another attack there, we could ensure she was comfortable and call an ambulance if necessary. Knowing Nancy, she was trying to brush it all under the carpet, but the image of her gasping was branded on my mind. If she needed treatment, she was getting it, no arguments.
The car changed direction once more. Nancy sat motionless, her deep breaths hot against my neck as she rested her head on my shoulder.
“The door was locked,” she whispered after a time.
“It’s kept locked when parked on the street for security.”
“Evan wouldn’t let me leave the car.”
“He thought you knew that I was coming too. He didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I had to go.”
“Why? You left without a word. I caught sight of you as you were walking out the door.”
“You were on the phone.”
“Yes. I’m sorry I missed lunch.”
“I heard you.”
I hesitated. “What did you hear?”
She pulled back and stared at me with reddened eyes. “Does it matter? I know you were talking to your ex for over half an hour. That’s a long time for a relationship that’s finished.”
“Nancy, you can’t think—”
“What I know is that on my birthday—the first time we’ve been able to be out in public together—you left me to talk to Mimi.”
“I’m sorry for that, but nothing is going on.” I went to stroke her cheek, but she stiffened.
“Then why were you two talking for so long? Why are you talking to her at all?”
I took a moment to find my words. “Miriam’s family is close to mine, and she’s taken our breakup hard.”
“You mean she wants to get back together with you?” Nancy attempted to move off me, but I tightened my grip.
“That’s not what I want, but I have been an asshole to her, and it wasn’t my aim to make her suffer, so when she’s called upset, I’ve tried to reason with her.”
“Seriously? She’s done this before! That’s so manipulative.”
“Maybe, yes, but I didn’t feel I should ignore her when she was in a state.”
“Does she know we’re seeing each other?”
I sighed. “Yes, I told her today.”
“I take it that didn’t go down well.”
“Not particularly, but she will come to terms with it in time.” I brushed my fingers over her freckles in a gesture of affection that was becoming a habit. “I’m with you, Nancy. That’s what I want. I’m just so sorry this happened on your birthday.”
Her gaze softened. “The day’s celebrations aren’t over yet.”
“You still want to go to the club? I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’ve had a fright. You could barely breathe ten minutes ago.”
“I want to enjoy my birthday. I want to see Mum and my friends. And I’d like to spend an evening out with you without any interruptions.” She traced the arch of my cheek, and I returned an uncertain smile. “I’m honestly okay. It was just a lot of different things at once that overwhelmed me. I think that’s why I panicked.” Her hand slid to my chest. “As long as you’re with me, I’ll be okay tonight. Please just don’t leave me again.”
I pressed her hand against my heart. “I promise I’m with you and only you for the whole evening.” The SUV pulled up outside the apartment, and I guided her to the lift, aware of the residual tremor in her body. “I’ll come in with you.”
“No, you should head back to yours. Mum wants to hang out before we go to the club. Plus, I need to get ready.”
“About that.” I hugged her as we ascended. “You’ll find a surprise in your bedroom.”
“What have you got me?”
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.”
“Spoil-sport,” she chuckled.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She nodded, still looking drained. “I feel better now we’ve talked.”
“I’m sorry it caused you to panic.”
“It’s complicated, but honestly, I’m fine. When are you and William picking us up?” She stroked my arm, changing the subject.
“Eight p.m. out front.”
“I can’t wait.” She looked up, trying to hide her vulnerability behind an air of certainty.
I leaned in for a long kiss, feeling her trembling hands against me. “I’ll see you later, bella.”
She looked back and smiled as she closed the door. I ran my hands down my face, releasing a long exhale of unease.
24. NANCY
THE DELICIOUS SMELL OF PASTRY COOKING greeted me as I leaned against the door, letting it take my weight. Mum was bustling about tidying even though the place looked spotless. After a few moments, she saw me.
“Happy birthday, love!” She came over and pulled me into a hug. “You’re back early.”
“We were given the afternoon off.”
“You okay? Your eyes look red?”
“One too many mojitos.” I looked away and walked to the fridge, gripping my hands to hide the residual shake. “I’d better hydrate before going out.” I twisted the cap off a bottle of Evian and gulped back the water, grateful for the pleasant coolness covering the lingering sensation of a chokehold. That attack was so much worse than I remembered.
“And make sure you eat too. I’m cooking up some finger food. I know what you four are like when you get together.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come tonight? We could have a dance together.”
She laughed, continuing to wiping the cloth in circles. “No, honestly, love, it’s not my scene, and, as Jem and Taio are out, Sade’s invited me over for cocktails.”
“How civilised. Will you check on the flat while you’re there?”
“Yeah, Monsieur DuPont called to say it was almost ready, and we should be able to move back in tomorrow.”
“So…DuPont’s got your digits.” I smirked at her, happy to divert my thoughts.
“Nancy, Monsieur DuPont is a very charming man and not my type.”
“You mean he propositioned you?” The face I pulled had her huffing.
“I am not having this conversation with my daughter, thank you very much.” She began to fan out some magazines. “Anyway, I was saying that I’ve packed my stuff, and I’m going to stay over at Sade’s so I can go straight there in the morning.”
“Yeah? I guess that makes sense.”
“So, you’ll have the apartment to yourself tonight if you…want someone to stay.”
“Mum! Ugh!”
“Just saying, love. Alex’s been over every evening this week, but he hasn’t stayed, and if that was for my benefit, you won’t need to worry tonight.”
“Stop talking, please! I’m not having this conversation on my birthday.” I stalked to the sofa.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Mum said airily, and went to her bedroom, returning a minute later with a neatly wrapped present. “I got you this.”
My grimace became a grin. “What did you get me?” I tore the sparkly paper, revealing a necklace box.
“I saw it on the way to work the other week, and it made me think of you.”
Inside lay a flying dove pendant, shaped from twisted gold threads and attached at each end by a delicate chain. “I love it!”
“It reminded me of your tattoo. You always said you liked doves. They mean peace, right?”
“And new beginnings,” I whispered. “Help me with it. I want to wear it now.” I pulled back my hair so she could attach the small clasp, then checked myself in the mirror. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” I planted a kiss on her cheek.
“I’m glad you like it; it suits you.”
I continued to examine the pendant in the mirror, but a deep tiredness had begun to creep in. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna lie down for a bit.”
“Of course. You sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah, I just need a rest. I’ll set an alarm for five so there’s time to shower and get ready.”
“When are your mates coming over?”
“Six. When do you need to head off?”
