Whatever It Takes, page 2
In the end, their short talk caused Emily to reconsider having lunch altogether. With their confrontation at the front of her mind, Emily rushed into the teachers’ lounge to use one of the vending machines, grabbing a nut bar before retreating back to her room.
Just get through the day, Emily thought with an uneasy breath. So long as she made it through the day, she’d be fine.
Sarah was pretty sure she’d seen a ghost. Out of all the ways she’d imagined Emily might come back, seeing her in the halls of Williams Middle School wasn’t one of them.
Considering how much time she’d spent wondering if she’d done something wrong after Emily left, she wasn’t just upset, she was furious.
Most of her anger stemmed from the time they’d lost since Emily’s move, but she also hated the fact she’d trusted Emily at all. Of course, the fact Emily didn’t seem to realize how much her cold-shoulder had hurt made matters even worse.
It didn’t matter that they were in their thirties now. Seeing Emily again sent Sarah right back to where they first started.
Their very first play-date at four years old, their first bike ride together, Emily’s first fall, and Sarah’s first soccer trophy.
They were there for each other always. And then Emily wasn’t.
Losing someone like that, someone that had been in her life for that long? It would’ve been just as bad as if Emily were dead. However, knowing she was still out there somewhere only complicated things even more.
Seeing Emily again like that, just out of the blue? All of Sarah’s old emotions came rolling back. The same emotions Sarah had struggled to hide. The ones that still troubled her from time to time but that she’d somehow gotten a handle on.
Until now.
Sarah hated Emily for putting those feelings there, the same ones she’d kept hidden for so long.
Finally reaching her table in the lounge, Sarah slammed her tray down in front of her, causing Chris and the others jump in surprise.
“Anything on your mind?” Chris asked once she sat down.
“You seem upset.”
“I’m fine,” Sarah spoke through clenched teeth, giving up on her bottle of Coke when it refused to open.
“Flustered,” he corrected her, opening the soda before passing it back to her again. “Anything I should worry about?”
His last words were just loud enough for her to hear as he leaned his head on her shoulder.
Sarah released a long breath, then glanced back the way she came. Emily stood at the vending machines, her brows pinched together as the machine refused to take her bill.
Following her example, Chris looked in Emily’s direction, offering Sarah a small smile when he faced her again. “That’s the new English teacher, right? Emily Barnes?”
“Yeah.” Sarah’s voice was harder than she intended, forcing her to face the table in front of her. “We know each other. Or we used to, anyway.”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Judy, one of the other teachers, said. “Bad blood?”
Sarah shook her head. Emily may have ghosted her and caused her pain but she wasn’t a terrible person. Not the Emily she remembered, anyway. “Childhood friend, actually.”
“But you had a falling out,” Chris urged, a set of bushy brows rising above his kind blue eyes.
“She moved, then she stopped talking to me altogether. It’s stupid. We were kids back then. I was just surprised to see her working across the hall from me this morning.”
“But you got the email informing us of a new staff member, so you knew it’d be her, right?” Judy asked, getting a handful of nods from everyone else at their table.
“I was kind of hoping it was a coincidence. People share names all the time, so it wasn’t like it was impossible.”
“But in the same town she grew up in?” Chris asked, offering Sarah a small smile. “What’re you going to do? Do we hate her?”
“What?” Sarah wasn’t sure what he expected her to say.
“If you hate her, then so do I. I’ve got your back no matter what.” He puffed out his chest, causing Sarah to laugh in response.
“Thanks,” Sarah said, taking a sip of her soda which did nothing for her dry throat. “But no, we don’t hate her. It’s just odd, and confusing, and…” She blew out a long breath.
“It’s complicated,” Judy said with a shrug. “But whose life isn’t? If it bothers you this much, then there’s still something left between you two.”
“Yeah,” Sarah scoffed. “Trust issues.”
“It’ll get easier,” the other woman said, breaking into her own lunch before it got cold.
Sarah wasn’t so sure, and when she looked over her shoulder again, Emily was gone.
Chapter Three
“I have a feeling I don’t have to ask how things went today at school,” Jess said the moment Emily got in the car.
Emily tossed her things into the backseat of the car, then sat down, letting out a long sigh as she did. “Not even close. I mean, the kids are great and all, and there’s this one girl that sort of reminds me of me, but…”
“Sarah, yeah. I figured there’d be some tension there.”
Emily choked back a laugh. “I could handle a little tension, but she’s basically blacklisted me from hanging out with her ever again. Granted, some of what she said was also right.”
“Like what?” Jess asked, putting the car into drive before heading to the other side of town.
“We’ve been apart longer than we were together as friends.
We don’t know one another.”
“No,” Jess agreed, “but you have enough history for something to still exist between you two. You just have to figure out what that is. It’s probably buried under some student debt.”
Emily smiled at that. “I can’t say that’s as much of a problem for us as it is for you.” She gave Jess a pointed look.
“Are you on call tonight?”
“Of course,” Jess said with a roll of her eyes, “but I wasn’t going to let you end your day without touching base with you first. I’ll crash for a few hours once we get in, but don’t be surprised if I need the car.”
“I didn’t plan on going out anyway,” Emily said. “Besides, I wanted to get a head start on a few things for work and see if I can’t remember these names.” She patted the bag she’d thrown in the seat behind them.
“You don’t need to learn them all in one day.”
“No, but I’d like to. It’ll make things less confusing if I do.
That said, I have a feeling the janitor is going to have a fit when he reaches my room.”
“Spitballs? Wads of gum?” Jess wrinkled her nose.
“I moved the desks.”
Jess’ smile grew. “Oh, the circle thing, right? I always liked those.”
“Right? Anyway, I’m sure I’ll hear something about it because I didn’t do the norm, but it’s more fun that way.”
“You won’t get any arguments from me. Hey, you want to eat out for dinner, or…” Jess trailed off, looking at her once she stopped at a traffic light.
“Home, please. We have stuff to make sandwiches, which after the day I’ve had, is perfectly fine by me.”
“You got it.”
That night, long after Jess had gone into work, Emily found herself looking back on the past and thinking about what could’ve been. When her mother first told her about the move, Emily had no idea what to say. She would’ve thrown herself onto the floor kicking and screaming if she thought it would’ve helped. But the old house, the one she’d lived in since she was born, had too many painful memories with her father gone. How could she fault her mother for wanting to leave when a small part of Emily wanted to do the same?
“I could always come and find you,” Sarah had said once Emily told her, running a blade of grass between her fingers.
“You’d get lost. You hate geography.” Emily didn’t look at her then. She couldn’t look at her, not when the tears in her throat were the same ones she’d see in Sarah’s eyes.
Instead, Emily played with the stem to her dandelion, the tiny white puff a distant memory as the wishies floated up to the clouds.
“Then I’d mail myself to you.” Sarah faced her and held Emily’s hands between them. “I can do that, you know. I’m small enough, and you know I can fit inside one of those big suitcases.”
She was right. She proved her flexibility time and again, her most recent accomplishment involving her mother’s carry-on.
Emily smiled but eventually waved the idea away. “It’d be a long flight,” she said, unable to meet Sarah’s gaze. “What if you have to pee?”
“Yeah, I guess there’s that. I could always ask my mom to drive up.”
Emily was shaking her head before Sarah could finish.
“It’s a five-hour drive from here. That isn’t something anyone should have to do just for a weekend visit.”
“Then you can come here and stay with us in the summer.
Your mom would probably be cool with that. You won’t have classes so—”
“Maybe,” Emily finally said, “but that’s for her to decide.”
It was a decision her mother never had to make because Emily never asked. That first summer was hard, and getting to know her stepfather was important enough for Emily to stay.
Emily wanted to make her mom happy. She deserved to be happy, even if Emily wasn’t.
One summer turned into two, and by the time Emily felt truly safe with the idea of visiting Sarah again, three years had gone by.
If Emily could’ve gone back, she would’ve visited that first summer. She would’ve kept in touch. Instead, she stuck her head in the sand like a dumb ostrich and had no idea how to right all of the wrongs she’d done.
“You don’t know her,” Emily told herself as she wrapped up for the night.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t get to know her, a small voice said in the back of her mind.
Until Sarah was willing to meet her halfway, there wasn’t much she could do but hope. Hope for forgiveness, for a new beginning, and a second chance.
No one holds a grudge forever, the voice said again, sounding smaller than before.
Emily didn’t believe it for a second, and considering how long Sarah refused to speak to one of their old friends after they busted her bike, Emily had a feeling she’d hold a grudge forever.
“And it’s up to me to change that,” Emily said as she turned off the lights.
All she had to do was figure out how to do it.
One day at a time, she thought. She’d take it one day at a time, and with any luck, Sarah would grow to like her again.
She could only hope.
The rest of the week didn’t go any better. Whenever Emily looked across the hall, Sarah refused to meet her gaze. She knew things would be weird between them, but this was getting ridiculous. The first day Emily was here, she saw Sarah sitting at a table with three of their co-workers. At the time, it seemed as though Emily’s presence had upset Sarah, but if it did, she wasn’t about to admit it.
Then again, she always was the stronger of the two. She was the first one to walk into the middle school. She also helped Emily find and open her finicky locker. Sarah was the type of person who’d give something a try, no matter what.
Not Emily. Emily weighed the pros and cons along with the possibility of getting hurt. She’d never broken a bone in her body, whereas Sarah had three.
Maybe playing it safe and waiting for Sarah to come to her wasn’t the right idea. The more Emily thought about it, the more certain she became. Sarah was a stubborn sort, holding a grudge for years at a time if she ever had to.
She’d never be the one to approach Emily unless Emily gave her a tiny push, which was exactly what she planned to do. She just wasn’t sure how to do it yet.
While the idea of Sarah hating her was a possibility, Emily thought things would go a lot easier if she knew the truth.
Stuck in an odd form of friendship limbo, all Emily wanted was to know where she stood. Once she did, she could move on, possibly to another school if her relationship with Sarah was as bad as she feared.
So after third period, just when the bell was about to ring, Emily pulled a piece of paper from her desk and scribbled a very short message on top of it. She waited for all of her students to leave before heading across the hall.
“This doesn’t have to be awkward,” Sarah said from her place in front of the desk. She was leaning over, her long hair hanging down in front of her face and hiding it from view.
“I know,” Emily said, not moving from her place in the doorway. “That’s why I’ve come to give you this. It sort of explains things and…”
“Is there an apology in there somewhere?” Sarah asked as she glared in Emily’s direction.
“I… yes.”
“Then you’re forgiven.”
“Really?” It couldn’t be that easy.
“No,” Sarah said with a shake of her head. “I’m not even sure if I can forgive you because I have no idea how I feel.”
Sarah’s cheeks darkened the moment she realized she’d raised her voice. “Sorry. I need to get ready for my next class.” Her voice was lower now, her eyes fixed on the door frame Emily continued to block. “You should probably do the same.”
And there it was, her dismissal. Granted, Emily hadn’t picked the best time to speak with her, but reaching out to Sarah now rather than before lunch was probably best. At least then, Sarah might consider her invitation to meet in the courtyard to talk.
Emily had been using it the last several days during lunch.
No one ever walked in, so she was pretty sure they wouldn’t be disturbed. It was also a lot better than meeting at some random cafe.
“Just read the letter,” Emily said as she turned to go. “And I really am sorry.”
Sarah mumbled something under her breath, then placed the note in her desk before going back to whatever it was she’d been doing when Emily first walked in.
Without a way to turn back time or to hurry it along, Emily excused herself, taking a handful of breaths before preparing for her next class. Some of her students were already at their desks once she entered the room, but her lessons would only work as a temporary distraction. As soon as the bell rang, she’d have no choice but to try and face Sarah again.
Sarah was gone by the time Emily’s students left for lunch.
Chapter Four
The first time Emily and Sarah met in the school courtyard, the Cherry Trees were in full bloom, their pink flowers a welcomed addition to the surrounding brick walls.
The beautiful benches under the tree were no longer there, replaced with wooden ones instead of the granite they used to be.
Still, it was a place to sit and in a spot Emily knew she wouldn’t be disturbed. Eating in her classroom got old by the second day, and once she realized no one else used this space, she claimed it as her own. Students walked by a few times, glancing out the tall glass walls at Emily who had a sandwich in one hand and her book in another.
She planned to have classes outside in the spring, but for now, she was more than happy to sit by herself. Unless Sarah decided to join her, of course.
At this point, Emily was pretty sure she would, because it was exactly the same way they’d met in the courtyard so long ago.
It was Emily’s idea. She’d actually been eating her lunches there for a while, leaving Sarah to sit inside with their other friends. Being the quieter of the two, Emily preferred her solitude whenever possible, and Sarah knew this. Still, when Emily asked her to go to the courtyard for lunch, she joined her without hesitation.
It was the same day she told Sarah she had to leave.
“So your stepdad’s really going to pull you out of school?”
Sarah had asked, plucking a blade of grass from under the bench they’d been sitting on.
“He doesn’t have a choice. The job won’t wait for him,”
Emily explained.
“But they aren’t even letting you finish out the school year.
Why can’t you stay with your aunt?”
Emily honestly didn’t know. “They just want me to go with them, I guess.”
“And do you?” Sarah’s words caught her off guard.
“Of course not,” Emily said without giving it a second thought, “but we’re fourteen. Anything I say doesn’t matter.
He makes Mom happy—”
“But her happiness isn’t yours,” Sarah pointed out, refusing to look at her by focusing on the blade of grass in her hands instead.
She had Emily there, and as silence fell between them, Emily tried to get up the nerve to say something that had been on her mind since they first started school. The first school dance was right around the corner, and there was only one person Emily wanted to go with. Not just as friends but as something more.
“Sarah, I—”
“It’s really strange meeting you here.” It was Sarah’s voice, but it sounded a lot older now.
It took a moment for Emily to realize she’d been zoning out. Her vision cleared just enough for her to spot Sarah on the other side of the courtyard.
“It’s where we left off,” Emily managed, swallowing around the lump in her throat as she put her book down beside her. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“Neither was I,” Sarah admitted, managing a small smile that forced butterflies into Emily’s stomach. “You didn’t think one of the coffee shops would’ve been better?”
Emily offered her a partial shrug, scooting over on her bench so Sarah could sit down. Sarah hesitated but eventually joined her under the trees.
“It’d be some neutral ground,” Sarah said when Emily didn’t respond.
“This is neutral ground,” Emily said with a frown.
“With a bit of history.” Sarah didn’t have to explain. Emily heard her loud and clear.
It was where they first kissed and where they ultimately said goodbye. There were a lot of emotions mixed up in that courtyard, especially now.
“You invited me here to talk, so talk,” Sarah said, making sure to keep a bit of space between them.
