Claimed by You, page 3
“You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?” He fakes offense and places his hand over his heart like I have just broken it.
“Pulling a play out of your playbook.” I snap. “Unfortunately it didn't work as well considering you knew I would be leaving.”
Yesterday I was too shaken up by his very presence to really think of anything but the fact that he was standing right in front of me. Today however, I have had time to stew and as distracting as this man can be, I have to find the strength to not let him derail me.... Again.
“Ouch.” He says, a small smile still playing on his lips. “I guess I deserve that.”
“Oh you more than deserve it.” I say, turning in my seat to face him straight on. “Why are you here Westin?” I ask, my voice void of any playfulness.
“I wanted to see you off.” He says, still smiling.
“If we were friends, I would maybe believe that, but we aren't. So I'm going to ask you one more time and if you don't give me an honest answer, I'm going to walk away and if you try to follow me, I will tell security that you are harassing me.” I register the shock on his face and a small piece of me is doing a little victory dance.
“So tell me Westin. Why are you here?” I ask again.
“You're different.” He says, his voice losing it's amusement and seriousness lacing his handsome features.
“It's been ten years, of course I'm different.” I say, trying not to get too agitated but really wanting him to make a point at the same time.
He just doesn't realize how painful this is for me. How much he hurt me and how hard it is to sit here now with him so close and know that he can never be mine.
“I'm sorry about last night.” His apology surprises me but I don't respond. “I'm sorry for the way I went about it. For treating you like ten years ago never happened. It doesn't make it okay, but I guess it was just easier. I just didn't know how to act or what to say. Seeing you, well it really threw me for a loop .”
“I couldn't tell.” I say, not trying to hurt his feelings but refusing to be anything but honest. “You spent half the night tangled with big breasted blondes and seemed to be rather enjoying yourself.”
“Did that bother you?” He asks, his eyebrows shooting up in question.
As much as I don't want to, I know that I am going to have to be the one to just lay this shit out there. I can't tip toe around this, and eventually I'm going to have to just say what I need to say. My flight leaves soon and time is not a luxury that I have.
“Are you kidding me right now? You can do whatever you want with whoever you want and no, I don't care. What I care about is what you did ten years ago and the way you left right after......” I break off, not able to finish the sentence.
While I want to tell him what he did to me then, I don't want him to see how much it still affects me now.
“Whatever, I mean we were kids, I get it. I just don't have any desire to return to the past. We are adults now and some things are just better left alone.” I push my emotions back and try to keep my voice calm and even.
Closure. That's all this is. I just need closure. I mean, you would have to be blind not to be physically attracted to this man, but that's all it is. I can't let his looks or our past distract me. I know I have to walk away from him, so I need to make it as painless as possible.
“Scarlett. I.....” He starts, but I hold my hand up gesturing for him to stop.
“Don't.” It's more of a plead then a statement.
“But.”
“Westin please. I can't do this. I can't travel down memory lane with you and relive everything we have been through. Again, we were kids. I won't make you pay for the mistakes you made then, but I also won't put myself in a situation to be hurt again either. Last night things got a little out of hand, but it meant nothing. Let's not make this more than it is.” I say, trying my damnedest to make my words believable even though I feel like a part of me is dying with each one I speak.
“Okay.” He says, nodding his head, his face void of emotion.
“Okay?” I ask tentatively.
“You need time. I get that. But if you think that I am letting you go again, especially that easy, you are sorely mistaken.” He says, his earlier smirk returning.
“No, you misunderstand.” I start, but he cuts me off.
“Do I?”
“Yes you do. I meant....”
“You said words. You didn't actually mean any of it. They are just words Scar. It may have been ten years, but you are still you. I still see the same fearless, courageous girl you were then and the incredibly beautiful woman that girl has grown into. You may refuse to acknowledge that after ten years, we still know each other, but your body gives you away. Your body remembers me.” He says, trailing his index finger down the side of my face, causing every nerve ending in my body to stand to attention.
“You still tremble under my touch, just like you did then.” He says, leaning forward so that his face is just inches from mine.
“You're an asshole.” I breathe, completely taken aback by how quickly his mood has once again shifted from serious to playful, back to serious.
“Have a safe flight Scar. I'll be in touch.” He says, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss to my cheek before standing and walking away. I don't even have a chance to form a coherent thought, let alone speak.
He's sorry for acting like ten years ago never happened?
He thinks I need time?
He'll be in touch?
What the hell is going on right now?
I watch him disappear into a sea of people and yet, I can't bring myself to do anything. I want to run after him, to beg him never to leave me again. I want to let him walk away and never see him again.
I am so torn in so many different directions that I don't know what I want anymore.
I need to get home. I need to get back to where I am comfortable and my life makes sense. I need to get back to my routine and away from the allure of California and the people that it inhabits.
I am not the same girl he knew, not by a long shot. It's time I prove that to not only him, but also to myself.
Chapter Five
“Scar. Mrs. Jones is here for the scone order.” Kari calls into the kitchen from the front counter of our bakery, Layers.
“Give me two minutes.” I holler back, trying to get the full three dozen situated properly into one box.
I have been back from California for a little over a week and while my life has thankfully returned somewhat to normal, my days are now haunted with thoughts of a certain breathtakingly handsome man.
When I close my eyes, I can see his piercing blue eyes staring back at me. When I lay in bed, I can feel his hands roaming down my sides and settling on my hips. I can feel his mouth and the way his tongue moved against mine. I can see and feel a lot of things that I don't want to be feeling and yet, I can't control it.
It's because of this, that I made plans with Carson tonight. Well not really plans, more like arrangements to take out some of my sexual frustrations on him. I am hoping that it will somewhat dull the ache that Westin left unsatisfied back in California.
Turning my attention back to the scones, I finally am able to arrange them all in a way that the lid closes properly. I tape the flap down and quickly make my way into the lobby.
“Everything okay back there?” Kari asks, after ringing out the customer and waiting until she has walked away. “You seem to be a little off in la la land.” She laughs, twirling her finger in the air.
“Just distracted.” I shrug.
“Uh huh.” She says, shaking her head slightly at me. “You have been 'just distracted'” She makes quotations with her fingers. “Since returning from California.”
“Trust me. If you could see this man, you would be distracted too.” I say, fanning myself in a way that makes Kari bust out laughing.
“Okay. As long as you know that eventually you are going to have to stop day dreaming and make a decision where said 'lover boy' is concerned.”
“There is no decision to be made. I am seeing Carson tonight. I'm going about my life like last week never happened. Westin is a thing of the past.” I say, swiping my hand through the air.
Kari knows every detail there is to know about Westin, including where I stand on the matter. But that means she also sees my weakness where he's concerned.
“If you say so.” She sings, turning her attention to a customer that is approaching the counter.
Shaking my head, I make my way around the other side of the counter to adjust some of the bakery items on display.
Layers is a small, intimate bakery, and everything I have ever dreamed of owning. It sits along a main strip full of shops and restaurants in the heart of Rockland and business is very good for us.
We mainly specialize in coffee and pastries, with the dining room set up with small round tables and old diner style chairs, but we also do catering and parties, which makes up a good portion of our business.
The floors are covered in black and white tile, while the walls are pale pinks and purples with cupcakes, scones, cookies, and other tasty treats hand painted across them. My best friend here, Jamie, painted them for me while the bakery was still under construction. She's amazingly talented.
A glass counter full of displayed items sits against the back wall next to the cash register that is usually either manned by Jules or Maria, but since both of them are out sick today, is currently being operated by Kari.
I kind of like it when it's just the two of us. Reminds me of when we first opened, before things really took off. While I am thankful to be so successful, I also miss the calm and simplicity of being a less established business.
The front of the shop is a wall of windows, which I love. I find that people are more tempted to stop in if they can see inside. I mean, who can resist a red velvet cupcake decorated in a way that screams 'Eat Me'?
Deciding I need to get back to work, I make sure Kari doesn't need anything before ducking back into the kitchen. This is the one place where I feel free. I call the shots back here. It's the one place where I can create anything I want to. My little slice of heaven.
****
I lock up the bakery just after eight and make my way upstairs to the small space that I have spent a year renovating into an apartment. It's not much. An open kitchen and living space with hardwood floors and beige walls. One bedroom. One bathroom.
It doesn't scream luxury by any means, but it's nice and comfortable and it beats living with Kari any day. Not that I minded living with her, but at twenty-six, I just felt like it was time to have a place of my own.
The main reason we settled on this particular location for Layers was because of this space. I was so relieved when it was finally finished. I didn't realize what renovating an apartment entailed until we actually got started.
I toss my phone on the kitchen counter and head to my bedroom to clean up before going to Carson's. Not that I feel like I need to dress up when I just plan on getting naked, but I think a shower is definitely in order.
Twenty minutes later, I am walking out the door with wet hair, very little in the way of makeup, wearing black yoga pants and a fitted red t-shirt. I did, however, decide on wearing a sexy red thong with matching lace bra. I figure that's all he will be seeing anyways.
It only takes me about fifteen minutes to walk to Carson's apartment from mine. Unlike me, he lives in a large building with an intercom system so I have to stand outside in the cool breeze until he buzzes me in.
It's not cold yet, but the weather is definitely headed in that direction. Especially at night when there is no sun to warm the breeze coming in off the water.
The lock clicks and I push my way through the front door of the apartment building. I know the building well and have been here several times, specifically at night, since me and Carson met at the bakery a few months ago.
I still remember it like it was yesterday. He came in to order some treats and I was immediately drawn to his accent. His handsome face and dazzling smile didn't hurt either. He started visiting the bakery more often and eventually, he asked me out for dinner.
Things have just kind of become what they are based on what we both feel like we need out of the relationship. We established early on that neither one of us wanted anything too serious.
He's a rising star at the I.T. Firm he works for and typically works seven days a week, so he doesn't have much time to dedicate to a relationship. At the time, I was so busy getting the bakery off the ground that I didn't mind either.
Now things are just what they are. We have a comfortable routine and while it is lacking on the emotional aspect, Carson is extremely sweet and has a way of making me smile, a lot.
“There she is.” He croons the moment he opens the front door and catches sight of me standing in the hall.
“Get in here.” He says, wasting no time pulling me into his apartment and shutting the door, before pulling me into a passionate kiss.
I don't question his actions and let him lead me through the open floor plan and onto the oversized leather couch sitting in the middle of the room.
Within minutes we are down to our underwear, and while I am doing my best to get into it, I can feel that something is different. Not that he is different or the situation. Nope, this has everything to do with me and I think I know why.
While Carson is talented and skilled, when I open my eyes, I can't help but be disappointed that it's not Westin staring back at me.
Of course, he senses my lack of enthusiasm and pushes up onto his knees so that he is hovering over me.
“Everything okay Scar?” He asks. And while I know that it's not okay, I want it to be.
Shaking my head yes, I prop up on my elbow and use my other hand to grip around his neck and pull him back down. This should be easy. Carson is attractive, very giving, and when he talks, I literally melt. I can do this.
And yet, even still, it doesn't feel right.
“Wait.” I pant, just as Carson is about to slip his hand inside of my thong. He stills his movements and simply hovers over me.
“I'm sorry. I can't do this.” I admit, feeling the heat rush to my face.
“You okay?” He asks, not moving from his place on top of me.
“Yeah. Yeah, it's not you. I just..... I don't know.”
He pushes back to his knees and like the gentleman he is, retrieves my shirt and pants from the floor and hands them to me before helping me into a sitting position.
“You wanna talk about it?” He asks.
While I appreciate the effort, I also realize that he is a man. A man with needs. A man with needs that I just denied because I can't stop thinking about another man.
I don't think I need to make a bad situation worse.
“No. I appreciate it, but I think.... I think I just need to go.” I say, looking into his chocolate brown eyes with an enormous amount of regret.
“Okay. No problem.” He says, his confusion clear, making me want to burst into tears by how amazing this man is and why I can't just get my shit together already.
What is wrong with me? Any girl would be thrilled to take my place. A tall, tan, dark haired man with muscles for days and an accent that is panty dropping good, does not come around often and here I am, throwing him back.
I should be asking him to agree to a more committed relationship right now, not putting my clothes on and walking away. Because why? Because I can't stop thinking about Westin? Because I think there is any possible way that him and I would ever stand a chance?
Even though I can shoot holes through my logic, I can't fight against the fact that this just doesn't feel right.
Chapter Six
I make the walk of shame home just after eleven, only it's a different kind of shame that I feel. Each step I take feels weighted and my shoulders feel too heavy. I spend over half the trip wiping away stray tears from my cheeks that just keep falling, even though I am not sure why exactly I'm crying to begin with.
How did I get here? Two weeks ago my life was perfect. Okay, it wasn't perfect, but I had some good things going for me. Carson being one of them. And now, well now I don't even know what I want.
Maybe that's the root of my real problem. Since coming to Maine, there was never any question for me. I saw something I wanted, I went for it, in all aspects of my life. Having Westin thrust back into my life so unexpectedly has really screwed with my head.
As I round the corner, my steps falter when I see a figure sitting on the front steps of the bakery. Confused as to who it could possibly be, I check the signs hanging from the awning above to see if maybe I am mistaking my entrance with that of another shop. On this street, they all kind of blend together.
But the closer I get, the more it becomes clear that the mystery person is most definitely sitting on my steps. My heart rate kicks up a notch as nervous butterflies erupt in my stomach hinted with a dash of fear.
“Can I help you?” I ask, stopping a few feet from the front door of the bakery, honestly too scared to go any closer without first identifying who this is.
The street lights are too dim and I am still too far away to make out any facial features, but as the person begins to stand, it becomes apparent that it's a man. His height and broad shoulders make that much clear.
“Rough night?” His voice comes out with a hint of laughter and for a moment, I think I'm hearing things. Certainly it's not.....
It can't be.......
“Sorry?” I question, squinting through the darkness trying to make out his face. Only then does it dawn on me that I am standing directly below a street lamp, so while he is shrouded in darkness, to him I am completely visible.
“Rough night?” He asks again, this time his voice unmistakable as he steps away from the shadow cast by the building and into the dim lights of the street.
The moment my eyes focus on his face, I literally gasp.
“Westin?” My shock must register through more than just my voice because he lets out an amused laugh and takes another step towards me, leaving us separated by a mere two feet.
