Claimed by You, page 17
“What did you do?” The words are thick and feel like they stick on my tongue, but I manage to get them out.
“What did I do?” He asks, sarcasm ringing from his voice as he pushes against the back side of his desk and crosses his arms. “I think the question is what did he do?”
“Stop playing games and tell me!” My voice screeches through the office and I hardly even recognize it as my own.
“I thought the answer was clear. He needed the money for school, I simply gave him what he needed.”
“But at what price?” I ask, trying to keep the quiver from my words.
“Only one. He had to leave, immediately.” He says, his smirk not fading from his face.
“Why?” I choke out, barely able to believe my ears.
“Why?” He asks, his temper once again flaring. “Why? I don't know Scarlett. Maybe because your mother and I wanted a future for you. A future that didn't involve getting knocked up while you were still in school and living a meaningless life, effectively throwing away so much potential.”
“You paid him to leave?” Even I don't believe it. There's no way anyone would stoop that low. A father no less. It's not possible.
And yet, as I stare into the eyes of my father, I know it's true, and I know that if anyone in the world is capable of such selfish measures, Jonathan Ryan is that man.
“I did what was necessary to ensure you had a real future.” He says, without remorse.
“It wasn't your future to determine. You had no right to take that choice from me.” I scream.
“I had every right. I am your father.” He says, slapping his hand down on the desk.
“Right. My father.” I say, my hatred for him boiling up in my chest. “A father who takes away his daughters first love only to throw him back in her face years later. Is there no limit to the number of times you can hurt me? Is there no limit to what you will do to get what you want?”
“I didn't get where I am today by worrying about other people.” He bites at me.
“That's obvious.” I say, shaking my head. “Look around you. Everyone hates you. Hell, your own daughter moved across the country just to get away from you. You may have riches and power but when you die, you'll die alone. No one will come to your funeral. No one will care that you're gone.”
I keep going, afraid that if I stop I won't ever get the words out. “Westin may have fallen for your bribery and your games and I guess in a way, I owe you a thank you for showing me the kind of man he really is. But I am not like him. I am not like you. And I will not be manipulated and forced into a life that I don't want. I don't care why you did what you did. I don't care what you try to do in the future. I will never come back here. I will never forgive you.”
“Don't be ridiculous. I am your......”
“Don't say it.” I warn, pointing my finger directly at him. “Don't you dare say you are my father. You may have brought me into this world, but from the moment I was born you have been anything but a father to me. Let me be very clear.” I say, taking a step towards him. “If you ever interfere with my life again, I will ruin you.”
“Are you threatening me?” His words ring with disbelief.
“I'm promising you.” I say, meeting his gaze without blinking. “You think I don't know about all the illegal transactions you have done over the years? The falsified information that got you just a little further in your career each time? You think I'm stupid?” I tisk at him. “You forget. I am a Ryan after all.” I say, taking another step towards him.
“You're bluffing.” He says, not cowering one bit at my threats.
“Are you willing to risk everything to prove it?” I ask, daring him to challenge me further.
Truth is, I have nothing on him. But that doesn't mean I didn't overhear the conversations that he had behind closed doors or the secretive phone calls that always used to pull him away from the dinner table. I know there's things that have gone on here and so does he, which makes my threat seem legit even if I have no way to prove a thing.
“I will say this only once. You. Are. Not. My. Father.” Each word drips like acid as it leaves my mouth. “I never want to see you again.” I barely register the shocked expression across his stern face as I whip around and storm out of his office. Grabbing the door, I slam it shut so hard that I can see the walls shake the moment I step into the hallway.
So many emotions bubble inside of me. Fear, anger, regret, sadness, elation, freedom. It's all there. Seething through my core. Bursting from my pores. But as I turn and am faced with the only person that has the power to truly hurt me, the only emotion I feel is betrayal.
“Scarlett. Please. I can explain.” He says, the moment our eyes meet. Turning, I whip past him, not willing to hear anymore from either of the men that were in on this little charade.
“Please.” He says, grabbing my forearm and whipping me around, just before I make it to the doors leading to the lobby.
“Let me go Westin.” I warn, feeling the flare in my nostrils as my anger resurfaces, this time even stronger.
“Let me explain.” He stutters out, clearly not sure how to deal with how unpredictable I'm behaving. Neither man has ever seen me like this before. Honestly, I'm not sure if I've ever seen myself like this.
“Explain what Westin?” I turn, stepping towards him, which forces him to take a step backwards. My hands fly out in front of me and forcefully push against his chest, before I even realize what I am doing.
“Explain how you left me ten years ago.” I say, pushing him again. “Explain how you and my father came up with this little plan to get me back here?” I shove him again. “Explain how not once, but twice, you have managed to outdo the famous Jonathan Ryan?” I shove him once more, this time so hard he actually stumbles backwards a couple of steps.
“You are just like him.” I say, the tears I have been holding in for so long finally breaking free. “You are a liar and a manipulator and I hate you. I hate you.” My words become so thick with emotion, I don't even know if they are audible.
“Scarlett please.” His voice chokes on his own emotion, but I refuse to let him pull me back in because he feels even the slightest bit of remorse for what he's done.
“We are done Westin. DONE!” My voice echos off the walls around us. “I never want to see you again.” I turn as the tears flow harder but once again, he reaches out and grabs my arm, this time sending my already teetering temper into an absolute frenzy.
“Don't touch me!” I scream, ripping my arm away. “Don't ever touch me again.” This time when I turn to leave, he lets me.
I tear through the building, moving as fast as my feet and legs will carry me. I don't look back. I keep going until every trace of my father is gone. Until every trace of Westin is gone. Until I am far enough away that neither of them can hurt me again.
But that's that funny thing about being hurt. No matter how far and hard you run, the pain always catches up to you. Always.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It's been six days since I left California. Six of the most painful days of my life. I can't eat. I barely sleep. I swear Kari is seconds away from buying me out and just washing her hands of me.
I am failing. I have failed. Every aspect of my life, my independence, everything I built for myself. Gone. Just like that. Jonathan Ryan used the only thing he had against me, the one man who held the power to destroy everything I worked so hard for.
I am hurting so deeply, I have no idea how to pull myself out of it. And to make matters worse, I have been pretty sick for the past couple of days. What little food I have eaten has managed to make it's way back up within minutes of eating it. It got so bad yesterday that I couldn't even keep water down.
Luckily my doctor was able to give me something for the nausea, but not before poking me with needles and testing me for every illness under the sun. While I feel a little bit better today, my body is weak and even getting out of bed feels like an extreme workout.
No matter how rough I feel, I know that I can't continue hiding out in my apartment. I have to distract myself. Find a way to keep myself busy. I finally find the strength to make it to the shower and then manage to keep down a piece of toast, before heading downstairs.
When I reach the kitchen, Maria is busy making a few different trays of Layers famous Christmas creme wraps. It's something Kari and I started our first Christmas here and decided to make a tradition for the holidays.
Even though Christmas is a month away, the holiday season is in the air. Just another reason that I have to feel angry about my situation. I love the holidays. The lights, the carolers, the sweets. I love everything about it. But this year, I honestly couldn't care less.
“Oh, hi.” Maria says, jumping slightly when she realizes I'm behind her.
“Sorry I didn't mean to startle you.” I say, crossing the kitchen and grabbing the orders folder from the far counter where Kari keeps them.
“You look better. Are you feeling okay?” She asks, pulling a batch of creme rolls from the oven before sliding in a new batch.
“A little.” I say, shrugging as I thumb through the various orders Kari has scribbled down that need to be made. Nothing too time sensitive, but definitely enough to give me some things to work on. I know that in the upcoming weeks, things will get really busy. Christmas is our busiest times of year, for obvious reasons.
Kari walks into the kitchen and stalls the moment she sees me. “Hey. I didn't think you would be in today.” She says, draping her arm across my shoulder as soon as she reaches me.
“I had to get out of there.” I say, pointing upwards towards my apartment.
“Good for you.” She says, giving me a squeeze before letting her arm drop.
“Kari...” I say, turning to face her.
“Don't you dare say thank you or that you're sorry.” She says, cutting me off. “You are my family and I love you. You never have to thank me for that.”
Her words immediately bring tears to my eyes and I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. “I love you.” I say, just as I release her.
She smiles at me and wipes away the only tear that managed to escape my eyes. “And I love you.” She says. “I know that things are hard right now. But Scar, things will get better. I just want to make sure you give yourself time to heal, both mentally and physically. Speaking of which, how are feeling?”
“I'm fine. The nausea medicine is helping. And as far as everything else, I will get there. I just feel so all over the place right now.” I admit.
“Let me know if you need anything.” She says, kissing the side of my forehead before turning to head into the office.
“I will.” I say to her backside, before turning back to the orders.
I bury myself in my work for the next four hours, barely taking notice of anything going on around me. It isn't until my phone rings, just after three in the afternoon, that I actually look up to check the time.
Knowing that it is probably Westin, I don't even bother glancing at the number and just let it go to voice mail. Because apparently teaming up with my father wasn't enough, I guess calling me everyday and reminding me of the hell I am currently in because of him, is his way of an apology. Thanks for that.
At this point, I can't see a way back. He crossed the ultimate line. A line that I didn't even know he was capable of crossing. I can't just forgive. No matter how many apologies I get. Maybe one day I can stomach an explanation, but right now. Well, I just want to regain some sense of normalcy in my life and put everything behind me.
Kari comes in just after seven to tell me she's leaving and that the front is locked up. I say my goodbyes and continue working on a cake for the local elementary schools holiday pageant.
It isn't due for three days, and honestly I know that I will have to remake it, but I wanted something to do so I figured it could be a test run. Worst case, if my stomach decides to accept food, I can just bury my sorrows in a couple pounds of yellow cake and cream cheese icing that will die my tongue so green, it will probably stay that way through the holidays.
I don't retire back to my apartment until well after ten. The moment I walk through the door, the silence swallows me like a blanket of loneliness. My stomach twists and everything that I have managed to push to the back of my mind for the last few hours is now resurfacing ten fold.
I plop down on my couch and twirl my phone in my hand, seriously considering listening to the messages. I can only imagine what they will say. If they are anything like the text messages I keep getting, my guess is it will be one “I'm sorry” and “I can explain” after another.
Up to this point, I have managed to resist the urge but now, I just don't know if I can do it. Because if I am honest with myself, as much as Westin hurt me, I still love him. I still miss him. Him hurting me doesn't make those feelings go away, it just clouds them with anger.
I click on messages from the home screen of my phone and let my finger hover over the voice mail icon for what seems like forever, before I finally just take a deep breath and hit the screen.
After entering my pass code, the recorded voice tells me that I have thirteen new voice mails. I don't let out the breath I'm holding until I hear Westin's voice come onto the line. Everything else fades into the background as his words wash over me. All I hear is him. The sweetness of his voice. The desperation. The messages are very much as I expected them to be and one by one, I hit the delete button.
While another piece of my heart peels away with each message I hear, I know that at the end of the day, this is all part of the healing process. I have to find a way to let him go. No matter how much I don't want to.
****
The next morning is much of the same. It takes me forever to peel myself out of bed and I feel like a zombie as I make my way downstairs to the kitchen. Kari is already in, buzzing around the dining area as she sets up the tables and restocks napkins.
“Hey. You're up early.” She sings, just as I step out from behind the counter.
“Please tell me there are things that need baking.” I sigh in exhaustion.
She laughs lightly at me and then skips around the counter. “Mrs. Beasley was asking about the pumpkin muffins again. Maybe you could whip up a batch.” She says, punching some numbers into the cash register before making her way across the dining area and unlocking the door. Flipping on the open sign on her way back.
And just like that, our day begins. I spend the morning making the pumpkin muffins, thankful to have something productive to work on, and eventually, decide to take a break just after ten. I manage to keep down a piece of banana loaf and a cup of coffee, which makes me feel a hundred times better.
Just as I am heading back into the kitchen, my cell phone buzzes to life in my apron pocket. Looking at the number, I see it's my doctors office. Hitting the answer button, I hold the phone between my shoulder and cheek as I start pulling out some eggs to make a batch of cookies.
“Hello. I'm trying to reach Scarlett Ryan.” A friendly voice greets me on the other end of the phone.
“Speaking.” I say, cracking open an egg and dropping the contents into my mixing bowl.
“Ms. Ryan. This is Nancy from Dr. Reynolds office. I wanted to call and let you know that we got your test results back. Everything came back clear. But I think we found the root of your nausea.” She says.
“Okay...” I drag out, sitting down the egg in my hand to properly grip my phone.
“Along with many other tests, we also preformed a pregnancy test.” The minute the word leaves her mouth, my heart picks up speed. “Congratulations.” She says, before speaking the words that hold the power to alter my entire existence. “You're going to have a baby.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
It's been a little over a month since I received the life altering news from the doctors office. While the news of finding out that Westin and I created a baby together proved to be my breaking point at the time, I now feel a renewed sense of hope for my life.
Sure, it was hard to grasp at first. Denial racked through me for days. I refused to believe it. How could I be pregnant? The girl that has been on the same birth control for nearly eleven years and never missed a day?
It didn't seem possible. Or at least that was the case, until I had my first ultrasound. Seeing the tiny bean that is my baby and the flash of his or her little heart beat. Well, it was enough to not only make me believe, but to make me fall in love all over again, only in an entirely different way. According to the doctor, we had conceived in early October, which puts me now just entering my second trimester.
No, this wasn't my plan. This wasn't the life that I mapped out in my head. I thought I would be older, married, settled down with a house and a dog. But life doesn't always work out the way we plan.
While Westin's phone calls have become less frequent, especially through the holidays, he still calls at least a couple of times a week. I don't know if he calls because he actually wants to talk to me, or if it's become some sort of challenge for him. See how long he can call before I finally pick up the phone?
Obviously he has no idea about the baby and honestly, I don't know if I'm going to tell him. I know that sounds horrible and makes me feel equally so, but at the end of the day, I have to do what's right for my baby. The last thing I want is for this child to grow up in an environment like I did.
Not that I would ever let that happen, but it's my fear. My fear is what keeps me on that edge. Afraid to make the wrong move. It's not just me I have to think about anymore. I have a tiny, helpless human growing inside of me. A baby. A baby that I have to protect.
