Survival Instincts, page 40
He huffed contentedly.
“You’re a very good bo—”
“Mmmm.”
Lynn smiled and placed a kiss on Skeever’s head. “Sorry, boy. Dani’s awake again.” She got up and walked over to the bed. “Evening.”
Dani’s eyes opened, and a sleepy smile spread across her features.
Lynn swallowed down butterflies at the warm welcome. She brushed Dani’s hair out of her eyes. “How are you feeling?”
Dani groaned.
“Not good, huh?”
With a sigh, Dani opened her mouth, presumably to talk.
“Shhh.” Lynn pulled up the chair and took Dani’s hand. “We need to find a way to make answering simple questions easier for you.”
Dani tapped her index finger on Lynn’s skin. She held her gaze and did it again.
“You agree we need a better system?”
Another tap with the same finger.
“So that means ‘yes’?”
Tap. Yes.
“How about ‘no’?”
Dani thought for a bit, then wove their fingers together. She tapped her middle finger on Lynn’s skin.
Lynn laughed. “Okay, fair enough.” She resisted the urge to stroke Dani’s hot cheek. The laugh died on her lips as she met Dani’s gaze. “You really scared me.”
A sad little whimper escaped Dani. She tapped out a yes. “What…happened?” She huffed, seemingly frustrated by her own lack of energy and her difficulty speaking.
“Long story.” Lynn smiled. “Bare bones?”
Yes.
“You took a turn for the worse, so I got Richard off the cart, got you on, and brought you to the Homestead. Everyone was sure I’d lured you into a trap so they kept me locked up—” She showed Dani the chafed skin of her wrist. “Until you woke up and told Ren and Eduardo that I hadn’t tried to get you killed. Then they let me go. Kate took everyone else out to get Richard’s body. They’ll be back some time tomorrow, if nothing went wrong.”
It took a while for the words to sink in; Dani stared at her, then blinked. No. She tapped her middle finger repeatedly, then dropped her gaze down to Lynn’s wrist.
“Don’t be surprised. You and everyone else thought I’d killed him when we left, so when I didn’t show up with him and you were half dead, there really wasn’t much I could do to convince them they’d been wrong.”
Dani huffed angrily and glared at the door. She squeezed Lynn’s hand.
“Hey.” Lynn smiled. “I don’t care about them. Just so we’re clear, though: do you think I killed Richard?”
No!
The sharp tap and Dani’s intense eyes had her smile. “Okay, good. That’s all that matters to me.”
Something bumped against her leg, and Lynn didn’t have to guess who it was.
“Someone wants to say ‘hi.’” She helped Skeever up onto the bed and stood so she could better control him. The last thing Dani needed was to be trampled on. “Careful, boy. Careful.”
Skeever lay down by Dani’s side and laid his head on her chest. His tail wagged energetically.
Dani beamed.
Lynn took Dani’s hand and moved it over Skeever’s head in a stroking motion. “Without him, you’d be dead.”
The smile died on Dani’s lips. She sighed and tapped her index finger up against Lynn’s hand. Her gaze drew up. “You?”
“I would be dead without you.” The horror of the bear attack flashed in front of her mind’s eye. “I…I don’t know how I would have lived with that if you’d died.”
Dani’s eyes searched hers. She wiggled her hand, and Lynn took it more firmly.
Lynn could see how badly she wanted to be able to say more, to express whatever was floating inside her brain. Her gaze tugged at something deep inside Lynn, at the source of her worry, her loyalty, and her butterflies.
She held Dani’s gaze with difficulty. Heat climbed to her cheeks. Dammit, how do I say this? How do Settlers ask someone if they like them too? “Dani?” Her heart thumped in her chest. “Could you tell me if…if what happened between us when we traveled together meant something to you?”
Dani hesitated only a few seconds. She licked her lips and lightly tapped. Yes.
Heat spread in Lynn’s chest. “It meant something to me too. All of it. It meant a lot.”
Dani relaxed and exhaled shakily. She smiled, then rapidly tapped yes, urging Lynn on.
A bit of the tension squeezing her heart lifted, and Lynn chuckled. “You know I’m bad at this, right?”
Yes.
“Okay, that’s just mean.” She shook her head as Dani’s eyes sparkled. “Okay, so…I’m not going to try to make it pretty because I’m not good at pretty talk.”
Dani smiled and tapped a supportive yes.
“But I was lying next to you after the bear attack, watching you get sicker and sicker.” She stared at their joined hands where Dani’s thumb stroked her skin. “And I realized that I was going to lose you if I didn’t do everything I could to stop it.” She looked up and tried to swallow down a lump of emotion before she started to cry. “Being with you makes me feel. I haven’t felt anything for a long time.”
Yes; go on, Dani’s finger tapped out.
“I don’t know what to do now, Dani. I was going to leave it up to you to choose, but now we’re here. You won’t be able to travel for a long time, and these people—” She nodded at the hallway and the entirety of the Homestead. “They hate me.”
No. Dani frowned.
“Oh yeah, they do. You’ll see.” She chuckled dryly. “So I don’t know what to do now.”
Dani tensed in preparation, then she managed to rasp, “What…would…like?” The words left her limp and breathing heavily.
Lynn met her gaze and swallowed. She could see the need in Dani’s eyes, along with the fear Lynn felt so strongly herself. She leaned down and met Dani’s lips in a soft brush. “I think you know,” she said softly.
The tap was expected, and she didn’t have to look down to check which finger it was. Yes.
Chapter 25
Lynn brought the spoon to Dani’s lips, and she took the bite of elephant stew, chewed it, and swallowed. Every time a door slammed or someone passed the room, they looked at each other, waited, and when no one entered, Lynn fed her another bite.
Kate’s group had arrived back at the Homestead a little while ago. The telltale sounds of their hellos and the shedding of gear left no doubt as to who they were. So far, Kate hadn’t made an appearance, but Lynn knew it wouldn’t take long.
Dani swallowed her bite and covered Lynn’s hand on the cup. She stroked her skin and gave her an encouraging little smile.
“I don’t like waiting. I know I locked him up well, but, you know…the Wilds.” She shrugged.
If they’d recovered Richard’s body, she’d be fully exonerated. If they hadn’t, they would forever question Lynn’s story, even if Dani confirmed it. What that would mean for Lynn, she didn’t know and she didn’t want to find out.
Dani squeezed her hand and parted her lips.
With a sigh, Lynn fed her another bite.
As Lynn scraped the last of the stew out of the cup, someone knocked on the door.
Lynn glanced at Dani, received a minute nod, and took a shuddering breath. “Yes?”
Kate pushed the door open. Her ashen complexion was enough for Lynn to know she’d found Richard; she looked as if she had seen a ghost.
To her surprise, Dean followed his mother. They lingered in the doorway.
“Good, you’re awake.” Kate forced a tired smile onto her features, but her eyes remained dead. “Ren told me you’d woken up.”
Lynn took Dani’s hand, but Dani didn’t use her fingers to communicate. She bit the proverbial bullet. “How did it go?”
Kate’s gaze drifted to her slowly. “As you predicted.”
Dean sniffed. He wiped his nose on his sleeve.
“Good.” Lynn stifled a sigh of relief. “So the cuff stays off?”
“Yes.”
Silence settled heavily in the room.
Kate looked at her expectantly.
Maybe I’m not the reason they came by, after all. She checked on Dani to see if she’d come to the same conclusion.
She was looking at Kate and Dean with a frown.
Lynn took the hint. “Um, do you want me to, like, go for a while?”
Relief was instantly evident on Kate’s features. “Yes, please. Thank you.”
Dani squeezed Lynn’s hand before letting go.
“She can’t really talk much, so we use taps. Index finger for ‘yes,’ middle finger for ‘no.’” Lynn got up from the chair to make room. After a moment of hesitation, she leaned down and quickly kissed Dani’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”
She made it halfway through the room before Dean blocked her path to the door. “Uh, can we talk?” He looked up from his boots.
Lynn jerked to a halt. “Talk?” She took a deep breath and felt Kate’s gaze on her back. Dammit. “Yeah, sure. Why not. Um…in the hallway?”
Dean shrugged and looked away. He had smudges of dirt on his cheeks, and his boots were mud-caked. “That’s fine.”
She led him out and looked back at Dani one more time before she closed the door on her and Kate. Then she took Dean in. “What is it?”
He swallowed. “I’m sorry I hit you.” It seemed to pain him to say the words, but they didn’t feel entirely unauthentic. “I thought you’d killed him.”
“I didn’t.” She kept the sting out of her words.
“I know.” He ran a dirty hand through his hair. “Look, my dad was right where you left him, and now we get to bury him at the Homestead. Toby gets to go and visit and stuff. That’s important for him.”
For you too, I bet. She didn’t voice the thought. “And if Dani makes a full recovery, it all works out in the end.” She couldn’t quite blunt the sharp edge to those words.
He drew his shoulders up like a turtle taking shelter in its shell. “Yeah, exactly. So, um, no hard feelings?”
She stared at him. “There are hard feelings, Dean, but none I can’t live with once the dust settles.”
He didn’t seem to know what to do with that and shifted from one leg to the other. “So it’s all good?”
Lynn snorted. “Yeah, just don’t go around punching me anymore, and we’re good.” She held out her hand. “Deal?”
He wiped his hand on his pants and gripped hers. For a moment, he looked very young and very lost. “Yeah, deal.” He shook her hand, then let go. “I’ll uh, let you do whatever you were going to do. Bye.” Before she could respond, he slipped past her.
Lynn turned and watched him walk off. She tried to wrap her head around what had just transpired. Maybe getting Richard’s body back really was what they all needed after all.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
Lynn looked up from the campfire to find Kate standing over her. “No, I guess not.” She scooted to the side to make room for her on the log.
Kate sat and glanced aside. “Dani and I caught up, in as much as that’s possible with her current limitations.”
Caught up or made amends? Lynn decided it wasn’t her place to ask. “That’s good.” She turned her mug slowly around in her hands and stared down at it.
Kate nodded slowly. “It was.” The firelight etched extra-thick grooves into her skin and accentuated just how haggard she looked. “That leaves you and me.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” She fell silent again and sipped her tea.
Beside her, Kate cleared her throat. “I was hurting. I wanted…vengeance, I suppose. I wish I could say ‘justice,’ but I wanted someone to blame, and I didn’t care who that person was.”
When Kate stopped talking and didn’t resume, Lynn turned her head toward her. “So validating my story makes it all okay again?”
Kate flinched. “No, but I know I can’t blame you for his death anymore. It’s this forsaken world.” She motioned widely, encompassing the darkness beyond the edges of the roof. “That took him away from me… Not you.”
Damn right, it wasn’t me. “You put my life in danger.” She finally turned her head toward Kate. “You put Dani’s life in danger.”
Kate shifted and added another log to the fire. “I know.” Pain flashed across her features. “It…it was a terrible plan.”
Lynn groaned. “Yeah, your plan.” She shook her head. “Well, it got you what you wanted.”
“Not if Dani takes a turn for the worse. Not if she won’t make a full recovery.” Kate dug her nails into her own thigh. “Then it didn’t work out at all like I wanted.”
“True.” One thought had been eating away at her. “Kate, I know I didn’t give you much choice, but how could you think sending only Dani with me was a good idea? I could have left her—I could have killed her.”
Kate dug her nails deeper into the leather of her pants. “I should have forced you to take us all, but I convinced myself Dani could handle whatever you or the Wilds had to throw at her, even though she’d never spent that much time away from the Homestead. Dani even assured me she could once you and me struck our deal.” She glanced aside. “But you’re right, I knew you might try to hurt her, and I still let her go because I—” Emotion cut off her words. She cleared her throat. “I needed him home, and as bad of an idea as it was to let you two go alone, it could have worked—it did work.” She looked down at her hand. “But Dani was the victim of my grief.”
Lynn could see Kate’s pain, and she only had to think of the chance of losing Dani to sympathize with her. After a few seconds of contemplation to test her own limits, she reached out and laid her hand on Kate’s.
The older woman stiffened, but then the grip on her thigh relaxed under Lynn’s touch.
“Dani will pull through.” Lynn stared into the fire. “She’ll be out there hunting before you know it.”
Kate sighed. “You’re hopeful about her recovery.”
Lynn shrugged and freed her hand, growing uncomfortable with the prolonged touch. “Yesterday morning she was all but dead to the world. Now she’s looking around and answering questions. I’m taking that as a sign that from here on out, things will get better.”
“Have you…thought about what you want to do in those weeks? And afterward?”
Kate’s gaze made the skin on the side of her head tingle. Lynn swallowed. “No.”
“We are short a hunter until Dani is up and about. Once she recovers, we are still short a scout.” Kate’s voice didn’t betray any emotions, but from the corner of her eye, Lynn could see she was plucking twigs and grit off her pants with great intent.
Lynn took a few seconds to absorb the words and to analyze the surge of longing warming her insides. She picked up a piece of bark to occupy her hands with instead of fidgeting. “What makes you think I’d want to stay?”
“Dani. You and her have become…friends. Probably more, from what I’ve seen and heard.”
Lynn felt a blush coming on and tossed the piece of bark into the fire as a lure for Kate’s gaze. “Maybe.” Topic change. If she stayed, she wouldn’t just be dealing with Dani, after all. “I get that I’m useful to you and to the rest of the Homesteaders, but it’s not easy being around people who like my skills, not me.”
“I understand.” Kate paused for a few seconds. “But maybe that’s just because we don’t know you yet.” Affability underlay her words.
Lynn checked on her and found her, indeed, smiling. An unfamiliar touch of warmth flitted through her chest. Except for Dani, no one had expressed an interest in getting to know her in a long time, not since she’d been a child. She shrugged, trying to appear unaffected. “Maybe.”
Kate didn’t appear to be deterred. “You might like us too, if you got to know us as colleagues, even friends, instead of captors.”
Would I? And could Kate speak for the whole group? Cody hated her guts, and the others had threatened her life up to a day ago. Was Kate just trying to play her again? Instead of asking, Lynn took the offensive. If Kate snapped at her again, that would tell her all she needed to know about what kind of person she was. She turned to watch Kate in the light cast by the fire. “I really dislike being used, Kate. I thought that was pretty clear by now. If that’s why you’re offering to keep me around, that’s a really shitty foundation for any type of relationship—working or otherwise.”
Kate tensed. “Richard and I built this haven with our own bare hands. All that remains of him is here.” She cast a sweeping glance about and drew in a deep breath. “I wouldn’t open it to people I didn’t believe would make it better. Yes, we—I—would take advantage of your unique skillset, but you’d have access to ours as well. Perhaps you could consider it less of a situation in which you are used and more as a way to thrive instead of just surviving.”
A surge of hope caused her breath to hitch. She thought about her life on the road, of barely scraping by. Survival had been her sole motivation for decades, but had she ever truly thrived? Her memories of the Wilds blurred together, memories filled with fear, pain, and hunger. In just a few short weeks together, Dani had shown her that life could be so much more than that. How much better could life be for her if she had the Homestead to come back to? And the Homesteaders—if they accepted her and she accepted them. That churned her insides; the Homesteaders hadn’t given her much reason to trust them, but maybe now that she was cleared of all charges, that could change. She had grown to trust Dani; maybe she could learn to trust everyone else, even Kate.
The woman in question seemed to take her silence as a call to offer more motivation. “It would also give you and Dani a chance to—” Kate searched for the right word. “Connect.”
