Rebellion in the Mist, page 13
Lev began walking back toward us with goblets of wine in his hands, weaving his way through the groups of people chatting.
“We can discuss it again after you’ve heard it and had time to consider its charms.”
Mira disappeared into the crowd before I could get any more clarification.
I turned to Wynn. “That was weird, right?”
She nodded, tapping her foot in time to the melody that filled the room. “We’re already at a meeting of rebels. Why not say what you mean?”
“Yeah, exactly.”
Wynn shrugged. “I guess we better listen closely to that song.”
Lev sat down next to me and handed me a goblet just as the song ended. “Apologies, ladies, there were many people I needed to exchange pleasantries with on the way,” he said with a smile, as though acting the part of advisor was his life’s greatest ambition. “I think I'm making a little headway on gaining the trust of the advisor from Kind.”
He lifted his glass to clink against mine and his eyes lingered on me.
“And next, we shall play for you All the Flowers of Spring,” the singer announced.
“Were you able to make a connection with Mira? I saw her over here,” Lev said to me as the musicians flipped through their songbooks to the correct page.
“I'll tell you after this song. It's one they used to play in the tavern I frequented. I want to hear it again,” I lied quickly. I wanted to figure this out for myself and show Lev I could be good at this mission.
“Which tavern in the City allowed people to play this song?” Lev asked.
“Shhh!” Wynn and I hushed him at the same time. Lev held up his hands in apology.
The song was a beautiful tune with many verses, between each of which the chorus was repeated.
Have you seen all the flowers of spring,
Together great beauty they will bring,
They were never meant to be tame,
In one garden, bound as the same,
Their seeds together must capture the wind,
Only combined can they all ascend.
When the song ended, I quickly drained my entire cup of wine while Lev was briefly distracted by the appearance of the advisor to Nixia.
“Lev, it seems you know where they're serving the best wine. Would you mind hunting me down another glass?” I asked when he turned back to me.
I added a smile at the end, twirling one of my curls around my finger. I don’t know why I was being flirty with him—he was my advisor and would have gotten the wine for Aurora without that. The stress of the Gathering seemed to be making flirting my default.
He smiled back at me. “Sure. I'll be right back.”
As soon as he was out of earshot, Wynn and I leaned in toward each other. “Right, so which issue do you want to address first?” she asked in a low voice.
“The song,” I replied equally quietly. “What's the other issue?’
“That you’re bad at flirting, but also that it strangely worked on Lev.”
“Don’t get me started.” I rolled my eyes. “I did it to Ransom the other night too. Apparently it’s where my brain goes when it’s out of other ideas. I have no idea why I have no finesse with it, or how it has worked for me all these years.”
“I think how it worked has a lot to do with how you fill out that dress,” she snickered, eyes flicking down to my chest.
“Wynn, come on. We have five minutes before Lev comes back, and I want to figure this out. The song!” I hissed above the rustling and chatter around us.
“I’ve heard something similar before, but it’s different from the way they sing it in the East. The version I know is about animals working together, not flowers in a garden, and the whole end part is about deceiving a hunter in Moriale, not covering the grave of the gardener who tried to tame them. I never thought too much about it before, but in this context, it feels pretty obvious that it’s a call to overthrow the Emperor.”
“Yeah, clearly the different types of flowers that used to grow so freely in their native fields are the people from all over the Empire being shoved into the gardener's rows of the Emperor’s rules,” I whispered as I replayed the song in my head.
“I think Mira wanted you to hear the part about how the flowers can’t thrive in the single garden as they did under their own suns.”
“So all this just further confirms what we already know. Everyone is here to organize a rebellion against the Empire. They all want to be the rulers of their own lands again. Isn't my presence at this Gathering proof enough that I would like that song?”
“Maybe she's asking if you're ready to act?” Wynn reasoned.
Mother’s tits, Wynn was probably right. All the leaders were here because they felt the same way. What everyone would be trying to determine over the next few weeks was the others’ plans of action. “Fuuuuuck,” I breathed.
“What?”
“What am I supposed to say? How am I—” I cut off my incriminating words. I couldn't even voice any of these concerns in this castle, much less in the middle of an event full of people who believed I was Aurora Fey.
I had no idea how to respond to Mira's invitation to discuss rebellion and even less what the East’s plan of action would be.
I had to talk to Mira, though. This was exactly the type of information the Empire wanted, the reason I was sent here. There would be information only available to Aurora Fey.
I already felt like I was an inch away from revealing I was an imposter at every turn. How evident would it become to everyone else once I started talking about this earnestly? I didn't think I would be put in this position so soon. I had no idea if the East was ready. What if they asked for proof of my intentions, and I couldn’t give them any?
Then there was the Empire’s side of this. Would the Empire be satisfied with the information I got at the Gathering, or would they continue to use me to meet with these rebellion leaders afterward? How far would this ruse have to go? Would this only end once I was found out? Killed?
I could feel my panic consuming me, and I wasn't able to stop the spiral of dread from carrying me down further and further into an abyss. My world narrowed in, replaying everything that happened in the last two weeks, for the last ten years, that led me to this moment in dizzying flashes.
“Hey!” Wynn said as she grabbed my arm. “Are you okay?” I was breathing hard and staring off in the distance. If I could have answered, I would have said no.
Lev returned. As soon as he noticed my face, he set down the cups of wine on the nearest bench and rushed to my side.
“Are you alright?” he asked, his brows pressed together. He rested a hand on my arm. With his other hand, he raised my chin up to meet his eyes.
“I—” I tried to explain the swirling dread that had inundated me, but couldn't think of a way to say it that would not raise suspicion if overheard. This frustration only added to the sea of emotions inside me, which started to overflow in the form of tears welling in my eyes.
Lev noticed this and said loudly, “Oh, Miss Fey, I think we've indulged enough for tonight. Let's get you off to bed.”
He hooked his arm through mine and escorted me from the hall. There were many eyes on me as I crossed the room. I glanced toward Mira to see what she thought of her would-be ally, but she was in conversation with Chancellor Parisa of Gallia. Ransom was eyeing me from a few feet away with an unreadable expression.
I looked down. Better they thought I was a lush than a traitor.
Chapter eighteen
“Thank you,” I said once we weren’t in jeopardy of being overheard.
“I would have been a cruel man to have done nothing,” he said without glancing at me.
We arrived at my room, and he escorted me inside. Once the door was shut, he finally faced me for the first time since leaving the hall. The walk had cleared my head a little, or at least organized the whirlpool of thoughts into a stream flowing in a single direction.
“I started to think of all I had to do for us to be successful, of all I don't know. It hit me in that moment, how big all this is. And it was too much,” I explained.
He nodded. “You were thrown into this so quickly. I know you would have benefited from more training, but the fact was that we didn’t have any more time to give you. It came down from the highest authority that we needed to do whatever it takes to get you here.”
“I understand that. We barely made it for the start of the Gathering as it was. It's just hard,” I said. I felt silly and small. I wanted to convey to him that I didn't think this was his fault. In fact, he was trying very hard to make sure I was armed with as much information as I could retain. Tears threatened my eyes again.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Ever since I'd left Capital City, my emotions were always just below the surface, ready to spill out at the slightest inconvenience. Naturally, anger at my tears only made them build more, blurring my vision.
“Hey. It's alright,” Lev said, cupping my chin. The warmth of his hand seeped into my face, as his rough calluses from years of training brush against the softness of my cheek. “I know there’s so much to learn, but you're doing really well. Having that aside with Galfrey was a great start. That’s why we're here.”
I looked up to meet his cerulean blue eyes. They were safe and steadying, an anchor against the waves of my rushing anxiety. I held on to his gaze until warmth started to creep through my body. It felt so comforting to be seen in this place. My cheeks flushed.
His eyes dipped to my mouth. I chewed my lower lip as my thoughts started to wander down a much different, irrational pathway. I glanced at his mouth, at how full and soft it looked. His thumb moved from my cheek to brush where I’d bitten.
My heart was pounding in my chest. He was my only safety in this castle, and I wanted to be as close to that as I could be. My body lessened the space between us. The heat of him and the scent of leather and soap were all around me.
A door slammed shut somewhere in the hallway beyond my door. Both of us jumped back, jarred from the trance we were in.
He was my superior. We were here for the Empire. Any heat in my body, anywhere in regard to him was not a good idea. In fact, it was against the law, and could not happen. He gave his head a small shake, tousling his soft blonde waves as he moved to the door.
He turned back just enough for me to see his clean-shaven jaw tense before saying, “Goodnight, my lady.”
I stood there in silence, watching the door close after him.
It didn’t take me long for me to wish that Lev had stayed. Not in the heated way I was thinking of minutes before, but because I wasn’t able to take this dress off by myself. I needed help with the laces in the back that Wynn had securely tied me into.
I swallowed my pride and went to the rope by the door between my room and Wynn’s. I hoped she had already returned from the hall. If not, I would have to wait by the door all night until I heard her come in. Or sleep in my dress, but that sounded terrible. I was a woman who enjoyed her sleep, and I had not been getting enough in the past few weeks as it was.
Shortly after pulling the cord, Wynn opened the door.
“Oh, thank the Mother. I need you to get this dress off me,” I said.
“You know, you’re not my usual type, but I suppose my options here are limited,” she said drily, making a circling motion with her index finger.
“Ha ha,” I said while I gave my back to her. She began to untie the lacing and loosen the dress. I held up the front of it as I turned back to her. “Thank you.”
“Are you doing alright now?”
“I’m better,” I said slowly. “I just got overwhelmed. There’s so many fine lines that I need to walk perfectly to make this work, and I’m not ready for it.”
“Well, you have to be. We’re already here and everyone is expecting you to be the Fox of the East.”
“Fox?”
Wynn nodded. “It’s what the people of Moriale called their leader. It’s supposed to represent being cunning, swift, and vicious or something like that.” I raised my brows. “It’s meant in a good way,” she added.
“Shit. There’s so much I don’t know. That’s the type of thing that will expose me for who I am,” I said, shaking my head.
“Well, I’m here. I can help with the minutiae.”
“I thought I was supposed to not get you killed and you were supposed to take care of the dresses?”
“You’re growing on me. Like a wart.”
I snorted a laugh that was certainly unladylike. I enjoyed feeling this companionship with Wynn. She was the kind of prickly person I found interesting. However, like with Lev, I had to remind myself to take a step back, since we were both here in service to the Empire. Though I couldn't know exactly where her priorities actually lay, I trusted her more than I should.
“You’re growing on me too,” I said.
The following day, I had off from training. I requested a late breakfast be brought up to my room, but when the breakfast arrived, it was enough for four people. I knocked on the door to Wynn’s room to see if she was interested in joining me.
“I’m always available when food is involved,” Wynn said.
There were few unfamiliar dishes that Wynn was unafraid of. “What are those flat breads you’re eating?”
“Have you really never had sweet cakes before?” She raised her brows as she tossed a golden brown disc on my plate.
“Essentially all of my meals have been provided by the Imperial Compound—I mean, Stronghold!”
“Relax. I don’t think anyone is eavesdropping on your eating habits. You should put butter on it.”
“Yeah, well. Stronghold has given me meals for the last ten years, and before that, my mom worked in the Compound and usually our food was brought home from the kitchens. Sweet cakes weren’t something they had.”
Wynn laughed as I tried it. “A whole new world is opening up to you. Here, try it with honey too.”
After she left, I looked through the rest of Aurora’s items. A few more knives along with their sheaths were nestled among her belongings. I particularly liked the one that crossed over my back, allowing me to keep large knives, or maybe short swords, within reach over my shoulders.
I pulled out the few books Aurora had packed and smiled widely at the exact novel I debated bringing and had thrown against a wall in the First.
Yes, I probably would have really enjoyed knowing Aurora. She was a little less intimidating, knowing we had the same taste in books.
I hated that she had died in some unknown part of the sea and would never be laid to rest in the embrace of Father Earth. No one deserved a death like that, and she was the Fox of the East. Someone I could only hope I might be a passing imitation of. I could never achieve the leadership she did.
She should have had a better end. And a longer life, no matter her views on the Empire.
The more I stared at the book, the closer tears came to the surface. I let them flow out of me unrestricted. It was the kind of snotty sobbing I could only do alone. They were the first tears since the Old Square that I didn’t try to stifle, and the release was desperately needed. After a while, the tears petered out and the aching inadequacy lessened. I knew I was a mess, but I could do this. I had to so I could go back to my life. I had to.
I sorted the minimal jewelry in the trunks and stowed the items in the dressing chamber drawers, except my mother’s necklace. I put it on for the first time, letting the comfort and memory of my previous life rest close to my heart.
I hung up all the clothes that fit, and I put away the undergarments and the leggings I had brought from my personal collection. I lined up the pair of boots from the First next to the shoes Aurora had packed, allowing myself to feel settled now that the trunks were empty.
I was tucking the trunks onto a shelf when I noticed the last one was the same size as all the others on the outside, but seemed smaller on the inside. I pressed my hand around the bottom, feeling for any sort of handle or latch that might reveal a compartment I missed. Maybe it was where she hid her expensive jewelry. But it was the same as the others. I flipped the trunk over and found nothing abnormal about it.
I unsheathed one of the knives. I cut out the lining from the entire trunk, ripping away the fabric to figure out this secret underneath. The bottom was just solid wood. No rattle inside hinted at any hidden treasure.
I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary about it. I tossed the knife back on a shelf, deciding the trunk just had a thicker bottom. The craftsman who made this probably mismeasured somewhere and hid his flaw with extra wood in the bottom. How many times had I seen a Protector cut corners because they were hungover during a shift? It was only an inch or so difference. I was being ridiculous.
Chapter nineteen
Feeling foolish for tearing apart a perfectly good trunk, I wanted to get away from my room. I decided to go stretch my legs, and went to visit Sugardrop in the stable. I brought along her namesake treats and fed her sugar cubes until she forced them out of my hand. I patted her nose and spoke to her for a bit, admittedly longer than I should have talked to a horse who couldn’t talk back.
I went back to my room to spend the rest of the afternoon reading the book both Aurora and I thought worth bringing to Nixia, feeling closer to her with every page.
The next day I went back to my new routine. I trained in the morning, had lessons with Jo and Lev after breakfast and worked with Wynn on the dresses in the afternoon. Lev acted as though nothing had happened at all. Although, I did notice that he met my eyes less than normal when we worked together.
By the time the rebel dinner occurred in the second week, I was better prepared for the types of conversations I would have and entered the great hall considerably less nervous than I had been on the first night.
